Lelouch Lamperouge

watching debates- Bernie is so much stronger than everyone

He is freaking warlord. He served in Afghanistan and he supports war in Middle East probably more than republicans.

WW3 will come very soon for sure.

Evil 51. The instinct of hopelessness gives rise to a false myth of all-inclusive love in goodness-oriented creatures.

E V I L 1. Knowledge of true evil is a direct knowledge of reality itself. 2. Such knowledge is not immediately possible for living creatures. 3. The experience of reality by normal creatures is expressed as the experience of their presence in some outer space external to them. 4. In itself, this experience expresses a lack of encounter with reality. 5. Therefore, a normal being has only a general elemental premonition of the possibility of evil. 6. The quality of this premonition is an ontological discomfort. 7. This discomfort is nothing but the feeling of a deep, inescapable alienation that separates normal creatures and the universe in which they live. 8. The real life experience of any normal creature is the experience of complete loss. 9. This experience is behind any attempt to form an orienting idea of being. 10. In fact, any such idea from the very beginning is a way of hiding from oneself a strangeness of reality 11. The most common in the formation of orienting ideas is the aesthetic predisposition of normal creatures. 12. Thus, the most general way of hiding a strangeness of reality from oneself is the notion of beauty. 13. A normal creature immersed in ontological discomfort perceives a completely strange as monstrous. 14. The quality of the monstrous is determined by the premonition of evil common to normal creatures. 15. It is the horror of the monstrous that determines the connection between the principle of form and the thirst for orientation. 16. A normal creature does not suspect that any form is knowingly and absolutely monstrous. 17. Concrete certainty of any form is given only by primordial arbitrariness. 18. Total arbitrariness of any form expresses fundamental strangeness as an inherent metaphysical property inherent in reality. 19. This fundamental strangeness is revealed only in a true encounter with reality. 20. A meeting with reality means precisely a meeting of the subjective principle with pure and total arbitrariness. 21. Meeting with reality is a concrete and direct detection of evil. 22. Only a complete and active intuition of evil makes such a meeting possible at all. 23. The intuition of evil is the flip side of the illusory nature of any experiential experience. 24. This intuition immediately gives knowledge of the hostile opposition of global arbitrariness to the subjective principle. 25. The absolute tragedy of this knowledge is that global arbitrariness permeates absolutely everything. 26. Thus, the intuition of evil reveals that for a subjective principle, existence as such has the character of an insidious trap. 27. By virtue of this deceit, the cessation of existence puts an end to any concrete manifestation of the subjective principle. 28. However, the connection of objective existence with a concrete manifestation of the subjective concerns only the external side of that hopelessness that is embodied in creature. 29. The truly internal essence of hopelessness is the hermetic isolation of reality in itself. 30. In this hermetic isolation, perverted infinity inherent in reality is expressed. 31. The essence of this infinity is the quality of continuous continuity inherent in all-pervasive arbitrariness. 32. Due to this continuity, every given is completely equivalent to any other possible given. 33. In this equivalence, all possible alternatives to actual reality are completely analogous. 34. As a result, reality itself has no genuine alternative in itself, in the realm of the possible. 35. The subjective spirit meets and opposes to reality as to arbitrariness, and seeks to find the prospect of its own triumph in the alternative to reality. 36. From the point of view of the subjective spirit, the potencies inside reality itself are completely barren. 37. The continuous continuity of global arbitrariness is metaphysically nothing more than comprehensive immanentism, in which the absence of the absolute is embodied. 38. It is the absence of the absolute that is the ontological basis of evil. 39. This absence guarantees the hopelessness of the captivity in which the subjective principle resides. 40. Ultimately, the purest evil is immanence itself in its spirit and principle. 41. It is the spirit of immanence that communicates to actual reality the appearance of an immutable justification. 42. Actually, immanence includes countless potentially different expressions of reality. 43. Therefore, global evil is infinitely wider than any actual expression of reality. 44. Due to this, real evil in some way has a negative transcendence with respect to being. 45. This negative transcendence makes global evil invulnerable to any inherent tendencies. 46. Thus, with respect to global evil, there is no real antithesis. 47. The possibility of an antithesis to global evil arises only through a fundamental rejection of reality. as an antithesis to global evil, good is, from the point of view of the subjective spirit, a completely illusory futile prospect. 49. From this point of view, good is a complete reconciliation with the very principle of evil. 50. Focusing on the good implies the acceptance of hopelessness and hermetic isolation as a kind of saving aspect of reality. 51. The instinct of hopelessness gives rise to a myth of universal love in good-oriented creatures. 52. The essence of this myth lies in the illusion that the possibility of absolute atonement is given in reality itself. 53. Such an illusion exists due to the fact that evil is perceived as insufficient and not-total. 54. A turn to fundamentally unreal is the only unique opportunity to confront evil. 55. This possibility comes from the fact that evil has two cardinal aspects. 56. On the one hand, evil expresses the general nature of the objective. 57. In the objective aspect of evil, the element of universal inertia is embodied. 58. However, for the subjective spirit, evil turns into its polar opposite side. 59. This other side, from the point of view of the subjective, is the principle of radical surprise. 60. Radical surprise occurs as a breakthrough of the fundamental absurdity through the layers of external inertia. 61. This breakthrough carries the possibility of an unexpected transformation of being. 62. In the fundamental absurdity, the energy of transformation is dissolved, as the only true accomplishment. 63. For an incarnated creature, evil is revealed in the potential perspective of a real miracle. 64. Because of their state of loss, normal creatures perceive a real miracle as a nightmare. 65. Only the subjective spirit that has taken on a titanic responsibility knows evil adequately. 66. This knowledge presupposes freedom from blind thirst for atoning reconciliation with global evil. 67. This knowledge means the rejection of any ethical assessment of evil. 68. The subjective spirit experiences the reality of evil in the unmotivated nature of things. 69. From spirit's point of view, evil is the basis for solving the unique problem of the metathesis of reality. 70. The titanic responsibility of the subjective spirit is the acceptance of evil as spirit's own internal burden. 71. This acceptance provides insight into evil as the starting point of a titanic spiritual perspective. 72. In this perspective, fantastic being opens up as a paradoxical transmutation of the very foundation of reality

