Kay100

I wonder which of the leo's videos talk about how do our self believe form and what are the ways to identify our current negative self believes and change them? Does a 15 year old already formed all types of self believes? How to help them realize what kind of self believe they currently have? Usually if you ask a 15 year old what kind of things he believes about himself, they would usually say "I don't know". What are the best ways to help them be more self aware and practice self reflections? I think it's a lot easier to change the negative self believes of a 15 year old than a 35 year old right? It would be lucky if someone can start intentionally cultivating positive thinking patterns from the age of 15,.. Not everyone has the chance to learn about all that....

I have heard about the healing power of things like crystals etc. People say that crystals has been around for very long time so they soak up energy overtime. But I thought all those things suppose to help with healing and make you feel better right? How come they have the opposite affect for you?

@seeking_brilliance yes I guess the reason why time can heal is mainly because time helps us to forget the painful feelings right?

Which Leo’s video talks about how to deal with failures and how to bounce back? Any other good resources for overcoming failures?

For some health reasons, I have not done proper housekeeping for years. About 2 years ago I basically recovered and suddenly notice that the house was not organized. It's a very big task to organize everything after many years of neglect. I had to do lots of cleaning and organizing. This year it's almost taken me 80% of my time. I guess another reason might be I haven't done much house work for years so I do everything slow as well... The problem is, I have other things that should be of much higher priority. I have lots of books and online courses that I want to learn, but didn't have much time after all the housekeeping tasks. Everyday when I wake up, first thing I'm thinking is actually all the things I can do today to get the house more organized and tidy. Lots of days I would spend almost all day on all kinds of tasks around the house. My son spend a lot of time in his room and I don't even have much time for him. I'm not sure why by default my priority would first go to getting a clean and tidy house. This goes over learning and time with my son. I value those very much, but my priority would always go to housekeeping first. I have to consciously plan to get myself to do more important things first before do the housekeeping stuff. I know about Maslow's hierarchy of Needs. But I think a clean and tidy environment shouldn't belong in the basic needs right? It's not something that you can't survive without. I don't think I'm a clearning freak. I'm not sure what the reason for this is...

Thanks a lot guys. Today I was watching Leo's video about how to master and control emotions. He's talking about why we have negative emotions about something, it's because we first had some negative thoughts about that incident. If we choose to think negatively about something, then we will feel negative emotions. But even if something 'bad' happened, we can still choose to think about it in a more positive way, then we will not feel that negative about it. I think that's the main concept of CBT right? I think this can apply to any type of failure. It's not the failure itself, but how we choose to think about it. If change the negative thoughts to more positive, like we can learn from it and do better in the future, we will change how we feel about it, and be motivated to work on it more in the future. I think CBT is the way that can help...

My son has never cared much about his academic since primary all the way till the middle of this year. He's in 2nd year of high school. So he never put in effort, and he doesn't care about the exam results. But for some reason, from the middle of this year, he started to care and was very motivated in getting a good exam result in the end of the year. He did put in lots of efforts, and had a goal that he wanted to reach. But in the end the exam results were not so good. Now he's feeling down about it. Right now the way he is thinking is: I put in effort, but the results were bad, that means I'm just not smart. Even if I put in effort, I won't succeed. This way of thinking seem logical. How can I help him to change this way of thinking and reframe it to a more helpful one?

@kag101 Actually he found his potential in math. He actually didn't put too much effort or time into math but did really well and got the top of the class. Just 6 months ago he was still average in math. I guess he always had this potential but only discovered it when he starts to care about it.

