Brazilianguy

Thank you for the reply, I want to get treatment, but I'm scared to open up to my family. Despite all of that, I'm feeling confident.

Today I had my first panic attack. Two years ago, I started gambling and lost a lot of money. After losing all my money, I got depressed and didn't want to leave the house, so I quit my job. The last time I left my house was 10 months ago to go to my brother's wedding. Since then, I've been inside my room, ignoring my family's requests to go outside, socialize, etc. I live with my parents, and they think I just don't want to go outside because I want to spend all day on the computer. Recently, I've discovered that I have agoraphobia, and I cry every time I search for this subject on the internet. My parents are old-school religious, and I am afraid to tell them that I am sick and need help. This panic attack episode was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I didn't know that such a thing existed. It was horrible. The fear took over my body; I could not breathe, and I cried a lot during the whole thing. During this panic attack, I felt something really weird: a desire to tell my family that I love them and that I need them; a desire to tell them that I need help. It was almost like I surrendered to love. I felt humble at that moment, despite the fear. After the panic attack all I felt was shame, I know I need help, but I don't know how to tell my family.

It's funny how this people think white people aren't capable of violence