intotheblack

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Everything posted by intotheblack

  1. I just glimpsed through the video. God that guy sounds like a total dick, I couldn’t stand to listen to him. yeah he’s so cool and badass seeking out drunk women to manipulate on their hen nights. I would be repulsed by a guy like him. Just doesn’t always happen in the real world. Yeah at Vegas parties or parties in general when everyone is drunk. Especially stage blue or stage orange types. I know several girls who cheated on boyfriends, they were drunk every time. not everyone is that horny and out of control of their sexual urges. Society is not developed enough for true polyamory, only once people have stopped attaching their self worth to other people. People need to first focus on creating intimacy with 1 person, before they try and have intimacy with many. What he’s talking about is not real polyamory it’s just avoidance of intimate relationships and sleeping with lots of people. not fulfilling long term.
  2. i didn't watch the video yet but was answering to the topic title
  3. lack of intimacy and/or unresolved trauma
  4. Because day approaches are uncomfortable for women, you are a stranger and it creeps us out easily. what probably happened is the women felt pestered, so they gave away the number just to get rid of you... it's also a hassle to go out with a random stranger who approached you on the street, since it's obvious they just want to sleep with you.. and many girls can't be assed with that... better to meet in social situations, with other people around.
  5. the word 'Pickup' is triggering because its known in the mainstream for being exploitative and toxic. Depends on what your agenda is exactly. if you are doing pickup there isn't really any way of sugarcoating it and pretending that you are some innocent angel. nobody will be inspired by that, no matter how nice you make it sound.. if you are using approach as a way to get better at talking to girls, then maybe just call it approach, if you are using it only for "positive reasons" and not for the purpose of wanting to sleep with as many women as possible. pickup will always have a bad reputation because it has a toxic root. you can't make nice flowers grow from the toxic root, there needs to be a whole new plant. Art of manipulation is basically what it teaches
  6. btw, you are using this perfectionism (trying to make everything perfect in your mind) as a defense mechanism. it's a way to protect yourself from being wrong or feeling like a failure. when you are this judgememtal towards yourself, be careful, because if you do get into a relationship you will end up judging the other person like crazy. so make sure to catch yourself.
  7. throw away the list. a relationship is going to bring out your shadows more, so you may aswell get to work! the longer you stay isolated the more paranoid you wil become about these aparant imperfect things. bite the bullet and expose yourself to relationships. it's the best way to learn.
  8. Hmm So why you don’t just go out? I don’t think she’s to blame for you staying home just because she said, especially if your brother goes out. Just because she said you don’t need to go out? Why did you listen? She goes out with friends so why not question her contradictions ? doesn't sound like the whole story
  9. I also recommend you watch Leo’s latest video, about childhood survival.
  10. It sounds like your mother is trying to keep you as a child. Likely she is unfulfilled and you are the center of her world, and she likely has fear of you leaving. Does she have much going on in her own life?
  11. You can do this if it makes you feel better, but remember it is a coping mechanism, and isn’t getting to the root. the coping mechanism you are choosing is something like ‘awfulizing/catastrophizing’
  12. I don’t know, I have never been diagnosed with anything. What I do know though is that I have typical ADD symptoms and struggled with negative self image. I did have an avoidant personality, as a teenager and most of my 20s. these days it’s not as bad but there is still a shadow there. I’ve figured out a lot of things. I never thought about having ptsd, I will read more into that.
  13. Also, if you are a man who is focussed on being ‘masculine’ and pursuing your life purpose, then a dependent woman is going to hold you back, sorry. There are gonna be times when you are distant and busy, so at these times what is needed is a woman who is independent and can handle that, without feeling overly abandoned. Just occupying herself with children won’t cut it. A person needs a partnership where both can pursue different things outside of the relationship. If there is an imbalance there, it will seep into the relationship over time and build up up resentment. Someone will always feel abandoned, if they don’t have their own stuff going on.
  14. You realise that feelings and people change right? How you feel when you fist meet is different to in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years? Did you have a serious relationship before?
  15. Actually, it was my mother who ended it, eventually. But no. Actually, my plan is that I have no definite plan, because I can’t see the future. The only person here is me. Marriage rarely last a lifetime. You should have yourself as a backup, should plans not go as predicted. May I ask why do you feel so strongly about having this traditional marriage? Is it because this was the setup with your parents?
  16. I remember in Leo’s dating post a few month back, one of his ‘requirements’ was that the woman be independent. Really though, who wants to have someone financially dependant upon them for the long haul? Just sounds a bit ludicrous.
  17. Haha. Great short tv series, it’s on YouTube if youre interested:
  18. So then I’m wondering is this just a normal feminine trait or is it wrong to be like this. Is it just because of upbringing? I always worked because I knew I have to make money, and I wasn’t supported by parents, so basically if I wanted to do anything I needed to make my own money. I also don’t want to be dependent on anyone after seeing my parents marriage.
  19. Yes.. it’s like that from what I see too. I find myself feeling like I SHOULD be striving for success. I don’t really want to try and *be* somebody. I want to progress with life purpose related things, but I don’t care about making loads of money. Just enough that I can be comfortable.
  20. @Raptorsin7 @Consept @modmyth well the way I grew up was with a dad who controlled all the money and was emotionally detached and worked away at sea.. and my mam who had low self worth and wrapped me and my 2 sisters in cotton wool... she did have a nursing career but she gave that up to take care of us. But she was doing it single handed. My dad paid the bills but he didn’t help in any other way with raising us. He felt that by paying the bills that was his job done, and his wife should do everything else. there was no encouragement to be successful. so I blame this for our lack of ambition and direction. My brother on the other hand, became very successful in his career, and he would always look down on me and my sisters because we didn’t know what we wanted to do. I do have a career, but it’s not the centre of my life. My ambitions were more to get away from home, travel and live in another country. Which I did, so In that sense I was successful. but I remember other girls in my town were always working there way up the career ladder, which I never had a desire for. They are actually all married off now and have kids. My 2 sisters still live in my hometown, and they are still being judged by my brother and his wife for not having high flying careers by now... my brother and his wife own restaurants, she is also success minded and does all of the admin side of it, whilst my brother is the chef. They have 2 children.
  21. Another thread of misunderstandings ???
  22. Yeah. They need to be more clear what they mean or people will take it the wrong way for sure.
  23. @Raptorsin7 there needs to be more explanation in what you mean. If you simply say successful women aren’t attractive, that will be taken negatively. success can mean a lot of things to many people. what you are really saying is you aren’t attracted to women with more masculine traits.
  24. @Parththakkar12 @Raptorsin7 yeah I know what you are saying. personally, I have never had this strive for success. women around me were always quite career focused, so I actually assumed this is just a lazy trait of mine. But I’m also not the most confident person so that adds to it. I have good work ethic, but I have no desire to try and have a huge career. I want to make money by being creative, but I’m happy for a man to take the reigns. An ideal situation for me would be a joint business, like having a shop, but i would want to do that with my partner, not alone. I’m not against a man taking the lead if it’s in a healthy way.