Spaceofawareness

If you aren’t taking care of your responsibilities in life, they will catch up to you. It’s important to confront life’s challenges, not try to escape them. You need to clean up your life if it’s messy with loose ends, otherwise you mind and mental energy will always be leaking out and worrying about all those issues. And if you somehow get to a point where you have shut down all those worries (which were actually trying to help you fix them), then eventually, as you said, life will come slap you in the face. The thing about such things is, the more we try to forget them or ignore them or not pay attention to them, or divert attention away from them, the larger they grow in our minds. A relatively easy problem to solve becomes a huge looming dark cloud which gives you existential terror, which you also try to escape from. Instead, look the problem in the face, break it into smaller easier to achieve steps, and focus on one step at a time. Don’t try to solve everything at once, as you will freak yourself out and cower in fear. Instead, spend 5 minutes to sit down, and think about the problem, look at it, tell yourself, ok I’m going to sit down for 5 minutes and think about this problem and work out what needs to be done. Write down what needs to be done, and work out if anything needs to be done first. Then, if you have time, either start focusing on the list and work through it, or, if you are busy and work and have little time to solve such things, at lunch time each day, look at your list and pick one thing you are going to try to solve. Once you solve that thing, cross it off, and give yourself a pat on the back. Continue to do this till your problems are solved. If you notice that you are avoiding the list, come back to this post and read it again. Likely you have some habit you do to avoid things you don’t want to do, So notice when you are doing that thing, then, use that to remind you that you are self sabotaging and your problems only grow when you avoid them. start using the to do list on your phone, and get in the habit of adding to the list when you think of something which needs to be done, and checking the list every morning to have an idea of what you need to do that day. Counterintuitively, the more you focus on the things you need to do, the less anxiety you will feel over these issues, because you are using different brain circuits which are involved in attacking problems rather than running (anxiety producing circuits). once your life is relatively free of worry, get in the habit of facing problems head on. Eventually there will be no fear or avoidance behaviour, you will have conquered your avoidance habits and taken back control. Then you should focus on either self actualising and self realising.

Good to hear from someone who is on the level. You have a good point there. Some things have more of an effect on our conscious experience than others. If you walk into a wall, you get feedback from the wall telling you it is there, even if ultimately it can only be perceived because you are conscious. But, as you mentioned, there are all manner of less real things than walls, like unicorns, fairy’s etc. I can take a photo of the wall and show someone. This is a piece of direct evidence of its existence, apart from touching the wall, but when I go to take a picture of a fairy, I can’t produce the same kind of direct evidence. If a criminal enters my house tonight, I will feel genuine fear, but I will never feel the same fear or be worried about seeing a werewolf, because I know there is a difference somehow in the existence of these two things. One is more real than the other. I was born one day, 35 years ago. Before then something had to exist for me to come into existence. Because we know babies are born, and have parents who are the ones who biologically create the baby. So, even before I existed, something existed. In the same way, when I touch this Apple, I can feel the Apple. But, for me to feel the Apple, there has to be something existing “out there” to stimulate my fingertips, and for the light to bounce off. Our senses, though they can be confused, also tell something of a semi reliable story most of the time. We know when we dream, that we sense things. But, when we wake up, we can tell we were dreaming, because there is a difference. The waking world seems more real. The difference is, the hallucination our brains normally create is constrained by the sensory information that our sense organs collect and our brains transducer into an internal world, which we confuse as being the real thing. We live in a construct, but, the construct does resemble what is really out there, if our brains are functioning correctly. so, unless we know our brains are unreliable in some way, such as if we have some kind of psychotic condition in which our sensory perception of the outside world breaks down, we can trust that what we see is in some way, really out there. Now, on top of our senses, our mind then interprets this and adds a conceptual layer. This conceptual layer can be much more unreliable and it can be useful to question. Not to question the real things out there, but maybe to question the importance of social conventions, of traditions, etc. these things are human constructs, and are less real than the things out there. They are a collectively nonconsensually agreed upon set of norms or standards which have spontaneously (mostly) arisen due to their tendency to produce some kind of societal stability. Examples of these are, laws, money, road rules, etc. If you don’t believe in them, there are still consequences, you may go to jail for stealing, or lose your license for driving too fast. So these are still real in some sense, but less real than the things out there like brick walls. now we have imaginary things. Whether you believe in them or not, no external circumstance related to them can affect you. You might have a fear of werewolves, but the only affect this fear can have in you is the internally imposed fear on you. Nothing external can affect you in regards to werewolves. So this is irrational. Now, all of these appearances occur within your consciousness, and yet, some of these occurrences have more direct consequences than others, while some, which are the irrational ones, have only internally generated consequences. the real trick is, working out which internally generated irrational beliefs you have you could discard, like ones relating to yourself and how you are constrained in some way.

