Origins

I hate it when they treat it so casually as well, you're taking up my fucking time with a relationship bitch. Fuck off. You've got no fucking idea what I have to accomplish by the rest of my life. They try to lure you in, it disgusts me. They can't do "natural" with intelligence. It's so disrespectful as well, to just assume you're "in" someone when they've never given any indication that they want you to be in their space. They try to "normalise" it (talking about being together etc) so you lower your guard, it's completely repugnant. To just assume future responsibility on me like that. This "normalisation" process is how cultural norms are turned to shit as well with shitty technologies hitting the sociocultural space, aka social media destroying our prefrontal evolution as a human race. You have to be a snob with your time in these situations paired with a mask of politeness between unavoidable interactions. Do they not care who else you're connected to? The very reason they haven't earned your respect. Dunning-Kruger effect on the capacity to understand the person they're thinking about, the very reason you have to be hyper selective in your relationships if you have at bare minimum a respectful standard in relation to who you as a human being wish to be understood outside others merely perceiving you as a body to exploit for their subconscious thought planting for a relationship you would never objectively choose. It's so freaking manipulative. (You've gotta be assertive sometimes, at least energetically. And have that demeanour)

^ this is what's known as "psychic buildup". Both the build-up, the necessary release and the nuanced learning that follows completely changes the dynamics that further result, the future is unequivocally never the same again. So never foil with action, you plant fruit on the life that is you a tree without you even being aware. This is why I don't underestimate the simplicity of the act of just simply venting. You can easily become self-judging afterwards, believing yourself to have done exactly that, "foiled action", not realising that the judgement itself is a part of the false standard that needed to be a part of the learning that changed all the elements in sum. Once you break that barrier, where you're able to vent and learn without judgement, you open up channels to higher levels of being within yourself; you're free from the societally prescribed limits they put on your capacity to self evolve. You'll see yourself change in unpredictable but ultimately, paramount ways. Releasing that inner critic by seeing it as a part of the transmutation process which motivated you to vent in the first place will allow you to not see the inner critic as separate but instead as noted, a part of a whole gestalt that needs to transform. I mean what are the alternatives: Get caught in a "neurotic love" or a "neurotic" anything if relationship entanglements aren't the corresponding example here? On neurotic love, that is, the kind of love that you never intended for. Both intentionality and fluid non-intentions are vital for real love. She's invaded my psychic space, I didn't ask nor do I want her too. Her feelings are natural but so is my venting. One of us has to do it, I'm the more advanced one so I have to, followed by learning from those energies that's a bit like vomiting. She just simply does not have a chance. I won't need to do a thing now really to show that because I've changed the psychic space via this transformation here. The potential social problem will vanish because I've gone through (nearly the whole way) the transformation without anybody knowing. It changes their thoughts before it even changes mine, I've removed any awkwardness by altering my frequency. This is how this works. This is how the universe works, everything we do matters in this sense as the universe is the matter that is constantly evolving in the sum of it all; there are no distinct colours, they're all always blended and blending together into one energetic psychic all/whole. I don't give a fuck about the status quo, which is why any kind of needless self judgement exists when the action was a vital part of our transformation. Society and its social standards can kiss my ass, revolution to evolution is far more vitally and existentially important to me. Society needs to evolve, I'll meet it on the other side. Rinse, repeat; see your metamorphosis on the other side, others see you as the same person, you're not. You've changed now. You're more useful to the universes ongoing expansion now.

