Patrick_9931

This is what happened to me during the 5 meo peak: As I was laying down with my eyes closed and my body was dissolving, I had this really really vivid fear that was showing me that I was a sort of heroin addict that assumed this substance and that now he’s in bliss because he overdosed and he is going to die. The fear also showed me that actually I’m deluded as fuck and I’m thinking that I’m doing this spiritually but I’m just a desperate addict that was so deluded with this whole spirituality thing that he overdosed on this “spiritual” substance to the point of death. now I don’t know if I explained that properly and if you understood it, because this sensation that I have before and ego death is really hard to articulate to me. And btw it happened to me even with lsd and also something similar to this happened with weed, it’s a recurring pattern of mine Why do you think I have this fear emerging in me? Do some of you experience something similar to this ? Do you think I have this fear due to all the cultural influences that I had ? Maybe because of films like “train spotting” and “ we children of Berlin zoo” Thank you for your responses

Hey actualizers little introduction I’ve been meditating for 1 year , one hour a day. A week ago I started my Kriya Yoga practice , following the instructions given from the book that Leo suggested in his video about Yoga. At the second day of practice , when I started doing the Ujjay Pranayama (ocean breathing) i had some light involuntary spasms and shaking in my feet. In the next days I started to have this spasms all over the body and with both the respiratory practices ( alternate nostril and ocean breathing). So after the second day it became an habitual thing. extraordinary results At first i was happy and very excited because I saw this spasm as the body releasing some trauma. In fact from the second day of practice I was starting to notice some huge spiritual effects ( which was very extraordinary and exciting for me because I never had some huge effects like that in a sow short period of time ): - the reality and the beliefs I had attached to reality and to myself were becoming more “fluid” like a psychedelic sort of effect but lighter and distributed all over the day - during the day i was feeling more light and my body was feeling more “energetically clean” again like a sort of psychedelic effect -i was able to feel my emotions much more as I usually do , so I was able to be more in the present - I felt generally more “unlocked” as an human being - every night I was having a lot of vivid dreams , dreams in which I was meeting my father and stuff like that , dreams that were obviously coming from my subconscious to tell me something from me or repressed emotions that were releasing themselves The problem The problem came after something like the fourth day of practice . While sleeping i had a lot of vivid nightmares , I felt a presence that entered in my room and touched my head and I had a sleep paralysis that scared the shit out of me and didn’t let me sleep . My fear at this point was that I would have this stuff going on every night and the more I were going to do the practice the intenser it would become, so I decided to check if there was something wrong with the practice Moving the energy / solution That morning I read the book again and I discovered that the point of the first practices was to open your respiratory/energetic channels and most of all to be able to put awareness on the energy moving trough your spine. At this point I tried to do the practice again but this time I became extremely aware of the energy moving trough my body. In being aware of this energy I recognised that maybe I was being to violent the first days and that I was not distributing this energy properly while performing the breathing. So I started to be extremely aware of this energy and I started to move it in a very gentle, precise and controlled manner. In doing so I was able to calm the body and avoid the shaking everything seems ok but... The next night I had no problems and the situation seem resolved, however now that I am not making my body go in spasm mode I don’t have the nightmares but I also don’t have the other beneficial effects that I listed before, it seems that I am still having them but in a very lighter version My question to you Are this spasms normal? Are they a sign of trauma release or are they a sign that you are doing something wrong ? Should I continue with the spasms and with the nightmares ecc or should I go without them and prefer those that seems to be the lighter effects? thank you for your answers and sorry for any grammatical mistakes

I’m 19 and I have 1 year for deciding to either go to university or going to work. I already discovered my life purpose , at least a raw form of it. My idea was to finish school and find a crappy job and In the meanwhile working on my life purpose. The alternative is to go to university , or do some kind of specialisation so I can find a better job and then dedicate myself to the life purpose. What do you think is the best way? Searching for a crappy job and immediately working on my life purpose or waiting to specialise for a better job and then working on my life purpose ? The problem with going to university or doing some kind of specialisation is that I don’t have any kind of interest outside my life purpose , and doing university of specialisation without interest doesn’t seem like a good idea to me. It seems like a waste of time and money.

Leo never talked about the topic of following ones heart ( at least I never heard something like that from him in an esaustive manner). Of learning how to use the heart as a kind of compass for life. I’m talking about a serious spiritual level skill. I write this here because I met a guy who is in stage turquoise that uses this skill. I was really impressed on how it’s useful to him , and how much results he is getting from it. I stared tu use it to , and even if I’m still a newbie on that I’m already having a lot of tangible results. What do you think about that ?

@hyruga maybe... I already watched this video but maybe I have to watch it again , thank you .

