Shiva99

Hey thanks. I've been reading this a couple of times but i think i don't really get it. Loving her right now doesn't completely hurt me. It only hurts me because i know she's most likely not gonna give me what i need and want. It also hurts because i wanna ravash her with my love, and this situation won't let me. I feel like i wanna penetrate her with it, literally and figuratively. It might sound crazy but that's what i feel right now. I want to make her feel good and see her face in total enjoyment, all because of me. I don't understand why you are saying i don't love her and that i'm trying so hard not to love her and i already don't love her, when i actually do.

Oh, you mean retreats. I will check it out sometime, but i think I might go and see a therapist again instead, anywhere in the upcoming months. I'm scared something might go nasty wrong with the shamanic breathing tbh. Probably nothing bad will happen, but it scares me.

Yes, but i doubt it is healthy to do it everyday, which is kinda what is happening lately. I will try this out thanks. This will be hard, especially since she is starting to get really comfortable initiating contact with me first. I don't know why i'm so obsessed with her tbh. It's kinda annoying, knowing that she is probably not even nearly thinking about me as much as i am thinking about her. Maybe i'm not even on her mind at all lol. Right now she's probably enjoying her husband at home etc. Hurts like hell even thinking about it, and it doesn't even makes sense that i'm now actually starting to miss her outside of work too. Why me...

How do i revisit and process it on my own? I don't wanna get into therapy again right now. I thought meditation would be good, but it seems to make it worse atm. I've been meditating for an hour every morning, but it always results in crying these last days. I doubt it's even healthy at this point.

I've been bullied a lot when i was a child. I would say my self esteem was almost non existent about 10 years ago. Also had horrible social anxiety, and i couldn't even get groceries for myself. Right now i would say the anxiety at it's worst is at max 2/10. Also my last relationship which was like 5 years ago, was pretty toxic. I think this one contributed a lot to my wound. I was the giving one in it, and never really received anything in return. Mostly because my ex her parents were not accepting of our relationship and me, we were having a lot of issues. They were the type of parents that had an ideal boyfriend for their daughter in mind, and i didn't meet the requirements. Because of this, my ex always had to lie to her parents to meet up with me etc. I never knew when i was going to see her again after meeting up. This frustrated the hell out of me back then.Actually now that i just wrote this down, i'm not so sure anymore if that relationship is the biggest contributor, because i remember already feeling especially bad by not hearing back from random girls i met in a club on a night out etc. This was before i had any relationship at all, and back then i was always overreacting when a girl would reject me or didn't call/text back. To this day i still have this problem. I instantly doubt myself when i don't hear back from a girl, when obviously there could be a million different reasons for it. In the end i always think it's me. At last my father was emotionally dead, and he never showed any emotion. The only time i saw him cry a bit was when his mother died. In all other occasions he never shed a tear, and was always "numb" to it. When i was a child and i would show emotion, he would tell me to stop it, or he would walk away etc. I can't even remember him hugging me or him hugging my mom etc. I never even saw him give her a kiss... At the moment i also have this problem. I'm unable to give my mom a kiss on the cheek. Hugging her is also something i'm unable to do for some reason. When my mother tells me she loves me, i'm unable to say it back... It's seriously fucked up. Something holds me back from doing it.

I got rid of my smartphone and bought a dumbphone because i was addicted to it like crazy. It helps a lot, especially since i'm almost never using my dumbphone when i'm out and about. The problem now is that whenever i'm at home, i use my laptop way more than i used to. It seems like i'm replacing my smartphone addiction with my laptop now. What can i do about this? I can't stop using my laptop as i obviously need it for basic stuff and work.

This video is gonna answer all your questions:

There is a quick and dirty way: write down all the memories you have about the bullying, and recall them one by one. You need to relive them as if they were happening right now. For this you are using everything you can. You visualize it, you think it through, you feel into emotions and you don't stop until your done. You have not processed the bullying, and that's exactly why it's still having an effect on you to this day. Also the inner child is not sure that you are ready to stand up for yourself would a situation of bullying occur again, so it's protecting you right now by remembering all of it. Maybe start getting into boxing or mma just to become confident that if you have to, you can protect yourself no matter what. Not to use it, or kick someone in the face, but just to make your inner child feel that you can stand up for yourself. I must warn you though, this method is not for everyone. Maybe it's better to try something like EMDR with a therapist first. Also: you don't know if it will take years. Not everyone is the same. You won't know if you don't try. To give you some hope: i had a very rough past of bullying. I did a lot of meditation, therapy etc etc. Right now i can say i'm doing decent. I even meet my past bullies on a regular basis when i'm out and about, but i can look them straight in the eye now. I would even kick their ass right then and there if i had to, but i obviously won't do that. It's just that now i'm comfortable, and over it. You have to get to this position, and don't stop until your there. Life is too short to carry that shit forever. All the best much love.

There are plenty of interviews and clips on YouTube. Goggins is exactly what you are describing. Maybe he just doesn't resonate with you. Why does it have to be a documentary or movie btw?

David Goggins. No documentary yet i think, but enough stuff of him on YouTube and he wrote a book. If he doesn't inspire you, no one will.