Fuck it. I gotta get this rant out. Gotta let this stuff flow naturally Why would I just… Give it to you? You think I don’t know that you like me? You think I don’t know that you died your hair and want me to notice? What makes you think you can break my armour? What makes you think that I would let you in? Because others around me think that we’d make a good couple? This an’t some arranged marriage bullshit that’s going to fucking happen here. What’s your game, miss everyday girl round the corner? So you work in aged care huh, you like my father I know it, you help my sister I know it. You know she’s a bitch so why do you help her? What have you got to gain by entering into our psychic space? Others are picking up on it as well, planting suggestions in every which way. What have you got to gain by developing affections towards me? Based on what? You barely know me. You find me cute, huh? You don’t know the depths of me, you never will, you’ll never be able to understand. You’ll just project onto me. I need someone who wants to deeply understand, someone who wants to study me. You’re not going to study me. You’re just going to weave your way into my emotions expect me to hit on you we hit it off on casual, sleep together and then find ourselves in some bond that you then get to put expectations onto me. I don’t want those expectations that you’ve done nothing to earn and cannot earn. If you could earn them, I know you would. But you’re not capable don’t you know? You’re a good girl, you want me to rough you up I get it but its not going to happen don’t you know? I’m in love with someone else and we haven’t even began yet, that’s something I want for you though. We both don’t even know if we’re right for each other either because of various traumas, etc. And even if it doesn’t workout, what makes you think that I would settle for anything less? See this is where you don’t get it… You don’t get how independent I’m capable of being, my ability to be a lone wolf, I don’t need anyone, I want a certain someone and if I can’t find them that’s fine by me, I’m still going to strive towards my existential goals. I don’t just “give myself away”, I don’t just “fall in love” like a regular person. Do you know how well I’ve reverse engineered that shit? It’s got no fucking business in my life if things don’t measure up for us in a number of ways. The people in my life are there for a reason, they’re like me enough that we’re not just me are compatible enough with our life situations and intrinsic connection. You can’t be with a guy like me, I’d work to know your deepest essence as well as I could and for what? Those depths you wouldn’t even understand yourself. What’s the point of being with someone who doesn’t know the depths of the effort you go to in order to understand the? They’re too short sighted, they take your actions too much at face value, they compare your actions too much to how they’ve experienced similar actions from others in the past. They can’t see the novelty and uniqueness of you. You can’t love me. You can only love the idea of me. I’m impenetrable to your abilities outside my wit that’s a mere amusement for me and a cheap (in my eyes, I mean are you serious?) turn on for you. Don’t mistake the dopamine I give you for love. Don’t mistake the oxytocin I give you for love. I won’t let you fall in love with me. I won’t let you try to get me to fall in love with you. Oh so you’re going to fall in love with me because that makes me more mysterious? That only makes me look even more down on you because you turn all that stuff into projective bullshit. Listen, I KNOW you’ve got a good heart. I KNOW you would be committed. I KNOW we could have a cliche good relationship. I DON’T want that though. Don’t you know I only strive for greatness? Don’t you know this is No you wouldn’t know. If I told you, you still wouldn’t be able to fathom the complexity. Take your slowly developing infatuations and invest them into someone who doesn’t need as much of a romantic connection where you collide and unite together spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, intellectually, physically. I won’t let you get your heart broken, we can be friends and nothing else. I’m not playing it small anymore, there’s far more to gain from friendship than being a lover from where I am these days. And gain for me, shit I still don’t know what your gain is. You want “a relatively compatible partner”, I want “a deep soul connection”, these are totally and completely different from one another. No flirting, any flirting and I’ll just outsmart you and keep it as friendship over and over again. You won’t throw yourself at me. You’re smart. That’s good I like that. We’re too incompatible though. I need someone very high on openness. I need someone who’s got their shit together (you do I know). I need someone that’s creative, don’t get me wrong I know you’re resourceful, intelligent, dutiful, but I need someone that can expand my mind, heat and spirit so that I know what I’m devoting myself to. Do you know how devoted I am? Probably one of the most devoted people on the planet when it comes to my causes. Why would I just… Give that to you? Why would I just… Give that to…. Any “body”? This an’t just bodies physically colliding in the bedroom babe. If you want that cheap porn I’m not your guy. Friends and zero benefits because I already know what game you’re playing in advance. Do you know how fucking intuitive I am? No, you wouldn’t. And you never will. That’s the problem here. I’m sorry. I love you (not in a romantic sense in a spiritual sense). I can feel your energy. I get it. I totally do. But you and I deserve different people. I don’t want to be with anyone capable of doing the things I need that would settle for less either. Here I am, naked and misunderstood as usual, and in advance (foresight). Doing the “understanding” towards others. Fuck you. And love you, I know you can’t help it. I know you try. It’s okay, I forgive you. Goodbye before any inevitable romantic break and a sincere hello to friendship if that’s what transpires. Again, I’m sorry. I’ll make that clear to you in my dedication to potential friendship.

