Endangered-EGO

@zeroISinfinity Yeah but somehow, I was never able to experience what I intended to experience, Energy shots, nothingness, infinity, Kundalini. I was always offered something I didn t expect or aimed for.

Was it a thought, or was it a formless perception? To understand the formless you have to experience it. I believe this might just be you trying to conceptualize it, and no mystical experience.

This is not the buddhist interpretation of Karma? Good attracts good, and bad attracts bad Good generates good and bad generates bad. Now Is it possible to fix the viscous circle by consciously trying to be selfless? Am I missing something or is the buddhist karma just wrong? After meditation on infinity I started to act more in a selfless manner, I don t know if I simply followed the buddhist path or if it is just a result of increased consciousness. I however understand that a state of selflessness is also a state of not-knowing. Not-thinking. Not-rationalising.

@Bno You didn't raise Kundalini at all, and your Depression might have nothing to do with your practices, maybe with your Expectations? Who knows Buy Leos Booklist and read the "best book about enlightenment". I don't know if I am allow to openly post the name of the book here on the forum, because maybe you need to buy that information from actualized... If you feel strange pulsations or the snake suddenly starts to crawl up. Do 4 things. Talk to her (shakti), stop trying to pull the snake up, don't try to stop it, but respectfully ask the energy to regulate itself so you don't go through horrible pain. Don't be afraid if you feel high and sick the next days, but watch funny stuff "The snake likes to laugh". It will pass and when you are ready it will come again. Its however not for your ego to decide when or what, but for your "soul" or higher self. Clean all of your chakras before you even think about forcefully awakening Kundalini...

@Bazooka Jesus How did nobody tell him to become a mystic yet? He prays and waits for anything that comes up.... Which is basically a state of grounded not-knowing. If he got deeper into that with meditation and more mystical, without any assumptions he would rapidly change his views, change the world, and change his audience... Can someone slip him 5 Meo DMT into his drink? (just kidding. Never slip drugs to anyone without their consent even if you think that will "enlighten them", just needed to say that)

I never suffered from social anxiety before my first awakenings, but after the 6 month period of regular non dual awakenings (nothingness) when I was fully back into duality, social anxiety started to come up and it got worse and worse. Probably the ego backlash. Now 5 years later an enlightened person (who can switch from duality to nonduality anytime she wants, so I guess that s close enough to enlightenment) told me that it is not social anxiety, but the "Self" perceiving all the energies from those people around and the ego tries to differentiate from them. When I stop trying to differenciate between me and them, and just focus on them the fear disappears for a moment, until my monkey mind thinks about me, me and me. Not nonduality, no mystical states, just the mind differentiating or thinking about ME. Little absurd story: I was also able to show her my light-Body and she told me which chakras were open and which ones were closed (which turned out to be true) and she made my light-Body bigger (I felt it) . Now I never tried any astral travel or something, I just had the intuition to try it, and she never did something like that "on command" either, said it was the first time that had happened to her. I would usually call that BS, but it worked. I don't know what a light body is and never astral travelled either, I just saw hers and then she tried to fix me and told me what was wrong. So now I am pretty open minded to anything. Any thoughts on those 2 things? Do you have any Idea how to explain it? Alternative explanations?

I still feel the snake, and got sick for a few days, but Now I am fine. I am so gratefull to have those people who helped me through it. The snake is still down the spine, I need to open my chakras first, or the shakti will do it against my egos will. I think I have time to ground myself and continue trusting the energy.

During Meditation I noticed a tingling sensation and like a trembling in the root of the spine. It comes in cycles when I focus on it and tends to get stronger the longer I focus on it. I suspect this is going to be a Kundalini Awakening, once the Energy goes up the spine... I just did this for a while and now I kind of feel energized, sometimes I also feel this trembling on other places in the Body, not sure it is physical though, could be energetical. It went up the spine for about 1 inch (3cm) then I stopped focusing on it. What should I do? Focus on this trembling in the root of the spine until I have a full blown awakening? During the last weeks I was also able to focus on something formless (infinity) for the first time. I think there is definitely something happening, what can I do to get the most out of my situation?

@Mu_ I have huge respect for it, I am just afraid and trying to calm myself... I ve had nondual experiences, I freaked out every time in the beginning, thought I was going crazy, but in the end I accepted it even though it is painfull. I stop meditating and try not to play around with it. It showed me that if I panic it wont make it worse. Don't know if it means I should invite her anytime I am ready though. might not be a good idea. Fighting it isn't a good idea either no?

