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What is this fish?

Does it make "sense" for you not to be able to sleep? Or do you more feel likes is a stupid problem out of nowhere? If its the latter, I can relate. On my last no self realization huge hunger came. I was hungry even after having eaten, feeling in a kind of weird state of "impossible to be satisfied". Turns out I wasn't hungry anymore, I just thought I was (was REALLY convinced I was) and made this into a problem. My ego used this bullshit trick to make the mind care about "me" again, basically recreating the ego after having it die. Could your problem have some sort of similarity? Who is unable to sleep? And for who is it a problem? Perhaps the shock of discovering god was so strong that it sent you into 3 days of overthinking? Doing exercise is a good advice and will probably fix your problem practically

I'm terribly sorry that happened to you and I wish you the best of luck. I also had a terrible trip once because of a very very bad mindset. Now I'm 7 months later and this is totally behind, 100% recovered and now tripping again. You haven't broken anything or done anything irreparable. My mind wanted to believe this too. (DIfferent story but same message). Of course it was a story, the perfect one to be constantly worried about. It's ok if you don't want to take drugs again. In my case I didn't need drugs to figure it out. Reading + Meditation was enough. I would advise to take all the positive energy and put it together into making a successful recovery.

I feel like if you are expecting life to get easier you are setting yourself for hell of a disappointment. Embrace the difficulty because a life with no difficulty is a boring life to live.

I apologize if I have misinterpreted what you said. What I mean is that while you are right saying people that are preaching are not living to their full potential (and thus not very woke), you are only noticing the people that are preaching because the others are... living life to their full potential (and thus probably doing more meaningful things). Mostly, statistically. There are some very awakened people on the forum too, yet they are more focused about helping than talking about themselves IME. That's not me btw, I'm just trying to be right again right now lol

Be careful about the bias in the population sample you are taking. People that are preaching about the benefits of their experiences might not be a representative sample of the entire psychedelic community. The only reason I'm here is because I'm backsliding and running away from my problems. If I were in a peak state I probably would do something else with my time.

@Amandine No need to be ashamed of being wrong in the past honestly. I relate to what you said a lot. I also tend to feel the same as your deleted post toward Leo until I watch some of his recent videos. His messages on the forum makes me feel like he's playing a caricature of himself but then watching his video I realize that I'm the dumbass and I was just projecting.

You may be interested in learning neuroscience and neural networks for yourself rather than going at war with people for who "psychedelics are unexplainable" is part of their belief system and identity. I did study neuroscience for fun, in a very casual manner. Not enough to explain anything to anyone but enough to let go of the HPPD worries I had at the time and give me a bit of satisfaction. On a more personal level, everything I've learned in neuroscience and the direct experiences I got on psychedelics do not conflict one another. No self is just the most optimal way of running any neural network at a specific task and ego is just the most optimal way to maximize chances of survival. Someone who would make AI with neural nets to make monkeys that live together, hunt and have sex in a simulation would probably run in very similar conclusions. (Sadly our computer power is not enough right now to simulate billions of neurons effectively). I do think that mapping parts of the brain with thoughts is very weak though. Sure you can observe what kind of thinking is going with that but you will never get the details. The brain is a very dynamic organ, things change a lot constantly in it. I feel like trying to get insights out of brain region mapping is like trying to figure out which application I'm running on my computer by trying to hear which hardware components are working. What I think will happen in the future is generalizations of the results found by spirituality and the psychedelic community as mathematical properties of neural networks. Perhaps at some point we'll stop looking at neural networks like total black boxes and try to understand more what's happening (a bit more like we do in computer vision).

I cannot answer your question but there's also circles in my meditation sometimes. Although they are slow and never with images. Maybe that's just a blood vessel in the eye? The mind is free to interpret it however it wants and add images to them. Just a guess though

Since life is a maze, since man is the bullshit animal, how would you know if you are at 99.99999% and not just convincing yourself that you are? Does love really come with a permit to assume you know and stop looking? And even if you are at 99.99999%, is reading books (that get it wrong) really a waste of time? Who's time is getting wasted, and why does it matter? Is there a you that gets affected by reading "wrong" books?

Eckhart Tolle in his book "A new earth" puts all drugs (including alcohol) in a bag stating that they can bring the joy the Being at the cost of unconsciousness. Sadhguru generalizes and compares them to steroids: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpJP21PHLwI My impression is that he seems quite pissed at the question. He then proceeds to talk about legalization for the rest of the video. Alan Watts said "If you get the message, hang up the phone. For psychedelic drugs are simply instruments, like microscopes, telescopes, and telephones. The biologist does not sit with eye permanently glued to the microscope, he goes away and works on what he has seen." I cannot find a statement from Peter Ralston. I love listening to John Butler on youtube, he seems quite awaken after his 60 years of meditation. I wouldn't picture him taking any psychedelics. Do you have any examples of psychedelic awaken teacher out there other than Leo?