Oh and finally to end some real life humour to part with to bind last three now four posts (see profile): So it turns out they never actually put my shoulder back into place properly. For the discerning let's see if you're able to observe what's "amiss" here haha. Makes instrumental music training like starting a run with one leg that gets fatigued more quickly than the other but I push through my 5 hours plus a day, this is because I consider training more important than my life (so I'm prepared to literally die unless I achieve what I set out to do there) because existentially I know that it was this life pressure that created the ability for me to be born with the gifts I have anyhow. It's a subtle differentiation, its not the lack of value of your own life, its the ultimate value of all of life with a respectful comprehension of its underpinnings. #Greatness or nothing is my philosophy, yes, yes nihilists laugh away at what's written on your own tomb stone. You can have enlightenment both ways not that enlightenment is a or the goal (though all people need a goal so if they have nothing... double pun), I get neither is better in one sense but I get that my way makes things better, which future world do you want to live in? The future occupies me a lot, much more than others, I think thousands of years forwards and backwards, with precision here of course being a creative act. It always transforms the present, you become redeemed by an undercurrent of fortitude that redefines your best model of existence that you should be following to your highest sight. This is a "sight of the mountains on the horizon", it's in our DNA, that transporter molecule to take its "home cells" and remake beyond the finality of nothingness and into destination plains which no longer mirror the past but instead mirror the potential you found in pieces and work to make whole through that continual metamorphic extension. The brain requires both imaginary glue on its perception of the world but then the capacity to melt and remake its perception, this forms effortless resilience, rebirths pained resilience and transforms the perception of resilience and the why's and how's that make the definitions we paint to continue paving our way into this imaginary space to construct our views and models of the world. How do you trust enough to be fearless in this deathly kind of training to mirror what I do? It's a trust in the finalities you've come to terms with combined with not wrapping limitations around your openness. So you agree with the nihilist to an important nuance but then you define the strong path you tread beyond that to make you a part of the creative act of the universe from the lens of pressure and transformation, the meaning (oxytocin) and progress (dopamine) derived there making any entice of nihilism merely wind through your hair while speeding down a highway. The subsequent self determined, self-responsibility to meaning; this generates your "aura" of sovereignty that lives in the backseat of your continual drive forward. The goal isn't to get rid of suffering, it is to choose your suffering, even if its unavoidable, it alters your subconscious compass, reference frame on any perceived pain experienced in life. That creates a destiny, ironically stated, worth living, for you've determined the worth within the self that makes the transformation that comes from your resilience worthwhile. Fearlessness then is the mirror to the trust generated your own self-determined existential resolves. This makes this kind of training instead an act of liberation in the acceptance of the imprisonment to the evolutionary process rather than the feeling of it being imprisoning. Our limits can be our prison or they can be our way out of our prison by knowing, defining and accurately viewing the boundaries of said prison. This is an aspect of what transcendence is all about of course (one of my writing topics). In this sense, the ability to turn suffering into meaning (in a way in which it essentially transforms you into your ultimate image, as God would have intended if we're to speak that language) is one of life’s greatest mental skills and capacities. In practical reflection that is to eat and digest ones highest conceptualisations of one's existential universe and be biochemically transformed through that process to ones highest force. (recent) Shoulder X-ray: Ultrasound (no baby) on both shoulders Tuesday coming as Youtube video because admins/moderators here have disabled my ability to upload pictures. I don't give enough fucks to comment on that.

This is a journal dedicated to thinking about the patterns of humans since the dawn of time as much as I can fathom it and simply moving towards those patterns that work and moving away from those patterns that don’t. You could characterise this as a kind of “wisdom”, even it’s strictest definition, however at present I’m conceptualising such through the lens of its functional elements, that is, the overlap between this particular reality, our capacity to comprehend it and the way to live it relative to the structure of our beings. Moreover, the connotation of “wisdom” is an outcome of the “minds behaviour” which can be sorted into a sociocultural lens that turns wisdom into a culture of “wise truths” rather than a genuine discernment and acting on truth relative to ones best intent. By sorting mental experience relative to its essence, which is via patterns, identifications and subsequent categories of comparison, I have a better chance at separating “what’s mine from what’s yours”, and avoiding many other kinds of social biases that corrupt my own thinking about life and how to move forward with it, or in this case, look back and derive patterns with a discerning eye about what tends to work for us humans, what doesn’t, replicating and then using that as a platform to be creative from to start inventing more of my own increasingly more nuanced behaviours from there. Originality in a crowded room is a pattern that’s reflected one of mans greatest fears, thus it in part must be his greatest triumph to standout in such a way, a rebellion which is to the sophisticated extension of his ancestors as well, one which aims to do right by his culture weighed against the avoidance of what wrong one knows their fellow species can do. Both behaviours, the extension of creative behaviours and the discernment and avoidance of uncreative behaviours relative to the larger creation of the universe is at the centre and end of this inquiry here.

As per previous two posts on profile regarding future movements. Though; a reminder for myself to scoop all of this up into the new paradigm I'm working on. All of the above (and everywhere) --> Old material, dumpster remixed. Out the speakers a new sound. I can't really knock the following quoted foundation though. It's a bit linguistic, I'd like to frame and join the relations better. Highest abstraction is my primary focus now, I don't give a damn about others ability to understand, they're my journals anyhow. Who are we trying to relate to other than to ourselves here anyway (inclusive of those that understand us)? Wouldn't make sense to lower ones standards at all. That's just not how evolution is maximised, it violates necessary selection pressures.