Being more in the moment gives everyday life more meaning, inherently. Have you tried being more in the moment rather than being in your head?

My answer to you is, because not everyone gets this chance. You have been given the chance to fully realise what you truly are, your true nature. Some people live their entire lives without even the slightest inkling that they aren’t a person riding around in their heads, being attached to “positive” things, and averse to “negative” things. But you have, somehow, by chance, stumbled onto your true nature, or at least got a whiff of it. Now, this should be your new meaning of life, to realise what you truly are. You can still live your life, have goals, have a girlfriend, get a good job, make mistakes, own a house, have kids, or not, and along the way lots of things will change, you might not achieve those goals you had set for yourself, but then you will realise they were only an expression of your ego, so it will be easy to let go of them and continue. But, you can also find psycho-technologies to assist you in getting what you want by changing who you are on the surface. But, what you really are will not change. If you really want to get down in the dumps go read some Nietzsche, that will depress the shit out of you, I mean real despair. But, if you have awakened, even despair wont bother you, it will be observed, and then you will get back to things in your life which give some meaning, like friends, family, hobbies, etc, and those dark times won’t seem so dark. Good luck. You are still so young, and to be at this stage at your age is surprising to me, it took me 15 more years to get to this point, and I feel I am only just beginning in this journey to nowhere.

My question would be, why do you still want to maintain your separate self. What would it mean for you to lose this separate self, how would it change your daily life, your work situation, your family and relationship situation? Would it be an improvement or would it be a drawback? Do you think you might not be able to maintain all those things in an enlightened state? Or are you afraid that all those things would become meaningless and you would cease all interactions with them, and hole yourself up in a cave awaiting your transcendence to nirvana? These are honest questions I also have, however, my thought is you would still maintain those aspects of your life, if only for the reason that it is necessary to remain in whatever society you are in. You might not have any needs from those areas, but, you might still find some interesting stories to have play out, so why not, as you aren’t averse to anything.

There are two possibilities, a) whatever “you” are, might continue, though where and in what way is uncertain, though, it won’t really matter to anyone else, it seems to everyone else, once you die “you” are gone, b) when you die, there is nothing, no you, no experience, no looking down on everyone else still alive, not even darkness, not even nothingness in the way that we know, essentially, from your perspective the universe will cease to be. beyond this, there can be many kinds of speculation, theories of the afterlife, etc, but nothing can possibly be confirmed.

I spend much time during the day observing my mind and bodily reactions. I have learned to be able to observe these things like they are objects, so it’s like they are observed externally and objectively, not from within those states, subjectively. So now I want to try and observe this one who is observing, as I know since I am aware that there is one observing, it must be able to be observed. I’ll start with the initial observing of either a mind object or sensory object or movement, from this external objective location, then, when there is recognition of this observation, I try and step outside of that place and look back at this observer (figuratively speaking) however, I haven’t been able to discern anything about this observer, it’s like stepping out and looking at nothing. It can’t be viewed as an object, therefore it seems it must be pure subject. But why is it there can be awareness of this observer, yet it can’t be observed as any thing? i have read that this is what must be done, to observe the observer. I’m not sure if I am correctly approaching this, however I have only really tried recently so I think I need to persist to see what occurs. Does anyone have any experience with this? There are still times when what is observed has power, it hasn’t yet been fully deflated of its affectiveness, I try to observe even this, the one being affected by pains or pleased by pleasures.

My advice would be, don’t get too attached to being in this new state. If you can, see if there is something enjoying this state, where there is enjoyment there will be grasping, especially if and when it ceases. This is a peek behind the curtain of being, make sure you learn from it, but don’t attach, try observe this state impartially so the ego doesn’t sneak in the back door.

thanks silene, I’ve come across this article before, at first I was a bit put off from reading this, as I felt I had gone down the wrong path, but then I came to think it is just a different way towards the same destination. The challenge for us is to see through this self created observer into the real truth of oneness and universality.

@arlin more focusing on the breath during the day, focusing on the body while doing repetitive tasks, also practicing self inquiry, questioning who belonged to these thoughts, reactions etc, one day I just noticed thoughts were happening, and I felt I was a different one watching them.

