Origins

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  1. Posted · Edited by Origins

    Oh and finally to end some real life humour to part with to bind last three now four posts (see profile):

    So it turns out they never actually put my shoulder back into place properly. For the discerning let's see if you're able to observe what's "amiss" here haha.

    Makes instrumental music training like starting a run with one leg that gets fatigued more quickly than the other but I push through my 5 hours plus a day, this is because I consider training more important than my life (so I'm prepared to literally die unless I achieve what I set out to do there) because existentially I know that it was this life pressure that created the ability for me to be born with the gifts I have anyhow.

    It's a subtle differentiation, its not the lack of value of your own life, its the ultimate value of all of life with a respectful comprehension of its underpinnings. #Greatness or nothing is my philosophy, yes, yes nihilists laugh away at what's written on your own tomb stone. You can have enlightenment both ways not that enlightenment is a or the goal (though all people need a goal so if they have nothing... double pun), I get neither is better in one sense but I get that my way makes things better, which future world do you want to live in?

    The future occupies me a lot, much more than others, I think thousands of years forwards and backwards, with precision here of course being a creative act. It always transforms the present, you become redeemed by an undercurrent of fortitude that redefines your best model of existence that you should be following to your highest sight.

    This is a "sight of the mountains on the horizon", it's in our DNA, that transporter molecule to take its "home cells" and remake beyond the finality of nothingness and into destination plains which no longer mirror the past but instead mirror the potential you found in pieces and work to make whole through that continual metamorphic extension.

    The brain requires both imaginary glue on its perception of the world but then the capacity to melt and remake its perception, this forms effortless resilience, rebirths pained resilience and transforms the perception of resilience and the why's and how's that make the definitions we paint to continue paving our way into this imaginary space to construct our views and models of the world.

    How do you trust enough to be fearless in this deathly kind of training to mirror what I do? It's a trust in the finalities you've come to terms with combined with not wrapping limitations around your openness. So you agree with the nihilist to an important nuance but then you define the strong path you tread beyond that to make you a part of the creative act of the universe from the lens of pressure and transformation, the meaning (oxytocin) and progress (dopamine) derived there making any entice of nihilism merely wind through your hair while speeding down a highway.

    The subsequent self determined, self-responsibility to meaning; this generates your "aura" of sovereignty that lives in the backseat of your continual drive forward.

    The goal isn't to get rid of suffering, it is to choose your suffering, even if its unavoidable, it alters your subconscious compass, reference frame on any perceived pain experienced in life.

    That creates a destiny, ironically stated, worth living, for you've determined the worth within the self that makes the transformation that comes from your resilience worthwhile. Fearlessness then is the mirror to the trust generated your own self-determined existential resolves.

    This makes this kind of training instead an act of liberation in the acceptance of the imprisonment to the evolutionary process rather than the feeling of it being imprisoning.

    Our limits can be our prison or they can be our way out of our prison by knowing, defining and accurately viewing the boundaries of said prison. This is an aspect of what transcendence is all about of course (one of my writing topics).

    In this sense, the ability to turn suffering into meaning (in a way in which it essentially transforms you into your ultimate image, as God would have intended if we're to speak that language) is one of life’s greatest mental skills and capacities. In practical reflection that is to eat and digest ones highest conceptualisations of one's existential universe and be biochemically transformed through that process to ones highest force. 

    (recent) Shoulder X-ray: Ultrasound (no baby) on both shoulders Tuesday coming

    as Youtube video because admins/moderators here have disabled my ability to upload pictures. I don't give enough fucks to comment on that.

     

     

  2. Posted · Edited by Origins

    As per previous two posts on profile regarding future movements.

    Though; a reminder for myself to scoop all of this up into the new paradigm I'm working on.

    All of the above (and everywhere) --> Old material, dumpster remixed. Out the speakers a new sound.

    I can't really knock the following quoted foundation though. It's a bit linguistic, I'd like to frame and join the relations better. Highest abstraction is my primary focus now, I don't give a damn about others ability to understand, they're my journals anyhow. 

    Who are we trying to relate to other than to ourselves here anyway (inclusive of those that understand us)?

    Wouldn't make sense to lower ones standards at all. That's just not how evolution is maximised, it violates necessary selection pressures.

    On 07/02/2021 at 4:09 PM, Origins said:

    To create patterns… (is to perceive the world -- and vice versa (to create worlds))

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    Parallels the capacity to create worlds that did not exist before.

    And to perceive worlds, that always existed, but were not perceived before.

    The differentiation of our understanding of patterns in the context of our cognition forms the basis for understanding our ability to understand and in doing so, our ability to understand how to live, why to live and what to live for. All of these answers of which are merely patterns we’ve (or have been) followed in the past, can construct in the present and live in the future.

    Patterns fall on the spectrum of logical to intuitive, intuitive to tangential, tangential to linear and back to logical again. 

    This forms the basis for understanding our ability to understand and in doing so, our ability to understand how to live.

    In so saying as much, each has a unique verification process when stringing together ones own discerned patterns about existence, human behaviour and synthesising those in such a way as to instruct the ethos of the word virtue we’ve coined that is a by-product of philosophical reasoning and social custom. Like the word wisdom however, we will deconstruct our comprehension of the term virtue through the lens of ideal adaptive patterns accomplished through right thought rather than conduct that is right because its merely intersubjectively agreed upon. Not to strive for any more uniqueness other than towards something more reflective of the truth.