I feel the urge to find what's true deeper within myself beyond the mind as much as possible through the mind again. To enter that mystical space that I left for the void a time back. Haven't written in this prose for at least a couple of months but here we go. Treasured moments of fury, you make it all worth it even through your fire and my guards: A pond of emotion Splash goes the sea Creatures of time Sneaking up on me How did I wind up here? In love with you, even through the pain and frustration Who are you really? Why does this connection exist? You want to just throw time into a blackhole as if this never happened We live in the gravity of this moment though Where it will go, growth is the only place known So let the fire storm, feel the sparks, but take it all in and learn from the march Don't judge yourself, in this universe this giant place we curse in, through and with simultaneously If you break it, make it Watch me fight back with my sword and shield of time Because that's all it is you know, its what we've both learned through time What existed before we were born, I can't say how far back our memories together truly travel I don't claim to know, I only have feelings, something that reaches inside of me and pulls out something I cannot say with the rational mind This is the place Right now Gone without a trace is our enemy stance, but so too, as allies Were we ever either? This is forever, in this life or the next, whether you like it or not. You may not be able to face me in this life, but you will have to in the next, we both will Our karma of pain, hurt, deeds bad and good, this is what we fight through to have the wisdom we don't presently have So growth for you is growth for me, thus growth for me is how I can make this free These creatures of time, pain they are, transmutation will be its resolve And this, is how it will all be solved Fuck my solutions you say? Well, we live to talk another day Who's to know when, this is just the universe speaking through us For now, I'm catching another bus A pond of emotion, Bring the cool breeze from the tornadoes to silence the leaves, May calm set over so that you can be free I will not hold on but I will always love As this is my divine nature, whether I am a dove alone or two doves together Love remains, through the universes veins Extract that blood out of the universe And all we're left with is our pains without purpose or rhyme to the universes great plains So this is it, Dominate the universe with my talents in this lifetime I shall to the best of my ability, With me or not, this is not our issue, it is the universes, there is just one thing that remains real Is that it must be true, and this alone is our choice as and with the universe at large I AM you say, So, am I Be

@Preety_India thanks Preety you too. I will be available to anyone on this forum in case of emergency, advice, etc. So I’ll still be receiving emails. Make sure you reach out to those in need and make sure everyone in need reach out to make life easier for yourself. We’re all in this together on this self actualisation journey with the rest of the universe. Learn patience, fortitude and resilience, though too, remember your boundaries with prudence and understanding. Use your highest intelligence, forgive yourself and others in this process, work to avoid judgements that are too premature and work to make judgements that make best use of your foresight. Best.

Final post (update: be back before July, that's all I can say), this song is naturally fitting for this thread. Created last year. Stay driven from your core, what you truly want to create in this world. My improvisations are at another level these days but this one is just sheer badass anyhow for the context, I've never heard of anyone doing what I can do plus I'm almost at the stage where my improv's are just as good as any other great song. That's the standard that I expect from myself from now on in future posting, that is, only improvisations (inclusive of singing, lyrics and instrument combined) that are just as good as any other praised song; almost at the finish line there. Proud of myself for how far I've come along in spite of setbacks. Laters.

Affirmations, etc Source Energy wishes for me to follow: I will not feed your own manic spiral I will not feed you anymore attention I will remain open and receptive But I will take the higher ground And I will expect you to meet me If you wish to communicate with me You are not below me, you are not below anyone else You are not weak, you just wish to appear weak to me I cannot be your saviour, I can only be a true reflection For how can I save you when I'm only positively reinforcing negative behaviour To be your saviour then, if I am to do that, I must reflect what is to your highest end I must be what is best within me So that you can see what you are and what you can become So that you can show me what you are and what I can become Life is Truth, you are loved, not for your behaviour but for who you truly are underneath Neither of us should tolerate bad behaviour though, for this is against divinity, the universe of creativity We should be focusing on how we can use fire to create better fire, not fire to create destruction for the sake of destruction This is source, beaming through me You miss, you brought this out so I could see Something that existed, larger than me But don't take all the credit, for whatever reason though you have sparked more metamorphoses in me than anyone ever has Does this mean you are the one? Source is telling me to just speak from its essence and that question is all its sharing with me in this instance It's telling me that you could be but the rest is all shrouded in mystery. I predicted this all from the start, as you know, but for whatever reason the universe compelled me to see through these ups and downs through my attempts to create distance. It's like my intuition knew all of this, so I pre-emptively manouvered, but then the universe came along, and well, you did too Source is telling me we have to take more responsibility That it isn't presently possible in your present disposition, that you must focus on yourself, that it is good that you're taking time away from me This has nothing to do though with me not loving you, this is true and will continue to be demonstrated as much as source defines it in line with creative law As there is natural law, there is too, creative law Is this action creative, this is the law that Source is teaching me right now and it's all because of you, so obviously we were meant to come together, to spark growth in one another Source is pressuring me to both be receptive but be mercilessly bound to only connecting through and with you via the lens of love, growth, strength and connection It does not want me to encourage anything that it defines as beneath us both, this, I promise Source in this moment to honour Source doesn't want me to profess my love anymore, it says I've done this enough, it wants me to say that you are loved and you are love itself, that you too, if you truly decide to, can love, heal and grow as you wish to Love, from Source