@Dylan Page It’s natures way of saying, you “fucked up”, big time, so you pay big time. It’s not nice. And sometimes you didn’t fuck up, it was just really bad luck. But nature doesn’t care. All it cares about is if you survive to pass on your genes, so if a little pain can motivate you to survive long enough to do that, it will be the case.

Yes. When it first happened to me I was thrown, like you. The detachment was noticeable, actions seemed to happen on their own, thoughts, reactions. For me it lasted a few months, but that was because I encouraged the process, as along with the detachment comes great internal space, peace and even joy. After those few months it faded and my person came back into the centre. Try not to be too rattled by this state, try to gain something from it, as it is actually a kind of divine luck that you came upon it. It will not last, so you don’t need to worry there. If you don’t continue the breathing, and reject the state, the ego will soon take over again and you will be back to the same old you.

I was speaking to my wife a few months ago and she was telling me how she struggles with the critical voice inside her head. She is a highly motivated person, so it makes sense that she would be so motivated having an internal critic constantly pushing her forward. i mentioned to her that, I don’t really have that. She was shocked. I can and do have internal dialogue, thoughts, random ramblings inside my head. But, it is not constant, and it is very rarely critical. i think different people have different levels and degrees of internal dialogue. There is also a particular disorder where some people can’t have any inner voice, including imagining sounds internally. It also exists for visual imagery, called aphantasia, where some people have no ability to visualise internally. Our brains have two halves, the left half is verbal, the right half is non verbal and more intuitive. It might be that certain individuals have developed more along this right brain intuitive path than the left verbal brain path.

The purpose of pain is to ensure an organism doesn’t repeat a behaviour which caused it pain, so it essentially a slap on the wrist from nature, but, it is also an indication that you are still alive. There are other kinds of suffering which also have explanations. For example, if you feel your life is meaningless, also notice you will tend to engage in “seeking” behaviours, searching for “something” which you don’t know. If you lack meaning it is because the situation you find yourself in isn’t maximising your potential, so in this case you feel the need to go abroad, searching for something which satisfies this need for meaning and purpose. From birth we as humans, and indeed all animals are averse to pain. It is natures way. Over time, we learn to manage pain, but we still have that same aversion to the pain. What you can learn to notice is that pain consists of at least 2 distinct things. There is firstly the raw physiological sensation of the pain, then, in reaction to this there is a suffering component, which tends to have a negative emotion attached to it. It is actually possible to separate the two, so that all one feels is the first component, the physiological sensation of pain. In normal operation, the suffering reaction will amplify the felt pain sensation, but, if you can simply observe the physiological sensation, without any distraction, then the suffering component will either be greatly diminished or completely gone. It is a kind of brain hack, and takes a bit of practice, but it does work. Suffering entails struggling against the source of the pain, wanting to stop it, but if this internal struggling can be suspended by applying complete observation, you will notice the difference.

Of course you are correct, I know this can’t be forced. It was sheer happenstance that I was able to discover this observer state, I did not learn it. I’m not that familiar with any formal methods of self enquiry, though I know I have been doing it so far, as that is how the observer state arose initially, by questioning who this internal voice belonged to, it seemed not to be “my” voice. This may have been an error to think so, as obviously I assume there to be an I by saying such things, but it was the way it felt experientially.

Yes, that is what initially made me doubt that this observer is the one behind it all, more so my query was, I am aware that the observer is observing, what is it that is aware of this? Obviously it is awareness itself, but I still need to see this directly, to see that the observer is also an image appearing in awareness. There is some boundary which has been formed. I listened to a talk by Krishnamurti recently, where he was talking about the observer, which sees itself as a central point, around which a circumference of space can occur, and it looks through this space at objects, separate from them. This is the problem, this separateness. It is shown to be an illusion, and I know this conceptually, but not experientially. What I need to do is see directly there is no central locus of awareness, no separation between observation and observed.

It might be that as there is no ego for them to see it makes them uncomfortable, as that is how people “break the ice” so to speak, how they get a feel for each other, the ego’s talk.

Thanks for this, it helps, although it is conceptual it still gave me a little more understanding of where I am at, which it seems is stuck in some reflection of awareness. It seems I need to focus more on awareness itself, or the nondual nature of objects.

