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Everything posted by Endangered-EGO
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Endangered-EGO replied to Matt23's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Matt23 No it just felt like dying, but dying while still being alive. So i wanted to make it dramatic. -
Endangered-EGO replied to ardacigin's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@ardacigin Hey, if you want to be confronted with how you perceive reality, then you might like "the good place". It's also really funny. -
I feel the need to make this post. I recommend Daniel ingrams book. Also I want to remember exactly what I did, this feels surreal. You might be experiencing the dukka nanas, and it's a good sign. https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-iv-insight/30-the-progress-of-insight/5-dissolution-entrance-to-the-dark-night/ This is especially helpful if it's post awakening stage. Yesterday I suffered so bad, and allowed suffering to happen, so I just suffered. I started to distinguish them. The feeling from the thoughts etc. And just allowed it to flourish. This morning I woke up, feeling sick, like shit. Then I trusted that I was able to go through all of the dukka nanas. (Dark night). I started by rapid noting. Seeing that I could note a lot of sensations per second, and tried to do that with emotion and thought. I also used Shinzen Young's recycle the reaction method. I SWEAR this was not "me" doing it but a higher force. I had a laser focus instant to instant concentration. I just allowed every suffering to come up. And everything came up. Grief, misery, disgust, despair, get-me-outta-here, reconsideration and finally EQUANIMITY, mild form of no self. I didn't even start by watching the breath as I usually do. It's like the light of awareness just started shining through every instant of suffering vibration. This also healed my sickness in the Body (which was caused by the intense emotions I'm sure). This only lasted 30 minutes. Wow, I'm blown away. I feel like I understand human suffering now fully. I wonder if this can help anyone who's not aware that they are experiencing the dukka nanas and fighting them. I'm sure this is also gonna help future me forgetting what to do with suffering lmao. Absolutely read Daniel Ingrams book I linked. It's a true masterpiece. Don't stick only to the map though.
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Endangered-EGO replied to The0Self's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Breakingthewall If you're struggling with meditation, I recommend "True Meditation" from adyashanti. He basically sais. "Just center yourself, don't care too much about posture, and allow everything to happen (including thoughts)" In the beginning there will be more thoughts, but then they are going to calm themselves. -
Endangered-EGO replied to Roy's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
8) Knowledge of disenchantment - nibbida-nana Hence the knowledge of disenchantment, (nibbida-nana). Nibbida, or disenchantment, is simply the opposite of enchantment. Normally we are enchanted by experience. A man sees a beautiful woman and instinctively is drawn into her circle of charm. He is "charmed", enchanted. He feels there is real satisfaction to be gained by possessing her, and so pursues her to gain that satisfaction. This whole movement is based on the notion: if only I possess that, then all my problems will be solved. The essence of the knowledge of disenchantment is that, even in the very fantasy itself, the meditator knows that the object of his desire will not solve his problem. He knows that even if he leaves the meditation centre and attains his most heart-felt desire, this too is unsatisfactory. There is no situation that he can imagine which is satisfactory. All his desires and fantasies are like ashes in his mouth. Source: Development of Insight: The Insight Knowledges (buddhanet.net) -
Endangered-EGO replied to Endangered-EGO's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Nahm Thank you, I hope this can help someone. I wonder what's next, and also am worried about how many people do something stupid in that stage, because of the there's-no-way-out-nana. -
Endangered-EGO replied to Roy's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
3rd-jhana, despair, insights into the dukkha nanas. It's an insight into the nature of suffering of living in duality, and it goes up to suicide being the only way out, just before gods Grace shows up, if it shows up. That's what Eckhart Tolle went through. For example. I made just a post about suffering that should be up in the list, where I describe what happened. -
Endangered-EGO replied to The0Self's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Breakingthewall How do you stop wishing, of thoughts about desire occur? You're gonna condition yourself:"I'm gonna try not to wish anything during meditation" And then you desire something during meditation and you then react:"fuck I just wished something" = I wish I stopped wishing. So that's just adding a layer. But hey, you can alternate between meditation allowing wishes and meditation not allowing wishes. So you'll see that you don't have control over wishes because you didn't make the decision to have a wish and you didn't make the decision to believe you should try to stop wishing. -