    To understand our reasoning about worlds in this way is foundational to grappling with one of the main problems of existence, the relationship between awareness and awareness of the world, which through this lens is merely a cognitive binding problem in the context of what patterns are perceived correctly and what patterns are not via sense perception. Secondly, through that virtue, this relationship combined with the relationship between awareness of cognitions capacity to construct worlds and to construct worlds that creatively overlap with the perception of the sense world inhabited. The byproduct of which is something often associate with simulation, which is the bedrock of contemplation for without which, contemplation is not possible, secondly then, the capacities for simulation speak in large part but are not equal to the capacities for contemplation (i.e. there are of course tangential aspects of cognition, lateral thinking for example which falls outside the scope of the pure capacity of simulation).

    So far we have the following discernments based on the above stated very straightforwardly:

    1. Patterns are very important for understanding life, therefore we should make them the focus of our enquiry when we discriminate between what is real versus what is false, what could be versus what could not be
    2. Patterns are the foundation to both perceiving life and creating life in the imagination, thus if we focus on our ability to perceive and create patterns our ability to generate creative patterns in the real world will improve
    3. The more creative patterns we can generate, the more highly sophisticated our response becomes and the less work we need to put into life 
    4. When you are contemplating existence, remember that those contents in your imagination are merely strings of patterns together contained and or separated by various categories you’ve assigned among other relationships you may have to those contents (i.e. emotional relationships), the higher awareness you have here the more objective you can be in your discernments thus increasing the likelihood you’ll generate more adaptive patterns for living this existence, thus, higher virtue relative to the essence of the meaning of the word as opposed to any intersubjective interpretations of said proclamation of virtue

    Furthermore, it can be stated that of course this encompasses the basis for what is involved in any kind of reasoning at all, differences between the two being relatively trivial, from induction to deduction, where the former relates more to patterns which is the more fluid aspect to intelligence and the latter the capacity for simulation which is the more attentional aspect of intelligence by comparison.

    This forms the basis for how we will go into our lived experiences and ongoing research (can even include films, anything really, just so long as you’re able to at the very least creatively relate it to life and behaviour) to generate data on to shift from the physical to the abstract. 

    This shift is the relationship between moving from sense data and the perception of patterns therein (the physical) to performing various simulations on said data to move to increasingly higher levels of abstraction that instruct better perception and subsequent behaviour in the present moment.

    Underpinned by this is the understanding that the minds orderliness relative to the capacities of the mental universe is essentially bound up by the contents that makeup its inner reality and its relationship to them. Thus, the higher the level of sophistication in the patterns we discern in our minds about reality the more orderliness we will bring to our mind and subsequent behaviour by instructing our actions through subsequent higher order behaviour.

    In short:

    • Physical sense data —> Abstraction —> More sophisticated behaviour —> More ordered mind (which then naturally creates a positive feedback loop)

    Orderliness shouldn’t be equated to ordinariness of course, the universe itself is highly orderly but we do a rather poor time of comprehending its vast intricate beauties, so moving to higher orderliness here is an ongoing natural creative expansion of being through the continual reinvention of mind.

    Further, let’s have a brief conversation about spectrums. When we wish to contemplate anything there is of course a spectrum to it, to contemplate anything well we need enough vastness in scope and breadth, the same too when we’re contemplating the highest patterns we can instruct for our behaviour while alive. So travel far and white, into your memories and into the history of humans and the universe at large from hundreds to thousands to millions of years back and bring this intelligent research to the forefront of your discovery process when you’re determining and creating patterns for yourself here.

    Lastly, higher sophisticated patterns of behaviour is of course not merely restricted to nor absent of physical movements, say overseas travel to gain experience in a different environment, more to the point actually is to the pattens of the mind first and foremost, simply because this will better be the catalyst for any corresponding physical patterns you carry out in the real world.

     

  3. Posted

    @Preety_India thanks Preety you too.

    I will be available to anyone on this forum in case of emergency, advice, etc.

    So I’ll still be receiving emails.

    Make sure you reach out to those in need and make sure everyone in need reach out to make life easier for yourself.

    We’re all in this together on this self actualisation journey with the rest of the universe.

    Learn patience, fortitude and resilience, though too, remember your boundaries with prudence and understanding.

    Use your highest intelligence, forgive yourself and others in this process, work to avoid judgements that are too premature and work to make judgements that make best use of your foresight.

    Best.

  4. Posted · Edited by Origins

    Final post (update: be back before July, that's all I can say), this song is naturally fitting for this thread. Created last year.

    Stay driven from your core, what you truly want to create in this world.

    My improvisations are at another level these days but this one is just sheer badass anyhow for the context, I've never heard of anyone doing what I can do plus I'm almost at the stage where my improv's are just as good as any other great song.

    That's the standard that I expect from myself from now on in future posting, that is, only improvisations  (inclusive of singing, lyrics and instrument combined) that are just as good as any other praised song; almost at the finish line there. Proud of myself for how far I've come along in spite of setbacks.

    Laters. 