This journal is disposed to painting the actualizational boundaries of my existence through the lens of the beginning musical note of my existence. This will explore standard modes of enquiry, answers of which repaint experience through the lens of the higher self, in this sense, towards higher sovereignty. In the limited practical sense for now, this will involve basic laws I will refine as it concerns self-orientation. Self-orientation that reflects values of self honesty, self acceptance, self boundaries, self power, self actualisation, self boundaries and more including their appropriate ordering through a basic geometry. Firstly, my introduction: What point do we weigh our experience against? Why would it be any other place other than the beginning of the universe itself, for, isn't any other place a beginning to our experience anyhow? Thus, even if there was no "true beginning" why not make it that way, to correctly, relative to what you would otherwise do, backtrack experience as far as you can take it autobiographically, theoretically and existentially (i.e. feelings, impressions, intuitions and various other subconscious stimuli become apparent in this category). Isn't this the beginning of my song, for, the beginning of the universe, backtracking my experience there, allows me to correctly compare any one perception I have with said experience, allowing me to self-derive self-ownership and through that, divinity. The recognition of my own divinity enables me to contrast futility with comparably, divine action. What is divine other than following the truest creativity of the universe? Isn't this the way my being is taking me now and has been taking me? Why should I delay this growth, if so, what am I delaying it for? To turn my entire experience into music and visual art and through that the re-engineering of experience (as this is the such result of creativity that I speak of) in its entirety feels lonely, as if I don't wish to step into this unique inevitable divinity the universe obviously had planned for me for fear of being more socially estranged than I had previously. But, this inferior emotional disposition is merely a lack of alignment with the values and beliefs that allow me to find people how would be open minded and capable of enough of growing towards a similar light, secondly, why am I afraid to stand out? Maybe, I am meant to stand out. Maybe I'm meant to overcome the natural disposition towards being in the shadows towards being the highest light, and move between the two so much as it serves me to do so. How can I now, as I step into this natural divinity, speak as truly as possible, without isolated instances to stray from any truth whatsoever about what I believe to be existence through my existence? This is the sole goal might I add, as I have spoken about. For truth, is all that lays bare for us in reality, that there is only so much truth we can actualise in our life, that the assumption is that the most and deepest amount of truth is a revelation of the highest life, thus we must focus on truth in all moments no matter how varied. What is truth? Truth is embodiment, thus it is emotion, cognition, psychology, intuition and body made whole. Thus, to search for the truth of my origins through all those avenues and more, via the artistic feedback of consciousness as it travels in autobiography to abstraction first imagined via the senses. Reimagined through music, for this is the tonality that I've imagined to be the greatest chord to play in order to hold, express and imagine truth. Music after all, is carried through time, we perceive our existence via the lens of time, and what do we do with music other than to ensure we create, play and listen to music which is pleasing to the ears? The abstractions then of music, in as much as they can be at the very least analogised to all aspects of experience, we have the reconceptualisation of all experience through the context of notes, chords, melodies to single instances of time, collective instances of timed and patterns as well as connections between time. Who is a person, further who is person to person or persons, other than the clash of melodies, notes and chords? Why should I force myself to experience life through the lens of how general society passively views life? I have to move a dramatic step beyond the horizons of all of culture if I am to survive the inevitable winter that is coming to general societies perceptions of life as we face radical shifts in our way of life for a myriad of reasons. Why does anything need to be of concern to me outside the discernment and expression of truth through the lens of music? Why do I need to do anything then, other than to create music, in the ideological, practical and literal sense? Out of fear of social loss? Haven't I already lost in the real truthful sense by following their paradigms? If someone loves me they will love me in spite of my directions here, if I love someone it will be because they are already highly interested in my directions here. So I have nothing to lose then, everything else there is illusion. This is my new paradigm, so I have no need to appease any prior paradigm I've been in or any paradigm society is in or that a person is in. I am my own divinity, thus I am my own authority. The origins of my life, held in a song I will uncover. The first single note of existence, hardly separate from me thus hardly separate from joining me on this endeavour. We play this note together, to bring its full song into existence. Who will come with me to change the world? No one? So be it. Someone? Not good enough. I need people that seek to understand as much as I, this is not an ordinary path to follow, it is intolerant of a lack of devotion, openness, transparency and of course, truth.