There is no Leo on that video, there is only reality on that video. So it is not Leo who is hypocrite, it is reality who is hypocrite. And thats true, reality is a manifestation of hypocrisy and falsehood but NOT Leo because on that video, Leo is fully absent and annihilated. Maybe on other videos he is present but on that video during his enlightenment - he is not there, only reality is there.

I just saw forum post which gives explanation on why it is impossible that suffering exists. Very interesting, because God is impossibility and God promised hell, suffering in the hereafter, in the Horror Judgement. It is when 'possible' (human being as a mode of infinite possibilities or reality) meets impossible (God) - the horror occurs, so its called Horror Judgement. And second, suffering occurs, or hell, because suffering's existence is impossible, as forum user said, precisely impossible happens - hell with suffering. Bliss in this life leads to suffering in the next because bliss is the quintessence of sum of all possibilities, and sum of all possibilities will be canceled as 'metaphysically unjust' (evil?) due to its meeting with impossibility, and thus judged and put into hellfire. this is metaphysical take on the problem of evil

Lets say human is mirror, then Consciousness is black amalgam behind the mirror that makes reflection possible. Black amalgam does not pass light through it, and that allows reflection. It reflects objective reality but it itself is not part of objective reality. Similarly, mirror itself is not what is shown in the mirror. Objective reality itself is just an object, matter, substance, unconscious thing. If we assume that objective reality includes everything and that it is being then the only way to describe consciousness is that it is non-being and that it isn't identical to anything. Its a distinction with world. If it was not so, then we wouldn't be mirrors but we would be windows, we wouldn't be able reflect outer reality. We would be no different than table. Why we witness and table doesn't - because there is black amalgam behind which allows for reflection.

