vinc3nc

So I’m making this post mostly for men – to give you advice. But women can also share their thoughts if they want to, of course. I don't care. What I’m going to write here is just what I’ve learned from my observation in life. I'm in my late twenties and I'm very ambitious as a person. I'm very hardworking and disciplined and all that. It took me years to develop these traits. Probably more like a decade tbh. I think that as a man, you’re way better off (when you’re young) if you stay single and don’t chase girls. Girls are just a distraction in your life. Chances are they will make your life more miserable. Just like Nietzsche said: “Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.” They will take away a lot of your free time – which is the one thing you need the most if you ever want to become successful, to get the things you want. And they will also take away your money most likely. There are many areas in your life that you can start improving – health, finances, romance, family friends, career, spirituality, recreation etc. – and I think that’s it’s very, very hard to become successful in all of them. Usually, you will have to sacrifice a few of them. And the one worth sacrificing is chasing girls – or getting in a relationship with one rather. So, that’s the “romance” category. The point here is that you should put all of your effort and time into developing yourself. Start exercising, start meditating, start developing useful skills, start educating yourself in different ways. Start doing these things as early as possible. These things will improve your life on so many levels. And they will give you some kind of purpose because you’ll have that sense of progression all the time. Yes, it will take you years before you make all those things a habit. The majority of people are not willing to work so hard and sacrifice other things. There’s no shortcut to this. You’ll only realize that after a decade or so – why so few people do it. Because it’s fucking hard. Most people just want that short-term gratification, and they sacrifice the long term. You have to do the opposite and really be patient with your results. I don’t care if I'm lacking in the “romance” department because I'm busy developing myself in other ways. When I observe people around me – family, friends, and pretty much everyone else – they’re all mediocre. They go all down the same path. They get a job, buy a car, they get in a relationship early in their lives. They’re not ambitious. No goals. They’re miserable or they become miserable sooner rather than later. They’re the last thing I want to become. So I'm not going down that path. They’re proof that my life won’t get better once I get a gf. If you want to be happy in life, you don’t need another person in your life. You can be happy just by yourself. And don’t think I'm writing this because I can’t get a girl, or because they’re not interested in me. In fact, if I wanted a gf, I could get one in a sec. And the more I’ve worked on myself, the more chances I’ve had with them. I see through their bs in a sec. I don’t see them adding any value to my life. At least not at the moment. Maybe that will change in a couple of years. Most people get in a relationship early in their lives. Why? Because it’s easy and it’s programmed in you. It’s something “you have to do”, otherwise you’re kind of weird. And if it wasn’t easy, we would all go extinct. It might seem sad to you – the way I'm thinking about this – but that’s how it is. I simply think that there would be more cons than pros if I got in a relationship right now. I don’t care if I end up without a gf for the rest of my life tbh. I'm happy right now. I don’t need other people to make me happy. I’ve been meditating for a lot of years. I know what it takes to be happy. You will also become a slave to your woman in a sense. You will work on her clock. She’s more in a hurry than you. She will want a family quicker than you. And then this will take even more time from you. The chances of you succeeding will decrease even further. Anyway, if your main priority in life is to get a girlfriend, you’re doing it wrong. I'm not saying that you shouldn’t try to become better with girls and all that. Just don’t get in a relationship before you get your shit together. Focus on other things. Creating a lot of free time for yourself is the most important thing in your life. That’s how you can set yourself apart from other people. It’s so easy to stand out in this society. It’s really sad how no one wants to work on themselves. No purpose. No goals. Nothing. And I'm not saying that there aren’t people out there that succeeded or will succeed in life despite having a gf. Of course, there are exceptions to everything. I'm just saying that the chances of you succeeding while in a relationship will drastically decrease. So it’s up to you what you want to do. I would rather sacrifice that regular sex for something way better for me in the long-term. You can always get a gf later. Even if that’s when you’re 35+.

"The more brutish, rough, arrogant, selfish, cruel, risk taking and self-superior a man is, the more atavistically attracted a woman is to him. And all these qualities make for a terrible husband. This is why women are bad at picking men - they are specifically drawn to the terrible. And because of this specific attraction to and near exclusive tendency to date only the terrible, we have to hear them infinitely whine about how terrible men are, despite knowing plenty who are very much good. They pick predominantly the worst of us, then besmirch all of us."

