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The logistics of falsifying death certificates would make this hard. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/debunking-the-false-claim-that-covid-death-counts-are-inflated1/ But you might as well believe literally any conspiracy theory at this point. Who said the earth isn't flat and images are just being manipulated? What if your computer and phone are manipulated and everything you see on your screen is actually made by AI to trick you into thinking all of this? What if you are in VR being manipulated to think this is life?

You are creating this notion of flying. You look at things and you judge "those things fly" and "those things don't". There is absolutely no limit. This include having a "notion of flying". You are not forced to have this notion or idea, it's just an idea. If everything could fly then the notion of flying would lose it's meaning. It would be the same as if nothing could fly.

People who refuse to get vaccinated take away our freedom to be free from this disease. We will never get rid of covid it it keeps evolving in unvaccinated populations. The freedom to spread a disease is taken away but the freedom to live without the disease is being granted. Most people prefer the latter, this is democracy. Likewise laws prevent you from killing. The freedom of killing is taken way and in exchange you get the freedom of not being killed. A pretty good deal, unless you are some sort of psychopath.

Because you think love or "being friends" equals "giving you stuff" but that is a notion you may think and is false. Leo has 1 million followers. Do you think responding to every personal message is the most efficient way for him to spread love and love you? If he truly loves you but also loves every one else, shouldn't he produce content aimed toward everyone (e.g. his videos). You too can spread love with your work. It doesn't need to be 1 to 1 personal messages to be "love".

Notice you are creating a distinction between good/love and evil and saying "more of one means less of the other". This distinction is entirely relative to the subject of what is evil or good. (Killing is evil, for humans) This distinction is not what Love is, Love is no-distinction and it is absolute. Highest love allows/accepts absolutely everything. Good/evil are relative notion of "love" and aren't the highest love. This race only exists as a thought in the mind of those who think they are racing. This race only can exist with a relative notion of love where good and evil is quantifiable. Absolute love is not quantifiable and so there's no reduction or increase of it. Racing to do good in life may happen in the presence of absolute Love, but it is not absolute Love, it is some relative activity or even life purpose someone decide to take on. There is absolutely no limits acting out on anyone in any way preventing anything from happening. All there is is the experience of the present moment, which is infinite and absolute love without any distinctions of things being good or evil. Limits are only a notion and they can be experienced as a notion/thought but never directly. There's absolutely no should. This life experience is absolute love and comes with no string attached. There's nothing you need to prevent and any "evil" you are trying to prevent comes from a relative notion of what you personally consider evil. If you drop all jugdements/distinctions about what is evil, you may still prevent evil (if judged from your paradigm) but this prevention would happen without thought from following feeling rather than following the idea that "evil must be prevented". Yes what you consider "evil" is just a distinction you are making and is part of Consciousness/Absolute love. No, this is a story made up by ego to justify itself in this experience. But there are absolutely no ego who needs anything like a purpose or meaning of "preventing evil". The race is likewise also a story the ego creates but this time implies that his purpose also happens in a "competitive environment" (which in the context of doing good, is even more ridiculous). This post is wrong because it's an attempt to justify "limitations" one supposedly has but there's literally no such thing as a limitation. This is just a notion that is being experienced right now. Let it go and be free.

You are implying that accepting equals inaction which it isn't. When everything is accepted, the body doesn't stay fixed there dead and motionless. The body still may do things while in full acceptance of everything.

@Preety_India I can relate with what you said regarding forum messages Nahm sends. Often I struggle to understand what he means and it feels cryptic to me. Having a face to face conversation with him on Skype is totally different though, in my previous experience with him I had absolutely no problem understanding anything he was saying. @Yali The Skype session I did with him was directly useful to the problems or "blockages" I had at the time. Nahm is very understanding and lets you talk about basically anything at all. Without telling you what to do he justs points out things that are "overlooked" in a way that feels totally nice and non confrontational.