I have heard about built up resentment will turn into anger. I think I can feel a lot of anger sometimes due to feeling resentment from time to time. Last week there was one day I was feeling quite angry and I was in the kitchen doing some washing up the dishes. I was feeling angry so I was kind of banging the bowls and plates, I was putting them down to the counter harshly because of the anger. So I was doing this kind of banging for like 20 minutes. In the back of my mind I was thinking, well this is how it's going to be today because I was feeling too angry so there's no way I can control it. But unexpectedly, after doing this sort of banging for more than 20 minutes, suddenly I began to feel like all the feeling of anger disappeared. It's like they all left me. And soon I was feeling free and calm, back to my normal self again. I didn't expect this to happen at all. But I guess what I was doing was similar to people punching pillows or hitting the boxing bag to release their anger. I was never sure if doing things like that might fuel your anger even more or not. But looks like for me, it does help a lot with releasing anger. Does this work for everyone?

I know that it's common for old people to find it difficult to change what they knew about cooking oils for so many years. My mom still believe that vegetable oil is good for her and coconut oil is controversial. She always say see I've been using vegetable oils all my life and I'm fine. If you believed something for 70+ years I guess it is hard to change. But at the same time it worries me to see her using those oils when I know it's bad... I can't just accept that and let it be... It's so hard... I keep telling her my intention for her to change is for her health. Do you think I'm trying to poison you by giving you coconut oil? Obviously she knows my intention is from care. But then she still refuse to change...

@erik8lrl but there are some cases that you can’t really gain any knowledge to get control of the things you are scared of. Like the fear if fire, there is no knowledge you can learn to control the fire.

I finished watching the 2 parts Leo's video of "How Fear Works". It's got so many helpful contents. Usually phobia are caused by one or multiple incidents that happened in someone's past right? Like someone had a narrow escape from fire and then developed phobia for fire. Leo didn't mention about finding out which incident in the past that was the cause of the fear. I wonder when you try to overcome a phobia or a type of anxiety, is it important to find out exactly which incident in the past was the cause? Or is it ok just to work on the fear without knowing which past event was the cause of it? Often people have a fear of certain things but they can't exactly recall which event in the past that caused it. Sometimes the past event happened when they were very young so they can't remember. Or traumatic memories might be suppressed into the subconscious. Hypnosis is often used to help find out the past event that caused the current problem. So is it important to find out exactly what happened in the past? How does finding out about it help? Can you overcome the fear without finding out what happened? Does the fear disappear after finding out the past event or there will be more work to do after that?

I think I remember watching one of Leo's videos where he said something about he use to be shy in the past and was not treated nicely when he goes out because of his shyness. Because he didn't seem confident so he often don't get a very good service when he's out eating or shopping etc. But that's all I can remember from that video right now. So obviously he has changed from being shy to confident and outspoken now. So it is possible for anyone to change their personality for the better? There are so many shy and timid people wishing there are some ways for them to change to a strong and confident person right? If there are ways for that would be so great! As from my own experience, I have had different types of personality fluctuate during different times. I actually have had mental illness for many years. Mostly was being paranoia about people around me. My condition were also mixed with depressed episodes. There also were a period where somehow my personality just switched to extremely outgoing. I think it lasted a few month or maybe even more than half year. During that period, I was always full of energy, really outgoing, enjoy talking to people. I often felt like so many thoughts and ideas coming to my mind all the time, and I often start talking when the other person haven't finished their sentence yet. I was also really physical active as well. I would go out and run wild and just enjoy all kinds of extreme physical movement. But that only lasted less than a year. I remember after that I had experience depressed episodes. And later I had period that I was very shy and timid. Like if I'm in a group discussion I would find it so hard to have the courage to speak out any of my thoughts. It's like totally opposite from the extreme outgoing period. And physical exercise are like torture and I have no interest in them at all. So according to my experience, personality is able to change all the time. I think chemicals in the brain and hormones' must be some of the causes. Hormones like testosterone, serotonin, dopamine etc. Those will obviously effect personality. I don't know if I have missed any... And other than that, extreme traumas might change someone's personality dramatically. There are lots of talks about brain plasticity nowadays, so if brain is able to keep growing and changing, so can personality evolve and change? I have also read about the "Power Pose" that can help people feeling more confident. After experiencing my own extreme changes between opposite types of personalities, I have always wondered what are all the components that affect a person's personality? I have been following all types of information about the brain and psychology but I haven't found much resource that especially talk about how brain chemicals and hormones affect personality. What I want to know the most is the different methods that can help change a shy timid person to a confident and outspoken one. If can find out ways to change that would be so great.