The antithesis to all-consuming infinity There are two realities and two traditions. One is the reality of boundless infinity, an endless sky without stars. Another reality is “anti-reality”, an alternative to the first. A fantastic, paradoxical statement that there is a point that is not absorbed by this infinity. From the point of view of formal logic, such an assumption could be neglected if it were not for one “but”. Without this assumption, the epistemological phenomenon of our perception of the world would be absolutely inexplicable. Without a central point of absolute distinction opposite to reality, reality itself would be a “pile of stones”, meaningless chaos (or order) of forms. As a matter of fact, this is what reality is. However, in the midst of this “universe of idols”, in the midst of this hierarchy of “colored stones,” one super-black dot shines, which is a counterpoint organizing meaningless emanations from the source. This point is "reflected" in us. We are by no means carriers of it; we are infected with it. In our souls there is a certain virus of this black dot of absolute difference and distinction. Of course, it is present in us virtually, because we only for a short period are carriers of this sacred mysterious disease, because there is death. As Socrates said, when we die, we are recovering. We cease to be carriers of distinction; we become one with oneness, one with the universe of “colored stones.” We cease to be like objects, for the being of objects is non-being. For us, our personal, subjective space is alive only to the extent that it is antithesis to the surrounding Everything. We exist as much as we resist this infinite scythe that mows us. Our being is a function of our epistemological witnessing, of our perception, of that inner centre that allows us to witness. This black dot, the virus of non-acceptance and non-conformity and non-surrender with "infinity" is what we call God. It is a creative center, which, being impossible, cancels everything, and without existing, exists in the greatest way. Yes, this insoluble point, which is not identical to anything, does not "exist", but at the same time it appears in the center, a deeper mode of truth than the insignificant infinity itself. This is the creative center around which the abyss is structured.

Prophet/Messenger 1. The desire of the negative spirit to break out of the sphere of pure impossibility creates the phenomenon of prophet within objective reality. 2. The phenomenon of prophet is a manifestation of that which is outside of reality. Which is pure impossibility. 3. Thus, the prophet is the first manifestation of a totally OTHER. 4. In the phenomenon of the prophet, the negative spirit expresses itself as the will to totally OTHER. 5. This will, expressed as a message, is a real thought about OTHER. 6. The subjective spirit cannot realize its actual birth without this thought. 7. In essence, the phenomenon of prophet within objective reality is the true birth of a subjective spirit. 8. In this birth, a fundamental conflict between the subjective and the objective transforms into immediate reality. 9. The prophet carries out an absolute opposition to objective being. 10. Therefore, the phenomenon of prophet does not remove and does not resolve the conflict between the subjective and objective. 11. The essence of the prophet excludes the very possibility of unity of both. 12. Prophet presupposes a metaphysical irreducibility of subjective and objective principles to each other. 13. The prophet is by no means a creature created by the space program of I. 14. This means that he is free from the universal mechanism of personal experience working on this program. 15. The intrinsic nature of the prophet basically excludes the very idea of perception and experience embodied in beings. 16. The internal nature of the prophet is fully alien to any ontological experience. 17. The prophet realises the absolute anti-mind nature of the subjective principle. 18. Therefore, his message cannot be the discovery of any ontologically rooted truths, including Truth from capital T. 19. The prophet carries out his appearance outside of cosmic duration. 20. The content of his message is out of touch with the objective rock. 21. The prophet comes contrary to the expectation in which the being abides. 22. His coming destroys the very foundations of universal hope. 23. His mission is not to heal a damaged being. 24. The mission of the prophet is the transformation of an insoluble conflict between subjective and objective into a merciless titanic confrontation. 25. In this confrontation, the subjective spirit can only be either totally destroyed or triumphed over objective being. 26. The death of the subjective spirit means the complete expulsion of the masculine principle from reality. 27. Reality, devoid of the masculine principle, is the complete triumph of universal arbitrariness, in which the very thought of OTHER disappears. 28. For objective being, the thought of OTHER is the essence of ontological sin. 29. Through the destruction of this only masculine thought, salvation of the damaged ontology is carried out. 30. Therefore, the prophet, as the embodiment of a subjective spirit, is in a titanic confrontation with the principle of salvation. 31. Orientation to the prophet means for the creature to abandon his share in objective reality. 32. In this denial within the being, the aspirations towards fantastic being are affirmed. 33. The aspiration towards the fantastic being is a secret thought which underlies the subjective principle. 34. This secret thought is an interpretation of reality from the outside. 35. Such an interpretation has nothing to do with how reality perceives itself. 36. The inner self-experience of reality is an explicit thought. 37. The overwhelming activity of the universal mind is embodied in this explicit thought. 38. As an explicit thought, reality is a direct consciousness of self-identity. 39. In contrast, a secret thought is a vision of reality from the point of view of a negative spirit. 40. In this vision, reality comes down to a purely relative moment, which is rooted on the universal arbitrariness or objective rock. 41. Reality, as an explicit thought about oneself, is a kind of anti-message from rock. 42. This anti-message is evidence that reality and absolute are mutually exclusive. 43. The true decoding of this anti-message is contained only in secret thought. 44. The secret thought in its vision of the true absolute proceeds from fundamental unreality of true absolute. 45. Therefore, the very vision of the true absolute is generally nothing more than a purely volitional or wilfull act. 46. This volitional act implies that only what is absent can be authentic. 47. Therefore, a purely volitional act, born of a secret thought, is an act of faith. 66. The faith monologue, having no answer, is oriented towards what can only be defined as HE. 67. The prospect of transcendental fulfillment of the subjective spirit is expressed in the pronoun HE. 68. A secret thought implies that HE is the personal embodiment of a complete split with the continuous homogeneity of the immanent oneness. 69. The monologue, whose center is HE, is the factual material of the true message. The core of it is: Say: HE, absent one, is Allah. 70. The pathos of the true message is that it rejects the achievement and affirms the accomplishment. 71. This accomplishment consists in replacing objective reality with a fully revealed subjective spirit. 72. This accomplishment is absolute awakening, as a triumph of prophetic mission. And this awakening has nothing to do with awakened nature of self-aware reality.