Have you considered doing Skype sessions with Nahm ? He's amazing

Notice you are creating a definition of what it means to "have consciousness" here and judging that this experience you are having "has consciousness". But this isn't consciousness, this is a distinction you are making (from an imagined non-consciousness state). There can't be a "state that doesn't have consciousness". The idea of state is misguided too. It's not a state that is distinctionless, reality/everything is. If you start to say no-distinction is a state, you are creating a distinction between a moment of distinction and a moment of no distinctions.

To some extent my main "life trauma" was something relatively similar to yours so perhaps you'd find value in listening to it. This reply will contain no suggestions or "things you should do" but rather, I'll just tell you my story. When I was 3 year old my parents separated (Mom cheated on my Dad) and after a little while, my Dad was dating my step-mom. Due to the heartbreak of my Dad with my Mom, my Dad was a bit insecure and really cared about keeping my step-mom. It turned out my step-mom had very bad experiences with her step-mom and she felt "weird" about me because she was very scared of "being a bad step-mom" just like her was. At some point she said to me (in front of my Dad) that I can call her "Mom" which being a 4 year old I responded "I already have a Mom!" which kinda hurt her. At the time I was 4 year old so I didn't really understand it but it kinda hit her in the face hard. My Dad who was really trying to keep my step-mom at the time did his best to "patch things up" and make our new reconstituted family work despite the friction between my step-mom and me. As time passed, I started being excluded from dinner conversations in a quite rude manner by my dad and I didn't understand why. Yet when my step-mom wasn't there, my Dad gave me all his exclusive attention kind of to "make up" for when she was there. From all of this situation, I started being quite shy with my step-mom although when I was younger I wasn't at all. I was scared of doing something wrong again and hurting her feelings but didn't understand any of why all of that was. Since I didn't understand anything, I ended up interpreting the sitation as "me being bad with women". That's why I'm shy, that's why Dad doesn't let me participate in conversations with his women and etc. When my sister came out I also was shy with her for similar reasons, validating this idea that "I'm shy/I'm bad with women". As life went on, this belief kept being more and more internalized as "who I am". In high-school at first I had a lot of friends (all men) but then they started hanging out with women and in this situation, I was literally frozen by fear. My own self-identity revolved around being too shy to talk with them. It didn't take long until I was ruled out as a loser because of this and I lost my "popular friend circle" and ended up hanging out with the other "rejects" in high school because of this. This whole thing also sparked a big reaction in myself : the need to compensate. The logic was that if I'm really bad with women, I'll need some other way to get them to like me. One way to do that was to become really good at math at school. I wanted to become extremely rich, popular and powerful so I could finally have a "princess" that would respect me. I always assumed that I had to be ashamed of who I was and I had to gain my respect of others through this hard work. This lasted up until college (after highscool) where performance was becoming even of a concern for me. At the time I didn't even try to get a girlfriend because I assumed nobody would ever want me until I'm super rich and popular. My quest for higher performance lead me to seek higher productivity which lead me to Leo. At first I listened to his videos about how to get shit done, how to stop being shy, which helped me a lot. Then I started Meditation, which at first felt like it did nothing but over time, became a "must" since not doing it would always lead to self desesperation and procrastination. I was also active on the forum at the time (different account, won't mention old username publicly) and I thought every one here was going bananas. What are these morons in their delusions taking DRUGS of all things? I had a lot of argument with a lot of people on there about their effects on the brain, safety and etc. I was also doing my own research