Origins

Looking at the above and looking at where I have done the same in my life, trying to not be a hippo....Christ-almighty!!! I mean I still have faith in this person but the first person you need to check is yourself I’ll do an artistic vent about that at some point today

Title: False crown, false life Why did I ever put a crown on your head? What is within you that you need to bite the tongue of truth? What power is there to gain but your own inevitable demise? Fallen trees, burnt out rainforests When you look into the mirror it breaks because you cannot handle the truth of your appearances, you know they’re lies This is not an angry goodbye, I am just so disappointed in you If only you realised that you turn against yourself more than you turn against others maybe you’d change But you’ve dialled the same bullshit for so long, in so many different ways to your phantoms of light Your underlying grandiosity cannot help the subject of your own frail ego Like a Sméagol, except your ring here is fucking imaginary What distorted world of mirrors do you live in for you to create such drama? Is this the only way you can relieve yourself outside the meagre progress you make in your own life? You’re a lawyer in a courtroom without a degree, you’ve got to wakeup to the judge and jury of real life You’ve got to stop the games, they’re only termites in what could otherwise become a strongly built home built by the fortitude and ingenuity of your own truth Throwing trust and love to you is like sticking ones hand in a velociraptors cage with my eyes closed waiting for the snap to arise Why do you need to play this stupid fucking game of chess? You’re a coward, all the pieces here are fictitious All you have to do is focus on you and you can’t even do that much, you have to mess around in ways that only ground your own nose in the dog shit further Their narcissism is self deprecating because their games are so transparent, they want to get caught, they can’t live without the nonsense festering in their brain like a tarantula slowly feeding on their last sense of decency, it’s as if their daily affirmation is “I must self sabotage! (or just sabotage in general)” Enjoy the pig trough But I was hoping for something more For now, this crown lays right beside me and nowhere else

Title: The water anaconda Thrown into the pool of the past Sticks and stones won’t break my bones when I’m drowning under water Mother I open my closet I see an image of you Glimmering back and fourth between your lifecycle Birth, teens, adult, mother, death, new life and even your former life This pain you’ve burdened me with Through no fault of your own And, through fault of your own, and kind too This drowning writhing, lungs collapse I don’t even know if I want to fight anymore There’s a part of me that just wants to let go and let the water take me over It’s father that wants to stop me, he can’t see my tears of mixed feelings of course but he can see his warrior genes succumbing to the unnurtured pain left by his former wife he now scathingly distorts his young boys perception of her whenever his subconscious cannot help but be reminded of his own pain My body is starting to give in, it shouldn’t be too long now I’ve writhed so much the water has a life of its own, twisting, turning and controlling my every movement like an anaconda My brother screams from a distance with a desperate look I wish he was there for me more growing up “Get out of the god damn water, what are you doing!” It seems the whole time the water was peaceful It was inside that was chaos This is what made me believe the water had turned against me with a life of its own When I could have just jumped right out Upon dragging my body as quickly and safely out of the water as possible My brother tried reviving me My best friend played guitar and sang at my funeral even though he was never much of a singer

@Nahm thanks for chipping in

@Elisabeth Would it be okay if I asked some questions about your relationships with significant others? Mainly on an emotional level and, what you’re drawn to the most emotionally, what you avoid, tolerate, and so on. Just want to get an understanding as to the boundaries in relation to others, especially those closer relationships and how those relationships manifest those boundaries in their expression and closeness, especially the dynamics surrounding said closeness vs distance with also yourself.

@GreenLight I know that feeling, the volcanic ash felt from one of my rages could slit all throats of nazis to win that earlier war much quicker. How often do you rage and what are the exact environmental trigger points? Or does it happen out of the blue? Is it connected more with certain people than others if so what is the nature of that relationship?

@Someone here Depends on the anxiety, every drug dealer is different as they say you gotta know different techniques to bring their prices down not all techniques work on the same drug dealer. It’s the same with anxiety. When does your anxiety occur most often sir? Where do you feel it in the body? On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your emotional intelligence?

@Epikur why would I listen to you? There’s no you to listen to anyway right. I mean, these are your words not mine not trying to be rude outside of shooting you in the head with your own factoid bullets. Obviously not enough awareness to be like, hey bro from another mother in hoodlum of crack and hoes selling to little kids with braces and Tourette’s, what’s that writing you did I’m open minded about that.

So much stimuli in the head right now... just crashing up against each other. Don't give me the controls to nuke Earth, I'm motivated to wakeup in the next dimension. Finishing it up all the way in this one though all good, just making sure I'm packing heat at all times, and if anyone gives me an excuse...