Title: Dreamscape This dreamscape inspired Love lost, never acquired Their soft spoken words, through the loud heat of battle To compensate for the fear of loss To redeem what was never there This dreamscape inspired What is left, to be admired Dreams to be had, to be lived and loved tomorrow Will you remember who you truly are? An angel and a devil wrapped in one Which one to choose, just you through and through This dreamscape inspired, tea leaves part with their visions to the enlightened Forever whenever, this is us together and apart simultaneously To be left by the side, open arms the universe still requests of me To remain true, to those inspired dreamscapes Inside the subconscious of all the lands Showing us nature beyond all the sands and seas To make sense, of all, this mystery Why should you feel guilty, when you felt compelled to do what you felt compelled and I was capable of learning from it? If I was not capable, maybe then guilt should come but it is far from this and my learning is far from over Time builds a boat for any brave soul that wants to leave the sand of their shores off to find new beaches of possibility To breath in air that was more true than before, should this not be my goal? Doesn't pressure just teach me to stick even more true to what appears true without recompense? This dreamscape inspired, sleep unfolds a new day towards higher truth and when I die, I can say, I truly lived and yes I too, was not afraid, to truly love beyond my need to take my next breath This is my fearless life, undeterred, without reservation or need for an appointment with life to wait to state the truth of my being To be fearless does not mean to never have to deal with fear, truly if you are human, it is to move towards the truth to the point where you feel brave enough to act fearlessly, love here, love for you alone even though there is fear in my expression, I fearlessly stand by the truth of it and the truth it bares However that be, you cannot prevent me from being a warrior This dreamscape inspired, love lost is my love renewed, forever and always

My third entry has ruined the class of this. Thinking of deleting it. No. It must all be true, no smudges on any mirror otherwise that is the blindspot that gets you. Everything of truth must be revealed as it flows otherwise what would be the point of it. If life, as I've presented it here, to life, cannot bare what it asks of me to share in the way it asks me to share it, through and as truth, then this is my consequence that it too, will get me to learn from. Either way, there's still consequences, either way then, there's still learning for me. So what is the difference other than a difference in outcomes? Is life more about outcomes or about our ability to experience and learn from states of being? I imagine its the latter, I seek the heightened levels of the latter more than the superficial insertion of outcomes in my memories (the former), if there's anything like that, to which, this story has many more volumes of mystery and intrigue than simply being "memories to reflect on". If one cannot speak the truth, how can one handle the truth? Isn't the lack of the former the inability of the latter? Thus the former is our measurement of character and the ability to build our individual character. THAT is how the universe truly grows and learns, which is the objective here, when the truth is laid bare what consciousness is able to learn from those experiences as vividly and rawly as possible. Consider this poetic space now redeemed.

Title: My rose coloured glasses and me You think I give a fuck? Not even fucking two. Let's pour the oil on the fire shall we, get rid of some of these fucking forests and speed up global warming here in our little spite. Do you think I need you for love? Do you think I need your love for love? Do you think you can possibly say anything, be with anyone, do anything in a way that would disturb my love for you until the end of my existence in this physical body? No. So go to bed. Wake up and realise there's literally nothing you can fucking do to shake my love. I may not tolerate what you do on relationship terms, but I will not disturb what are the truest signals beaming out of the universe through me. I will remain true. All you need to do is continue to be you and face the consequences of that. We both will. Next page. Get that outta the fucking way, burn the books on destroying love because it just doesn't rock the boat in my heart. I'm rock fucking solid bitch.

