gswva

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Posts posted by gswva

  1. Posted · Edited by gswva

    @WaveInTheOcean I guess I'm scared to lose love? No matter how open-minded a community can be, there will always be a guy like me who manages to be so out of heart, sharing feelings would seem impossible. I hate myself yet I want to love so hard. I have aphantasia yet I want to do art. Everytime I try psychedelics I get submerged with nightmares. I feel like I’m just a bubble of traumas, overloaded and ready to burst. I don’t even know where I should be going, since both ups and downs of creation are devilish in all honesty. I don’t want to just shuffle puzzles around and make life even more horrible for someone else. We want more love, yet we do that by crafting the avoidance of Love? How ironic.

    What’s the point of enlightenment if in order to love more, you have to forget that others exist? What’s the point of loving yourself? It is so predictable and boring.
     

  2. Posted · Edited by gswva

    @WaveInTheOcean Thank you. You replies are eye-opening. My feelings are plain and simple, I hate myself for having you waste your time on me. I hate myself for not being able to write a proper answer. I hate myself for making it seems like I'm trying "too" hard to understand what even is "evil". I hate myself for even taking anything seriously, maybe that's evil? I just hate myself so much. My self-esteem is so low that I wouldn't ever dare ask for help in a clear way, and end up hijacking threads or disguising as "others" in order to understand what am I even trying to understand. I'm the opposite of what Love should be. Yet I don't recall doing anything realistically bad. I'm really a Frankenstein abomination mind-stretching worldviews around, only good at perfecting failure. I'm just so intellectually stupid, it doesn't even make sense anymore. Then why did I think I was alone in my struggle? Aren't we just alienating ourselves in order to understand ourselves? Eventually when I thought I finally got "Love", I just end up losing myself in another layer of misunderstandings. Is art evil? Aren't we just finding ways to lure ourselves into more self-hatred? What is happening here...

    I love you, but I hate myself. Maybe you're right, I should just relax. God is safe and comfy forever, after all. :|

    "but what if.... evil...." Ahhh

    Your point of view that I shouldn't try to reject the idea that "others don't exist" is inspiring. If reality is imaginary, then what is real? What are those words that describe it to begin with? I just don't want to be alone. Maybe I just don't want to face my own self-hatred, or maybe I don't want to accept it being all meaningless. I can't tell.

  3. Posted

    30 minutes ago, WaveInTheOcean said:

    Love = Hate

    This one is hard stuck on me. So basically, God is imagining every possible devils in order to find the perfect answers to anything that could possibly ever happen to it?

    To be honest, I feel like we are desperate machines trying to find the "best" thing that could be done, but if good and bad are the same thing, then what are we even trying to do? Why did it have to be so complicated? Personally, I have a hard time giving up the idea that "others" exist because then what would be the point of trying hard to do anything? Is it all meaningless?

    I hate myself for writing nonsensical posts about God, but I would hate myself even more if I didn't try to understand it. Is it even evil to talk about spirituality with other ideas of "You"? 

  4. Posted

    37 minutes ago, WaveInTheOcean said:

    What is true love?

    I don't know. I think I got it upside down. I just wanted to understand how to not hurt myself or to not let "someone else" get hurt. So I keep imagining myself being hurt thinking that "it's just me, it's fine". But who am I?

    What is evil anyway? Making up stories about its theoretical existence and believing them to be true? "I hate myself for being able to cause harm, so I hurt myself even more to understand how to prevent it from even happening in the first place." Am I just stupid or there is nothing to understand?

     

  5. Posted

    I guess Leo is saying that free will, from the point of view of the ego, isn't real. Awareness is like the surface of the iceberg, not the source of intelligence but an expression of it. What you think you are is the imagination of the whole thing.

    But I can only share your feelings. What's the point of doing anything if infinite intelligence is so skilled at making itself fall in love with itself it has become a slave to its own perfection? Our only option is acceptance and surrender to Love, a tragic eternal happiness.

  6. Posted

    @Nahm This is it. What usually happens is we fall in love with a passion but then we get tricked by our ego into believing it only serves our self-esteem and feelings, or we keep doing it out of fear of not achieving our goals. Work toward enlightenment helps to be reminded what made creations so great in the first place and what it takes to maximize Love efficiently. 

  7. Posted

    @AlwaysBeNice We have to trust or experience infinite intelligence to accept the fact that we don't fail. At the same time, not knowing how perfect you are is also part of that perfection. The best world isn't some really high or really low state. It's how far our love can go, and that's always infinite.

    God is so much in love that it becomes infinitely intelligent to get it right. It's self-explanatory since if God fucked up our Love, it would cease to exist. 

  8. Posted

    @freeman194673 I think you got it backward. God imagines itself going through a whole lot of suffering to give you the greatest present, even if it kind of forgets itself sometimes. It will do whatever it takes to love more. The one being loved isn't the rapist, it's you. It's how the whole structure of reality is stretched and twisted in a way to radiate infinite Love through every bit of consciousness, blending polarized feelings inside the deepest fractal of duality. God is perfect but it doesn't mean we don't have to do anything. Perfection is what we want to give, because this is the only thing Pure Love deserves.

  11. Posted

    I see it as the highest Proof of Love. The greatest perfected chaos. How much this Love can't be faked and how much I want you to understand I understand you. Giving away positive feelings isn't enough, nothing makes me more happy than being loved and loving you.

    There is no such thing as soulless, but this meaning appropriately fits the deep strength of the word and the energy behind awareness.