@Preety_India Thanks. Do you know any of Leo's videos that talk about it?

Those are not my 'beliefs'. Those are what I actually experienced many times in social situations. Those are Not what I made up in my mind what might happen before I even go try to do it. It's what already happened many times in real life. "I'm not confident and seem awkward" is not my 'belief', it's how I am currently, and I don't believe I'm going to be like that forever, that's why I'm trying to figure out ways to change it. Right now I'm just not seeing how keep exposing myself in social situations would help me improve. I have already tried so many times, and people keep giving me those negative feedbacks. Actually it's understandable. If your body language and the way you talk don't show much confidence, it's natural for people to feel that you are not interesting and don't really want to talk to you much. I can keep telling myself to not care too much about people's response to me. But I just don't see how keep going to social gatherings and keep getting negative feedback would help me to improve on anything?

@Preety_India So it's called shadow work, psychological investigation. That's what I mean but I didn't know the exact word for it. What are the different ways of doing psychological investigation? Once find out the root cause, what are the ways to heal it?

You mean by acquiring the proper knowledge I'm able to change the situation? Like for the example of fearing the dog, I can get the knowledge about how to defend myself against a dog, and how to interact with a dog that befriends it. When I have acquired those knowledges and had success of using those knowledge to be with a dog safely, then I will not have anymore fear. Is that what you mean?

I guess it's not extremely bad, maybe medium level. I think I have heard about extreme overweight people that lost lots of weight after bypass surgery. But inside themselves they still have the image of their old overweight self. That's all I can remember. I don't remember any information about how can help them change their old self image. I'm guessing I might be having this same problem. Maybe it's hard for myself to accept this new body image. I'm used to being mediocre and I find it hard to own up to this new slim image. What are the possible ways to change the old self image?

I think it's been less than a year since I lost a lot of weight and became slim. I wasn't intentionally trying to loose weight because I wasn't extremely overweight. I saw lots of health channels on YouTube talking about intermittent fasting so I started to skip breakfast often. Mostly was just for convenience cause lots of time not so hungry in the morning so was good didn't have to worry about eating in the morning. And surprisingly I became slim after some time... I think I definitely look better now. But that didn't make me more confident but on the contrary I became more self conscious when out in public. Somehow I feel like I look better now and more likely to get attention from people? I think that's the reason I feel more self conscious when out in public now. In the post I was too average so there's no reason if I draw might any extra attention at all. But now it's different. I think it's something to do with my personality as well. I'm not the outgoing type that like to standout. So now there's possibility that I might draw extra attention when out make me feel uneasy. I contact a psychic lady and she said it's because I lost the weight so it's like I lost the protection I used to have on my body. She did a distant clearing for me. I did help a lot, I felt a lot more relaxed when out. But recently I felt like I'm feeling nervous when out again. It's not as bad as before but still quite nervous. Anyone had similar experience like this? After become slim instead of feeling more confident but the opposite happens. I didn't expect that!

@kag101 yes at the time I haven't started any treatment for my mental illness. Eventually I did get proper treatment and I'm all normal now. But apart from the mental illness factor, for people in general, those that have higher testosterone are more confident and outgoing. And sometimes it could just come down to the need for certain important nutrient. Like the body need Zinc to form testosterone. So if you get sufficient Zinc from the diet then your body will produce more testosterone and then you might just feel better about yourself and have more confidence and motivation etc. Basically what most psychiatric medications do is to add synthetic hormones that you might be lacking like serotonin, dopamine etc. But when you add those hormones from outside sources the body will stop producing it's own hormones naturally. I have listened to some health talks and what I understand is that, when the body produce all types of hormones naturally, it will regulate all the hormones and adjusting them all the time to keep the best balance. But if you get synthetic hormones from outside sources, the body will stop producing the natural hormones. And if the intake of synthetic hormone gets too much, things will go out of balance and all kind of problems will occur. So I think it's better to find ways to balance your hormones naturally and put psychiatric medications as the last resort.