Title: The Indestructible poet I am an indestructible poet, you know that? Your dash for the dagger, wounds to the heart It doesn't mean anything, I live for you You know that? Now you do That greatest fear you have, to believe in love just beyond the tip of your pain, I have it And its for you, golden, rich and indestructible The reason for my continued existence, with or without you For in your unmistakable belligerence, rebellion of a unifying divide with the past There is a light in the tunnel of your existence that I see beaming with such fever A reminder for me of the purpose of life, of the purpose of my life Even in your darkest moments where life overcomes your ability to see your own intrinsic meaning structures that want you to unfold as beautifully as you're capable of achieving, I bare that as a torch to my own Because I see you now, I see through it all, beyond myself Who am I? Why am I so different to you? This latter question we haven't bothered discussing for the former question appeared too obvious If it is true that I am you and you are me, this means that the way we live our lives shines different perspectives on one another's glow Reveals different places we need to go in our own reflections, expressions and possibilities You think I will be hurt by holding you as my torch to life? Regardless as to what happens, even if we never speak again, the meaning, the warmth, the love, in the deepest meaning structures of my being I know the truth of that compared to the superficial appearances that held us together versus tore us apart So you want to end it all and say damn you to the universe and life to somehow justify the pointlessness of it all? Well I've still got you as a torch to live my own life as strongly as possible, so what does say about your own self perception? What does that say about your own life perception? Doesn't this say that maybe when you shift towards the truest avenues of yourself that you are a shining example of how to live? Doesn't this say that even in your darkest moments, you are still an example of life that's worth living for because you show what's real? To make what's real, this is what the universe is about, this is what I have seen in you, and so you are the light bearer, the reason for my becoming an indestructible poet of the ages No matter who or what dangers I come across, I fight with the highest passion in honour of your spirit that you've shared with the world, that even in your vulnerabilities, you show the greatness of the universes potential Whether you stay here with me, fight with me, I cannot control, just that you've shared with me beyond merely faithful appearances to validate the sanctity and extension of life, and that I will embody this within me, hold it in my spirit so tightly I take it with me into the next life just like I probably did in this life from the previous I am the indestructible poet, a spirit beyond the ages, in plain sight with full romantic naivety and heightened intelligence What kind of wisdom is this? It is the wisdom of truth, unforgivingly merciful and mercilessly forgiving, with honour in tact A story pointed in no direction other than the centre of gravity that makes every conceivable breath we take in this life possible The space between the pages we now live, unwritten

@Preety_India thanks Preety appreciated. I mean we've barely spoken, but I've now learned that sometimes the people you speak to the most treat you the worst for no reason whatsoever. I mean, wow. Like these last two days couldn't be anymore difficult than they already are, another person who I thought really cared about me just doesn't give a fuck, they told me to completely give up on them so I guess I will. That's projection on my part I guess. Just totally and completely out of the blue. Just like that. BAM. Gone. I'll learn to analyse people much better before I develop attachments to them. I think in a way that's what the universe is trying to teach me. I'll learn that lesson completely and fully this time. There's that. Or they're pushing you away because they feel scared being close underneath. I don't know which one to believe, because if I believe the second option how far do you go with that before you're really just making the pain worst for yourself. I just can't put up with it anymore though unless I get a good, honest and sincere explanation, regardless as to their difficulties. There's only so much you can let your attachment get the better of you. They've got so much fear underneath them, I wish I could wash that fear away, my fear is that they're just toying with my feelings but I really think there's depth there that isn't doing that, maybe I'm wrong though. This is all a subject on emotional mastery, on closeness and the difficulties of attachment to emotionally processing the poor judgement others have towards you. The person close to me I've been helping is a childhood friend (not the person who played emotional russian roulette with me and just shot us to pieces). So needless to say...

I'll just be solely focusing on this journal for this month. Template 1. First Album - Classical - Italian Arias - 6 self composed - I don't speak Italian so that's going to be a tough one. Decided today. Here's a random improv just did for sneak preview at progress of voice (still got a lot of growth because I haven't been training for too long so just objectively speaking it'll be really interesting to see where things go there). Wanted to share this just to force myself to make the commitment to the ball busting challenge of creating these Italian arias. I guess it brings a little anticipation as well haha. 2. Second Album - Rap / Hip Hop - 6 self composed (tackling Ableton properly for the first time so this will be interesting) - My end goal is to find a smooth creative blend between the first two eventually. 3. Third Album - Ableton Creative (so no idea where I'll take it) - 6 self composed 4. Fourth Album - Indie - Acoustic guitar - 6 self composed 5. Fifth Album - Blues/related - Keyboard Piano (still working out creative angles there) - 6 self composed

@Preety_India And you too. This situation has really made me think about who's really there for me in my life. Who's genuine. Who's true. And who's just a fuck wit that when the chips fall where are they? They need me right now. I have to be there fully. That's what we all have to do. Be there fully for the people that are true.