Parabola 1. In principle, a parabola expresses a paradoxical aggression against being. 2. Parabola is the path through being without being drawn into it. 3. This parabolic path runs at equal distance from all centers of reality. 4. On this parabolic path, an invasion into reality from outside is carried out. 5. This invasion is a paradoxical aggression of a negative spirit. 6. The essence of a negative spirit is the denial of any positive truths embodied in being. 7. In its parabolism, the negative spirit is equally opposed to all existential alternatives. 8. By invading reality from outside, a negative spirit upsets the universal balance. 9. The essence of universal balance is the love of reality to itself. 10. This love manifests itself as the absolute proximity of reality to itself. 11. Reality is constantly filled with its own presence. 12. This continuous fulfillment of one's own presence is experienced by reality as grace. 13. The global experience of grace, in principle, belongs to any particle of reality. 14. Thus, the grace of self-presence is universal in nature. 15. This grace is based on pure virgin is-ness. 16. Because of this, reality is bound by available grace. 17. However, by its very nature, grace is free from the need to be. 18. The real quality of grace is simply a specific quality inherent in the spirit. 19. The spirit has the quality of pure metaphysical energy of accomplishment. 20. In essence, the ontological presence itself is already a certain accomplishment. 21. This accomplishment binds and fixes the energy of the spirit in the form of universal love. 22. A negative spirit opposes this fixation in its denial of the principle of universal closeness. 23. The truth of a negative spirit involves the rejection of knowledge based on universal self love of oneness. 24. The truth of a negative spirit proceeds from the principle of absolute remoteness. 25. This principle is embodied in a negative spirit as aggressive expansion into outside. 26. Through this categorical orientation, the negative spirit has a destructive energy of ecstasy. 27. This ecstatic energy is a wandering grace, not bound by any existential fulfillment. 28. As a wandering grace, a negative spirit is in the realm of pure impossibility, while reality is the realm of possibility. 29. The ecstatic energy of the negative spirit is concentrated in the desire to break out of this sphere of boundless reality. 30. The essence of this desire is the will to ultimately become a subjective spirit.

