ertopolice

@Vzdoh Does it apply to social networks for you? I mean..the initiations/texting thing lead by the female.

@Flowerfaeiry and i know i could put them to work.. but dunno why i feel needy or that i show weakness in i pursue too much

@Flowerfaeiry i seem way too intelectual and difficult to approach in an intimate way

@Flowerfaeiry definately, just realized he must have assumed i am there for chatting about boring stuff..

@Flowerfaeiry I am dying for having a face to face meet/date and show off all those feminine traits you mention. Not sexual, not too flirty..but just that subtle hint of feminine and elegant power high value men can appreciate...but i cannot play my cards over text via social media. All our interactions are basically on random philosophical stuff, society, politics.. so i need to find an excuse (apart from the one mentioned and already used about coming across at the park :D)

@Mason Riggle I definitely find you tips so useful and sometimes i remind myself of all those things you mention. I met this guy for the very first time some years ago at my local gym so he somehow has an idea of my look. I felt attraction for him by the way he trained SO HARD and that he seemed to be a shy guy by the way he behaved... I felt he was kinda special and added him on a social network. He definitely is out of this matrix of society and seems to have some values/principles. Also he is intellectual. I think he he the closer in real life i've met to those of us who are here in actualized.org. I think he spends his time dating casually because of his human need and also because he is desperate about finding someone mentally attractive. I think he is beyond physiques, as well as am I. Ok..so this would be a second dog walking/reading excuse in the park :D. I wanna wait to see if he initiates a chat with me with any profile update excuse but i fear he'll not...but i know myself and acknowledge i'll end up initiating to put an end to all this wondering about a possible mental-physical connection with this man!!!

@Mason Riggle Fear of rejection I guess I got my social media profile intellectually oriented, with hardy any pics of me because I want to focus on the intellectual/ spiritual stuff to attract like minded people... BUT the times i've tried to establish any real conversation hobbies oriented with guys (the wrong guys i guess) it's been a failure. We chatted a bit and wether they lost interest and never heard of them afterwards or i dated them and after that initial date i never heard of them afterwards. I got congratulated on any pics i post of myself. I've trained for years and fitness is one of my main hobbies BUT NEVER post any of those "hey..today i trained abs and glutes" stuff we all see on social media so when they see a hint of my physique they GET SHOCKED. TIRED OF THAT HONESTLY. I guess most of them search for a physical attraction. Mental attraction is SO POWERFUL AND APPEALLING TO ME..and this guy drives me a bit crazy with all his views on politics and philosophy... i do not wanna SHOW NEEDY suggesting him that i planning another visit to the park with my ebook... I am trying to figure out something else but i am so stuck ...

@Mason Riggle Exactly.. I'll try those tips and see how it goes I kept all the interaction friendly, intelectual and never flirty so whether he is interested not (as a man) it should be no problem so i wonder if he's really shy or something He confessed enjoying isolation and deep topics so may that be a reason. By what he says i assume he is into casual relationships so perhaps he already has all his needs covered and it's no point meet me face to face ¿?

Good thread! I struggle a bit with that initiating I assume they do not initiate because they feel not attracted enough...so in my fear of being rejected i just do not initiate currently i am in such situation

TOP POST I welcome you question because i am in a same situation for months now The ideas listed are good ones. I recommend you joining an sportclub/gym . You can get too know ppl who surprisingly get deeper that the initial chit chat. Try and join some martial arts classes.

Hello all.. Well, let¡s get this easy to read..:D Ok. Some months ago and fue to my lack of social circle i decide to cold approach or interact with as many interesting males as possible. I am a regular gym goer and i felt some attraction for some shy guy i met at a boxing class i tried last year. I dreamed of him meeting both at gym and having a nice talk. Well, before this all we just keeping it all to a "hi" ..never talked after that boxing class. The day i dream of him i met him al the weight room. I thought it was some king of "signal" fir me to approach.id took the initiative to start a conversation around martial arts and this cover thing and all. Random conversation but felt quite nice after all and i'd hace take it longer (i think he too) He left my gym and did not meet him again after that I came across his IG and added him. We chat around intelectual stuff. He is so into politics, history, martial arts philosophy..and i can guess he's a bit loner too. Never turn the conversations into anything sexual or flirty or anything. I am the one who initiates most conversations. He is so polite and always responds and last time he added "we talk whenever u want to" after excusing himself for logging out. What should i do? it's true that i am single for a loooong time and never deny the idea of finding someone who matches me but i dunno what to do if i am the one who initiates.. also i guess he is not interested in dating me because otherwise he'd have said something about it do i follow my"signals" or i let it go and forget about the guy? Thanks!

