deso

Yeah, I feel like breathing does a lot. A friend recently challenged me to the ‘Wim Hof breathing method’ and cold showers every two days. Let’s see how this goes.

@integral what exactly do you mean? Physical workout? I’ve tried that aswell, I even went swimming twice a week with a friend, but It couldn’t drag me out of this condition.

@Moksha but how do I continue? How do I gain enjoyment in ‘relative reality’ again? Because right now no matter what I do I feel like running on the spot. It’s exhausting as hell. I’m 23, I’d like to build my dream life, but nothing comes to mind. Nothing resonates, nothing gives me even the slightest enjoyment anymore.

For a long time I thought enlightenment would be the only thing that I wanted. Especially since this awakening that I had. Nothing made sense anymore. I foolishly tried to glue together the glass that just got shattered. I failed miserably in bringing life to that which I‘ve seen. I‘ve neglected what my heart was yelling beneath mist of futility. I continued entertaining my head while not making a move towards what felt good/right. I tried to understand shit well off my current stage of development without even getting the fundamentals right. And if some of those fundamentals of life aren’t in order enlightenment simply isn’t possible. I get all that. But I don’t get how to get out of this state that I’m in. Because no matter what I do I feel horrible. I’m not interested in anything anymore. I feel the urge to do something, but nothing excites me, nothing really resonates or gives me the feeling of ‘yeah, I would really like to do that’. I tried out a lot of stuff, but everything is just draining the life out of me even more. Stupid question, but how can I build the life of my dreams if there’s literally no resonance at all?

Hey, I‘m stuck pretty bad. Nothing interests me anymore. I feel that I want to do something, but no matter what I do I feel like shit. I did a lot of spiritual work over the past couple of years. Two years ago I had a little awakening that turned things upside down a bit. Everything became empty and meaningless ever since then. All the interests that I had just dropped away in the blink of an eye. I had to go vegan, stay away from sugar and alcohol, because my body rejects it ever since then (like literally). Plainly, it changed a bunch of things and I sense the tricks and flicks of the ego all the time. It feels like I‘ve seen through the illusion, but am still operating from there even though I know it‘s bs. My problem is, I feel deeply depressed, I don‘t enjoy anything anymore and life feels like a burden. Even writing this is draining me. I need to work through this now, because otherwise this will take me out. I can‘t bear this shit any longer. Thank you for reading, I badly need advice.

You were talking about lucid dreaming. Is there a scale? ?

@seeking_brilliance gimme

I was just playing around.

What? Me comparing the level of holiness in relation of where I want to be? ?

There’s nothing to seek anymore. Even though it hasn’t been ‘found’ yet. It depends on how much effort I had to put into this one, certainly there is a lot of other stuff swarming right now.

That it will never be as I wanted it to be again. There‘s just too much destruction and garbage laying around now.

Better would have looked after him when he needed me the most.

@Nak Khid I think I already mentioned the key ones.

Yeah sure, you also regularly live in the oceans and visit the crusty crab. At least I do. True, had I at one point stopped conceptualising and went to experiencing I wouldn’t sit here today.

Oh boy, there’s already a lot of anger in my life. If this would be true then I would become holier than Christ himself lol.