Patt

I just decided I will surrender to music. I will surround myself with music producers. I will go on music courses. I don't care I will go to career advisor just out of curiosity only , but music will never disconnect from my head lol I wish all good luck also

Thank you very much. This is maybe what world tried to teach me lastly. Even one girl in job abroad told me I put too big pressure on myself. And that was my lesson. You just reassured me about that here. I love you all. I will live in the present time (:

I will try doing this, I will attend various one hour lasting workshops about various stuff, so maybe I will be inspired. If nothing will spark my interest I will have boring job and music and books always xx Yeah, maybe I should just realize that. I should live in the present time. Because I will lose more looking constantly into the future. Thank you very much

Well now me, to myself.:) because I cannot make good decision and wasted my time already , that; s why. ok I'll try :

Thank you guys for all your responses. Let me answer to some of your questions and also no-questions. That is a fact. I think it has to do more with my previous experiences. I experienced social trauma in school in past, I was rejected etc, so it influences maybe a little me now, it;'s like , my subconsciousness is like "I'll show them I am all successful, to those who thought I am a complete zero" . Yeah maybe It's this way, but it's not the topic for this conversation lol. well yes I do. Shouldn't we already? It's the time. Well, I am not. I would do anything. I could be brave. But I am more afraid I won't find any direction. I went on my own abroad and that was brave in my view. I am not afraid to try things. I am afraid I won't find my place in this world. I want to belong somewhere. Well yes, I really wish I had ONE idea, I would be so happy to follow ONE IDEA. I would really be. Because what distracts me is doubt . Doubts about my future. About my stability and being safe and independent. Idk. Well my parents used to be like "do what you want", but they didn't care at all. So , I think I can say I didn't have any lead figures . I can say I brought myself up on my own by reading books and being inspired with my fav artists etc. But yes, I care about what my toxic aunts will say or my peers from school or friends from my classroom with whom I didn't spend so much time. With whom I didn't feel so comfortable. To whom I compare myself now Who are the same age and somewhere further than me in life it seems. Well I need to check out transference term, thank you. Yes you can have right here. 1. I would travel and visit Greece and Bali and USA, I would sing and play my keyboard , would experiment with electronic sounds. I would exercise each day or do some sport or dance and cook healthy food. It would be utopia to be free and smile and not worrying.:( 2. -Helping other people ( especially children who used to feel the way I felt in school , who are rejected or lonely or misunderstood or who live in dysfunctional families, would make them happy, give them hope , giving them warmth. Help older also rejected people. ) and helping also animals. Well generally HELP is worth doing. -creating and performing music, and singing, it's worth doing because I express myself this way and my overwhelmed feelings which have their way of being released . - reading is worth doing. I am happy just being in the morning when no one interrupts me and I can read a book - exercising, doing sports, just for well being and health - travelling is worth doing That is 5 things worth doing for me 3. Ecological changes I think. Improve quality of polluted air ( in Poland especially it sucks), animals who get extinct because of global warmings, shitty government and politics ( well it's connected with ecology so. Gov could do sth about it but they care more for money rather than that. ) World is too much focused on consumption and money , we won't change it though. There will be always sickness and poverty and manipulators because of money ( even fake doctors who care more on money rather than health of people ). Oh I know what I would also change! They shouldn't produce plastic. They should stop it. And also stop adding this chemistry to food. So difficult to find sth with healthy ingredients. Even vegetables today are sprinkled with this chemistry to grow faster. Or animals are being given hormones to make them grow faster. And we also eat it. or conditions in which some chicken are living or pigs also. Suffering of animals:( 4.I do read books. I love reading books. I read philosophical, criminals. psychological , spiritual books.. I am trying to know myself more. I think I do maybe. "Relativity of life purpose" , well if by that you mean that life purpose is something subjective , not defined by society , like any success we should reach, well we don't have to . It's only our life and we define our own success not others. Then yes I am aware. But I still put too much pressure on myself. maybe. Idk. 5. Lastly not. I think constantly about the future. Because I worry about it. Oh I should start meditating again. Or practice mindfulness at least. And doing music not worrying that in the future it won't bring me money. I will treat it only as a hobby. 6. I haven't . I wish to know. I feel something in me but I don't know how to do and what to do about it if that makes sense. And I am happy for your journey . I also survived trauma. Well I described it above I think. So we're similar here : I wish you all the best, and thank you for your words. You are smart because of the questions you asked me. Just re-reading my responses can give more light to me.(: I do not. But I want to be financially independent . Idk. I don't like teaching . Maybe helping , but not teaching I think (: Well I could. I wish I found people who produce, so I could focus on creating and performing more than producing. You're right, we should be focused on one thing. Well, I have one huge obstacle to come through before doing that. I need money for something related to my health. So after doing that I'll treat it seriously I think. So I am abroad saving money. It's not long yet. Till that time I will keep writing and creating. Well, thank you guys for your responses. It means a lot. Well, maybe I should stop caring about the future because I stop living in the present. If I don't know how my life will look like I'll keep creating music at least. I can always have a job somewhere. I will be choosing a job I will hate the least. And such which will give me time for music. Idk.