  5. Posted

    Affirmations, etc Source Energy wishes for me to follow:

    I will not feed your own manic spiral

    I will not feed you anymore attention 

    I will remain open and receptive 

    But I will take the higher ground 

    And I will expect you to meet me

    If you wish to communicate with me

    You are not below me, you are not below anyone else

    You are not weak, you just wish to appear weak to me 

    I cannot be your saviour, I can only be a true reflection

    For how can I save you when I'm only positively reinforcing negative behaviour 

    To be your saviour then, if I am to do that, I must reflect what is to your highest end 

    I must be what is best within me

    So that you can see what you are and what you can become

    So that you can show me what you are and what I can become 

    Life is 

    Truth, you are loved, not for your behaviour but for who you truly are underneath 

    Neither of us should tolerate bad behaviour though, for this is against divinity, the universe of creativity 

    We should be focusing on how we can use fire to create better fire, not fire to create destruction for the sake of destruction

    This is source, beaming through me

    You miss, you brought this out so I could see

    Something that existed, larger than me

    But don't take all the credit, for whatever reason though you have sparked more metamorphoses in me than anyone ever has

    Does this mean you are the one?

    Source is telling me to just speak from its essence and that question is all its sharing with me in this instance  

    It's telling me that you could be but the rest is all shrouded in mystery. I predicted this all from the start, as you know, but for whatever reason the universe compelled me to see through these ups and downs through my attempts to create distance. It's like my intuition knew all of this, so I pre-emptively manouvered, but then the universe came along, and well, you did too

    Source is telling me we have to take more responsibility 

    That it isn't presently possible in your present disposition, that you must focus on yourself, that it is good that you're taking time away from me

    This has nothing to do though with me not loving you, this is true and will continue to be demonstrated as much as source defines it in line with creative law

    As there is natural law, there is too, creative law

    Is this action creative, this is the law that Source is teaching me right now and it's all because of you, so obviously we were meant to come together, to spark growth in one another

    Source is pressuring me to both be receptive but be mercilessly bound to only connecting through and with you via the lens of love, growth, strength and connection

    It does not want me to encourage anything that it defines as beneath us both, this, I promise Source in this moment to honour 

    Source doesn't want me to profess my love anymore, it says I've done this enough, it wants me to say that you are loved and you are love itself, that you too, if you truly decide to, can love, heal and grow as you wish to 

    Love, from Source

  6. Posted

    This journal is disposed to painting the actualizational boundaries of my existence through the lens of the beginning musical note of my existence. This will explore standard modes of enquiry, answers of which repaint experience through the lens of the higher self, in this sense, towards higher sovereignty. In the limited practical sense for now, this will involve basic laws I will refine as it concerns self-orientation. Self-orientation that reflects values of self honesty, self acceptance, self boundaries, self power, self actualisation, self boundaries and more including their appropriate ordering through a basic geometry.

    Firstly, my introduction:

    What point do we weigh our experience against?

    Why would it be any other place other than the beginning of the universe itself, for, isn't any other place a beginning to our experience anyhow? 

    Thus, even if there was no "true beginning" why not make it that way, to correctly, relative to what you would otherwise do, backtrack experience as far as you can take it autobiographically, theoretically and existentially (i.e. feelings, impressions, intuitions and various other subconscious stimuli become apparent in this category). 

    Isn't this the beginning of my song, for, the beginning of the universe, backtracking my experience there, allows me to correctly compare any one perception I have with said experience, allowing me to self-derive self-ownership and through that, divinity. The recognition of my own divinity enables me to contrast futility with comparably, divine action.

    What is divine other than following the truest creativity of the universe? Isn't this the way my being is taking me now and has been taking me? Why should I delay this growth, if so, what am I delaying it for? 

    To turn my entire experience into music and visual art and through that the re-engineering of experience (as this is the such result of creativity that I speak of) in its entirety feels lonely, as if I don't wish to step into this unique inevitable divinity the universe obviously had planned for me for fear of being more socially estranged than I had previously.

    But, this inferior emotional disposition is merely a lack of alignment with the values and beliefs that allow me to find people how would be open minded and capable of enough of growing towards a similar light, secondly, why am I afraid to stand out? Maybe, I am meant to stand out. Maybe I'm meant to overcome the natural disposition towards being in the shadows towards being the highest light, and move between the two so much as it serves me to do so. 

    How can I now, as I step into this natural divinity, speak as truly as possible, without isolated instances to stray from any truth whatsoever about what I believe to be existence through my existence?

    This is the sole goal might I add, as I have spoken about. 

    For truth, is all that lays bare for us in reality, that there is only so much truth we can actualise in our life, that the assumption is that the most and deepest amount of truth is a revelation of the highest life, thus we must focus on truth in all moments no matter how varied.

    What is truth? Truth is embodiment, thus it is emotion, cognition, psychology, intuition and body made whole.

    Thus, to search for the truth of my origins through all those avenues and more, via the artistic feedback of consciousness as it travels in autobiography to abstraction first imagined via the senses. Reimagined through music, for this is the tonality that I've imagined to be the greatest chord to play in order to hold, express and imagine truth. Music after all, is carried through time, we perceive our existence via the lens of time, and what do we do with music other than to ensure we create, play and listen to music which is pleasing to the ears? The abstractions then of music, in as much as they can be at the very least analogised to all aspects of experience, we have the reconceptualisation of all experience through the context of notes, chords, melodies to single instances of time, collective instances of timed and patterns as well as connections between time. Who is a person, further who is person to person or persons, other than the clash of melodies, notes and chords? Why should I force myself to experience life through the lens of how general society passively views life? I have to move a dramatic step beyond the horizons of all of culture if I am to survive the inevitable winter that is coming to general societies perceptions of life as we face radical shifts in our way of life for a myriad of reasons. 

