Kay100

@hamedsf sounds like you think the chance of having someone in your life who is truly a great soul is on the low side?

@Terell Kirby I understand what you mean. It's true that we shouldn't mostly rely on others when we are in difficult times, but currently, I haven't totally figured out very affective way of calming myself when feeling frustrated. Sometimes I'm able to calm myself, sometimes I might feel too overwhelmed that it's too much for myself to calm myself down, at those times if I start to have thoughts like "I don't even have anyone to turn to", that just make myself feel worse. Recently I have been going through some difficult times and I kind of have a bit dark look at the world and I kind of don't trust there are any genuine and nice people around, at least not in my life right now...... But then I thought of someone that I got to know briefly and during the short interaction with him, I feel he's the type that's kind and gentle, although I don't really know too much about him... just the way he talk to me give me the impression that he's really nice..... I thought of him and I thought ok he would be someone that I can actually lean on for a while when I'm feeling so bad right now...... when I thought of that I just felt so relieved.... just the thought of leaning on him for a while at that moment, make me feel like I'm not alone and I am surpported, and the world is not all that dark after all..... It sure important to be independent and not try to rely on other people all the time.... But it's still nice if we can have some surport from others..... family or friends..... as for myself, my family have good wills for me, but they are kind of not emotionally intellegent I would say..... I can't really go just talk to them, I guess they are not very good listeners and they tent to start panic really easyly whenever even just very little problem acur.... and I just had a kind of transition that lead to lost of some friends..... but I never really had a friend that I can really turn and talk about my problems..... I guess some people might have a nice friend or family memeber that they can talk about their problems with..... but a lot of people don't have as well..... I'm not sure which one is the majority? Do majority of people have good surport in their life or are those the manority? I'm thinking I would feel better if like "ok most people don't have good surport as well", I might feel better because so that's not just me..... but if most people have nice understanding people in their life, and I don't, I would feel like "why most people have that and I don't"? I guess that's not the right way to think about it but at the moment that's where I'm at.....

@Sempiternity “spiral dynamics” sounds so interesting! I will sure look it up! yeah there are lots of very very nice and friendly people here in NZ. You walk down the sidewalk people will smile at you when passing by, and there are always people that would go out of your way to give you some help. But at the same time, there are gangs and criminals and the crime rate is not particularly low... ”love festival” is something new to me as well..... will sure find out more about that...

@Sempiternity sounds so nice I haven’t heard of the term “stage green city”, what does that mean? And I’m not sure geographical location would determine what type of people are living there... any city has all types of people, some are nice and some are not... is there such a place on earth where it’s like “heaven” everyone is just so wonderful there? Sounds too out of this world to me......

@kinesin Can you explain why only demons communicate in this method? But there is such thing as 'Angel Numbers' right? Sounds like you know a lot about astrology? Do you know if it's possible that some negative spiritual entities might get attached to certain people? And what are the reasons that they attach to them?

Hey actually it’s kind of interesting that, speaking of numbers, different cultures would react very different. Like Chinese don’t like to see the number “4”, but in western culture “4” is a lucky number. years ago when I noticed “911” a lot I didn’t want to bother, partially because I didn’t expect it to be linked to anything good. But only recently I get to know that it’s positive in angel numbers

@Gianna I think you might have over stressed your body from over exercising? Few days ago I listened to a podcast that talked about how the 2 ectremes of movement are both damaging to our health. One extreme is inactivity, obvious that's not healthy. But the other extreme is for those overachievers, they do too much exercise, overtrain, that leads to the body gets too much stress and can't handle anymore, then the immunity decrease and injury start to occure. The best way to measure if you are doing the right amount of exercise, not too little and not too much, is HRV, Heart Rate Varibility. It was interesting learning about all those from that podcast. But actually I haven't started applying any of that yet... But I do plan to look more into HRV in the future.

Isn’t it a fact that good looking woman are very likely to be objectified by men? Not much a problem for good looking men. I've heard about real stories of female models. 9 out of 10 have eating disorder and addictions. It's easy for them to get to move into some rich man's mansion, but it never lasts and they just keep moving around like that. Sound like a very sad life to me... Right now my mind is kind of fixed on the negatives for good looking women... It's like victim mentality, they are too much being treated only as sexual object... But I do hope to find out more about the positives and change how I'm thinking about it right now heh.....