@Vittorio yes I completed his course , but it’s not the same thing. Maybe white following your heart he means intuition and maybe he already talked about that as @Osaid said

So in my last lsd trip i finally experienced my first ego death , at least i think it was. ( Before you start reading .... sorry for my bad english, i'm trying to improve it , i hope you will undestand anyways) When the acid peaked in i was lying in my bed in a dark room with some meditation music playing. I relaxed myself and let go. What i've experienced on the other side of letting go is very difficult to explain in concepts. I was experiencing a sense of infinity + love + some fear due to my ego not completely dissolving i guess. I interpreted this infinity as the Christian god. I suddently felt like i understood the Genesis that i read the day before in the bible ( it was the first time i was reading the bible just for the sake of curiosity , i'm not a follower of any particular religion). So i felt like understanding the Christian god , i felt the love , the omiscence and the infinity trough wich the Christian god is described. I felt like all the description used in bible and in other spiritual traditions where nothing but methapores to describe the infinity that i felt that day. Also at a certain point of the trip i was experiencing this two energies that was comunicating toghether in this infinite field of emptiness, it seemed like it was god comunicating with itself. There was nothing but this two energies comunicating in a non verbal way. In the middle of the experence i get up excited and wrote down my insights on a piece of paper for fear of fogetting them. i wrote the following sentences: " There is like a superior force that is guiding all of us" , " It's like the human species is a unique mind with the same sufferings and the same problems" , " It's like in the most intimate parts of ourself we are all connected to eachother" " It all boils donw in how much you can incarnate that "light" that i've experienced" After the experience i felt like understanding why San Francesco and people of this kind dedicated their lives to love on to helping poor people. I felt like they had the same experience and understood that the only way for ending suffering was to manifest God trough inconditionate love on this earth. In the next days i've experienced a massive ego backlash that i'm still experiencing. So what do you think about this experience? Do you think it's a good start? Do you think i should continue with psychedelics or that now i should just do sober practice to enlightment? I ask you that because this experiences are very hard to deal with the days after due to the ego backlash . Also my fear is that I become nihilistic and I lose all the interest in the ordinary reality and that I become a sort of “non dual addict “. Thank you for all your responses

@Bronsoval what do you mean by complacency ?

So in my last LSD trip I became aware again that 99% of people are asleep. This time I became aware that they are asleep ( me either when I’m unconscious) because they are not aware of how their mind analyse reality. Their minds are locked in a conceptual structures that they adopted since childhood. They see reality only trough some rigid structures build by abstract concepts and this make them act like some unconscious machines. Language itself it’s an abstracts concept and a prisons for the mind. All this concepts are like chains that lock the mind. For you to be free ( in some degree)you have to be conscious enough to see how you analyse realty trough concepts. What do you think about that ? Do you think that my idea make sense ?

“Self-satisfaction. There is but little remedy for this affliction, and no hope for those who suffer from it” - Napoleon Hill , Think and grow rich So I was reading this quote from the book and a fear crippled in me. A fear of being complacent. The problem is that I don’t exactly know what does it mean to be complacent and what exactly is the author meaning. Could someone of you help me to understand what is complacency and what effects it can have in ones live? thank you for your responses ? have a great day

What do you mean? @Nahm

Almost every time I trip with lsd , if I relax enough , I feel this strange sensation that I’m going to die. For example I’m lying in my bed and I feel like I’m just going to disappear if I let go to my resistance. Unfortunately I never had the balls to let go of that resistance and see what’s on the other side. If I let go I feel like I’m gonna die and my mom gonna find me dead in my bed ( even if I rationally know that it is impossibile) , or I think that I’m gonna magically disappear out of this world. I feel like if I let go to the resistance I will experience a much rewarding trip in terms of my personal growth. And I feel like if I have the courage to accept death I’m gonna fell a lot more masculine in life and a lot more alive after that. is this an ego death? What is there on the other side ? Should I let go to my resistance ? Eventually how to find the courage to let go? thank you for your responses

Hello actualizers ? Do you have some tips for how to live more in the journey kind of mindset? I have a very hard time to live in the present moment and see life as a journey. I’m very goal oriented. This make me a little bit anxious about life sometimes , it makes me have fear of making mistakes or fear of wasting time. thank you for all the responses

Thank you @Identity actually that’s helped a lot

Maybe just going for some simple walks in his city. On my experience it’s important to take it as an habit to do daily or you are going to lose all the progress. He can just have a walk for 10/15 minutes by his own , just to breath some fresh air and stay with himself without distractions. Thats helped me a lot, hope it helps him too

I’m on the same kind of journey of mastery towards public speaking. The thing that is working most for me is practice , practice , practices , lots of practice. And as George Leonard says in Mastery “Your first few dives are likely to be belly flops- and they'll draw the attiontion of almost everyone at the pool. Are you willing to accept that? If not, forget diving.”

So I’m near the ending of the life purpose course and I’ve started the affirmation, contemplation and visualisation exercises. The problem( or not) is that when I’m sitting and visualising stuff, in my mind comes for the 90% stuff like living in a big house in nature, having near me my hot girlfriend that's doing exercise, watching at my 6 figures bank account , having some threesomes in the house with my girlfriend and another girl that I know. Beside that I also imagine being a meditation pro and having some really deep meditative states , having some deep connections with people, working on my life purpose and having a lot of succes in it. My life purpose is studying personal development and helping others to use their potencial , I’m 19 years old Sorry for any grammar mistakes but I’m still learning English Thanks for all the answers <3

So I’m 19 years old and I’m really concerned with perusing enlightenment:I’ve watched a lot of videos , already had about 5 trips with lsd and mushrooms and my intention is to have at least 50 trips going every time deeper at each trip, I also meditate 1h a day. In the meantime I’m also trying to discover my life purpose by reading books and following Leo’s life purpose course. Sow my core reasoning for doing all this work is that what else is there to do if not perusing enlightenment? And I think that sooner you start better it is. What do you think about that ? Am I doing the right choice ? Am I to young for that stuff? Could I fall in to some traps doing like that ? Thank you for your answers (Sorry for my bad English i still have to learn it well)