    Why does anything need to be of concern to me outside the discernment and expression of truth through the lens of music? 

    Why do I need to do anything then, other than to create music, in the ideological, practical and literal sense? Out of fear of social loss? Haven't I already lost in the real truthful sense by following their paradigms? If someone loves me they will love me in spite of my directions here, if I love someone it will be because they are already highly interested in my directions here. So I have nothing to lose then, everything else there is illusion.

    This is my new paradigm, so I have no need to appease any prior paradigm I've been in or any paradigm society is in or that a person is in.

    I am my own divinity, thus I am my own authority.

    The origins of my life, held in a song I will uncover. The first single note of existence, hardly separate from me thus hardly separate from joining me on this endeavour. We play this note together, to bring its full song into existence. 

    Who will come with me to change the world? No one? So be it. Someone? Not good enough. I need people that seek to understand as much as I, this is not an ordinary path to follow, it is intolerant of a lack of devotion, openness, transparency and of course, truth.

  7. Posted · Edited by Origins

    Title: Dreamscape

    This dreamscape inspired

    Love lost, never acquired

    Their soft spoken words, through the loud heat of battle

    To compensate for the fear of loss

    To redeem what was never there

    This dreamscape inspired 

    What is left, to be admired 

    Dreams to be had, to be lived and loved tomorrow 

    Will you remember who you truly are?

    An angel and a devil wrapped in one

    Which one to choose, just you through and through 

    This dreamscape inspired, tea leaves part  with their visions to the enlightened 

    Forever whenever, this is us together and apart simultaneously

    To be left by the side, open arms the universe still requests of me 

    To remain true, to those inspired dreamscapes 

    Inside the subconscious of all the lands 

    Showing us nature beyond all the sands and seas

    To make sense, of all, this mystery

    Why should you feel guilty, when you felt compelled to do what you felt compelled and I was capable of learning from it?

    If I was not capable, maybe then guilt should come but it is far from this and my learning is far from over

    Time builds a boat for any brave soul that wants to leave the sand of their shores off to find new beaches of possibility 

    To breath in air that was more true than before, should this not be my goal?

    Doesn't pressure just teach me to stick even more true to what appears true without recompense?

    This dreamscape inspired, sleep unfolds a new day towards higher truth and when I die, I can say, I truly lived and yes I too, was not afraid, to truly love beyond my need to take my next breath 

    This is my fearless life, undeterred, without reservation or need for an appointment with life to wait to state the truth of my being   

    To be fearless does not mean to never have to deal with fear, truly if you are human, it is to move towards the truth to the point where you feel brave enough to act fearlessly, love here, love for you alone even though there is fear in my expression, I fearlessly stand by the truth of it and the truth it bares

    However that be, you cannot prevent me from being a warrior

    This dreamscape inspired, love lost is my love renewed, forever and always

     

  8. Posted · Edited by Origins

    My third entry has ruined the class of this.

    Thinking of deleting it.

    No.

    It must all be true, no smudges on any mirror otherwise that is the blindspot that gets you.

    Everything of truth must be revealed as it flows otherwise what would be the point of it. 

    If life, as I've presented it here, to life, cannot bare what it asks of me to share in the way it asks me to share it, through and as truth, then this is my consequence that it too, will get me to learn from. Either way, there's still consequences, either way then, there's still learning for me.

    So what is the difference other than a difference in outcomes? Is life more about outcomes or about our ability to experience and learn from states of being? I imagine its the latter, I seek the heightened levels of the latter more than the superficial insertion of outcomes in my memories (the former), if there's anything like that, to which, this story has many more volumes of mystery and intrigue than simply being "memories to reflect on". 

    If one cannot speak the truth, how can one handle the truth? Isn't the lack of the former the inability of the latter? Thus the former is our measurement of character and the ability to build our individual character.

    THAT is how the universe truly grows and learns, which is the objective here, when the truth is laid bare what consciousness is able to learn from those experiences as vividly and rawly as possible.

    Consider this poetic space now redeemed.

  9. Posted · Edited by Origins

    Title: My rose coloured glasses and me

    You think I give a fuck?

    Not even fucking two.

    Let's pour the oil on the fire shall we, get rid of some of these fucking forests and speed up global warming here in our little spite.

    Do you think I need you for love?

    Do you think I need your love for love?

    Do you think you can possibly say anything, be with anyone, do anything in a way that would disturb my love for you until the end of my existence in this physical body?

    No.

    So go to bed.

    Wake up and realise there's literally nothing you can fucking do to shake my love. 

    I may not tolerate what you do on relationship terms, but I will not disturb what are the truest signals beaming out of the universe through me.

    I will remain true.

    All you need to do is continue to be you and face the consequences of that.

    We both will.

    Next page. Get that outta the fucking way, burn the books on destroying love because it just doesn't rock the boat in my heart.

    I'm rock fucking solid bitch.

     

  10. Posted · Edited by Origins

     

    Title: The Indestructible poet

    I am an indestructible poet, you know that?