Thanks Preety, just touching base something terrible has happened to someone close to me. Need to take a few days away. Will probably be a bit of a delay.

As a tip Preety, make sure you do your exercises with a metronome that is moderately but not too difficult for you to follow, not worrying about whether your singing timing matches but that you can at the very least say tap your foot to synchronise with the metronome. No singing teacher would tell you to do this, and if did I'd love to meet them because they'd sound like the kind of human not just teacher I'd like to learn other things from. Update to post: Examples of different sounding metronomes which I use for when I'm keeping time against multiple beats per minute (BPM). 1. 60 BPM - Metronome (version 1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymJIXzvDvj4 2. Metronome 10 bpm https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcDWPkfjnj4&t=59s 3. 60 BPM Metronome (version 2 - different sound to version 1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsJEMH_emBM Music is simply creativity with sound expressed within time. Timing is thus the primary cognition of music. =========================================================================================================== Journal to self: first song is going to come in progressions based on other developments that coincide; Ableton, formal music composition. There will be at least 2 iterations, likely three. From thereon out in general just do one unless its important to do otherwise. Rough schedule: First version April 1st. Second version April 7th. Third version April 14th. The first version will likely be basic instrumental (no electric yet), simply because there's a time factor with all the other things I mentioned above I'm learning ---- we're talking hours and hours every day. I know I need to start building momentum again post my shoulder injury so I'll keep to at least a weekly upload. I think a good strategy now would be to start generating some consistency as soon as I can. April 1st is fitting, I've gotta keep up my physio, a bother with everything else I have to do but you know, that's life heh. No rush anymore as I know how all of these elements (i.e. rebuilding voice, ableton, music theory, etc) are going to coincide whereas before I was still working it all out throwing stuff against the wall to see how it landed. This will be my last entry for this journal until the first upload. Taking a break from this site until then.

@Preety_India Thanks , I appreciate the feedback (genuinely). Rebuilding my range from the ground up, I trust my theorising. I won't reveal much more than that.

Haha no, check: become not see. If I had the time I’d see one as I think everyone should do, only if they were extremely good at what they did though (extended rigorous checklist of criteria would follow). Not everyone is good at being a psychologist on a psychologist though so the less than great ones find it easier to stay in business + great can depend on so many different things unique to the individual. And no problem, all good.

@Preety_India haha good one

Day 1, few hours in: What is this thought? Who am I in this thought? Am I a thought? No. What is the next association? Spiritual zombies. Oh you got to love those. But who is the I living in the expression of the association? Who gives a fuck right? I'm here. Let it be R.I.P Paul McCartney's career and John Lennon's wife's talks with her husband there. I'm tired. How do I overcome this? What is the association that exists to prevent me from surrendering my consciousness to the vision I've created for Transcendence? This is what I let go. Power up consciousness. Nothing else exists. I live in a mind of minds, minds colliding, what minds connect and what do they pass on? Earth continues to rotate around the sun, so they say. See you in some minutes or hours.

@Barbara I’ve never really had the consistent desire to be relatable. Understandable, not relatable, and even there I have my limits so I’m not the best person to talk to about relatability, these desires I think stem from personality as well. Our personality will generate subconscious protocols we’re not even aware of. If I’m aiming to be relatable it’ll only be in the short term and it’ll be purely goal orientated if it’s individual based, and economised if it’s crowd based. It’s just draining for my personality, you know. Have you ever considered becoming a therapist? I’m pretty good at empathising but I solely do it from a place of connection and I don’t budge an inch because I simply don’t want anything from the person. If we connect great, if we don’t see yah later have a good one. So I still say no to attention, to me it’s just stemming from an unmet need that needs to be made conscious so that awareness can strategically understand how to ameliorate itself there. Attention to me is a byproduct of connection so if you’re not getting all the attention you need there there’s an issue with connection, no? If we had all the connection we needed why are we still searching for attention? It’s an important determination. I just won’t pretend that I have any answers on relatability because even if I can do it better than most if I wanted, it’s not my style. I can theorise an answer and it’ll probably be right but for you, you’d be better off picking out the eyes of someone that consistently tries to be relatable to others. I can tell you’re relatively good at reading others and you benefit from one on one where you observe and learn from non-verbal cues anyhow, salespeople are good to watch for that. You don’t mind theory, you actively benefit from it but you like to be able to seamlessly actualise your understandings in a social down to earth way. You’re a listener, a doer, not too much of a speaker but of course when you do speak, a harmoniser and relator with a peek of individuality that you allow to sneak through when it feels comfortable to do so. That’s just my spontaneous intuition anyhow without having much if any experience with you.