intotheblack

I don't know why everyone is assuming the 35 year old woman must be manipulative and toxic, and must be sleeping around with other men. If anything I would be more concerned that the young guy was being a player. lol. if this was the other way around and the female was younger than the male, nobody would care right? a 20 year old woman and 35 year old man, nobody gives a shit. the thing regarding being the friend of the mother, I mean shit happens, you can't really help who you are attracted to. everyone is so judgemental. are they best friends or just know each other? yeah it could be an awkward situation for a while, just depends if people can accept it and get over it. I'm 8 years older than my boyfriend (23 and 31) in the beginning as with any relationship we didn't know where it was headed, but we have been honest with each other the whole time and now we are in a loving relationship. we have both been scared at times but we worked through it and it makes you stronger in the long run. it all depends if you are on the same level emotionally. Thats why you need to talk shit out together to see where your values lie. it works for us because he is very mature for his age, so we kinda meet in the middle. I think you should just talk it out, be honest, it totally hurts more to stay in relationship limbo and not knowing what's happening. just think 5 minutes of fear (bringing up the topic of where the relationship is going) to find out where you stand. after that you can decide what is the next step. the worst that can happen is she says she doesn't feel the same, then you can move on from it. good luck

@The Don I agree with you I watched loads of Gabor mates talks and read the book scattered minds. It all makes sense!

You can’t carry guns in Germany or UK either. Infact all of Europe. I feel more free and safe being able to walk around not worrying that someone might have a gun! if nobody have guns then people don’t feel the need to get themselves one for protection. Also you can’t really compare that to South America, they are at a totally different development stage

There is a book, ‘Social Engineering: the art of human hacking’ Which i found interesting but there could be better ones out there. the tv series ‘YOU’ is a good example of social engineering/manipulation through social media.

The reason I haven’t tried it is because I don’t really know where to get it from, and from a trusted source.

I love this video of Bjork talking about her TV. People say it’s pure ASMR haha someone made it into a 40 min video on repeat

Hey @GodDesireOnlyLove can you post a link to the type of music you were listening to?

If someone is secure in a relationship they have no problem dealing with an anxious type partner.. they are fine with reassuring them and giving/receiving affection.. Or if the partner is sad or moody etc they will be ok with comforting them. you know it’s a problem if the relationship is consuming your life, that is when it becomes co dependant. The anxious attachment types didn’t have their deep psychological needs met as a children. so just a little bit of reassurance goes along way. Even just saying ‘I’m here for you’ can mean a lot. Same for avoidant, but they are more ‘closed off’ with a protective bubble... ‚why should i give someone my attention or love? Why do they need me so much?‘ But there is actually a hurt deep inside that you have to figure out. It can go full circle though and an avoidant can also become an anxious partner, if they get in a relationship with another avoidant. The good thing is that you are realising it, so now you can start to learn and grow from it. Try being more open.. work on yourself and love yourself until you feel ready to be in an intimate and committed relationship. To be able to give love to another person without boundaries. Sounds cliche but this is at the root of all relationship problems..

For anyone who has problems dealing with insecurity in their relationships, try researching into 'attachment theory' the main types are Secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganised: anxious-avoidant. you can try taking this test below: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/attachment-styles/#attachment-style-quiz Basically it all comes back to your childhood and how your relationship is with your parents/caregiver. The most important time for attachment is between 0-3 years old. If you had parent(s) that weren't there for you emotionally you will be likely to have an anxious or avoidant attachment type. the problem is that these 2 types of people usually end up in a relationship together and that of course feeds the insecurities. You're gonna have to go deep into your childhood and really take a good look at everything..really think about your parents and how you were with them as a child. How close were you with them on a mental level? were you present with each other? did you feel you could tell them anything and be open? Once you have the understanding of it, you will start to see relationships more clearly and know what type of attachment someone has. you will understand when you/someone is acting out from their attachment. One way to work through it is to be in a relationship with someone who has a secure attachment type. Eventually, you would become more secure as you grow. Someone who is an avoidant might refuse to acknowledge this, as they cannot be open with themselves let alone other people. Humans are born for love and intimacy, attachment as a child is vital. children would originally be raised in groups, the whole family would help to take care of the child growing up. However these Days it's normally just 2 or even 1 person bringing up the child, they are more stressed and can't meet the true (psychological) needs of a human baby. But everyone is acting out of their own hurt and insecurity so it just continues down the line until someone wakes up and makes a change. there is a book I would recommend called 'attached' and a simple google search will bring up lots of information too. Dr Gabor Mate also explains attachment well. he believes this also has a connection with adhd, addiction and other mental health problems.

I have cried during meditation on different occasions. Is this normal? Like a purging of the soul perhaps? I can’t say exactly why I cried but it just happened uncontrollably.