    Your dash for the dagger, wounds to the heart

    It doesn't mean anything, I live for you

    You know that? Now you do

    That greatest fear you have, to believe in love just beyond the tip of your pain, I have it

    And its for you, golden, rich and indestructible

    The reason for my continued existence, with or without you

    For in your unmistakable belligerence, rebellion of a unifying divide with the past

    There is a light in the tunnel of your existence that I see beaming with such fever

    A reminder for me of the purpose of life, of the purpose of my life

    Even in your darkest moments where life overcomes your ability to see your own intrinsic meaning structures that want you to unfold as beautifully as you're capable of achieving, I bare that as a torch to my own

    Because I see you now, I see through it all, beyond myself

    Who am I? Why am I so different to you? This latter question we haven't bothered discussing for the former question appeared too obvious

    If it is true that I am you and you are me, this means that the way we live our lives shines different perspectives on one another's glow

    Reveals different places we need to go in our own reflections, expressions and possibilities

    You think I will be hurt by holding you as my torch to life? 

    Regardless as to what happens, even if we never speak again, the meaning, the warmth, the love, in the deepest meaning structures of my being I know the truth of that compared to the superficial appearances that held us together versus tore us apart

    So you want to end it all and say damn you to the universe and life to somehow justify the pointlessness of it all?

    Well I've still got you as a torch to live my own life as strongly as possible, so what does say about your own self perception? 

    What does that say about your own life perception?

    Doesn't this say that maybe when you shift towards the truest avenues of yourself that you are a shining example of how to live?

    Doesn't this say that even in your darkest moments, you are still an example of life that's worth living for because you show what's real?

    To make what's real, this is what the universe is about, this is what I have seen in you, and so you are the light bearer, the reason for my becoming an indestructible poet of the ages

    No matter who or what dangers I come across, I fight with the highest passion in honour of your spirit that you've shared with the world, that even in your vulnerabilities, you show the greatness of the universes potential

    Whether you stay here with me, fight with me, I cannot control, just that you've shared with me beyond merely faithful appearances to validate the sanctity and extension of life, and that I will embody this within me, hold it in my spirit so tightly I take it with me into the next life just like I probably did in this life from the previous

    I am the indestructible poet, a spirit beyond the ages, in plain sight with full romantic naivety and heightened intelligence

    What kind of wisdom is this? It is the wisdom of truth, unforgivingly merciful and mercilessly forgiving, with honour in tact

    A story pointed in no direction other than the centre of gravity that makes every conceivable breath we take in this life possible

    The space between the pages we now live, unwritten

  11. Posted · Edited by Origins

    I feel the urge to find what's true deeper within myself beyond the mind as much as possible through the mind again. To enter that mystical space that I left for the void a time back.

    Haven't written in this prose for at least a couple of months but here we go.

    Treasured moments of fury, you make it all worth it even through your fire and my guards:

    A pond of emotion

    Splash goes the sea

    Creatures of time

    Sneaking up on me

    How did I wind up here?

    In love with you, even through the pain and frustration

    Who are you really?

    Why does this connection exist?

    You want to just throw time into a blackhole as if this never happened

    We live in the gravity of this moment though

    Where it will go, growth is the only place known

    So let the fire storm, feel the sparks, but take it all in and learn from the march

    Don't judge yourself, in this universe this giant place we curse in, through and with simultaneously

    If you break it, make it

    Watch me fight back with my sword and shield of time

    Because that's all it is you know, its what we've both learned through time

    What existed before we were born, I can't say how far back our memories together truly travel

    I don't claim to know, I only have feelings, something that reaches inside of me and pulls out something I cannot say with the rational mind

    This is the place

    Right now

    Gone without a trace is our enemy stance, but so too, as allies

    Were we ever either?

    This is forever, in this life or the next, whether you like it or not. 

    You may not be able to face me in this life, but you will have to in the next, we both will 

    Our karma of pain, hurt, deeds bad and good, this is what we fight through to have the wisdom we don't presently have

    So growth for you is growth for me, thus growth for me is how I can make this free

    These creatures of time, pain they are, transmutation will be its resolve

    And this, is how it will all be solved

    Fuck my solutions you say?

    Well, we live to talk another day

    Who's to know when, this is just the universe speaking through us

    For now, I'm catching another bus

    A pond of emotion,

    Bring the cool breeze from the tornadoes to silence the leaves, 

    May calm set over so that you can be free

    I will not hold on but I will always love

    As this is my divine nature, whether I am a dove alone or two doves together

    Love remains, through the universes veins

    Extract that blood out of the universe

    And all we're left with is our pains without purpose or rhyme to the universes great plains

    So this is it,

    Dominate the universe with my talents in this lifetime I shall to the best of my ability, 

    With me or not, this is not our issue, it is the universes, there is just one thing that remains real

    Is that it must be true, and this alone is our choice as and with the universe at large

    I AM you say,

    So, am I

    Be

     

  12. Posted · Edited by Origins

    @Preety_India thanks Preety appreciated.

    I mean we've barely spoken, but I've now learned that sometimes the people you speak to the most treat you the worst for no reason whatsoever. 

    I mean, wow. Like these last two days couldn't be anymore difficult than they already are, another person who I thought really cared about me just doesn't give a fuck, they told me to completely give up on them so I guess I will. That's projection on my part I guess. Just totally and completely out of the blue. Just like that. BAM. Gone.

    I'll learn to analyse people much better before I develop attachments to them. I think in a way that's what the universe is trying to teach me.

    I'll learn that lesson completely and fully this time. 

    There's that. Or they're pushing you away because they feel scared being close underneath. I don't know which one to believe, because if I believe the second option how far do you go with that before you're really just making the pain worst for yourself.