I recently got the joke for the first time. Perhaps the fact I identifies with getting the joke is what prevents me from getting it again right now. It was on 200µg 1P-LSD though. Is there chance of getting the joke again but sober? Chances of getting it everyday sober? I'm curious how often someone like you get the joke. Thank you for mentionning it. It didn't make so much sense at the time but now it does. I had so much things to explore while having no self but it was so short. I was distracted by a huge hunger that didn't stop although I was full.

Perhaps @Serotoninluv has better experience tripping after a heartbreak but let me tell you this. As someone who was a relatively experienced tripper, my only bad trip ever was after a rejection. Took me months to recover and it undid a lot of the peace I had developped in my mind with a year and a half of meditation. It made me experience struggles that are far bigger than anything else I've been through, I felt deeply broken in a way I still can't fully understand right now. It was like 12 hours of paranoia and ego inflation. I do encourage you to try psychedelics one day but I strongly recommend you do it when you feel at your peak state. When you are open to discover about yourself not to fix some specific problem but just for the sake of it. But that's just my experience, do what you want with it.

On meditation, do you try and look at that fear or do you try to avoid it? You are perhaps living a fantasy where you would wish your mind to be loving, peaceful, able to sleep and etc. But I don't believe you will find it by avoiding the issues that are preventing you from getting there. I think your issues need to be faced directly. What I mean by directly is that when you sit in meditation and a fearful or otherwise emotion-packed thought arise you want to let it be, don't try to reject it or put it away. Observe it, consider whether the fear is rational. Take all of your worst case scenarios and try to see if that scenario would be that bad. Him making fun of you for feeling love in the past? That doesn't make you weak, that just makes him an asshole (the hypothetical him that would do that, because in reality this is probably not something someone would do). This is just my opinion but I believe dreams are there to help you. They want you to experience your fears so you can move throught them and transcend them. Your nightmares might just be showing you what you are burying deep inside.

DISCLAIMER: Datura is trash, honestly you don't want to take that. Neurotoxic, can overdose easily (which is death), people on datura do VERY dangerous shit with absolutely no consciousness (they can cut themselves, enter random people's house, etc.) and it can last more than 3 days. Many people have suffered permanent damage to their psychology taking this substance (one was reportedly still fucked up after 5 years). YOU SHOULD NOT TAKE DATURA. But this question has been swimming in my head for a while now. I'd be SO fascinated to see a zen master/monk try datura and see if they can overcome it. If you don't know about Datura, checkout trip reports they are mindblowing. It's basically making you see real external hallucinations you can touch and it makes you forget you took the drug so you don't even know you are tripping. 99% of people on this drug are having bad, bad, terrible trips. They hallucinate people bleeding, their entire environment becomes a (litteral in many case) burning hell and they see demons. (Some people speculate the icons of satan would have come from people taking Datura). It's not just what they see but mostly what they feel. People on datura (from trip reports) experience endless confusion and struggle, something a so-called enlightened person should be free off. Perhaps if the mind is able to let go of identifying the physical hell that is hallucinated then that hell can disappear and create something else? But I'm so curious. Datura seems like the ultimate test for an enlightened person. It has to be kept in mind that most of the trip reports are indeed horrific but they come from not very responsible recreative users. So there's a lot of space for wonder. Sure, the enlightened person would gain absolutely nothing from this, but there exists curiosity in me about this. Don't quote me on this but, maybe I'll do it if I ever am enlightened (like in 60 years). There's definitely a huge need for setting in this and not just a trip sitter but an entire medical team with antidote. I'd probably want to be chained to a brick wall if I were to do it. Some guy did it profesionnally (although with DPH) to have sex with one of those shadow entity: https://www.reddit.com/r/drugscirclejerk/comments/apu6l2/sex_with_a_shadow_entity_experience_report/ He used Datura because it is known to make the external hallucinations very real. At least this report indicates that there's a way for a non enlightened person to at least control some of the effects. So what about an enlightened person? But hey that probably will never happen, and I'll just be left to wonder what would happen...