Yes I have tried that but it end up like kind of downward spiral for me. I’m already insecure, the way I present myself is not confident and quite awkward. And that’s why when I try to make conversation with people l, they are not interested in talking to me. Usually after a little while they will make excuses to walk away. This kind of negative feedback will just add to my insecurity. Now I feel even less confident than before. I can force myself to keep going to social situations, but chances are I will get same type of negative feedback. How would that help me to improve? Seem like reinforcing the reason why I feel insecure about myself...

Yes but it all started after loosing weight. I was not like that before. Become slim make me more self conscious now.

I often hear stories about people saying they would rather suffer all the illnesses than give up sugar and their favorite desserts. I can’t understand the psychology of it. Why would people rather suffer than change to a more healthier diet? Recently I found out that one of my friends was one of those people. She’s always loved sugary foods and when I suggest that she can eat more healthy she would not admit that her diet is not healthy and shows me that she has cabbage and carrots in her fridge. I don’t understand the reason for the denial? Later I tried to let her know why sugar is not good, and I told her that she can make her own healthy desserts by just replacing sugar and flour with healthy ingredients, she never responded to that. I’m guessing she thinks it’s too much hassle? But she’s been suffering for months of all kinds of symptoms and her GP couldn’t figure out the cause. After suffering for so long, she’s still not motivated to make some positive change in her diet and lifestyle, I just don’t get it? I don’t know why feel so annoyed about this and I feel kind of angry... I don’t even know what I’m angry about... I just don’t understand the reason, it’s not logical to me... how can someone keep on suffering and don’t want to do anything about it?

I wonder which video does Leo talks about changing negative self beliefs and become more confident? My son is 14 years old and our family life has always been great. But he had some problem in school. He has always had trouble with PE classes in school and that affected his self belief. He often says things like “I’m not strong enough to do that...” What is the best way to help him change his negative self belief?

From your description it seems to me that you are kind of socially isolated? Human are social creatures and it’s difficult for most of us to live alone without much social connections. I can understand that feeling so well. Like when I was new in where I’m living now, I didn’t know anyone and my family was not around. I felt this strong feeling of been isolated. And I had no idea what to do about it. I did went to counseling about it and it didn’t help at the time. that was few years ago, and I have been having those isolated feelings for many years. On weekdays was ok, but during weekends I often had this feeling of emptiness and wished I had some friends to talk to and go out and socialize. the strange thing is, the recent few years, I have never had those feelings again. My friend circle didn’t change. I still only had very few friends. But I don’t feel that isolated feeling anymore. I think the reason for that is mainly because I started to have more communication with my son who is growing up and able to talk to me a lot more now. When he was younger, like below 10 years old, he’s just into his toys and things. I can play with him often but there would be nothing we can actually talk about that we both feel interesting. Now he just entered teenage, we can talk a lot more more now. Like he often show me interesting videos on YouTube and we have a laugh together. Sometimes he tells me about something interesting he learned in his science or economics class. There are so many more things we can talk about now it’s just a lot more interesting. I think that might be the reason I’m not feeling socially isolated now? If you have even just one person that you can communicate a lot with, even just one, then you are not totally isolated. I often feel surprised about why I don’t feel like I lack social life now. I still don’t have much social life right now but I don’t feel like I desperately need it. And the strange thing is, my personality seem to changed as well. In the past I have often felt like I’m dull and not interesting, but my son is kind of a funny boy and he often shows me funny videos or meme or jokes, so I laugh a lot with him and I feel like I’m a much more fun person now. My dull personality is gone and I’m a lot less shy in social situations now. This is also an amazing change too and I totally didn’t expect it was possible. well I can’t really provide a solution for you here. But I think if you try to form a good relationship with just one person, you might not have the feeling of isolation anymore.