@Quicksilver On spiral dynamics Sam Harris is just stage dumb. Free will is just correlated to awareness. I've written about it. We have it, it would be scaled in the same way as IQ with various things outside of intelligence influencing it from trauma to emotional intelligence to diet and exercise, to even height. Yes your height contributes, that's why chicks are biased towards them, they got those free will cookies.

Yes. And in 50 years. A yes turns into a hard yes. My penis will probably just be refrigerator cooler, we'd have changed ourselves so much by then in different ways. And only 50 years.

Really resonating with this one right now ha. Naturally. It's a vent. Completion time for music and visuals together: Less than 20 minutes

@Zion Arrogance is more synonymous with insecurity. I mean, its easy to perceive me as arrogant but maybe something else is at play. i'm working on my empathy recently for example, its kind of a big deal, I'm probably going to be one of the most empathic people on the planet, I'm already starting to invent my own terminology that you won't find on the internet or the most nieche internet space of sensitive people too afraid to meet up in public due to their endless list of social phobias and anxieties. Poke at the insecurities, small to plentiful is predictive, outside of this sometimes its sheer ignorance at play, you're ignorantly confident and not arrogant, it makes you look arrogant.

@Pernani You share to connect, you feel rejected because you're insecure. Being insecure doesn't make you evil. It's okay. There's LOTS of insecure on this planet, you'll even find some of them on this forum . Seriously, don't stress dudeski's, one step at a time focus on that next step and you'll come out the other side of the tunnel. I've been through it.

@Zion I scream egocentrism. "Guy HAS to create his own philosophy, HAS to always have the last say, HAS to...x, y, z.... It's as if other people's preferences and points of view don't even exist. Dude is obviously just living in his own head". It's okay. I can handle it. It's pretty cool inside here you know .

@Walkaboutman Done. Sorry. Unless you can communicate with intelligence with one another or one of you subordinates themselves, you're done. It's the toughest thing to come to terms with when you've invested that much emotional energy I'm sorry you've had to go through this. It's extremely difficult when you're not seeing eye to eye be it due to personality, attachment style, level of growth, intelligence, etc. If it doesn't have to do with something as simple as growth its virtually no use, and even then why are you waiting for the person to grow or if the person is invested in you why would they put up any hassle towards growth. I wish you both all the best.

@Javfly33 So she's got a masculine side then I see, try to appeal to her more adventurous side then, say its important to your manhood, right of passage, etc. In the event of her flexing her muscles you can always just plan a date with her just to show her that you still care about her and not running away.

@Preety_India Desperation runs all around the world, they pop out like flowers, usually they have dirt kicked on them so you can tell em apart but not always. Everyone knows what my reaction would have been, would have just taken taken his wallet, clothes, etc with the endless horrible story.

@Flowerfaeiry Maybe he's read something that says that you should wait for the woman to pursue you after sex, serious, etc. Culture is weird like that. There's no easy answer outside of understanding the context fully. Just don't run into his arms. Keep a calm space between you both. Keep anxiety low. If it doesn't work out, don't stress. Also understand one another's attachment styles well. GL.

@charnini don't need to read. The question begs the question. Focus on you more in the truest sense.

It's amazing how in the moment the expression feels so real, including after playback, and then after several iterations beyond several other states you go through within your being, you enter into a new world and you look at the same prior "realness" through a new shielded window. Perhaps its truly state modulated, the inability to recall the experience as automatically and fluidly as you remember encoding it, only patience does the recollection. So instead you look at the piece of work that you've done, be it visual or whatever, more through the lens of empathy as opposed to say well not even ozmosis depending on where you are. This lack of an artistic filter though, its vital in nurturing a natural state rather than rigidly defining how you ought to create art, through comparison there's synthesis and automatic reinvention. It's the repression of the catharsis that stifles your potential. Turn the doubt you have into art, turn any negative you have about yourself, into art, and it will become your positive from a more meaningful place than you ever intended for.

More sound dynamics for this one. Completion time: Under 20 minutes for both sound and visuals And yes it was canvas size ha - otherwise extra render time just not worth it for what I'm doing here Title: Choose Wisely

gotta another coming up. lets see if this higher render time turns out to be worth it... ha

Here's 1 I did just now (re-uploaded - had to really take down the sound very sharp effect), visuals and sound self created, this one took less than 20 min (but 10 min for adjusting the sound volume ha, eventually I just decided that lower than normal was better) Remember, they're vents. Not masterpieces . I like this regardless, it's turning out well. Lots of stuff I never articulate coming out.

I created this one in less than 5 minutes just now, both visuals and sound Title: Right Directions