mind_blown

@Yog Really thanks for the tip, I think I listen too much As for others, I'm not really sure how to reply yall but really appreciate the feedback , I read all of them I'm doing a little better now, I posted that a while ago as an experiment of sort to see if there is a better way to communicate with others without deviating my values. I don't mean to judge the value of others, sorry if I seem that way , I don't suffer severe depression or isolation or anything like that maybe what I'm finding for is how to feel more intimacy with people around me ..I will begin a new journey soon and hopefully, I will meet more like-minded people.

If you do this work, I suppose you will likely be more conscious than the average people around you. I have this problem of communicating with people below my stage (blue,orange) ,I don't know if I should even talk to them at all, if I do I will likely talk less or I would have to "downgrade" myself to joke around and talk about the things that interests them. If I do meet someone that is even open minded, (which is few) it creates a sense of respect for me to them which I do treasure very much but this almost never happens at all. I have never personally met people who were on higher stages before,so I'm not sure how that will go. This makes me mostly isolated from my piers,i don't mind the loneliness that is there because it is essential to this work but I would also like to interact with people once in awhile. Is there any tips on interacting with people below or above your spiral dynamics stage without being neurotic and fake?

Most of us on this journey do feel the same way, it's scary but yeah. For me I used to have this mentality where I label myself as somehow more conscious than people around me and I should preach insights to them, this not only backfires but it also made me more and more neurotic. As time passed though I realized that there is no really a need to justify what you're doing to others, if you need a mind opener on this one I suggest watching Leo's latest video on explicit and implicit understanding. I am alone in this journey and so are you,I believe that's a privilege and not a glitch of this work. Hold all beliefs and values loosely, let you're neurocies dissolve with time.

@Rinne Can't hurt to try...ok it can it's gonna hurt @montecristo Thanks,i will check them out and lol I'm actually Chinese....can't say much about Chinese people having really good posture, cuz most of the people around me suck at it

@OctagonOctopus I really can't help but notice the tension especially when I feel agitated or groggy , maybe I am labelling it as something else.

Ever since I got hold on my first video games console ,my back started to slouch and I have bad posture ever since. It wouldn't bother me that much if it's only a "body" problem but as I started meditating and so on I realized that my posture only seems to affect my mind in more ways than I can think of. Whenever I find myself in work or with other people I often lock my shoulders and neck unknowingly. This creates tension in my body and results in my anal behaviours. I watched Leo's video on body awareness and it had opened up my mind to the possibility of a mind-body connection. But what I feel is that this back pain that I have is almost like an addiction, it's my ego's Identity. I tried practicing body awareness now,but I feel like it's really REALLY hard to stay wake all the time. Some days I find myself slouching all day and even if I was able to be aware for moments here and there,it's not enough to address the issue. Also I remember Leo told in one of his videos that back pain is the result of me lying to myself,I have pondered this statement for months and I still don't understand why that is.. Sorry if this post is longer than it should be,I need some advice on this. I have thoughts to avoid people all together only because my back pain will persist if I'm in an uncomfortable situation. (I'm introverted and prefer to be alone)

This is from an Anime, but it's so loving, I love it.

So this is my first post on the Journals section, I saw this I wanted to give it a try, who knows it might give me the push that I needed whenever I'm facing an ego backlash. I started self-actualization about 3 years ago but I've been going through an endless process of relapsing/backsliding, I gave myself another chance about a month ago and I've been meditating and doing other forms of exercise here and there, I try to balance my meditation this time as I noticed back then I used to try to hack my way out of it by extensively meditating for too long. Now, for the title, I've been doing Leo's method of Shamanic Breathing and I just completed my second session today. A thing that kept happening to me especially during the 20-30 minute mark that I noticed is that I would start laughing hysterically for no reason. The feeling of numbness on my hands, feet, stomach, face gradually overcomes my mind and I felt like my body was shutting down, this for some reason gives me a sense of spontaneous joy, so I couldn't hold back my laughter now and then Also, one last thing about Shamanic Breathing is that I find it easier for me to self-inquiry right after my timer rang, for that 10-20 minutes right after the session my mind was clear and it was much easier for me to develop focus( It's kinda like a psychedelic effect(?) but I'm not sure as these things are illegal in my country and I'm just a teen). I will remind myself to update anything here the next time something hits~

@Leo Gura Appreciate the advice Leo! I am starting college soon and I'll be away from my family,in the meanwhile I'll just keep going slow.

@Recursoinominado Thanks man,I will try my best to hold myself together.

I live in a third world country where most of self development is focused on spiral dynamics blue and orange concepts. I've started my self actualization journey years ago but I've always seem to succumb to either personal or collective back sliding.Being young and still depending on my family sabotages things I can say for myself, I always get guilty or felt some kind of shame when I'm trying to develop a new habit(eating healthy, meditation, mindfullness,etc) as no one around me seems to care and I could be forced around to do things that can ruin my practices. Is there any advice for someone like me who wants to raise their consciousness but don't want to be seen as an Ahole to people around me. I know ultimately their opinions don't matter and all I have to do is to stay on my life journey but these opinions can really affect my mood and thinking especially when I'm all alone in this journey.. Sorry for bad English and if this post is longer that it should be but any help will be much appreciated~