    I just can't put up with it anymore though unless I get a good, honest and sincere explanation, regardless as to their difficulties. There's only so much you can let your attachment get the better of you. They've got so much fear underneath them, I wish I could wash that fear away, my fear is that they're just toying with my feelings but I really think there's depth there that isn't doing that, maybe I'm wrong though.

    This is all a subject on emotional mastery, on closeness and the difficulties of attachment to emotionally processing the poor judgement others have towards you.

    The person close to me I've been helping is a childhood friend (not the person who played emotional russian roulette with me and just shot us to pieces).

    So needless to say... 

  15. Posted · Edited by Origins

    On 24/03/2021 at 0:28 PM, Preety_India said:

    I'm trying to improve my voice as well. 

    As a tip Preety, make sure you do your exercises with a metronome that is moderately but not too difficult for you to follow, not worrying about whether your singing timing matches but that you can at the very least say tap your foot to synchronise with the metronome. 

    No singing teacher would tell you to do this, and if did I'd love to meet them because they'd sound like the kind of human not just teacher I'd like to learn other things from.

    Update to post: Examples of different sounding metronomes which I use for when I'm keeping time against multiple beats per minute (BPM).

    1. 60 BPM - Metronome (version 1)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymJIXzvDvj4

    2. Metronome 10 bpm

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcDWPkfjnj4&t=59s

    3. 60 BPM Metronome (version 2 - different sound to version 1)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsJEMH_emBM

    Music is simply creativity with sound expressed within time. Timing is thus the primary cognition of music.

    ===========================================================================================================

    Journal to self: first song is going to come in progressions based on other developments that coincide; Ableton, formal music composition. There will be at least 2 iterations, likely three. From thereon out in general just do one unless its important to do otherwise.

    Rough schedule: First version April 1st. Second version April 7th. Third version April 14th. 

    The first version will likely be basic instrumental (no electric yet), simply because there's a time factor with all the other things I mentioned above I'm learning ---- we're talking hours and hours every day.

    I know I need to start building momentum again post my shoulder injury so I'll keep to at least a weekly upload. I think a good strategy now would be to start generating some consistency as soon as I can.

    April 1st is fitting, I've gotta keep up my physio, a bother with everything else I have to do but you know, that's life heh.

    No rush anymore as I know how all of these elements (i.e. rebuilding voice, ableton, music theory, etc) are going to coincide whereas before I was still working it all out throwing stuff against the wall to see how it landed.

    This will be my last entry for this journal until the first upload.

    Taking a break from this site until then.

  17. Posted · Edited by Origins

    9 hours ago, Barbara said:

    Your understanding is really valuable to me. I aprecciate you sharing it!

    I'm deducing you're asking if I have considered seeing a therapist?

    Haha no, check: become not see. If I had the time I’d see one as I think everyone should do, only if they were extremely good at what they did though (extended rigorous checklist of criteria would follow). Not everyone is good at being a psychologist on a psychologist though so the less than great ones find it easier to stay in business + great can depend on so many different things unique to the individual. And no problem, all good.

  19. Posted · Edited by Origins

    @Barbara I’ve never really had the consistent desire to be relatable. Understandable, not relatable, and even there I have my limits so I’m not the best person to talk to about relatability, these desires I think stem from personality as well. Our personality will generate subconscious protocols we’re not even aware of. If I’m aiming to be relatable it’ll only be in the short term and it’ll be purely goal orientated if it’s individual based, and economised if it’s crowd based. It’s just draining for my personality, you know.

    Have you ever considered becoming a therapist? I’m pretty good at empathising but I solely do it from a place of connection and I don’t budge an inch because I simply don’t want anything from the person. If we connect great, if we don’t see yah later have a good one.

    So I still say no to attention, to me it’s just stemming from an unmet need that needs to be made conscious so that awareness can strategically understand how to ameliorate itself there. Attention to me is a byproduct of connection so if you’re not getting all the attention you need there there’s an issue with connection, no? If we had all the connection we needed why are we still searching for attention? It’s an important determination. 

    I just won’t pretend that I have any answers on relatability because even if I can do it better than most if I wanted, it’s not my style. I can theorise an answer and it’ll probably be right but for you, you’d be better off picking out the eyes of someone that consistently tries to be relatable to others. I can tell you’re relatively good at reading others and you benefit from one on one where you observe and learn from non-verbal cues anyhow, salespeople are good to watch for that. You don’t mind theory, you actively benefit from it but you like to be able to seamlessly actualise your understandings in a social down to earth way. You’re a listener, a doer, not too much of a speaker but of course when you do speak, a harmoniser and relator with a peek of individuality that you allow to sneak through when it feels comfortable to do so. That’s just my spontaneous intuition anyhow without having much if any experience with you.

    17 hours ago, Barbara said:

    @Origins Really appreciate your answer, pal. You've enlightened me immensely already. I'll follow and do intuition-based trial and error from a place of connection.

    Not wanting to pester you, would you say that aiming to be relatable (sweet spot between relatability and authenticity), as mentioned above, would be about attention, connection, or both even?

  20. Posted · Edited by Origins

    @mandyjw That's literally all I did. It works. I mean, there's neat psychological tricks I've taught myself as well, for example visualising a mirror being in front of my own experience of reality reflected of what other people believe while simultaneously visualising darkness in the void of my own awareness as a symbolic reminder of my own ever present awareness. 