Truth is that we don't know. We only have reported cases of fearfulness from people that have (probably) not experienced state of complete detachment and fearlessness, let alone experience them regularly like I would presume an enlightened person would do. Bringing down the definition of enlightened to someone that is only aware part-time rather than full-time doesn't change the question. This assumption is quite bold and this is basically what I'm curious about here. This is not an unsolveable problem, an experiment could be made to determine if Datura triggers already existing fears and attachment within people (which renders is useless against "fully" enlightened people) or if it forces the state regardless of the user's ability to let go. And we don't need a fully enlightened person to determine that. Simply experimenting with somebody that is close to enlightement would be sufficient to make a decent guess about the effect of Datura on enlightened people.

Yes you are right. Love is not a thing. It is what you find when you detach from the things. Space is also not a thing. It doesn't exist. But I am experiencing the space in my room right now. It's quite nice have it, with no space there's no things. There can only be a chair if there's empty space around it to make it. The physical reality is not the only place with space and things, your mind is too. There's thoughts in your mind but there's also exists space for those thoughts otherwise you wouldn't be able to distinguish them. This space is love. It's like you are living in the smallest studio appartment ever and you're like "air is not a thing! debunked LOL"

Hahaha Sadly we cannot change other people, we can only change ourselves.

So think they would freak out and be stressed although those feelings may have been out of their system for decades? The thing with drugs affecting the mind is that what you experience is some altered state of your mind but still the mind. The hell and demons aren't encoded in Datura's molecule. It has to come from inside. Are the mind of enlightened people the same as normal people? Lots of structural changes happen when you learn and understand things. So I would think not, but of course my opinion is not better than yours I'm only speculating.

This is not a psychedelic, this is a deliriant. It has no benefit, only pure hell. And the question is not if they would want to but if they would overcome it. Take the scenario in which we capture one and force that person to take it if that matters.

In the environment becoming under the influence of Datura hellish there's an implicit bias of self that considers their environment bad or displeasing. Sure, If I assume there's no self Datura cannot do anything bad because bad is a creation of the mind. If there's no self there's no environment being hellish. But am I authentically considering that there's no self or am I just thinking it? I'm wondering if taking Datura could expose that. It's clear that I am not authentic ehough about no self yet. (Only experienced it for a few seconds once in the middle of the night). But what about a truly enlightened person? There's no Truth in this experiment of course. it's just a perverse curiosity of mine. My point is that, Datura having such a terrific history of bad trips I cannot just conclude "well of course enlightened people would overcome it". Perhaps in theory yes, if we adjust the definition of enlightened. But in that case the question becomes, is there really a single enlightened person on earth? I believe not. But perhaps there's people that are sufficiently close to go through a Datura trip without coming back insane.

I don't think there was as many complaints and attacks back in the era of his old videos. Such an attack would be very superficial. From what I've seen recent (relevant) criticism we are seeing goes much deeper than branding of the video, they are mostly targetting who those videos are about and what was done in Leo's last experiment. His old thumbnails were goofy and were showing that he can stop taking himself seriously for a minute. But I'm probably just biased toward them because I prefer the old videos.

Is learning to brew your own ayahuasca an option? I feel like ayahuasca has much more potential than DMT or even 5-MeO-DMT due to duration. To me even LSD and shrooms are more useful than 5-MeO due to duration, but that's just me.

I know what you feel, I've been there. Wanting to follow someone you can trust to avoid falling for the same traps that same person is falling into. Isn't that trust just a trap though? Does it matter who the insights come from or does it matter whether the insights are true? If you want to assume the insights he give are true without questioning them and feel safe because you consider him woke then you aren't doing the work. It's like considering ourselves like childs and acting like a parent who wants to know whether that person will be a good source of influence or not. This is not about behaving like Leo. This is about detaching from assumptions and reconsidering things based on experience. If Alex Jones would give you the ultimate insight in life you are missing out currently, would you reject it just because it comes from Alex Jones? Personally, although all of what is going on with Leo right now I find he still delivers insightful content once in a while. I just hope they won't find him dead in his bathtub someday because he mixed up suicide with awakening.

Basically you got 3 options, balancing both, quitting one or quitting the other. I highly doubt you will find which one is the best option out of thinking. Your taste are not a math equation you can just figure out. There's no best option, you could pick virtually anything to do and find peace in what you are doing. Yet even if you can't figure it out, you can just experience all of 3 and become aware of how you feel when taking any of the options. In my opinion you don't even need to think about it. You can just adjust from experience, your intuition will tell you if you feel like you want to meditate more (or less). I've been guilty of overthinking a lot about stuff like this as well. But thinking about spirituality is not spirituality. This idea of "how much importance" I give spirituality to my life doesn't matter at all to spirituality, it doesn't make growth faster. In fact, it only grows the ego which nows identify more as a serious spiritual seeker. Enlightenment shouldn't be part of one's life design I think because then you are leading yourself to miss the point of enlightment.