Endangered-EGO

Sorry, I need to rant about something A part of me that was suppressed came up now, I'm not proud of it, but I hate the fact that most people feel superior in their so called knowledge of the "truth". I thought that I accepted that people cling to things they desperately believe to be true, but I just don't. I hate the "stupidity" of christians, jews and muslims most of all. Trying to debunk personal experience with Jesus-shit, believing what the catholic church has to say about something they have no fucking idea about, claiming the authority about understanding what jesus said etc. In some sense that makes me worse than them, because I have a bigger persuasion that I know part of some truth, multiple perspectives etc. I just base it on not-knowing and mystery. I cannot stop telling them in a more-or-less polite way that they are full of shit, people they trust are full of shit, and indoctrinating themselves into ridiculous ideologies that are not even the base of their own doctrine. I think I am not going to talk to religious or materialist people anymore about stuff I go through/experience, if they are not open minded. This drives me crazy and is toxic to me, if I am not grounded and hear about some "devil-misleading-me"-bullshit I might end up fighting a culture war against them. I think I am going to take a break from people who are not open minded, I never believed this could trigger me that much, but this is part of me. I somehow get angry about silly stuff now. Feel free to tell me your perspective on this.

@Someone here Yes? Do you believe I claim to be in jesus mode or something haha. The fact that I am/was trapped into this thinking is just my ego lashing out. What do you expect, I'm trying to allow to be as human as possible.

@tsuki Of course, blasphemy is worse than political incorrectness for blue. @Someone here I know what logic is, I know what metaphysics is and basic assumptions of religious people. You would never let me get away with circular reasoning and what the religion is not even circular it's back and forth between, jesus is truth and bible is word of god because jesus was and jesus is truth. Of course I'm filling my mind with bullshit, assumptions etc, and it's frustrating to recycle everything you believe to know after every insight, anticipating that you are going to fill it up with new/different bullshit. What I believe I try to do to here is to flush the bullshit away regularly to make space for new/better/more practical bullshit. Not to cling to the bullshit, and not proudly making the pile of shit bigger and bragging for having such a huge pile of bullshit in my mind. I hope you like my metaphor lol.

Hello guys, I'm back. What I wrote had some truth to it, but it was amplified by the anger and frustration that came up, Usually a few days after or before an awakening, some supressed parts of me come up and spice the entire space of awareness with some emotion. I believe that when that happens an emotional blockage just "explodes" and frees my Body from the "blocked energy". It's incredible how from one moment to another something just builds up when I allow it and don't suppress it. Of course as many of you pointed out, what I felt was pure ego. I believe that this might be some kind of emotional purification. And yes I am to some degree full of shit like "them". Seeing them believe weird illogical stuff makes me feel like I do the same, which my ego doesn't want to truly accept. Fortunately I also have 2-3 green friends who are open minded, I'm thankfull for that. Am I doing this right? I follow shinzen youngs and adyashantis advice on having 0 resistance and allowing everything to happen, that includes sadness/hate/anger/frustration etc. Afterwards I usually fall a sleep for an hour like a toddler who threw a tantrum. I'm patiently waiting for @Leo Gura s video on shadow work, to see if I enlighten my shadow correctly.

@Raptorsin7 This is absurd, I never trust those who turn phrases around weirdly, just to avoid using the word "I". Either they are deluded, want to prove they are enlightened, 24/7 or don't understand what language is. Also it is not practical, why bother. I however have no problem with explaining their non-dual experience like "there is this feeling arising the space of awareness" to describe how they perceive reality differently. But going to the bar and avoiding "I" like "A beer would be nice for my thirst" is just simply ridiculous. Some people who claim to be enlightened talk like that, no kidding.

@Tim Ho Well, you know how we all have a perspective on life. I started my journey out of despair, because life was ugly, painful etc. Life was a journey of avoiding suffering until you die, an hopefully nothing to bad will happen to you (again). But that is just one perspective on life, I recently had an awakening into the nothingness, multiple ego deaths, and the realisation that everything was love and perfect as it is, reality could not have been better designed, every sensation every thought, every emotion was just perfect, love etc. There is no worry anymore, because you know everything is love. Thats the biggest change of perspective possible on life for me. We already are in heaven. We just don't notice it all the time. Or we simply don't want to see it. However I didn't have a God awakening yet, I can't compare God with heaven.