The slow way is the fast way. or Patience is the fastest way.

You're buying scams. There is no faster way to lose money than to be in a hurry to make money.

It's not sick to watch them any more than it's "sick" to watch Chris's videos and other similar videos. People in the fitness industry are full of ego and full of misinformation, which can hurt people watching those videos. So there come the counterbalance videos, so to say, which call those people out. If you're making YT videos and your information is bad overall, don't be surprised if you get called out for it.

You can make yourself look way better in a picture (good lighting, angle, picture taken after a workout). That doesn't mean he looks like that 24/7. Chris is lean and that's it. Nothing special about his muscle size. His physique is achievable naturally.

You don't need to carb cycle, or do carnivore, or do HIIT, or any of that shit, to "tone your body". Be in a caloric deficit and you will lose weight. Or be in a caloric surplus and you will gain weight. And of course, lift heavy weights on top of that. I am sure he's helped and motivated a lot of people. But at the same time, he's full of misinformation, and you don't need to be very smart to notice that. The problem here is that people will believe everything you say if you have a good physique no matter how full of BS you are. You don't see through the bullshit. But this guy does though.

I agree with everything you said but one thing - that he's on steroids and HGH. This guy doesn't really have that much muscle mass. He's just lean. When you're lean, you look way bigger in a sense. You can look like this if you have decent genetics and work out for like 5 years consistently. How do I know? Because I've pretty much done that. Anyways, the whole fitness industry is cancer. Everyone is just trying to sell you something. They want to make you believe that you can get everything in your life with a fit body and sell you supplements that don't really work and "special" workout programs that are complete BS. And this guy Chris is the epitome of that.

How to Win Friends and Influence People In general, I think that one book can't change your life that much, or at least not enough. One should rather focus on becoming the kind of person who reads regularly. So, it's more about becoming curious as a person and developing a passion for learning. What kind of information you consume on a regular basis (books, audiobooks, YT, podcasts, etc.). Each book (and each podcast and other things) changes you in a little way, and then this adds up over time, over the years, and you become a completely different person, with a completely different worldview.

@museumoftrees "Trying to get your ex back is basically trying to take out yesterday's leftovers from the trash because you were unable to buy any more food today."

@Preety_India This forum can also be a big distraction. Have you considered spending less time on it and doing the actual work? You'd probably have time for both (relationships & self-development) if you did that.

@AlwaysJoggin The universe is giving you exactly what you need. You're a weak man. I don't know the whole story, but the girl probably realized it as well. It might be cruel to say that, but that's how it is. I was also weak as a man when I was your age. Years from now, you'll see it as a blessing in disguise. You need to experience these things so that you can grow from them and become stronger. Things way worse than that can happen in your life - and they eventually will. So if you're not strong enough to survive this "little" thing, then you'll surely suffer a lot more in the future. The universe is telling you to level up.

Look around to see where everybody is heading, and then go the other way.

Work on yourself and you'll rarely have time to feel lonely. And you'll also become less needy. If you chase girls too much, you'll waste time which you could spend on "more important" things - improving yourself in other ways. Become the kind of person who can deal with loneliness - not only that but thrive in it. Girls won't fix any of your problems in life. You need to get rid of those limiting beliefs of course. Increase your value, and then girls will start chasing you. Maybe not during covid times, but still, this is the perfect time to grow yourself. "A man chasing a woman and not success will end up with neither; a man chasing success instead of a woman will end up with both." This is probably not the advice you were looking for. These are just my thoughts. You don't need to listen to me.

Depends on what you mean by "enjoyable". It's "enjoyable" after the workout because your body releases endorphins etc. If the workout itself is (too) enjoyable, then you probably don't train hard enough. Meditation can be enjoyable but not in the way that most people think. "Enjoyable" is probably the wrong word to begin with. The point is that I think meditation should be taken seriously. If you want results, you have to meditate every day and eventually make it a habit. Most people can't do it. They don't have the discipline. And I'm not even talking about people who meditate like 20-30min a day. That's relatively easy. I've noticed I need at least 30 min to calm down my mind (get in a deeper state), so that's when the real meditation starts so to say. Less than 1 hour of meditation a day, after a couple of years of meditation, doesn't even make sense to me anymore.