in scientific papers to try to "prove" that psychedelics are bad for you. After a year of research however, I was forced to conclude that those substances have absolutely no negative effect on the body and I ended up trying my first tab of acid (I think in 2018). This trip was probably the best of my life. I couldn't believe how much fun I was having and how all I had to do to become more productive was to chill. After this first trip I wanted MUCH MORE and so I immediately ordered 5-MeO-DMT and started doing some of that every 2 week and LSD every 2 other week. This couple of months of my life were really fun and amazing, I don't think I had that much pleasure since then. That period was characterized by being high energy, high mood almost all of the time and basically no obstacle being a problem either. I had in mind of getting a girlfriend though but since those couple of months were in the summer, I left that task for september as University would start again. In september life was still fun. I was flirting with a girl in my class while another girl was flirting with me. I was in a weird dynamic of flirting with a girl that didn't really want me and rejecting another girl that wanted me but that I didn't want. At that time I had never been into any relationship appart from one that lasted 2 dates in 2 weeks. As the semester progressed however, it seemed more and more clear that the girl I had a crush on didn't want me, yet I was falling into the beliefs that I had "obsessive thoughts about her" and I couldn't control what I was thinking anymore, despite the 1 hour of meditation per day at the time. I ended up asking my crush out, knowing she would say no, just to make it all "stop" as I was under the idea I couldn't stop fantacizing about her anymore. After she rejected me I came back home and then next day I did my personal highest dose of LSD : 300 µg. I had spend the previous night "recovering" and I believed at the time that I was "over it" it was no big deal. This trip was the biggest nightmare I had every experienced. It felt like my body was falling appart, everything stopped making sense and I was deeply ashamed of who I was, more than I ever was. Turned out this awakened my trauma of "thinking I'm bad with women" as I got a case of me not doing great with women. (Previously I just didn't care/ didn't think about it). After this trip I was traumatized, believed I had screwed up my brain permanently and was deeply ashamed. It is clear to me today that this trip was trying to make me challenge the idea that "I'm someone who's bad with women" but at the time I was way too afraid and interpreted it as "my death". Since I believed I was that thought I was becoming extremely defensive and did everything I could to defend that thought. As a result I called my family, made a big conflict, told them I was on LSD. Bad times hahaha It took me couple of years after that to work on this trauma and realize it was just an identitication I had about myself. I wasn't the shame, I wasn't the "bad with women" that's just an idea and that idea felt really bad. Following the bad trip, I had my first self realization in the middle of the night. Then I continued meditating, reading books like Eckhart Tolle and Peter Ralston and tripping. I ended up retracing I think mostly everything about my trauma. Why it happened, what it is I thought that is wrong and how I was bringing this idea in my present moment. I'm giving you my current best approximation of what happened here but perhaps I'll find out more about those beliefs in the future. In any case, I do not need to care about them anymore, they are no longer believed or thought, only, I believed them for about 20 years in the past. Despite "figuring out what went wrong", it wasn't immediately easy to get a girlfriend. I had other experiences, other failures (which also were followed by other bad LSD trips lol, but less bad) but about 3 years after my initial failure, it's finally working out! I'm in my first real relationship for the first time and it's been about 4 months. I'm super happy about it and she even trips on Shrooms with me! (How amazing). In the end, I got into a relationship, despite believing with everything I had that I was deeply bad with women. That's my story. Yours will be different in many ways but I'm sure there are some similarities. In any case, I hope this was helpful or if it wasn't, at least it was relatively enjoyable to read.