She gave me a little bit of a taste of unconditional love, the first time the snake moved up, I had a tear in my eyes, I think I start to understand, the message she wanted to give me. I try to pray to her and be thankful that I can make the experience. However I am still afraid of the symptoms, and I think she understands that.

@Dumuzzi It s fascinating lol, it is like a micro snake crawling up the spine very slowly and someone putting random mild energy shocks into different parts of the body. Energetically sculpturing my body in some way haha. Thank you for your help

@Dumuzzi Thank you, I am in facebook groups and some people tell me I m unprepared and this is going to fuck up my whole nervous system, and I will suffer etc. I will pray to her, any method that helps? Or any website where I can learn about this inner goddess?

Okay, I am a pretty anxious person. All my fear went away the moment I was able to focus on infinity, but now I m honestly afraid of Kundalini, it made my face burn and my Body shake. However I believe the Kundalini stops rising once it sees that I am struggling with it. Is this possible?

I also take SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) in case that increases the danger. My psychiatrist would call that "Serotonin syndrome". I might have to go to the hospital just to be sure.

I think I shouldn't have focused too much on the spine energy, it suddenly moved up, I had pulsations of some sort in the body and some chakras. Did Grounding and an hour ago, my Body started shaking, it stopped, and now it started again then it stopped. I was told not to do it without supervision. Now people tell me I messed with things I shouldn t have messed with and that it can fuck up my nervous system. I am scared. Someone told me to "ask the energy to regulate itself so it is not too painful". Is it the only thing I can do? If it is too bad, I m either going to the hospital or going to take a benzo (prazepam). If it stays like that, I m probably not going to sleep, but nothing too bad will happen. My Body is shaking.

@Esoteric IS this video good too? I feel like I feel my blockages and the pulsations got stronger. Right now I m reading a book about enlightenment (from Leos Book list) Sorceres secrets might be the next one I read then.

@DreamScape If I focus on it, it makes the sensation stronger and very slowly move up, I can probably force it up with some breathing technique, but focusing on it might do the trick. Lets meditate for a few hours then. Since I have meditated on infinity, ALL my fears went away the next day because I realised the fear was rooted in the nothingness, I wonder what the Kundalini will do to me if it is actually going to happen. I am so curious...

@Iksander Any tingling sensation too? Try to put your access concentration on it, it amplifies every object of meditation

I feel this trembling stronger in my Body now. Sleeping might be hard, but I d love to experience it today haha.

Mentally I m okay with it, I already had multiple nondual experiences powered from fear, what can I say, I survived it lol. Maybe I shouldn t drive a car while its happening haha.

@purerogue Whats the worst thing that can happen?

Hello guys. A few years ago I had a panic attack from weed because of the experience of infinity/nothingness. Afterwards I was in the Dark Night of the Soul for about 6 months where I had an ego-death experience every evening. It felt like dying and having your soul ripped out of your Body, there is nothing I could do about it. The Ego backlash afterwards lasted for very long... Now I m able to focus on infinite consciousness (That's what I think it is) while meditating, and I m afraid of it, I fear it, I fear infinity and this night it came up again and it felt like I was in fucking hell. I tried to focus on it, but it was so painful, I had to distract myself after 20 seconds. Most of the time during meditation it just feels really strange, but not necessarily bad. However last night it was so painful my face started burning. Will I have to go through this Dark night again, and how should I continue? Definitely not psychedelics, that would put me through an infinite nightmare. Is this formless thing really what I think it is, or am I just crazy and deluding myself into twisting my mind to hell? Is it normal, that it literally feels like a timeless torture of the soul? Should I take a break or continue going through this torture until it rips my ego apart for good? This shit is truly disturbing, If I have to deal with this every night, I will go crazy before becoming enlightened...

There are 2 things you can develop that help in every practice. Concentration and Mindfullness. Concentration is needed to focus when something comes up, and mindfulness is needed to recognise something that comes up.

@Neph Do you care more about the truth or about your depression? Because Depression has a positive thing in the pursuit of the truth. However Seeking the truth might not necessarily help your depression in the short term if even long term. I m not sure if psychedelics are the magic pills against depression, but they can help some people sometimes. Never tried it myself though, so I can t say.

@Radical Is the perfect example on how we humans bullshit ourselves continuously. He used the qu'ran as an interpretation for his mystical experiences (if he had any), and tries to demonize spirituality, Gurus and enlightenment. Worst part of it, I'm probably doing this myself and I am not even conscious of it. Who knows, maybe he's right and we are all wrong? (Just kidding)