I find this song uplifting. I think stage green/yellow. French/English band Stereolab. ‘Although Stereolab found success in the underground music scene and were influential enough to spark a renewed interest in older analogue instruments, they have never had a significant commercial impact. The band were released from their recording contract with Elektra Records due to poor record sales’ English translation: Cybele's Daydream Sensual matters and without continuation Childhood is more nice Childhood brings the magic What to do when we have done everything Read everyting, drunk everything, ate everything Given everthing in truth and in detail When we cried on all the rooftops Wept and laughing in the cities and in the countryside Childhood is more geniune The garden with the high porch The rocks, the trees, the walls narrate The house, the house of old, the house, the house of the future And silence will penetrate me.

I know this looks looks like a conspiracy but just watch until the end then tell me your thoughts on this. does anyone know who this guy is? He only seems to post videos on Instagram, but his teachings are always about love.

Haha yeah. It’s not something I’ve looked into just saw the video on Instagram and found it interesting about the 7 trumpets and about this (pandemic) being a mass awakening. I looked through his other videos which are about ‘normal’ life stuff and self love.

@innerchild So I would use the meet-up website and see what events were on. Usually I would just choose an ‘internationals meet up’ I am also in many Facebook groups for expats. Sometimes I would organise my own meet up. Like creating an event within a group to meet at a bar or something. I’ve made a few friends that way, also because I found more people around my age or older. also I found it better when I arranged the meet up because then more people will talk with you if you are the organiser, haha. In my opinion the best way to meet people is travel ! I have been on solo city trips and last summer I went by myself to a festival. I stay in hostels. You just have to say hello and strike up a conversation with the people sharing your room. More than likely you will end up hanging out together. that’s how I met the guy I’m dating now because we shared a hostel room ! Just choose a date and see where has the cheapest flight, look for the hostels with good reviews, and just go alone ! Even if you don’t end up meeting anyone you’ll have a new experience the main thing though, is to do all of these things without expectation. Don’t expect to meet amazing people or to make friends straight away , or you’ll just be disappointed ! Because a lot of the time people you meet you probably won’t see them again, but every now and then you’ll find someone to stay in touch with...

I never went to university. I went straight into an apprenticeship from leaving school (only 1 day college per week) I hated school at the time and wasn’t academically minded. I just wanted to be done with full time school and my parents also didn’t push me to go to university. I know what you mean though because where I live now many people have degrees or they are studying. When I first moved here I would go to a lot of meet up groups, and to be honest it gets boring when everyone you meet is studying. It was like a breath of fresh air when someone would tell me they were doing something non mainstream! Or tell me they hadn’t been to university! I’ve also met a lot of people who went to uni, but now they don’t work in that profession, that they feel they wasted their time. But I have a skill and a trade set for life. Whatever happens I know I can make money with this skill, if and when I decide to do something else I always have this as a side job. I also have no debt. As for missing out on the student experience, I don’t really care, I still used to party and hang out with friends but I was making my own money Me and my friends (boys and girls) all had jobs at age 17/18 (apprentices also) so we could save up and take group holidays together in the summer. These days I don’t like partying or hanging out in big groups so don’t feel like I’m missing out really. Don’t feel like you should do something because that’s what everybody is doing. Be different Btw I’m not against it, and maybe one day in the future I will study if it is to help me to grow in some way. But I won’t do it for the sake of it.

How does one practice radical self acceptance?

Listen to talks and and read books from Dr. Gabor Mate

I wonder if Leo predicted what would happen with the corona virus and that’s another reason for him going away? and if not, will he find out what’s going on in the world since he left? I’d be interested to see if he would return home or stay on his trip. I would love a video from him about his view on it.

Has anyone noticed how fast the time goes when you're self isolating? I know time goes fast usually, but I'm waking up early in the morning and then it's night time again before I know it. I've been self isolating since Saturday (21st) and its looking to be this way for the next month. I guess it's bcoz I have no structure to my week, or work separating the day into segments. Now there is no reason to keep watching the clock... maybe this is how life should be. I dunno. kinda makes me realise how controlled we all are by time. 'all we have is time, but time won't give us time'

Nothing like a pandemic to make you realise the unimportance of material things! I have lost the desire of buying things now that the future is so uncertain right now. I know a lot of people are going to be the same. Also, why buy new clothes etc. when you aren't gonna be going out anywhere or know how long you have to stay inside? It makes you realise just how much people buy things to impress others. if nobody is gonna see you then you have nobody to impress right? It's gonna be interesting to see everything go on discount soon. People are gonna need incentive to start buying stuff again. People aren't just gonna start splashing cash again when this is over.. It just goes to show how much of a consumerist society we live in. As soon as the consuming stops everything starts to fall.. Also the people who use instagram to make money from advertising, I wonder how that will be affected if the followers are no longer buying what they are promoting. will people even care anymore? People now have bigger fish to fry. I know that I'm only gonna be buying the essentials for the foreseeable future. This is gonna be a wake up call for me, as Im sure it will be for many others.

@electroBeam yes. that's already the case in Italy that's why the death toll is so high.

Yes young people are getting sick. It's less likely that they will die from it, but you can still get it and become critical. Of course it all depends on that individual and the strength of their immune system, or if they have any underlying health issues. The main issue is that you can get it and not have any symptoms therefore passing it on to others without realising it. We have to face the fact that nobody really knows anything yet, and the stats are different in each country regarding age and gender. It's too early to say, everything is speculation.