I have a friend who has a sister that is very pretty and she told me that her sister often complain to her that it's hard for her to make friends cause all the girls around her are afraid that she would steal away their boyfriend. It's the first time I hear things like that, I wonder if that's the case for all the good looking people? Sometimes I watch reality tv shows and some female in those shows says things like, it's hard for them to find a good romantic partner because they often get objectified by males so it's hard to find someone that love them for who they are and not for the looks. I guess that could be the case for a lot of the good looking people? Same for males as well? The good looking people has to overcome a lot of jealousy around them. And if some people nice to them because of their good looks that's not so good either. So I'm guessing life is actually harder for good looking people, is that right? One good thing of being good looking is that you don't suffer from low self esteem that some people suffer from being overweight etc. That's the only benefit I can come up with right now...

@StarStruck what difference would it make with or without fame?

@Michael569 @StarStruck Hey guys, I just thought that, see how many celebrities that committed suicide or got serious addictions, obviously being good looking didn’t help them much. Even if they also have talent beside the looks. Maybe it’s even harder if add fame to the mix? Is it a totally different story for people who are good looking but without fame?

@integral I really enjoy our discussion but has been a bit busy so haven't been able to post here. When you say "athletic" you mean someone who's tall and has kind of sporty outlook? If their body language is kind of stiff I don't understand how that's being "athletic"? I can understand if someone looks stiff and not showing much emotion when you talk to him, if he's tall and good looking then maybe people will think he's being arrogant. But if he's the one who approch others, then there's no reason to think that he's arrogant? But maybe that doesn't happen often because he's actually shy so don't usually try to approch people. I realize that you are different from the person in that video. His reason of trying to avoid attention is because he want to avoid possible bulling because he thinks he's weak. But in your case, your reason of trying to avoid attention is the opposite, you are trying to avoid attention caused by being good looking. The only thing that's the same is that you are also shy so you don't like attention. As for my son, it's different again. He doesn't really know or care about if he's good looking or not, he just noticed that since he started high school he's more sensitive to whatever is happening around him, I think it's mainly sensory sensitivity. And he might blush when trying to talk to girls. He does think that he's weak because he has always had difficulty in motor skills. Basically his problems are sensory sensitivity and low self esteem. I guess that's different from you, have you even had problem with remaining a healthy self esteem?

@integral oh what blog is it? I have only been following Leo’s YouTube channel. This is a very interesting video. I have watched the first 10 minutes just now and something interesting there. He says the boy was trying to avoid high status posture, he was trying to hide himself. Because high status brings haters. That really makes sense. Did you feel the same way when you grow your hair long? You were trying to hide yourself and avoid be in high status? Were you ever worried about haters? Actually nowadays haters are so common on the internet. Any person who is popular on any type of social media can have lots of haters.

@Flowerfaeiry How is that working for you? Do you also need to make yourself more interesting as well? Like if people find conversations with you are not so interesting then maybe they would be unlikely to be around you a lot?

@integral I'm interested to know how shyness can be mistaken? Isn't it easy to tell if someone is shy or not? The body movement and posture are quite obviously different between shy and arogant people, and shy people tent to speak in a mild and quite way. Usually it's quite easy to know if someone is shy, you can see they are nervous and even the volume of their voice are lower. How can that be mistaken? It's true that people might feel more intimidated around good looking people if they don't know them well. Like sometimes in a group situation, people are more nervous when there's a good looking or really smart person in the group. But if that person was easy to get along, and especially if that person start to share his/her volnubility, then other people in the group start to relax a lot. They don't feel like been intimidated anymore. And they feel more easy to open up and even express their shortcomings without the worry of feeling less. It's interesting to see that happen. Speaking of feeling been intimidated, I notice that my son is the one who feel like been intimidated a lot. He has no idea about if he's good looking or not, but he does notice his own shyness. There are other reasons for him not feeling confident about himself as well. Like he has always had difficulty in motor skills. So he always found PE classes difficult. Lots of simple things that everyone can do in PE, he can't do. So he's feeling like there's something wrong with him, everyone is doing well but things are hard for him. He feels envy towards type A people and also feel being intimidated by them. Like once we had the tv on when having dinner and it was showing the reality show "Apprentice" and there are all these ambicious people in the show, and he would just keep his head down and eat and wouldn't look at the tv at all. I'm guessing looking at those people, he would feel envy, and he would also feel being intimidated. So good looking can't really help him in this case. So if a good looking and outgoing male likes to show off a lot, I imagin most people wouldn't like him very much. Would that type of person be very unpopular then? I can understand for a shy person to not want to be the center of the attention because of being good looking. You said you tried to grow hair long to kind of hide yourself? But you still inevitablly get too much attention is that right? What was your way of dealing with all these unwanted attention? I imagin it would be harder for good looking female. Because their good looks might attract lots of unwanted sexual attention, and that might make them feel unsafe. For a male there are less concern about safty, but it's a different story for females. And lack of safty is the main reason for all types of anxiety right? But I guess most of the times there's no need to exagerate cause most sexual attention wouldn't lead to attacks, so I guess there's no reason to be overly concerned about that right?

