Im the same, my family lost everything we owned when i was 18.. My parents moved away for years out of shame and i was on my own with nothing.
lived a punk rock lifestyle for years ,was so shit, but still had a blast but it meant i hated society for a long time, still kinda do, you could say i was red Pilled a while ago.
Just got brutally dumped 6 weeks ago and its killed me inside.All my plans gone, my lover gone ,like that.. {she decided she wanted kids. i didnt] Instantly with another guy.. The pain is unbelievable, coz of her ambivalence.
Was devastating, still is, trying my hardest but the past keeps coming up. Its like when i get dumped , my past and feeling of abandonment rears its head and i regress. I cant let go of previuos break up trauma, i guess i dont take rejection and abandonment well at all!
I know its all linked, i need a way to forget the past, all i do is reminisce about better times and cant focus on NOW.Its lame and i hate it coz i know i am better than some sentimental chump that i am being right now.
I have done Aya, Meditation, self help vids galore, gym, starting a new band etc.... yet i wake up everyday almost in tears..
UUUURGH...