I'm simply offering a counter perspective here, I'm well aware of what your perspective, notice where your perspective have brought you in life and the results it is producing. In the end you don't have to agree with me on anything. You can find your own answers all by yourself with Meditation. Notice this stubborness you have only will drive you deeper into your self beliefs, deeper into misery and "not being able to" with women. What is there to lose in trying Meditation consistently everyday for a month for example? Even if I and @Nahm and everyone else on this forum are total clowns for suggesting meditation, what will you have lost? 20 minutes per day? What are you doing all day that is so valuable you wouldn't want to spend 20 minutes doing something that can change your life? If you really want a girlfriend, why would you not try anything to get one? Alternatively, a safe and low amount of non-hard psychedelics like Shrooms or LSD could help you "unblock" your state of mind and show you what is possible. If you really believe your brain is "screwed" and "locked" into "being bad with women" then what do you have to lose again? If you are right about having a "locked brain" then you'd see that psychedelics do not affect you. In the end I really wish you the best man. I really hope you can find freedom from those ideas but at the same time I can't do anything for you but to share my own perspective and suggestions.

@Blackhawk That might be what your brain is thinking right now but not what the brain is. Maybe you think you know what you are/what the brain is, but notice that is a thought the brain is having right now. The brain cannot be a thought since it is the thing that has thoughts. This idea of "being someone who sucks at dating/is disliked" is a thought the brain is experiencing right now (and it feels bad), and not the brain itself. You aren't this, you just think it's you because you may have been thinking that your whole life. How to stop thinking that? How to let go of that deeply dysfunctional and destructive idea? Meditation You do your best but if everytime you fail you start desesperating and thinking you'll never make it, you are distracting yourself from getting better. If you have 1000 steps to do on a walk it's easy, anyone can do this. But if at every step you make you spend 30 minutes hardcore doubting yourself and hesitating you'll never complete those 1000 steps. Let go of those misconceptions you have about what you are and you'll be free to get what you want.

Do you realize that being liked or disliked is a matter of what you do/how you act and not who you are? If I go to the classroom and be a total dick, pretending I'm better than everyone, everyone will hate me. If I'm nice to everyone then maybe half of the people will like me. But I'm fully capable of both behavior and there's no need to identify with one or the other. E.g. thinking "I'm a dick, I can't help it, I'm forced to act out like a dick everytime I see someone". If you had negative experiences with women it is due to things you've done or said that were likely not fun for the other person. If you take consciousness of those behaviors you can just drop those behaviors and try again, iteratively, until you are at a point where people enjoy your company. In no way identifying with those behaviors and thinking "you are like that" is going to ever be helpful and this identification process too is a behavior which is deeply unattractive to anyone. No one wants to be around someone who think they are a loser. Instead of saying some generality like "disliked by all females" you may find more value in understanding exactly what in your previous attempt went wrong, what made you disliked by that specific person. If you are a fan of Truth then you should know speaking in generality is the best way to be wrong.

A suggestion could be to express this desire of fantasy through production of video games (it's getting easier with Unity!) and short films or any other form of art which not only let you entirely design your desired experience but also lets you share that experience with others once it is done.

Worth is a concept relative to a person judging something to have value. You can assign things their worth and you can ask other people how much you are worth to them but you will never find something that has an objective or instrinsic worth.

There's quite a leap from pointing out to triggering but I can see where you are coming from here. But I think there might be value in pointing it out to people who aren't aware of it. If you already are aware of Leo's character and his flaws then it's useless to point it to you but for some people who don't see them, then there might be some value in offering a counter perspective.

@Inliytened1 Are you sure you aren't the one triggered by Consilience saying Leo is arrogant here? Nobody else brought up "being trigerred" that's something you came up with. All Consilience said is that if you can't see the arrogance in Leo's character you are fooling yourself/hero worshipping. Which is a fair statement tbh, everyone has their bias and you should be able to see them. The fact Leo's character is arrogant/has a personal bias is in no way triggering nor problematic. (Although perhaps it is for Consilience, I'm not in his head). How can you be hero worshipping if you are "God-realized"? Perhaps "God-realized" is a label which has very little to do with God (could even say an arrogant label), but I'm only throwing ideas out here... you know how it is

As a computer scientist and math lover, I'm deeply offended

You are the one having those judgements either of yourself and others. Who do you sleep with, how many times you have sex, whether you have orgasms or not or how many, all of this is to your discretion and nobody judges you about this. Your self-worth is not defined by this. Yet this is what is being implied with this statement. Based on your videos and posts, It appears from my POV that you personally think (at times) that self-worth is tied to either your bed performance or ability to attract women but in reality they are absolutely not. They are just very specific aspects of life you can get good at if you want (nothing wrong with it) but without more. I agree this is the goal but in my experience, treating the trauma like a problem you are going to fix just doesn't work since the person is identified with the trauma. Your attempts to fix the trauma are interpreted (by the person) as attempts to fix the person, since the person believe they are their trauma. (That's what a trauma is). This reinforces the belief that there is a problem with them in the first place (which is what the trauma is) and is likely to put them on the defensive since you are directly trying to change what they think they are. In reality there's literally nothing to do to "fix" it, since the trauma doesn't exist in the first place, it just is "thought to be". No matter how much you dig into someone else's past you cannot let go of thoughts and beliefs for someone else. But you can do your best to alleviate the fear and insecurity that makes them cling to their beliefs. Hence the point of making them feel loved and valid so that they have the space to process those emotions. If you treat their trauma (their sense of self) as a problem they will feel unloved and invalid. But regardless of the approach you want to use to help someone else with their trauma, you need to accept them in their current state. If you don't accept their current state and are in a hurry for them to change so you can fullfill your personal need, it's not going to work. Rather than forcing someone else to change for you (with the excuse that it also helps them) you may find value in digging into your own needs and where they are rooted from. That may make you untie your happiness from the state your partner is in (or from the need of having a partner, if you are single), eliminating a lot of stress and unpleasant neediness.