    My approach is on the subject of perception and seeing through the illusion, which takes no energetic alliances with life, yours is to not perception but of an energetic frequency, both I think are suitable means, the latter reflective of "the flow of life" and not being caught in its vicissitudes, through this lens, the social kind.

    6 hours ago, mandyjw said:

    You can't just tell yourself to stop caring what other people think, the key is to realize what you want more than that. The key is to tap into the kind of inspiration that so completely consumes you that you don't give a thought to what anyone is thinking. You fall in love with that kind of living so much that nothing else will do. It's like when you fall in love with someone and hell or high water couldn't keep you apart. Before there were all kinds of thoughts about doing things right, and pleasing other people, but you get so swept off your feet in your intense focus on this one person that there's no doubt, no question. That's the sort of feeling, the sort of inloveness with life in general, regardless of specific people or conditions that you're here for. 

     

    @Barbara You will continue to find your own resolve that is pertinent to your own personal self inquiry unless I'm otherwise prompted as I've learned that it is this sort of natural and direct investigation that has resulted in the most changes from myself, others presenting me their signs and signals and me finding my own personal answer in between. There are various personality styles and personality responses to this aspect of life of course. 

    Yeah it would, but connection is not at all the absence of boundaries, connection of course is just simply where we can connect to. This is relative personal comfort levels of any one person involved. Stack em way up high or way down low, its your prerogative relative to where you've learned is your line of best fit for the person, situation, time, place. Sometimes we feel really shitty and that's okay, we don't have to experience the same level of connection we did the previous day with the world, we just need to move to the level of connection that we'll feel comfortable with and that in turn will leave us with no regrets and with higher esteem after it. How do you connect with a great white shark? All things equal, through a steel cage. I hope that analogy gets to the point of vulnerability. A further example pertains to orca whales, at the beginning you'll be frightened and at certain times you should have a certain level of fear and have certain precautionary boundaries that you connect through rather than beyond and once this space has been "sorted", vulnerabilities and boundaries can shift for higher connection relative to that changed felt space that's yours to determine and whoever else you wish to be a part of that process.

    6 hours ago, Barbara said:

    @Origins It's true that I do care if others like me or not, and that has to be resolved. Resonates so deeply what you say about interacting from a place of connection and not attention. I'm just wondering tho, if it would change my vulnerability boundaries.

     

  21. Posted

    @Animo It doesn't. 

    Simply because there are so many reasons for its existence that there exists more causes of laziness that it more of an effect than a cause.

    At the core, laziness is simply the failure to experience STIMULATION in the related area.

    This is such a huge topic as it touches on so many areas of human psychology that you can't easily "slice the falling dice" (many different combinations) here, for this though I will give an example relating to using piano as ones sole source of entertainment.

    The piano has 88 keys and most humans on planet earth have at least 9 fingers and two thumbs enabling them to workup to playing thousands of songs and their variation which could satisfy there need for stimulation for an entire lifetime. 

    There is a distinction though that needs to be made and that involves the distinction between human psychology and mechanical possibility. 

    At the beginning, even if people are aware of the mechanical possibilities here their subconscious awareness isn't as such, most people will follow a stereotypical and predictable false algorithm as it concerns their relationship to the piano in the context of their potential stimulation. Most people in all of their endeavours choose a "play until I am bored" algorithm rather than a "play until I've exhausted all of the created potentials for stimulation", the former is what creates the laziness. They allow themselves to hit their neuroexcitable peak at the cusp of their predetermined will rather than exhausting the space of awareness that allows them to explore the freedom of will they have to discover the heights of variability and variety they can uncover through devoted interactive play. 

    Most people follow this same predictable formula for life, as such, most fail to reach their peak in conscientiousness (its opposite, laziness), hence why most people simply live mildly lived lives on the edge of a river during a peak gold rush that they won't stay long enough to find the gold they're looking for, they'll get up and leave the piano before they've even begun to discover their innate interest, and for many, talent for it. 

    If laziness doesn't exist, this means innate interest also doesn't exist, for it too, is not a cause but an effect, an outcome of living just beyond the horizon of ones foreseeable intrigue into life's melodies as they're presented to their consciousness. 

    So for whatever it is you want to get really good at, don't think in terms of "not being lazy", think in terms of how you can stay stimulated beyond the norm. In the case of piano, how can you input enough variability either through mind via creative play or through choice via songs you will try to learn?

    STIMULATION > (necessary) CONSCIENTIOUSNESS (as it applies), lastly, CREATIVITY as an input of (necessary) VARIABILITY > STIMULATION 

    This last aspect is simply a dedication to awareness (i.e. self awareness).

    Consider one of the core aspects of the age old problem of "laziness" now solved. 

  22. Posted · Edited by Origins

    @modmythhey mod nice to see u round these parts ;) .

    Day 2:

    Insight for meditation: Transcendence equals Music

    The basis for this is cognitive and I've so far discovered the triad that I now focus my attention on accordingly:

    1. Patterns over answers

    2. Attention (inclusive of focus) over __haven't found its avoidant force yet__

    3. Timing (i.e. loops) over __ haven't found its avoidant force yet __

    Combined with the lyrical, visual and relational (i.e. intelligence: logic) element I apply to my training with improvisation and coordinated improvisation (different to one another) as the foundation here I see it as a continual exploration of the intellectual heights of my abilities even in comparison to say performing and and generating high level abstraction. 

