phoenixrising

+1 Also amend things he was wrong about in old videos.

I got another comment back about the thing I said about my dad. They said something along the lines of this: You calling abuse a mistake worries me about your mental state and your ability to parent your own children. And while I appreciate that they are "worried" for my children, I recognize that they are not in fact worried about my own children, they are worried about themselves and imagining themselves as a child and projecting themselves into the image of my imagined child and imagining me as mentally unstable crazy person who lets people abuse people (because they genuinely believe that's what I mean when I say "forgive") and after realizing this my anger literally melted away. Like even now as I am typing this out my anger is melting away and leaving my body. I can forgive this person for their point of view because, in their thought-form, it makes sense. But from my thought-form, it does not make sense since I do not mean that "forgiveness" means "yes please abuse people more". It, in fact, means the opposite. It means: "You are doing bad things but YOU are not evil, you are just misguided and acting out unhealthy patterns because that is all you know." But it should not stop there, it should go further and extend a hand and say, "there is a way out of all this madness you just haven't seen it yet, follow me." And that is the way of the universe in a nutshell. Forever extending a helping hand to the parts of itself that have succumbed to madness (identifying with thought-forms and mistaking that for the True Self). The internet is a convoluted place, there is so much good information out there but so filled with judgment also. Judgment is so sneaky most people don't even realize they are doing it. I'm trying to avoid exposing myself to people judging each other because it just bums me out right now. I can understand why they are doing it and feel for them but also I just want everyone to stop doing it so much, myself included! Maybe that's why it's bothering me because I am actively working really hard to catch myself and stop myself from judging myself and others and I just see it thrown about so carelessly online. It's just too easy to sling harmful words and make judgmental posts and get people to argue and debate and pick a side and fight to defend their side to death! People don't usually bother doing this in person anymore, no that would take way too much courage and our society seems to be lacking most healthy expressions right now. This thought was triggered by some stuff I saw on reddit actually discussing if Leo is a megalomaniac or really enlightened. But even asking that question calls in ego because you are now judging him and comparing him and going through to pick out evidence that supports one claim or the other. It's sad that they are totally missing the point. The point is to accept Leo as he is, flaws and all because that is the whole point of life. If we can't accept @Leo Gura (an internet talking head that most of us will likely never even talk to in real life or anything etc) fully then how the hell does one expect to accept someone close to us that we have personal baggage with? How can one expect to get over all the trauma and BS and abuse and hurts in personal relationships if one can't even unconditionally love a stranger who puts out videos to help people (even for his haters who don't think it's helpful....it helps at least 1 person that is enough). I'm glad I've realized this and I honestly didn't think the answer would really be this simple but it is. All this new information I'm reading about or learning about in general is helpful and good to know and interesting but the most profound of things are the simplest. Which is why I often refer directly to the phrases of Jesus or other short and profound bible quotes like "Be still and know that I am". so true. I have figured out the phrase "lose yourself in the moment", it finally clicked in my head that is BEING. That phrase itself describes how to BE. Now to just apply that 24/7 even when "bored" or whatever negative filter my mind wants to put on me at the time.

Thank you that's so nice of you. and I love synchronicity like that! I pretty much know that my guides know me well enough, they'll put a message for me in a video that I'll be drawn to watch. Basically any content I consume has a message for me so I just pay attention to what I'm drawn to and listen for the message! (of course I'll know it when I feel it) I do this with everything that happens also. And you're welcome I hope it helps. I love chakraboosters, she is very divine feminine which I need in my life haha. ????? namaste! I see the love in you also! _________ I've taken some time off from writing online & even stopped communicating over text as much as possible since my last post. I'm trying to get in touch with my inner being. I've been reading "new earth" by eckhart tolle and I find it even more profound than "power of now". Power of now makes me feel like enlightenment is boring and dull but new earth shows that it's not that different than how I am now, just less dysfunctional because I let the dysfunction pass through me instead of clinging to it. Dysfunction is normal! But that doesn't mean I have to act on it. ? I'm trying to practice living meditation where I focus on breath and body instead of thought forms. To my understanding this is the easiest/hardest way to enlightenment because just focusing on pure awareness will melt away dysfunction in the mind but it will be scary and uncomfortable as well as difficult to maintain focus on no-mind/breath. This difficulty compounds with the amount of distractions you have in life which for me is high with 4 young children but that just means i have even more catalyst to my awakening! I'm doing this for my kids. Because they deserve a parent who understands and embraces their (the parent's) own dysfunction and thus can unconditionally love them (the child). If that's the only point to life, to learn to love unconditionally, then I'm going to do it in a way that will be easy to teach my kids as they get older. Because this way is straightforward, no nonsense and no bullshit to remember. Which is best because the whole point is to empty us of self to make room for divine self to even shine through. Like polishing up a mirror, just wipe away the grime that's in the way of letting us shine. ✌???? Yes it all sounds so easy and I realize it will be hard at times and that's ok. I don't care! I'm just glad that I'm on this journey at all. I'm thankful for all my struggles that have led me to this place of having had enough of the crap and being willing to change and have a new experience. ???