I can’t imagine my life , I would need money for bills and for healthy food and supplements because I have pcos , plus for basic needs , and journeys because I want a pleasure from life so without education it won’t be enough, and I lost all my optimism for life , I have no idea. It’s such a huge anxiety . Too big pressure for me . I’m too dumb for life

This is my first post here , so if there was any similar one , I apologize . Couldn’t find it anyway . Maybe similar , but not exactly the same . So, I decided to share here what is bothering me. This forum has a wisdom vibe . Sometimes we can inspire from the other human being . And we’re anonymous , so it’s easier to share , rather than with “friends” .. right ? ( well maybe “friends” issue and trust issues should be left for the next potential topic . If I’ll create one . But I don’t want to spam here , I could find so many reasons to create topics here .. ?) Ok so coming back to THIS Topic ... I’ll try to narrow it down as much as possible ( well I’ve written too much already lol ) : I’m anxious about my future specifically. And that is my main issue. Why am I? Because I am already 24 years old this year .. and in this age we should have this all figured out right ? I have no idea what I am supposed to be and what should I do . You’ll ask : what’s your passion ? Because they say that when you do what you love you never work , and you should work in YOUR domain.. Well my domain is music , and expression through sounds . And words . I like writing and creating and playing keyboard and singing . But this is complicated world you know .. It would be so much easier to love for example Law rather than music . Or something else which is more probable to bring you financial stability . When I finished highschool , I didn’t have any idea what I should do . I used to have good grades without learning so much. I was okay with math, as well as foreign languages and human studies , I also enjoyed reading . So I was doing okay with anything , except stuff when I had to learn by heart without any reflections .. I feel like wasted potential . I have maybe potential for sth but I’m stupid because I can’t make any decision . I was trying to find any sensible career option but I just don’t know . People without potential but with better decisions will do better in life . So I’m just dumb . So, coming back to the previous line - when I finished highschool , I didn’t have any idea . What now . But some part of me felt like a failure , admitting that . I was imagining my family members and other people asking me “ what are you doing now ?” It would be so embarrassing for me to answer : nothing because I don’t know . So I decided to start studying . English philosophy with pedagogy . This is what I was studying . So I could answer them : yes I do study . ( fu** off ) Yes that was a mistake . Big mistake . You don’t have to tell me . Guess what happened : I just quit this uni after first year . I passed all the exams etc , without effort , but I quit it . After they sent me to school for practice ( I was supposed to be a teacher after that . And I didn’t want to be a teacher . It made me realize it when I was in this school ) . Was it a waste of time ? Maybe not . Because I improved my language skills during this time . I am not native speaker (: so what did I do after quitting English philology ? I started to work . In my city . In shitty place . I was a cashier in betting ( I mean, they were betting their sport teams and when they guessed who will win I gave them money ) and also was doing other stuff like being responsible for money here or office stuff here etc . Dealing with hazard addicts each day was energetically draining . I was working there 2 years . And that was a waste of my time . Well I was saving money . But I decided to go abroad , to netherlands to work , because there is more money . Like 4 times more than here . And I regret I didn’t do that earlier after “studies “ . So would have more money now . I’m earning money for health issue ( small amount is lacking now , but it’s not a topic ) after I’ll have that amount of money I’ll start saving money for sth else . But all I do is saving money , working abroad now . Still without a vision . Should I cry ? i don’t know ; it’s like I have keys to all doors and I don’t want to enter any of them and can’t find my own doors and don’t know which ones should I enter . and such a pressure because I’m getting old . and nice to meet you all I’m Patrycja that was my first post xx thanks for reading ,to these ones who actually did ; instead of doing other more useful things .