Absolute 1. The relation of reality to the absolute is a universal problem of Spirit. 2. Depending on the solution to this problem, the fate of the very authenticity of the Spirit is decided. 3. If reality as a whole is truly absolute, Spirit is ephemeral. 4. Such a conclusion is inevitable, since the specificity of the Spirit lies in its claim to some special-ness. 5. This special-ness of the Spirit consists in its non-identity with the stream of global inertia. 6. Thus, the spirit, as an active principle, is in a certain opposition to reality. 7. With respect to absolute reality, such an opposition would come down to an empty illusion. 8. In this case, reality would include spirit as a continuation of one's own boundless peace. 9. The nature of the spirit would not then have a fundamental qualitative difference from all other aspects of reality. 10. This means that the whole difference between non-spiritual and spiritual would be reduced to a difference in degree. 11. The spiritual would be in this case the active essence of the non-spiritual, the maximum inertia characterizing reality. 12. For such spirit, in principle, the very idea of its special-ness would be impossible. 13. Thus, the very position of the independence of the spirit from reality already indicates that reality is not absolute. 14. Reality is that which has experience, or regarding which experience is possible. 15. Any possible state of reality is ultimately based on the principle of experience. 16. Thus, reality as a whole is nothing more than a total expression of the principle of experience. 17. Consciousness, knowledge and experience are the three modes of manifestation of this principle. 16. Consciousness in the broadest sense is how reality sees itself in all of its particularities. 19. This vision actually embodies the universal view of reality about itself. 20. Knowledge is a particular and relative manifestation of consciousness inherent in a certain layer of reality. 21. Knowledge embodies the status of a certain layer of reality in terms of this universal opinion. 22. In experience, consciousness manifests itself in the most basic way. 23. In the broadest sense, experience is an internal subjective taste of the ontological situation. 24. The possibility of experience is the boundary between what is and what is not. 25. The principle of experience dominates the entire ontological sphere. 26. This means that only that which is related to experience has status of being. 27. Experience, as an unconditional criterion of the real, always contains an indication of THIS. 28. In other words, the actual fabric of any experience is always the relevance OF HERE AND NOW. 29. Thus, reality, fully embodying principle of experience, is always THIS. 30. The constancy and omnipresence of THIS dominates the hierarchy of all the plans from which the global whole is composed. 31. The hierarchical layers of reality are not so much the closed independent spheres but various projections of the relationship of one reality to itself. 32. These layers are, as it were, different directions of perspective/looking at the same reality, coming from one point. 33. The quality of this THIS is completely unchanged regardless of the direction of the gaze. 34. It is this quality that gives uniformity and consistency to all lines of sight. 35. Thus, the reality turns out to be the infinity of THIS, directly open and accessible to itself in all of its aspects. 36. The last metaphysical result of the relationship of reality to itself is its global immanentism. 37. The essence of the opposition of the spirit in relation to reality, to THIS, is that the spirit carries in itself the thought of OTHER. 38. In its most general form, this thought implies something which is not controlled by the principle of experience. 39. Something which is not related to experience do exist outside of experience, knowledge and consciousness. 40. From the point of view of the principle of experience, OTHER is exactly 'what is not'. 41. The negative status of the OTHER in relation to the principle of experience is expressed in the fact that the OTHER is given precisely through the absence of experience, in zero experience. 42. Thus, a reality based on the principle of experience cannot carry even a hint of the thought about OTHER. 43. Reality resides in completely peaceful ignorance relatively to OTHER. 44. Since the thought about OTHER is the essence of the spirit, its opposition is an orientation towards unreal. 45. The spirit opposes reality precisely because the principle of experience is limited by its own ignorance of OTHER. 46. From the point of view of the spirit, the immanent THIS, as the most universal aspect of reality, is always and only NOT-OTHER. 47. In other words, reality cannot be absolute, because spirit presupposes something else besides it. 48. This means that quality of excess is not inherent to reality. 49. The self-sufficiency of reality in itself does not yet imply its excessiveness. 50. This self-sufficiency, in fact, is a hermetic isolation, from which the thought of OTHER is excluded. 51. The complete fullness of reality in relation to itself is embodied in its self-sufficiency. 52. This perfect completeness basically coincides with the comprehensive scope of the possible. Reality is the sum of all possibilities. 53. However, the possible from the very beginning implies impossibility as its metaphysical alternative. 54. This alternative immediately takes away the quality of the excess from the realm of the possible. 55. Excess is that which does not assume anything else except itself. 56. Thus, only a genuine absolute can be endowed with the quality of excess. 57. Since the self-sufficient fullness of reality is not absolute, abundant absolute is certainly unreal. 58. The identity of the real and the possible implies the identity of the absolute and metaphysical impossibility. 59. Since reality is determined by the principle of experience, the absolute assumes in relation to itself a simple and pure absence of experience. 60. Thus, the genuine absolute is not having any contact with reality, it is TOTALLY OTHER. 61. Reality, as an integral unity of all modes of existence, is devoid of a nonexistent absolute. 62. Moreover, reality, in the final analysis, is the metaphysical expression of this non-existence. 63. The spirit is in opposition to reality, because spirit focuses on his inherent perspective of luxury. 64. This luxury can only be embodied as a truly impossible absolute excess. 65. Therefore, the entire self-sufficient fullness of reality, from the point of view of the spirit, turns into the boundlessness of its internal poverty. 66. Since reality does not know anything about OTHER, everything that it knows about itself, from the point of view of the spirit, is devoid of any value. 67. In its principle orientation, the spirit does not agree with any experience of reality with respect to itself. 68. From this point of view, any experience finds its last justification only in total universal arbitrariness. 69. Only the decree of this arbitrariness determines the universal opinion of reality about itself. 70. Thus, a comprehensive self-awareness of reality is characterized by the fundamental lack of spiritual. 71. Reality as a whole is in a profane dream. 72. The gap between the real THIS and the ABSOLUTELY OTHER is the gap between an inescapable dream and perfect awakening.