  12. Posted · Edited by gswva

    @James123 Love isn't a force that can be turned on or off relative to itself, the will of creation is what we truly are. It isn't a form. God is an extremely simple being, so simple that it can exist. Although the truth might only be a state of being that can't be known so I'm not sure about anything.

  13. Posted

    @James123 I don't think love deserves to be called illusion. When you see the overwhelming beauty of all things, consciousness can't stop but try to understand or extend it. Reality is kind of stretching and compressing itself really hard such that empathy makes its way through the deepest fears. The proof of Love isn't just about happiness, God want you to understand how infinitely crazy it is about you and how much you understand it understands you. This is soul.

  14. Posted · Edited by gswva

    It's speculative but I share your perspective. It seems to me that the ego is like a singularity of constructs that are merged together over duality. We are able to melt and divide two ideas/feelings or more together. Intelligence is about experiencing and sharing all possible blends to find the perfection that God deserves. It also means that all egos POV are infinite even if they seem restricted and there is no such things as being locked out of your goals (cf "no hope after 30" threads). Although some purposes might be self-contradictory (i.e reaching happiness by causing harm, or imagining yourself as two conflicting things simultaneously).

  15. Posted · Edited by gswva

    Thank you God. I realize I'm over-judging myself. Infinite intelligence arises from being so desperately in love that you try everything to reach it. There is nothing to doubt even if reality is so intricate and crazy. Fear is avoidance of love.

    I keep losing myself and forgetting why I'm trying so hard or what am I even trying to reach, but art is chaos.

  17. Posted · Edited by gswva

    @Someone here Can you really? Aren't I just torturing myself in order to become what you want to be? I feel like we literally spend all our life wondering how to create something as beautiful as God but what is there really to prove aside from yourself (or myself) avoiding the truth?  Just how deep are we willing to dive inside a fractal of painful beauty in order to be something? I don't even know how to get out of hell anymore (I mean, how do you stop being the devil, the universe is literally heaven).

  21. Posted · Edited by gswva

    I also used to believe God were an accident trying to forget existence by torturing itself, but I think the answer is less scary than that. Wanting and being are both the same thing. Consciousness wants to be Love since this is the only thing intelligence seeks. God wants you to experience the best life possible, but it comes with the price of balance. Love is, in an unbiased and nonsexual way, not something straightforwardly pleasant and easy, it's a lot of painful hardwork. It eventually becomes magnificent by the fact you wouldn't trade anything for it while it gets back to you.

  22. Posted · Edited by gswva

    The more you will love yourself, everyone around you and the engine that imagines reality, the happier you will be. Laziness, fear and anxiety are often ways from which the ego tricks you into avoiding what you really want deep down, and are not always related to the survival of the mind itself. This is one of the reason why the puzzle is so counter-intuitive. Although you don't have to worry about anything. The universe is probably completely forgotten upon death (or some reincarnations depending on how God imagined the ego), but it doesn't mean there is no meaning to it. It's like a self-appreciating collaborative painting.

    As @GodDesireOnlyLove said, just take life seriously without caring about it.

  23. Posted

    It doesn't make much sense. You would expect more cases without the call for confinement. If anything the number of deaths from COVID19 might be under-reported (https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/04/21/world/coronavirus-missing-deaths.html).

    You can already use peer-to-peer alternatives to YouTube right now. It's hard to predict if valuable creators will move on them since Google has some inertia when it comes to popularity, monetization and developing algorithms enchanting the overall experience as with artificial intelligence. 
    https://github.com/ipfs/awesome-ipfs
    https://d.tube/
     

  25. Posted · Edited by gswva

    I've posted this on some unrelated topic:

    Quote

    For example, here is a seed of idea. On the basis we are looking for a system which allows both competitiveness and prevents mutuality assured destruction from unproductive/inefficient rivalry and desperate egoistical survival. We could merge concepts between game ranking systems and social theory: Imagine a society where money is encoded as influence graphs on block chain technology, in which scamming and dirty schemes have long-term negative effects on your overall balance, such that creation is maximized as a whole and wrongdoings are discouraged. Although we have to keep in mind that ultimately, utopia is boring, but it didn't prevent civilization evolving from tribes, countries, united world and then any random problem God is willing to throw at us for the sake of fun.

    To be more specific, I have this paper in mind: https://www.remi-coulom.fr/WHR/WHR.pdf Basically, a rating system (like Elo) where the full history of relationships is used during computation (i.e. imagine A wins against B, and later the system realizes B was overrated/underrated, the rating of A is adjusted accordingly). It definitely can't be applied "as is" to finance. I'm not saying it's possible, just wanted to talk about it. As far as an idiot like me can tell, it requires breaking everyone anonymous usage of money (accounts have to be provably linked to identity), as well as requiring too much trust and cooperation between people. The gamification of trades can also lead to conflicts or wars, as mentalities shift detached from what it really means to own resources and lands, and people realize the chaotic inaccuracy of the current rating (Capitalism is like, imagine chess, but the higher Elo you have, the more powerful your pieces will be).

    Basically, capitalism is more fun than communism, and identity-based fascism, but the exponential requirements of competitiveness can become an issue when the technologies used to access the resources around us don't grow fast enough. We don't know either if the best minds among us have the best answers or if these are good enough for the survival of humanity. The path I want to highlight is toward the use of cryptocurrencies for the potential gamification of competition.

    To summarize the idea, we could use the full history of all trades to compute a deeper and more accurate estimate of everyone's contribution to society. It's not about penalizing the negative sides of creativity, but maximizing potentials by minimizing counter-productive rivalries.