    The ability to play, produce lyrics and creative relational visuals all on the fly while simultaneously vigilantly scanning (attention) for patterns across a certain spontaneously determined timing I'm following between all modalities, especially across varied and speeded timing intervals is by far the greatest I've determined I can extend my intelligence in any one sitting, and to this end, it complementarily a likely extension of my abilities and thus its fitting that its referred to here in this thread. 

    In short, our thoughts and feelings follow a variable timed coordinated loop in their appearance to our conscious awareness, every thought and feeling then in the context of the concert produced by consciousness as a byproduct of one to however many loops present then can be measured against a bung note relative to the ultimate fluidity that I believe optimal awareness within consciousness should be functionally striving for.

    Music is not to just cognition nor cognitive enhancement as some people have inferred from a non-artistic sense, viewed from a nuanced lens in combination with certain boundaries one is attempting to follow (i.e. several metronomes; relational visual symbolisation), it is, truly, an accurate picture of all the boundaries of cognition and is thus, cognitive enhancing, when stretching to ones limits.

    As such, as one builds a song, they build their brain. This all must be done "together" though with little side-tracking, mind wandering and so on so as to exercise focused attention towards the growth and development of the brain in that moment. "Growth" (i.e. neuroplasticity et al.) here, indicative of all of its opposites that you would indeed wish to avoid in emotional and behavioural connotation.

    I will elaborate more on this triad at a later time.

  23. Posted · Edited by Origins

    11 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

    @Origins  I don't think that attention or craving for attention is always a sign of selfishness. 

    Sometimes wanting attention is a sign of a deeper problem, maybe it's a scream for help, that manifests itself as attention seeking behavior. 

    Although I claim to be no expert on psychology, I don't want to be very casually dismissive and only offer one dimension to a certain human behavior. 

    Human behavior can be very complex and the same behavior can have different root causes and purposes. 

    For example we as a general culture are quick to judge those who take selfies as narcissistic people. However when I did a deep research on narcissism, I realized that narcissism was a whole gamut of traits and self aggrandizing behavior was merely one aspect of it and people had blown this aspect out of proportion and missed out on the real deal. People tend to focus more on the sensationalist factors. 

    It's as though if people were told to describe the Wild West, they would easily conjure up images of a man with leather boots and a gun in his hands. The thing is people tend to rely  too much on stereotypes and miss out on finer details that make up the story. So the wild West was also about scarcity, challenges of living, lack of trust among people etc. 

    The deeper aspects are usually cast aside in favor of the most sensationalist explanation to a situation that feeds the human appetite for a dramatic story. 

    There are deeper reasons as to why a person might be acting the way they do and might have less to do with real attention seeking and more to do with wanting help. And seeking help is not selfish at all. 

    The kind of mind that is needed to understand complex human behavior is either a psychologist who is quite experienced or some sort of a sociopath who has a weird form or empathy towards generally unacceptable or socially condemned behavior or is less resistant to judgement because of him having been the victim of social judgement himself. 

    It's like if the drug addict is ostracized in society for being a drug addict and nobody tries to understand why he is a drug addict, but a murderer understands him better because he can understand the troubles and miseries of a persecuted person (him being persecuted for being a murderer) and he has a bit of empathy since he is not in a morally superior position to judge, so judgement gets replaced by empathy towards someone who is considered a serious offender by society yet not such a serious offender in the eyes of a murderer 

     

    I guess a very multi dimensional character is the only one who can understand complex human behavior by applying appropriate rationale and without judgement. 

     

     

     

    I see @Preety_India but I disagree entirely with the connotation of the term selfishness you've inferred. The cry for help is the very definition of selfishness, what I recommend doing is rearranging your perception of selfishness. In culture its been misconstrued as "bad, evil, corrupt", but it entirely depends on the kind of selfishness as well as its presence overtime relative to someones capacities. Babies are some of the most selfish beings on the planet, they require attention and then they don't depending on said baby, in order to interact with said baby though, do we desire its attention as adults or do we try to connect with it? Many people are naive to the sentiments of innocence and how they can harbour deeper truths that we're meant to follow in all of our interactions, in this sense on the subject of connection. Connection is entirely selfish but its not selfish in its expression because you're creating the only possible space by which connection between two people and therefore a selfless interaction was possible. Selflessness is simply a created space, not a state of being. You can't be selfless, but you can create the space for the virtues that can be derived from it, with connection here being exemplary of that.

     

  24. Posted · Edited by Origins

    My new creative decision making process (see image link) I just invented, trialing as a solution to solve the dissonance I experience when making various creative decisions. I realise I just have to "let what will be" in terms of what comes out of flow, while at the same time without too much description devoting myself solely to connecting fully from a pure heart space. Inspired by my own song as a reminder above, Awaken the True War, I sometimes forget the lessons it was meant to teach me through intuition "overload". I guess you could apply this process to how to navigate all of life. In my Transcendence work I've realised how many facets of myself I still need to create adequate and connective (meaning all models originate from and geometrically synchronise with one sole model) models from, this is a reflection of designing out my creative process for as much flow as possible avoiding needless decision making. 

    I don't want to give a fuck about singing low/high anymore, I just want to sing from the most truthful place possible relative to where the music is and everything else from there is spontaneous and inspired creativity.

    Here's the image link (moderators like to play games with my posting privileges = don't ask, and I'm not giving them any of my attention) - https://ibb.co/0jWLXmX