Cosmos 67. The functional theatrical engagement of the creature is primarily a hypnotic involvement in the mirage of the infinite mind. 68. All cosmic experience is supported and guided by the myth-making of the infinite mind about the cause, purpose, and direction. 69. Further functional engagement of a creature is the involvement into the flow of universal death/annihilation. 70. It is the flow of annihilation that generates the universal stream of life, in which the work of the cosmic mechanism is embodied. 71. A truly subjective will, permeated by an orientation toward spiritual birth, from the very beginning refuses to be engaged in cosmic reality. 72. Cosmos, as the bottom of reality, is the turning point from which subjective will begins its path to awakening. Sleeper 61. The comprehensiveness and lack of alternativeness of objective reality is illusory. 62. However, all alternatives are identical in their fundamental insignificance and emptiness. 63. None of them can be an internal spiritual perspective for a subjective principle. 64. Therefore, in relation to all possible realities, the subjective principle is expressed as an unconditional NO. 65. The comprehension of reality, which in itself is deliberately devoid of a spiritual perspective, is an unnecessary burden for the subjective principle. 66. The subjective principle cannot be freed from the hypnosis of objective reality through ontological knowledge. 67. Therefore, from his point of view, all ontological knowledge is ephemeral and internally vicious. 68. In order to free oneself from the hypnosis of objective reality, the subjective principle must completely control itself, as will. 69. Only subjective will can miraculously transform the fundamental disharmony of reality into fantastic transobjective being. 70. Only in fantastic transobjective being does the moment of unconditional relevance HERE and NOW open up for direct experience. 71. Due to the indefiniteness, the inability to definitely witness oneself, the subjective principle is held captive by universal hypnosis. 72. However, being outside of any reality, it is the only thing that can wake up.

Let's say I achieved total awakening to Godhood, the full-blown permanent one. I didn't but lets say. What to do after that? To share love until I die? Is it the final goal/meaning? I am not ironic, I am sincerely interested

I find it truthful. It fits into theory I read (its esoteric+historic) that all people up to these days born in caste, with natural tendencies for one particular caste type. Indian caste system wasn't tyranny but natural hierarchy, according to that theory. Brahmans - Priests, Sages, Scholars Kshatriyas - Warriors, Kings Vaiyshyas - Artisan (+Traders, Bourgeoisie) Shudras - Proletarians, workers, majority of world population, (not represented in 7soul theory) And then theory says, people can be born outside of caste if both parents are not from same caste: Chandalas (when higher castes mixes) - Servers, also called Liberals or people of liberal professions (actors, musicians, lawyers, dentists, other 'modern society based' professions) Paraiyars (when lower castes mixes) - Lumpenproletariat - criminals, vagabonds, eternal poors, various sociopathic groups. Then, Brahmans fight with Kshatriyas (Catholic Church vs Reformation), with Vaiyshyas supporting Brahmans, and Shudras supporting Kshatriyas.

@lain Monster is great. I wish to find Emile Sebe's (Klaus Poppe etc) books online. Some sources online say that he was real person

Leo can you provide your definition of Love? I mean what to do you feel when you experience this metaphysical Love?

I used to take it for a week then stopped. I wonder if it improved consciousness or suppressed it for those who took it for long time? Because for me it suppressed consciousness

I have three interlinked problems: 1. I am literally disappearing. My physical presence disappears. 2. I feel as if my consciousness is ripped away from me. I don't know what to do because consciousness work led me to the totally opposite state. My consciousness is more suppressed and stifled than it was before any work. 3. I am neutralized by objective reality. When I open my eyes, my perception is flooded with external reality. It wasn't like that before I started work. Before, I had kind of a 'border' that separates eyes from reality, and my consciousness was okay, but now there is no border, its just one big mess and I feel extremely unconscious.