@Preety_India Thank you for such great advice! Yes, I dunno want to show desperate or needy so that's why during all our conversations (via IG..) it was all about shared interests or random funny stuff. The thing i am concerned about is that all there chasing (initiate that face to face interaction, adding to IG..and most conversations were initiated by me). He is so polite with me and is always open to chat again (as i've posted, on sunday he excused himself and left the door open to chat again) OK CHAT...never showed a hint of bringing the chat to a coffee or a walk. I'd definitely invite him for a coffee BUT perhaps is too much...I think he has some signals to lead it now. Or perhaps i am too non flirty-intellectual via IG so he by no way suspects of my interest towards him. By what he commented i suspect he is into casual relationships. He claimed something like "with all this COVID issue we'll all end up asking for tests to anyone we'd like go to bed with.." . Is it a red flag? @Emerald Thanks! Totally agree Emerald...the thing is that via internet is not possible to play my "cards" as a female..and no way if he does not propose a "coffee" date or something @Bando True...that's why after having dreamt about that interaction with him.. i kinda CREATED IT and initiated that conversation at the gym.. Now i feel perhaps it's way too much all my interaction @hyruga Funny thing of this all is that after reading his profile on ig he may be into "straight edge" movement. Dunno if u heard of it. I am kinda confused about this guy so perhaps that's why all my attraction!!!

Hotties with brains It's a curse Sorry but in spite of my ocasional low self esteem..i'd be considerer a "hottie". I dislike showing off or dressing too provocative because sometimes you feel you never gonna find guys with some intelectual interests out there... I care of my mind and my body..but being kinda intelectual is SO hard becacuase u end up bored and staying home.

Now we all women in the forum are waiting for compliments on our metaphysical knowledge

i DO REALLY feel the same sometimes and it's been hard lately than i'm on a holiday. Yeah...off from work but due to my lack of previous social circle i feel SO lonely. I really encourage you to take the martial arts classes! i really enjoyed it at the time but now i cannot risk an injury. Otherwise i'd definitely enroll again to meet people. I enjoyed time alone, readings, meditation...but currently does not work!!! i got some friends to hang out with but i feel out of pace with them tbh. I can fake it and all but i do not enjoy it. I realized i feel jealous about them because they got some other social circles and also partners and i do not. Any tips on activities i'd welcome...

I understand what you say..and feels kinda familiar to me. I really struggle to meet new people over here..and at this age it's not so easy to meet potential interesting dates via friends, workmates,etc

Totally...but hey it's quite a difficult task to find spiritually concerned mates... I've noticed it's a priority atm. I miss something if they lack of it

The thing is that now that most lockdowns are "over" we get to re-start going out and meeting people so it's less of a excuse doing it so so obvious. I feel worse about it now

I want a man with high standards I'd like to meet the person which asks for the same I think i am trying to offer

I want a man with high standards I'd like to meet the person which asks for the same I think i am trying to offer

Thanks for your post and your question! I've never found any high quality guys there to be nearby in my area. Most were random 5,6,7 (at most) guys who asked for pictures of yourself very quickly (OK..I only posted a couple of pics of mine and never showed my entire body) Most wanted full body pics (I guess to see wether you look slim, healthy, fit..don't know) I understand BUT it eager my anger acknowledging physical appearance/being hot is a must there and to FULFIL that need MOST GIRLS MANIPULATE their pictures, USE FILTERS, ....to look nicer and they are WAY BELOW AVERAGE IN REAL LIFE I've commented in here several time i am into fitness but never gone into that showing thing it's so common in the net nowadays. I train hard, eat well, mind very much my physique and care for looking good but ALSO i care for myself as an intelectual. SO.... If u want them to get attracted to you or open a conversation or match u u need to show. I tried the experiment of stating some hobbies in my bio...fail. Fitness/ Music/ Self development (FAIL) They only focus on the first fitness..and ask for pics...and most look below average!!!! come on...moreover they show no intellect at all WHERE ARE THE HIGH QUALITY ONES ON THOSE SITE...¿?

@Karmadhi Come on.. i get ur point in the advice u ask for urself but in my case i really struggle with the apps I'm tired if random guys on apps... i like to play my cards face to face but i find it hard to find opportunities to find males lately many girls use filters and get photoshooted in a way that hides most imperfections. I do no want to compete on a male attention on an app i've come across males who ask for pics which are below average in most aspects to consider, while i just show natural non manipulated pics which hide an over average physique. i'm tired of this online thing to meet potential partners tbh

One thing is for sure: Many of us (both men and women..i am a woman btw) find these excuses a tool for not approaching, interacting, etc I've realized we tend to rationalize it all wanna feel safe before risking to show up and try by ourselves..which means doing nothing the end

Over average/ hot looking women definitely go groceries i guess Trust me they will if they're into fitness/ sports

I agree Been always waiting to find a conscious fulfilling person to both grow in our relationship and transcend. Never searched for the external things other girls use to..but it's true that as i am getting older i feel i'd never find it and i wonder whether my survival is at risk. Perhaps u gotta get practical and prioritize other stuff. Don't know.