Can you get books from thrift books in your country? That's where I order all my books that I can because I prefer used books. With this link you'll get some points/discount/benefit of some kind: https://www.thriftbooks.com/share/?code=4kArQszly%2flJh1n8JdQ2rg%3d%3d

What are some ways to find high vibe friends? Or do you just go out in the world and hope to know one when you see one? I'm a mom of 4 and I just want one cool open minded friend.

Why not lovingly support her in an emotional way and patiently help her wake up? My husband was ahead of me (in a mentally developed way) for a long time but he was patient and non judgmental and eventually I came around and realized i was being very selfish and hypocritical and cruel and i started my awakening journey and now I'm helping him more and he is still helping me. we're making it a journey we take together as well as one we take alone. Hope this perspective helps. Namaste.

Just wanted to add agreement to this! ???

https://www.youtube.com/user/chakraboosters I love this channel because I think Vicki gives wonderful and helpful tips on embodying different qualities. She has loads of useful information about shadow work as well. She speaks heavily about the dangers of spiritual bypassing. She's very divine feminine/right brain/woo woo style but in a grounded way.

This was a test and I failed a little bit (I defended myself some) but not as fully as I used to do in the past. So progress. Baby steps. This work certainly isn't easy but I will keep going and not give up. The other night I was meditating and I saw beautiful sunflowers made out of moving lights kept flashing around. Sunflowers are synchronistic for me, and they mean "FOLLOW THE LIGHT" <3 What's important right now for me is walking the walk and not talking the talk so much (which is hard I love talking lol). I read the introductions (again) for Power of Now and Power Vs Force and read over their awakening stories several times. I find it quite interesting there was a very similar type of vibe to it. Eckhart Tolle said after his awakening he spent 2 years basically on a park bench marveling at the beauty of everything. Can you imagine Eckhart Tolle looking like a bum on the street with no belongings and no attachments and just absolutely nothing and sitting there smiling? He must have looked insane. And David Hawkins said he was a recluse for a long time after his awakening. I guess it really does take some time to integrate some of this stuff before you're ready to use it. I know I'm jumping the gun a lot, but I just want to help people so badly

Ha right, I used to do that too before I had so many kids lol. I enjoy being a night person I think partly because most people used to be sleeping at night. Not the case anymore, internet haters are 24/7.

Literally shaking with rage right now. It's one thing to try to learn to deal with criticism but when I see that someone who thinks they know me, spouts off their stupid and wrong opinion about me on a hate forum...that is too much. One thing I cannot stand is betrayal, and a secret betrayal is even worse. This is what was said: This person doesnt even know HOW MANY KIDS I HAVE, how could they possibly know anything real about me? Other shit I don't really care about as much. They all think I'm defending him and I'm on his side and that I'm retarded and I'm attention seeking and that he has convinced me to forgive him or that I'm a narc or that I need help and he can help me. HE CANT HELP MEEEE WTF HE IS A USELESS POS. Ok its laughable really. He lives in a shit hole and squalor cuz he cant afford anything else & then they think he can help me or send me money? ??? sure just toss your own logic out the window when it suits you. After talking to some loved ones and venting and getting feedback I feel a bit better. I didnt even talk about my true motivations with my loved ones, and my loved ones told me the intention I had. So obviously the people who do know me can see what I really intend and I feel better about that. I worry a lot about even my loved ones misunderstanding me. But I forget the only reason I'm misunderstood at all is because their level of conciousness is not open to accept anything other than what they believe. Leo is right, if you put yourself out there you are going to get a lot of negative comments about anything you do by people who are closed minded and unwilling to understand anything other than their own viewpoint. That is the way of the world and I need to get used to that fact, especially if I'm supposed to put myself out there any more in my path. All that anger aside, i really am grateful to the hate forum for the opportunity for growth and lessons. It would be so hard to grow if I never had to face any challenge. I can stay comfortable and stagnant or I can get uncomfortable and open myself up to being vulnerable and really change and grow. My ego would prefer the former but I pick the latter any day.

Ugh I knew I shouldn't have bothered looking at what replies I was going to get on that other site. Lots of judgemental remarks, of course. ? what did I really expect? These types can't handle a message of love and peace, of course they're going to twist it around and make judgements about me. If they didn't make judgements then they would have to seriously consider what I'm saying. Ok knowing that I think I should be able to handle whatever they say.