I get it now, my Ego wants to avoid later suffering and wants to avoid losing control so everything can survive. Now I need to contemplate how I can make sure the ego can survive while being in heaven, not causing harm to me or everything my soul holds precious.

Yesterday I had a Heaven awakening for a few hours, everything was perfect, a love and peace I couldn't escape from. This isnt my first awakening, but definately the best so far. I didn't even meditate but I know it is a result from the neti neti practice from a book where I had a no self experience. I cannot even put into words how the experience was, while driving 2 hours I had multiple ego deaths merging with objects etc. It was so full of love that my ego couldn't even make me feel bad. Now I realised that "my reality" can have 2 perspectives. The depressed nihilistic perspective to avoid suffering and surviving or realising I'm in heaven. Now this is a 180 degree change in perspective of the world, so I have to adjust to it. Guess what my ego is telling me. "No this is dangerous, you can get trapped into heaven, what if it changes, this is too good you need to ground yourself the world is full of dangers, are you sure this isn't a mental health issue, what if you are bipolar and today is heaven - tomorrow is hell? What about your family? Are you okay with you feeling like you're in heaven while your parents suffer, is this fair? Don't forget that this isn't permanent. Oh no this isn't permanent, now make sure this doesn't go away, okay just check to see if you are still able to tap into ego death... Okay it works... But dont do this too much, who knows maybe you'll fall so deep into it that suddenly you have a panic attack and end up in the dark night. Why are you smoking so much nicotine today, are you sure you weren't drugged? What if this is something neurological and you are about to have a seizure? WHILE DRIVING!!!! Yesterday I realised there was nothing the ego could do, but it simultaneously wants to keep that state of being and wants to control. Now I strongly believe I have to shower the ego with love until it understands without it having to fight with itself. I just use equanimity practice and adyashantis true meditation methods. Do you guys have any post satori practice I can do to "keep the balance" or any advice? Buddhism says that the next step is to keep the state of no self 24/7, but I don't know if I am comfortable with doing this...

Heaven for me, life changing.

@Gesundheit Well, in clinical psychology, a mental issue is defined by the symptoms causing suffering or being in the way of having a normal life. Psychologists and Psychiatrist might want to treat you for DP/DR even if you are the most fulfilled person on earth, because they could find it strange or dangerous or deluded, but thats not always the case for people who have an awakening. You can rebuild a self with your mind or rebuild your identification with your Body. So basically not emptying objects but filling them with ego. If you feel bad about DP/DR, you can rebuild your identification with your Body, by not focussing of the raw input of bodily sensation but also imagining your legs while you focus on them. This is ego. However if you are not in danger of harming yourself or other people, and it doesnt cause suffering I dont see why you would do that. Love awakening will do it.

@Gesundheit Derealisation and Depersonalisation is the dark night of the soul. Dont say something is not enlightenment because it is in the DSM-V. There is no such thing as positive DP/DR, because that is an awakening. Believe me, my first awakening was fucking horrible, I went through the eternal now with incredible fear and existential suffering. Some people have panic attacks every time they get a taste of the source. That is the dark night/ DP/DR. If there is no fear, there is no dark night of the soul. Awakening without love feels weird, that can be considered as DP/DR in psychology, but that is simply because the love part is still missing.

@allislove I had some insight in what I want to do, I am studying psychology right now and have an ecommerce business, I am going to make an app/website/service that helps people to develop their empathy and love. I would "love" to bring people to realise heaven on earth. I also had a realisation a few days ago, that the most important thing someone who is deeply non-dual needs to be ethically correct is Empathy in order to not become a Zen devil. But also without spirituality there is a need for empathy. Probably going to do that, I already have a few ideas to implement on that project and I have enough money (to start) and I have enough time and I have enough knowledge. I just need to sit down and do it. Thank God my life is so comfortable.