You showed your attitude through your words. You can take my advice and improve yourself, or you can take offense at what I wrote. Your choice. Don't expect meditation to be easy. If it was easy, everyone would meditate 5 hours every day. It's similar to working out. You don't really enjoy working out - because it's hard, you'll suffer a bit - but the rewards are worth it in the end. Expecting meditation to be enjoyable is just silly. It won't be enjoyable on most days, especially at the start when your mind is untrained. That's why you have to start small and build it up slowly and gradually. Start with 3 min, or maybe 5 min at max. And then take a lot of time to build it up. Don't rush anywhere. Motivation is not enough. It's about self-discipline. And there are no shortcuts.

@Vision "Meditation is not a means to an end. It is both the means and the end." Meditate for one year and build it up to at least 40-50 min. Do it every day and then come back here and see if you need to ask that question again. But you probably don't want to "work" that hard. You just want quick results.

@kray I'll assume you're a beginner so I will give you the following advice. Start with a few sets of push-ups 3-4 times per week. Or maybe do a few ab exercises for 5 min every other day. Why? Because what you need at the start is not a perfect workout but something that you can sustain over the long term. Focus more on changing your lifestyle in a slow, gradual way. And then over time, start adding in more and more exercises to also train other muscle groups, but not too soon. Again, if you start doing too much, you will not be able to sustain it. Don't rush anywhere. Habits are not built in 1 day, 1 week, or 1 month. You need to permanently change how you eat and how much you exercise. If you do that, you'll lose fat & build muscle mass over the years. Cardio? 2-3 times per week. Not because you want to lose weight, but because you want to be healthy. But you don't need to start doing it at the start. First take care of developing that self-discipline.

@Swarnim There's no such thing as "happiness". There's only peace. And that peace is experienced where there's no mind, no sense of self. When "you" are in the now completely.

@At awe I get your point, but... By this logic, let's have all the pleasures. Let's eat junk food all the time, let's have sex as much as we can, let's party all the time, let's get drunk all time, let's do drugs all the time, let's travel all the time, let's play video games all the time... Because fuck it, we might die tomorrow, right?

@WonderSeeker I've had a few short relationships. But this is not the point here. I will try to define success from my point of view here. So, for me success is, first of all, being healthy (having a fit, healthy body), achieving peace of mind, financial freedom (a lot of free time), providing value to society, having good social skills & other useful skills, a few high-quality friends, a high-quality partner (eventually). Now, let's try to answer a few questions here. What do you think it takes to get all that? Do you think it takes a lot of hard work, consistency, self-discipline, emotional labor, energy, time? And do you think that this takes a few months of hard work, or do you think it takes more like 10-15 years of hard work? Do you think a young guy who hasn't worked on himself at all, who gets in a relationship early on in his life and has kids before, let's say, he's 25 - because he just copies what everyone else around him does - can ever create the kind of environment for himself to ever achieve some of the things above? What's the chance that this guy: won't be a wage slave for the rest of his life? will have the time to do the things he would want to do in his life? will achieve his full potential? got together with the right partner at that age? will be a good father to his kids (teaching them the right things)? etc. etc. etc. I'm not trying to tell you what is right or wrong here. And I never said that getting in a relationship can't be beneficial in some ways. I said that for me it made all the difference. I also said there are exceptions. There are many areas in life that you can work on, and you just can't master all of them. You'll have to sacrifice some of them. Always. Now, what you do you want to sacrifice? Your health? Mental health? Finances? Friends (socializing)? Dating girls all the time? What else? I don't know what your mindset, your worldview, etc. is. Do you want to live a mediocre life, just like most people, or are you willing to sacrifice some of the things to set yourself apart from others and be different, and then get all the rewards after that? That's up to you. No one is forcing you to do anything.

@flume This post is not to get validation. Why would I need that? This is not about whether or not I am doing the right thing. This is just me giving advice to young men. If you read all the comments, then you would know that some people found it useful. And yes there are distractions out there in the world. Choose your habits wisely.