@integral It's interesting to know that in high school everyone like to be your friend because you are shy and good looking. What about the outgoing and good looking ones? Are they not more popular? My son is not exremely popular in high school, but he does have lots of friends. He's in an all boys high school. I'm not sure if the teachers would expecially like the shy and good looking students. But my son's math teacher liked my son a lot because he's always the top in his math class. So seem like nothing to do with how he looks I guess heh... You are right like it's easier to get a positive response when you want to date someone. As long as you are smart about which ones genuinly likes you and not just for your looks. So your shyness wasn't a barrier for you to express yourself? My son said he's never felt any difficulty making friends, but he did felt shy and nervous in front of a girl he liked. He had talked to me about he felt confused that this girl just start ignoring him and he didn't know why. I told him not mind too much about how other people respond to you. because we are not able to control other people's thoughts and behaviors. So just focus on be a nice person yourself. I think maybe it helped, because he never came and talk to me about problem like that again. How old do you think you were when you start to realize that you are good looking? From my observation, my son still is not aware of how he looks and he doesn't really care about outlook either. Do you feel confident about yourself? Do you feel good about yourself mainly because you are good looking or have other reasons too? Does your shyness ever affect your confidence? My son seems to feel intimidated in front of like the type "A" personalities. He's not confident as he can be.

That’s very interesting to know.

@integral Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. What you said really made sense. I wonder if it would be quite different for good looking females. It seem to me like female are more easier to get jealous of other females, and males are less likely to be jealous of other males. But I think for some really below average males, they might be more likely to feel envy of the good looking males. And from my observation, the below average males seem to have kind of 'hatred' towards good looking females. Maybe because they think they will never have any chance in attracting those good looking females? Anyway broadly speaking, I think males are less likely to get jealous about others. What do you think? I wonder if you find it difficult to get into a romantic relationshiip with someone that likes you not because of your good looks, but likes you as a person? I think this would be different for female as well. Most female would be more likely to care a lot about if they are good looking or not. But from my observation what you said seem to be true for males, they are less likely to care about it. I think being shy and good looking would be less likely to stand out in a crowd compare to the outgoing and good looking males right? And shy people tend to be more empathetic to other people's feelings but the outgoing ones might be showing too much pride and not able to notice that they are making other people feel less of themselves... I'm only generalizing, what do you think about this? My son is 15 and I think he does benefit from being good looking. He's a bit shy and awkward and I have always worried that it would be hard for him to make friends. But since he was little and all the way till now, he always had quite a lot of friends. I know kids don't really judge other kids from their looks, but I think my son's cute face might have made him more likeable and compensate for his shy and awkwardness. I guess that's the reason, I'm not sure. I'm just happy that he always has friends haha

@integral so interesting to know about your experience. Remind me of a podcast I listened to, this female comedian was talking about how much she felt inadequite growing up with a sister that is good looking. She said she still feels the same inadequicy now when she's an adult. It's nice of you to notice that when people blindly praise you in-front of others, they where making everyone else feel inadequate. This shows that you care about other people's feelings and don't really think that you are better than others just because you have good looks. Are there any negative side? Have you experienced much jealousy or not? Is it easy to make friends that truely likes you and not just because you have good looks?

Hey guys, what about the jealousy part? Is that often not much an issue for good looking people? Do people admire them more than feeling jealous towards them? I don’t mean celebrities but ordinary people.

I mean how other people treat you based on your looks, not how you think about yourself...

You mean good looking or not, there’s no difference?

@Derek White what do you think are the main benefits? And do you think there’s any downsides at all?

@Chr1st1ne there's the type of personality trait called Highly Sensitive Person. These type of people are more sensitive to their enviornment and a lot of them are empaths. They are very sensitive to other people's emotion and feelings. Like they feel other people's pain a lot. And also they are more easily affected by other people's negative energy. Maybe you are this type?

My son is in high school and didn't do well in the recent end of the year exams. Ideally it would be great to look at all his exam papers and figure out where the problems were and how he can improve on them. But the problem is, right now he don't want to look at the exam papers because it will remind him all the negative feelings the exam results brought to him. Well it's the holidays now so it's actually a good time to not think about the exams for a while and enjoy the holidays. So if after la month time from now, if we take out the exam papers again, would he forget all the negative feelings because of the time that lapsed? Does time really heal negative feelings? Would one month be long enough for lighten the heavy feelings? Or would it take much longer? I'm not sure if it's better to help him to change any negative thoughts that he have about these exams, or just wait for a period of time and let the negative emotions pass? He doesn't allow me to mention the exam right now, so I think it would be hard to help him change his thoughts about it cause he just don't want to think about anything related to those exams right now...