Osaid

He won't make a new video until he finds a camera which can record his alien transformation.

Lol

Yeah separating life from life tends to not work.

Mental illness and spirituality converge, of course. You can go about fixing it in a "spiritual" way or perspective, or something more scientific, both try to deal with the same problem. Enlightenment or no self is really unrelated though. Anything prior to genuine realization is basically limbo and has infinite variety in suffering or delusion.

Round it up to 20.

I believe you when you say it isn't purely mental, looks like something more physiological. Get it checked by some professional that can try to measure it. I find it ignorant to disregard professional help or medication, because chemicals can in fact change your state of being. If you are genuinely experiencing a "sense of self" beyond mentally-induced torture, that is biological in the same way that touching a stove and experiencing pain is biological. Uncomfortable sensations do exist and they can be mediated.

I was thinking the same thing lol.

True.

Are you saying you can't control your body? What happens if you try to stop yourself from exercising?

OP after posting his "contemplations" and then not elaborating further

I already speedran this thread with my first reply tbh /thread

Thanks, I'll make sure to give myself a warning. I also noticed it said "no denial of enlightenment" followed by "If you believe these things are BS, then this forum is just not for you", so I'll have to give Leo lots of warnings in return too.

You said you had a "permanent awakening" and there was a series of shifts and releases afterwards, leading to where you are now. Going from this, and if you say it is truly a physiological phenomenon instead of some mental resistance, I wonder if it is related to some kind of kundalini symptoms, I would look into that and see if the symptoms resonate. Aside from that, try looking for things that can effect the phenomenon, as you find in exercise for example. I find it interesting that music doesn't resonate anymore since I think that resonates emotionally for most people. Does doing something like a guided meditation make any difference?

Was thinking about telling them to go see Nahm or something, since he does face-to-face stuff. Also told them to see a professional. Aside from that, I can only plant the seeds for inspection through text on a screen, which may or may not be useful. Anything that leads to self-inquiry can be powerful. Anyways, not gonna act like I know exactly what they're experiencing, but there is some narrative about an ego desperately maintaining itself which hasn't been dissolved or dealt with.

You saw new colors? Those colors wouldn't necessarily exist on the test then.

Does it feel like there is some kind of disembodied "identity" which is trying to latch on to your experience? You talk about a "self which is beyond mental because it has a center in experience", by that do you mean a sense of control? Is the fear perhaps about a loss of control? For the record, I definitely do see some kind of ego/identity which is trying to make sense of the experience, which is to be expected. I am just trying to get a more objective idea of what is occurring. It's really important to separate physical symptoms from any kind of mental egoic identities which are causing those symptoms. For example, it is one thing to burn yourself on a hot stove, but then another thing to become paranoid about hot stoves after that experience occurs. The paranoia is a fearful identity created from an objective experiential phenomenon. I get what you mean when you say that the experience itself is real and actually experienced, and I feel for you, but that doesn't mean it can't be untangled, so to speak.

I still see this idea of falling into some "void" and a "sense of self" which that is happening to, and I think that is mainly where the contention is and it is probably worth investigating what is actually happening there. Sounds like some kind of botched ego death or something. If it is just an identity issue, there really is no void where the ego can fall into because the ego is really just an expendable bundle of identifications, what truly does exist will always exist no matter what, and that is what you are. The ego can't fall into a void because it is the one that is imagining a void to be scared of. The ego is the one that says "I am this" and "I am that." Your sense of self has no existential pull or power on your current experience, it only feels that way if you react badly to it with physical symptoms like anxiety or worry or panic, that can make it seem more real and powerful than it is. It is important to realize that ego "death" or "dissolution" can come in many different "flavours", and those "flavours" are simply distortions and resistances created by the ego in order to elicit an emotional and conceptual reaction from you, perhaps in this case it is a fear of dissolving into some mysterious void. Really, just investigate what is genuinely there and keep your wits about you. The uncomfortable sensations can be very real. But what is actually creating them? Many times you imagine something and react badly to it. Don't mistake the reality of how your body reacts for the reality of what it is reacting to. A rope seen as a snake will create cortisol in the body.

Does it feel like you're desperately clinging onto what makes up your identity? You said at a certain point it felt like "all resistance was dissolved", do you still agree with this statement, that all your resistance is dissolved? If you want my really succinct and general analysis simply from what I've been told so far, you pointed to some kind of non-dual experience, but it seems like the ego somehow got a hold of it, which is just to say that there is some sense of self or identification which is causing friction in your experience. I see that it is difficult for you to communicate, but I am trying to piece together all your analogies and descriptions. If there is any resistance, maybe what you're feeling is you trying to "latch" on to your identity and then failing, which creates a feeling of resistance or detachment of some sort? Like, something you can never reach even though you want to? Is your experience of music any bit similar to how it previously was? Does it feel like everything is the same, except that it is "distorted" in some way? Like there is some kind of lens covering your experience? Can you still feel emotions normally?

Have you considered talking to a professional to rule out derealization or some such thing, or even just looking at the symptoms and potential solutions online? Aside from that, I see a narrative of "reaching reality" and "things that feel real." I would look here and question this. How is it possible for something to feel "non-existent", what does that actually feel like? Those choice of words can't actually be the case, since it is something you must be feeling, no? Could you feel or find something that is "empty" or "non-existent" in your experience, even if you tried? Maybe a better description is a "vastness" or "ungroundedness"? In the midst of all of this, do you ever feel overly panicked at times? For example, you are triggered by some thought pattern or perception, and then you are overridden with a fast racing heartbeat, and then maybe a looming sense of anxiety, and also a feeling of being hyperfixated on your present experience? Also, how do you feel listening to music that you like, better or worse? Or when you're taking a shower?

If you haven't transformed into a carp at this point then you clearly haven't been putting in the work.

naturalistic fallacy + gay animals exist + sexual pleasure is not motivated by reproduction (no one gets aroused thinking about reproduction)

metaphysical solipsists don't even know how to represent their own position properly smh, they're just pretending

My most listened wasn't even accurate to what my favorites are, only cause I will often repeat a certain song like 100 times when I am tuning my equalizer or audio settings. I am very serious about my audio setup.

Youtube music >