@Serotoninluv thanks so much for this. Its been happening on and off for maybe 4 months. When it first happened, it was this realisation of the voice in my head, but it felt like I was separate from it, and for some reason a name for this came, “the observer”. Over the course of a few days, it became more and more detached, to the point where like you describe, thoughts were like logs floating by. I also realised I could stop bad habits merely by observing them. I think this is where the issue of identification might have snuck in, as I came to feel identified with this observer state, however, with it came a feeling of vast inner spaciousness, calmness, and at times great joy and warmth for myself and others. As you have mentioned, it comes and goes, for the first time, it stayed for maybe 2 months consistently, then I was back where I began but with the memory of this, and so I could still remain mindful, but not as easily as in this observer state, and not with such inner spaciousness and detachment. I came upon a few teachings, Krishnamurti was one which resonated with me, and in many of his talks on this observer he says, “the observer is the observed”. The more I looked into it, I found more sources which seemed to indicate the observer state is a possible dead end, and to not strive for this state, it seemed like it was, like you mentioned, another thing which has to be transcended. So here I am. I find that I can enter this observer state if I remain mindful through my work day, it will increase its spaciousness and detachment over the course of a few days, but it also has a half life, and without constant maintenance it does decay. When I reach this state, maintaining mindfulness is nearly effortless due to the detachment and space. I tend to observe my thoughts and reactions, my body and senses as I work, any ego which stands out like a sore thumb.

After realising the true nature of what “I” am, pure awareness, I find I still get drawn back into the ego and its stories. It happens very subtly, I might be in presence the whole day, observing the stories the ego is trying to weave, and knowing that is not my true nature. But there can come a point during the day, maybe when things become busier and routine goes out the window, when the ego manages to “step in” and take the reigns, and upon doing this, “I” am now along for the ride, until I manage to realise that I am no longer centred in awareness, which gives me the opportunity to “step out” again. My question is, is this normal for this path of realisation, to be occasionally phasing in and out of pure awareness? If so, how can one (without down the path of psychedelic use, I have a family and “real” life to attend to as well, so this is not an option, at least for the time being). As I have mentioned, I stay mindful as much as possible through the day, thankfully my work allows this due to its repetitive nature, It has become routine to the point where it can be carried out without direct intervention from my awareness, meaning I can “float free” during the day, observing it all. I practice sitting during the evenings, before bed (this is my only time I can do this), and I have found this allows me to remain more present during the day at work, it is more at home that I can snap back into ego, especially when young kids bring up emotions of frustration. Does anyone have any methods for remaining mindful, even when situations like this “test” ones ability to remain in a place of presence? thanks.

@VeganAwake thanks for you insights, it is appreciated

@Stakres thank you Stakres, I am naturally sceptical and have only come to this conclusion through my own observations of the impermanence of all other states. It might be that I am all of it, the ego, the body, the mind, and the awareness... but while the ego, comes goes and changes, the body changes, the mind and thoughts change, I have noticed what does not change is the very awareness in which all of this is presented.

Thanks, some interesting techniques I’ll try. ?

@VeganAwake yes I see. Your true nature is not a ‘who’, or even a ‘what’, because what you are just ‘is’, pure awareness. What you thought you were never was, this person.

If the ego doesn’t exist, how does one transcend something that isn’t there? It may not be a single thing, more the collection of unconscious and consciously understood conditioning, both socially and in relation to the concept of you. What you probably mean is, we mistake these ideas to be true and unchanging. They are beliefs which we take to be true, permanent, unchangeable characteristics. So maybe we could say, there must be the direct realisation that what we thought was our self as an entity with these characteristics and properties and beliefs about itself, is actually a “construct”. So we are mistaken about what is there, confused. What we really are, pure awareness, has been “possessed” by this construct, and we have been mistaken about our true nature. These self beliefs which also contain and restrain us are not the truth, but rather have been mis attributed based on years of interactions with the world and other people, these interactions have produced within us, observations about these interactions, and other “people” have also imprinted their observations on us, either by words or action, no matter how subtle, which our minds have taken into this construct and updated it. Once one has a realisation that they are not this, and that what this ego really is is what has been described, they need to continue to keep this in mind, as the ego continually tries to draw them back into this illusion/delusion. By remaining aware of ones true nature one can remain “above” or “outside” of the ego’s grasp, remaining in a place the ego knows nothing about and can’t access. This is my understanding thus far, I may be wrong. However I think it’s not quite correct to say the ego doesn’t exist, more so that we have been mistaken about both our and it’s true nature. It’s an illusion, in the sense of the word used by magicians, a trick, something completely different than what we were led to believe it was.