I've been contemplating a lot on the attraction and longing i have for a married female coworker, and now i finally understand why. I'm attracted to her because i have problems meeting women, and i don't know any girls outside of my work environment. This has to be the reason why i'm attracted to her, enjoying her attention etc. She's unavailable, and this covers my insecurities that i also now am aware of. I have some insecurities that make me feel unworthy of a woman that is available for me, and that can give me the love i deep down long for. They are holding me back from approaching woman that are single. Feels good to finally see this, but it hurts like hell. Especially because now i can see how i'm fooling myself around all the time, literally being happy getting attention from a woman who is married. Besides all of this, i'm wondering how i would know if i'm ready for a relationship to begin with. I feel like i want to work on my insecurities etc. some more before dating again, but at the same time i crave love, sex and intimacy a lot. I'm always numbing this pain by masturbating too much, which obviously doesn't work long term :(.

Running in the morning makes me feel good throughout the day. It gives me a lot of energy to tackle the day. I wish i could run every morning, but i can't. If i do so, over time my anckles start to sting and injuries come. What can i do about this? Plenty of people run everyday without too much problems.

Yesterday i had a date with a girl, and we ended up hanging out for over 8 hours. We ended up at her house, cuddling and snuggling on the couch. Later that evening she brought me home and everything went well. Now today she is totally ignoring me. I haven't heard from her at all, when normally we would text each other all the time..

Did you read my other messages here? She literally told me she isn't ready to be that intimate yet with someone because guys always only used her for sex, and she did this even before we went on a date. She's not into one night stands or anything like that. Why would i bother trying if she tells me this?

No.

Yea i'm letting her initiate now.

Not true. I actually hinted at staying over at her place for the night, while we were cuddling. She said she wasn't ready for that just yet. She also told me about it before we even went on the date, so obviously i was cautious.

So things turned out differently than i thought it would. She actually texted me later in the day, feeling the same about our date etc. Everything is good now, however i feel like i have to give her more space. I made the decision to let her initiate all the conversations from now on, and it's working out good so far. She initiates interest, and i always respond in a good way. I'm just wondering if this is the way to go long term though. Maybe she will get bored of me not pursuing her anymore?

I didn't masturbate or watch porn etc for over 3 months straight as a result of feeling very fucked up the last time after i did it. The 3 months went by, felt good overall most of the time, but not so much anymore after month 2. Today i decided to masturbate again, as keeping myself from doing it was becoming annoying and it started having a weird effect on my life. The horniness was driving me insane, and i started getting aroused by my co-worker who is a 50 year old woman. She obviously is not ugly, and i would definitely have sex with her, but for the most part it was my horniness taking over. As a result i started treating her differently, and our work relationship got better, but at the same time i wanted to get closer to her in ways that was not so good anymore. I started fantasizing having sex with her at my desk, eyeballing her even though i was trying not to etc. Right now after masturbating, i'm not feeling the balanced mood that i was experiencing during my period of abstinence. The Lack of motivation and zest for life that i was experiencing before this is back, and also my social anxiety is back. I'm basically feeling fucked up again. I hate the fact that i can't even masturbate once without feeling like utter shit.

Lol it wouldn't have lasted for long, that's for sure ahahaha.

Ya i don't know man. I didn't do pickup even before covid. I feel like it's weird to just walk up to a girl and start talking to her out of nowhere. A lot of conflicting beliefs towards woman and dating. As i said i have a lot of introspection to do.

@Javfly33 @sApBG @Sleyker @Danioover9000 @Potato People King @AdamDiC @Lyubov @Osaid Thanks for all your answers. I've been contemplating alot on this issue of mine this weekend. I came to the conclusion that i'm using masturbation and porn as an escape from my real desire for intimacy and sex. I feel like this is also why i keep feeling unfulfilled and empty after the deed. Fapping is too boring and doesn't fulfill my true desires. I'm fooling myself, and i've noticed how i'm coming up with all sorts of rationalizations of why i'm not able to get a real girl and intimacy in my life. Besides this i'm also aware that i'm nowhere near ready to be in a commited relationship, but rather want to experience a lot with sex. Ultimatly i know that's not gonna fulfill me longterm either, but i feel like that's the way i should go right now. There is a fuckton of work to do for me still, and i honestly don't know where to start. I've never even approached a girl, and i've only had 2 serious relationships ( 2 years and over ) that happened out of the blue.

CCNA. https://www.cisco.com/c/en/us/training-events/training-certifications.html

Self exclude from all websites and casinos. It will help a lot. It's only because the option to gamble is available to you. In my country i have an online form on governmental website that we can fill in, and it automatically blocks you from all websited and landbased casinos, so maybe you can do something like that.

For some reason i always tend to start slacking one way or another, when i'm making good progress with habits. For instance: if i keep my sleep schedule on point, my exercise habit will suffer and i will start to slack on exercise. If i eat healthy for a while, i will start to sleep in late, or watch useless YouTube vids etc. If i start saving up money, i will get the urge to gamble a bit. Why is this?