@allislove I -in my wildest dreams- didn't even wish or possibly could imagine it to be THAT fucking heavenly heaven. I thought that physical pain could just be transcended by full time monks to a small degree, but shit even pain is an incredibly petty thing to be afraid of. I would have never considered myself enlightened before, but this is the beginning (first stage) of enlightenment, I can feel it. I don't even desire to be in that state, and there is no earthly state that is comparable to that. I need to digest what I went through. Thank you!

@Moksha Yes, but I don`t realise it all the time throughout the day. @Mason Riggle I wonder if effortlessness can be all the time throughout hard activities. Maybe this effortlessness should be used to create more good habits...

Steven Bancarz claims to be have been a New-Ager/Mystic etc. He didn't practice what he preached: Buying material stuff, drugs, alcohol, suppressing feelings and thoughts, no real awakenings, except love maybe, no shadow work. Only when he totally surrendered he maybe saw a part of the source, and gave credit to jesus. Nobody who sees the nothingness can put it into relation with any of the "content". The sectarian circular reasoning he uses is basically what's wrong with religion and what has allowed it to survive that long.

@Leo Gura I would love to see you with other people interested (for or against) in Spirituality. Joe rogan follows you on twitter, have you already contacted him, or did he contact you? I'm sure he wants to talk to you about DMT and consciousness. This might even help you open your throat chakra...

@Mason Riggle I had a similar thought, often meditation happens by itself for me, but also regular day to day activities can happen without "me-doing-them". I believe (I don't know for sure) it is the effort that is involved that gives us the impression that we are either actively doing something or it happening passively or on it's own. By effort, I don't mean concentration, but more like the struggle of the ego? I honestly don't know how to put it into words. For example I'm not actively typing this: My mind seems to be thinking thoughts an my fingers do weird movements on their own. The fluidity of those things are incredible. I could type all day lol. Sometimes for a few seconds running happens on it's own, But running is effort I guess? ehmm... Actually I don't know, I should probably investigate the parts of "me" that are doing stuff.

Why do you believe that we cannot be just a cold observer in a nihilist materialist universe. I have had awakenings, science just calls it neurosis or psychosis. However it can be described as changes in perception. What makes you believe there is any more truth to it thanto anything else? Isn't truth just a word that doesn't always mean the same thing for everyone... Just a concept?

@Leo Gura I have had the nothingness awakening with eternity. I get that 100%. I'm not in it right now, but how would you paraphrase the word truth so I can understand what you guys mean? The metaphysical nature of reality? Raw input? I believe that it might be just a word-thing. I would never call that truth. What's the difference between saying metaphysical nature of reality and truth? What am I missing?

@Nahm @Nahm That's what I meant, wouldn't it be easier and more concrete to call it "perception/reality without filters" or "raw input". Or is what you guys call truth something else?

@Nahm my Point is Truth is only a word. There can be reality with filters and without filters. Truth is just a big word. It doesn't have the same meaning.

@trueself its definitely something but not kundalini. Kundalini is defined by a snake of energy crawling up the spine. Very intense.

@arlin That's because you are using it as an nihilistic escape from reality. I tend to do that too. What Kundalini showed me, is that I need to live my life to the fullest, and not escape from it by meditating. There is no way out, and apparently I was told that in every past life I wanted it to be the last, but then decided to reincarnate eventually. I still don't wish to reincarnate now, but I'll probably change my mind. We tend to feel like life is more suffering than pleasure.

Last month within a week I dreamt about 2 separate instances that became real the next day. Very specific things like that my broken coffee machine would suddenly start working again. Or that a specific person would threaten me to throw me off the balcony. Those things are not very common for me to say the least. Does anyone have those hyperintuitions regularly? I would love to hear your stories! And how can you cultivate that? I'm waiting to dream about winning the lottery to buy a ticket lol!

@Malekakisioannis Yes the problem is not all dreams are going to happen but some are. And this can lead to a real disaster, for example yesterday I dreamt about crashing my car. I can see how I could be terrified of driving today...