Endangered-EGO replied to The0Self's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Javfly33 Listen to Jim Newman, I know how you feel about that. But your situation is 1.hopeless. You're never gonna get enlightened, because you're looking with the thing you want to get rid off. 2. You can never become enlightened, because it's a contraction in the Body that stops happening, and that can't refer to itself anymore because it's not present anymore. 3. You cannot do anything about it. You can also not stop seeking. It's not a prescription, it's a direct pointer. -
Endangered-EGO replied to The0Self's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@The0Self I'm currently in the "what-did-I-get-myself into" stage and "what the hell is going on" I'm fluctuating between 3rd and 4th jhana. Yesterday I witnessed that I'm like gone and come back after a fraction of a second regularly while reading. I would love to read your nonduality take on that i love reading your posts. Jim Newman smuggling. -
Endangered-EGO replied to Endangered-EGO's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Moksha In school children aren't told about mental health, I think there's a long way to go until nonduality is taught at school. Deconstructing evolution haha. @Kundalini Cataclysm It's devastating right? Reading that book opened me up to what wanted to show itself within me, up to the point that I got sick from it because I fought it. Trust the process. It wants to happen, allow all of the dukkha nanas and your reaction to show up. You'll go through every stage of what Daniel I gram describes. Faith/trust is needed for the last step. But you have it. -
Endangered-EGO replied to blessedlion1993's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Flowerfaeiry It's the ego's security shutdown. The ego has to, at one point go through every possible form of suffering an individual can experience. It's not to grow itself, it's to bring it to TOTAL DESPAIR beyond the point of suicide and no-return. Then God's grace shows up if you're lucky. It's futile and hopeless to do anything about the suffering that occurs. That would only bd leading to more conditioning and fighting. The only thing suffering teaches you, are insights into how miserable life in duality is. I fell into the trap of trying to fix my suffering because something feels wrong with me. -
Endangered-EGO replied to Endangered-EGO's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Moksha I think there is wrong meditation actually, that presevents insights and awakening. Especially if you think you're doing something wrong. And loving-kindness going through every possible type of suffering is counter-productive, because the ego fights with itself. "muncitu-kamyata-nana" is defined by this existence being devastatingly hopeless. There's nothing that's ever going to get you out of this unending misery. That's past the point of suicide contemplation, because even suicide isn't an alternative. There it is essential to beam it with god's laser of awareness. I wonder how many people have commited suicide at that stage. Going through one of the last insights on suffering. Why isn't this taught at school? -
Endangered-EGO replied to Endangered-EGO's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Moksha Same for me. The issue is wrong meditation suppresses what's happening. All of that possible suffering wants to show itself. -
Endangered-EGO replied to Endangered-EGO's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Moksha Yes, but it's not only for meditation, Daniel Ingram specifically states that. It's a naturall process of Awareness. That happens after streamentry, and I bet that most people will experience stream entry. I would even go as far as saying that these cycles come in long cycles and very short ones. Meditation (concentration, clarity and equanimity) just accelerates these cycles 100.000 times faster. I wish I would have gotten a heads up after my Kundalini awakening. I probably got one and just ignored it, because of the esoterical context. -
Endangered-EGO replied to blessedlion1993's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
I just made a post about this. You go through suffering so you understand that living in duality is not normal. It's an illusion, the mind controls everything by the threat of suffering and illusory feeling of bliss when you dance how you were conditioned to dance. If you go through all of the dukka nanas up to equanimity, it's clear that this duality is utterly hopeless and there's nothing for you to even be 1% blissfull about. There's no happiness in the mind, there's just the threat of suffering, and that threat collapses once you realise that. At least for a while. Read my post or just read https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-iv-insight/30-the-progress-of-insight/5-dissolution-entrance-to-the-dark-night/ -
Endangered-EGO replied to Endangered-EGO's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Edit: every emotion just lasts an instant. It disappears as soon as it shows up if you see it unentangled. There's a lot of discontinuity in daily life/awareness. And you space out every few seconds. Your awareness just disappears for a second and comes back thousands of times a day!!! What I also did was to see how fast I could switch awareness from left finger to right finger sensation. I didn't know mindfullness could be done at a 10-noting-per-second rate. -
Endangered-EGO replied to tuku747's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@tuku747 I was like "wow he gets it" until he starts talking about the "Me" not being something but the "me-ing" of fundamental particles. Michael did ayahuasca, got into an isolation room for 3 days, and I bet he meditates and had insights. But he always ends up "integrating" it into the materialist paradigm. -