This is extremely needy and dysfunctional. Everyone is identified with their trauma. What you are describing is trying to eliminate someone's trauma for your own benefit. "I don't like you the way you are, please change." Best way to destroy your relationship imo I would rather advise to stop needing her to be different. Either accept her the way she is fully or leave her. I would find it silly to leave someone over something like this but hey if you have that much attachment to multiple orgasms you do you. Trying to change someone is a recipe for disaster. The best way you can help someone grow is to love them the way they are and let them grow at their own pace. No amount of pressure, forcing or neediness will accelerate someone's growth. The strategy here is to just make it stop bothering you so you can move on. It will be much easier for her to talk about it openly and figure it out herself if you apply no pressure onto her.

Focus on making her feel good and not the orgasm count. If you are stressed out about not giving her an orgasm she can probably feel that stress and feels bad for not having her orgasm easily. Sex is not about the orgasms, it's about the feeling. Be at ease, enjoy the moment and she will likely enjoy it too. Leo loves to brag about how many orgasms he gives to women and that idea had an impact on me too on my first time. My girlfriend really didn't understand why I was trying so hard to give her so many orgasms on our first night. But in the end it's really more of an ego thing and my girlfriend really doesn't care about cumming multiple times. But as soos_mite_ah asks, it depends a lot on what she thinks too. Our experiences differ since we are different people. What does your girlfriend want?

Recognize that by asking "how" you are already assuming that there is a problem with yourself, that you are now "stuck" in this version of yourself. Consider the possibility that you aren't stuck to this version of yourself but it was just something you thought as a result of what happened. You being stuck into that version is really an interpretation, or an "explanation" you had for your behavior as a result of what happened. Following the events if you were to really believe that you are stuck into that version then you might act as that version, because that's what you think. But is this interpretation correct? Are you really stuck? Don't take my word for it, really focus on the original "problem" and feel what interpretation of the situation feel right/good versus what interpretation feel wrong/bad. We all come here and have our own interpretations of what your situation is but the best interpretation you can get comes from yourself, because you know who you are better than we do. But if you weren't actually stuck in this role then it was indeed an impossible problem to fix. There is no "how" because the problem doesn't exist. There's nothing to let go except the idea that there's something you can't let go. The feeling you had all along simply indicated you that this was the case (that your idea of being stuck was untrue).

Indeed this realization that you don't need any teacher is valuable. But this is an argument can be used to defend literally any con artist pretending to be a teacher. "My high school teacher was so bad I learned to be an autodidact which was an invaluable life skill, thank you so much teacher!" If there's a scammer in town should be avoid warning the kids so they become less naïve or should we warn them? If you warned the kids, isn't that making them not listen to their own voice, how will they develop this ability to detect scammers themselves if they don't "go in the wrong direction"?

The situation created a lot of pressure onto you. You wanted to prove you were good at acting character B and you probably had too much pressure and fear, which caused you to act poorly. Why? Because you can't play 2 roles at once. You either play the role of a mivafofa that is scared of disappointing or you play character B. As much as you relate with character B because of some aspect of it, character B's character and emotional state you were acting probably had little to do with mivafofa's emotionnal state in the moment. Now, do you want to play the character of a mivafofa who beat herself up endlessly and feel shame at every practice? Or do you want to let go of this character and play a different mivafofa? If you can play a mivafofa that's amazing at acting A or B, I have no doubt you would be able to play any role they give you perfectly. You just can't play 2 roles at once.

Yes "being mislead" is a relative notion which judges the place you end up at as good or bad. I concede that not liking the experience of believing things as a result of being said those things by someone who claimed it was true is my relative, subjective opinion and perhaps a subset of people would actually want this experience.