1 year ago yesterday I realized my entire childhood was a complete fabrication and not one that I had designed myself but had been given to me. Common sense would say, but of course! But when you're a child you have to trust that the adults around you are leading you and guiding you and caring for you, so it's not obvious right away to question anything about your parents or what they told you...even if you can see they are a failure at life it's still hard to question and examine that kind of stuff. It's my very roots that my tree is growing out of! My dad (well, with both) and I had a rocky relationship most of my life, and I thought that's ok because most people do have that same sort of thing. Nothing to look at here, all "normal" right? Wrongggg. So I'll be 30 this year, and a year ago is when I unraveled some of my dad's lies (lies just hiding his flaws really) and I only found out because he got remarried. A couple years back my dad moved back to CA and got married to a lady with 2 kids. I thought that was weird since my dad didn't care much about raising me & he always acted like he couldn't be bothered with me (2nd wife raised me) but I'm an adult with my own life and my own problems and he was thousands of miles away, it's not like I saw him...ever...and I hadn't seen him since I was 19 anyway. So he remarried and suddenly was taking an interest in me again, if somewhat fleeting. I feel like it was just because his new wife brought me up or something so he felt like it was part of his new facade. As time went on, I noticed my new stepmom believes herself to be somewhat of a celebrity and she's always launching crusades against schizophrenia and mental health institutions and such, so I started looking into her because of concerns my mom brought up and at first I defended my newest stepmom because she was part of my family by association now (so really all I cared about was, how does this affect how people will see me). Again, never saw them in person so I didn't think anything of the internet hate forum that I found about her. In my mind I reasoned that people are misunderstood all the time and it can be hard to know a person just by online interactions. But eventually I came back to look again at the online hate forum and specifically what they had to say about my dad and I read it much more closely because a few things had felt off to me (tv show, book deal, making millions of dollars and having a huge mansion for free). I discovered that some of the hate forum had merit, they had dug up some court records that I know about from when I was a tween. I brought my findings to his 2nd wife and found she was just as surprised! They were married at the time and she had no idea about any of it and it explained all of the financial problems (and also my dads crazy attitude) we had at the time. Then I told my mom about it all and she was shocked too! I am utterly amazed at all of the self delusion going on that we so readily accepted whatever excuses he came up with to cover his tracks. (The car wasn't repossessed, it just broke down and we cant afford to fix it because we are broke! But we were also broke because of him too.) We all so wanted to love and trust so much, that we allowed him to delude us. That's the part I am most upset about. I was born and raised wanting to feel loved and accepted and I never felt like he gave that to me and then i went around and acted and believed things in his benefit...all because I just wanted to be loved and I never got that, all I did was benefit him by trying to have my needs filled. So I guess the long and the short of it is, no matter what I do/believe/accept from others it will never be enough to make me feel loved by them. Because the love cannot come from them really, it has to come from me putting the plug in the drain and letting the bathtub fill up inside me. And if i had just done that much much sooner, like at 12 or something like that, i would have seen through all the bullshit because i wouldn't have been seeking his love and approval to the point of blindness. I don't have to do anything, feel anything, say anything to deserve and be worthy of love. Just existing is the reason to love and be loved. I had to post on here for this insight to come out. I wrote a post on the hate forum saying my peace and how I'm gonna just remove myself from the online hate situation and that I have done my best to forgive my dad and realize that he is just doing the best he can with his current perspective but also that we should keep in mind that obvious mistakes are not obvious to the person making the mistake. I think that's something we often forget. Common sense is really not that common. And an outside perspective can be useful in some ways but we cant ever know everything if we just keep focusing on the normal ways of perceiving. Ok I didnt say all that because honestly an online hate forum cant handle deep truths but I did say a bit about seeing the world from others points of view and try to think harder about why it's ok to judge people. I got 2 lunacy and an optimistic rating so far. It's fine I understand it will probably not be well received on such a platform but it needed some light on there for sure and I'm not afraid to be that one person speaking out amongst the rest. Maybe others are thinking the same thing and didn't have the courage to be the first one to stand up, but now I'm that person so any others who agree can find courage to change as well. Maybe that's part of my purpose here. I'm glad I decided to write this post, after posting on the hate forum I felt drained and bummed and super sad and I wasn't really sure what was going on. I think part of me is afraid of things getting out of hand, of them misunderstanding me, and even launching a crusade against me. I'm not perfect, I'm well aware of my many flaws and I really don't like when people want to discuss them and make judgments about them but whatever here it is. I've done it many times myself so I guess it's just deserved.

@Leo Gura thank you so much for all you do. I really appreciate you putting yourself out there & recording these controversial videos. I watch them and practice non-judgment because I know you are just trying to teach me something! Thank you for showing me what an awakening experience can really be like, so I can really know when it's happening to me.

https://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Teachings-Season-1/dp/B07NS8ZHTY I started watching this the other day & found it very interesting. You need amazon prime (with a Gaia sub) to watch this.