@At awe What is there to convince myself? I've been single for a lot of years now and because of that I've had a lot of freedom. I love solitude so much and I'm not even a hardcore introvert. I don't think you can achieve much in life without plenty of solitude. You need a lot of time for yourself - to think, reflect, plan, read, write, etc. As that quote goes: "An unexamined life is not worth living." I couldn't agree more. Working on myself all the time gives me the most amount of joy possible. It gives me that sense of purpose. That I am moving in the right direction (even though you can't really get anywhere). Sometimes I question if the things I am doing are worth it, but what else is there to do? I look around and see other people on autopilot. No, I don't want to be like them. There's nothing I regret. I've pretty much become financially free thanks to this lifestyle. There's no way I would have been able to do that if I hadn't been single and with so much time on my hand. And don't get me wrong. The money itself won't make you happy. It will just give you the freedom, and then that freedom to do what you want can make you happy - if you do the right things. So again, I think it's worth sacrificing that area of your life when you're in your twenties to work on yourself and achieve the things that you want. And this is not advice for everyone. Only a few people can live like that. Just like escaping wage slavery - only a few people will do it.

@At awe FInd out for yourself. @NatureB Glad I could help. @Preety_India Maybe I should have said how men (instead of society) perceive women. Look, you can do whatever you want to do. Grow as a person as much as possible if that's your goal. If you already have a high-quality bf, then you probably don't need to worry about attracting anyone, especially if he's satisfied with you the way you are. What I'm just saying here is how women's value is perceived from men's point of view in general. So, most men, high or low value, are attracted to women's looks first and foremost. That should be obvious by now, shouldn't it? Personality and other stuff come behind that. That's how it is. I am just telling you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. Young, attractive women are already a finished product, so to speak, while young men are an unfinished product. But that product can increase its value over time, by making itself more developed. Women's value on the other hand will just decrease over time - as they age - no matter how much they develop their personality because their looks will fade. (So, it's the complete opposite. It's like yin and yang. How beautiful.) That's why I think being a man is why better (of course I am biased). You're like a character in a video game. You can achieve pretty much everything if you put in the work and you can develop yourself in so many ways. But I'm also aware that women's thinking is completely different. They don't look at these things in such a way. So anyway, if women are judged by their looks the most, that's not my fault. And also dont blame me when I point that out. So, that's the value I'm talking about. Now, what you think about your value or what you think of yourself in general, that's completely beside the point here. Thinking highly of yourself is always positive though.

@Roy I'm glad you get it. @Preety_India I appreciate your long post. But here a few things you have to understand. First of all, what a relationship means to a man is different than what it means to a woman. For women, the end goal is to create a family. A loving man and a few children usually. And if you have a lot of self-awareness - if you understand where your desires come from - then you'll realize that the end goal is the children. That's how nature made you. Nature is always right. And as Nietzsche observed: "For the woman, the man is a means: the end is always the child." For men, on the other hand, a relationship or family is just one part of their lives. It's not the main one as it is with women. If that's your main goal, women will leave you because they will recognize you have no purpose in your life. At least high-quality women. So, your main goal as a man should be something else than a family. I'm not going into details about what that should be. Yes, being in a lot of relationships can be very beneficial for you. You can learn so much about yourself, and they can make you grow a lot overall. It's especially useful for young guys to make them realize that they need to start increasing their value after their gfs leave them, haha. Young men will usually end up being heart-broken eventually. That's something I think you have to go through as a man. It's like a blessing in disguise which makes you realize a lot of things early on. But most of them never learn I guess. They just keep chasing another girl and another and another, wasting time, instead of beginning that journey of self-improvement. Another big thing that you have to understand here is that men have to work on increasing their value, while women have to work on preserving their value. So, if you're going through hardship, pain, failures, etc. as a woman, you might develop yourself in a lot of ways. But you will also lose that innocence. You will lose that femininity. Your value will go down, through the eyes of society at least. While for men hardship, pain, failures are the best learning and growing experiences. They will make you more masculine. They will increase your value. Also, the more women you sleep with, the more your value goes up - and it's the opposite for women, of course. That's why they say women who are between the ages of 20-24 have the most value. Generally speaking, they look the best at that age and are also the most "innocent". While men with the most value are between the ages of 31-36. Remember, they have to create their value. That's why also this quote from Socrates makes sense: “The Ideal age for marriage in men is 35. The Ideal age for marriage in women is 18”.