It's insane. I've been suffering yesterday and today up until now, because of one emotion and the following thought "this is not how it's supposed to be" or "what am I doing wrong". Everyone with a little background in meditstion ALWAYS points out recycle the experience, this is just an emotion and a thought that's happening NOW. It seems like I'm blind and deaf to this pointer. I even sometimes get frustrated with people pointing towards it, because the next thought is then "Oh, if only this was that easy". I listened to jim newman the last few days, I needed 2 people to point that out to me today, and only once I read Daniel Ingrams pointers, I got into equanimity. WTF. Now there's only what's happening (including a sense of self). I'm gonna tatoo those insights on my hands, so that I never can forget them. ( https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-v-awakening/37-models-of-the-stages-of-awakening/a-revised-four-path-model/ ) 5) Notice that you can’t do anything other than what happens. Try. See how those patterns occur. Try to do something other than what happens. It is preposterous, but when you try it, there are patterns that arise, patterns of illusion, patterns of pretending, patterns that if you start to look at them you will see are ludicrous, laughable, like a kid’s fantasies. Yet, that is how you believe you are controlling things, so try again and again to do something other than what occurs and watch those patterns of confusion and of pretending to be in control which arise, and you will learn something. This is an unusually profound point. I spent many hours exploring exactly what happens during attempts to do something other than what happens and found it high-yield.
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Endangered-EGO replied to Endangered-EGO's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@The0Self haha, I can't do anything with that! I want that! But that's the illusion. I want pointers for that, how to get rid of the thing that's causing so much suffering. Where does this realisation hide? In plain sight? It's feels like I just need one more little secret, one more place to look at, one more arising and passing away. One more insight one more pointer. As if somewhere in some enlighten person's mind there is this pointer that's exactly right for me that's gonna do it and I just need to find it for the search to be over, and arrive at the destination. -
Endangered-EGO replied to iboughtleosbooklist's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@iboughtleosbooklist nothing worked, I'm still fucked up. If I thought I found the solution I'd not be here in that forum. Apparently the ego is never going to get what it wants, and it has no choice but to want. -
Endangered-EGO replied to iboughtleosbooklist's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@iboughtleosbooklist How bad it got:Constantly contemplating suicide. Because after a while you realise that this isn't a way out, it's an attempted escape that makes it worse. So you have to go through withdrawal, and find yourself in a worse position compared to before you started drinking. Substance abuse doesn't have a single positive aspect to it. And it gets really really bad real quick. -
Endangered-EGO replied to iboughtleosbooklist's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@iboughtleosbooklist That's what I thought when I started drinking every day. Guess if that solved any problem... -
Endangered-EGO replied to Paulus Amadeus's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
I'm asking all of these silly questions, because it's kind of exactly the opposite of every glimpse/awakening I ever experienced. I haven't had a God awakening yet though. It always was a falling away of the ego, and for example, when I am very sick and have a fever, don't fight the pain anymore, I feel eternity/infinity sneak up, and then ego shows up to distract from eternity. It wasn't able to fight it all the time either, which lead to awakenings. I'm not sure if most people are experiencing glimpses and awakenings like me, or like you. Or if there are 2 types of people. Or if it's both. That just makes me think about adyashanti saying: "how are you unenlightening yourself". I think this is what I have been doing for years, resisting the collapse of the self the entire time and simultaneously chasing it as something the ego can achieve. I'm confused. Have you thought about your 5meodmt retreat, during which the last days you still were high without taking anything, that this wasn't actually a high, but simply "ego not fighting it for a while", until it started to fight again because of X reason? -
Endangered-EGO replied to Paulus Amadeus's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
@Leo Gura Other example: If you're walking around doing mundane tasks, and suddenly you look somewhere and realise 300 people are staring right at you. Is this triggering a god awareness or is this contracting the egoic sense of self? -For me this triggers the ego-self, but I remember that a teacher once called me and looked me in the eyes and I just merged with the empty perception of her. I can't help the ego hijacking my state of flow most of the time haha. I agree that the sense of self takes effort, but it's not in it's power to show up or not show up. I think it's just conditioned to show up. Would you say that God hijacks your awareness, when you're not distracted by work or in flow? Can you ignore God during extended periods of intense one-pointed concentration practice (on a mudra for example)? This is confusing, and I like it.