ertopolice

So i came out to find which after the initial emotion boom I 'd call my "soul mate" ¿? I did not want to be biased by the HUGE amount of interest we share...from personal growth to music, sports, philosophy, politics. We've read the same books and got the very same many in queue to read. He is a bit "nerdy" in all this stuff like me. Have to say i met via Tinder, which was not expected to fins such an intellectual guy over there that matched my criteria Thing here is that he lives about 1.5h drive from my place and he is moving to another place about 3h drive. He'd be starting in a new job with high responsibilities and he's been preparing for that job for over 5 years. Have to say WE'VE NOT MET IN PERSON YET. I'd love to have this initial date but I FEAR liking whims much and he explaining me he does not want a serious thing right now. I fear this that much because I'd ever thought of a man meeting all my ideal criteria...he'd be much like this guy. He also realized both of us are a bit "ahead" of others and that we do not follow the masses so much...but we got a socially acceptable behavior. Come on that's so hot! hahahaha What would you do? Thanks!!!

@Nahm So the way to go is through experiencing it (if it is the case)

I said it's courageous of them to do so. I appreciate it and I acknowledge my problem as a female lacking social skills (i'm the living example that u can have a nice physique and career and fail at attracting because after that initial approach from men i think they got scared or something :D) Definitely they'd have something to offer...but we still are biased about that they say about looks and attraction. I value those who work on themselves to become the best the can get to be and it probably puts them ahead of those who already are nice and have not developed those skills...BUT... I need to feel a vibe and to feel attraction it has to be compensate. I DO NEED some intellectual traits, aswell (big problem)

You got to put urself out there and meet tons of people and build social skills. It's my advice after fulfilling those requirement of physique/sucessful career.

Good ones Calisthenics are so appealing!!! Getting u urself out of your comfort zone is also something i kinda feel attracted towards aswell. If i see it in a man..oh god Last guy I dated was one of those. He told me he used to train always with a sweatshirt just for the sake of feeling it harder to do and to get some extra more discipline haha. Ok enough of this guy...:D

I am over average looks and struggle with this thing of social skills and attraction

Well, I am not the best to talk about it because I myself am struggling getting to attract the men I get to be feel interest to, but come on...:D if it's objective than in the physical you're a 7-8 how come :DD Nonetheless it's a very courageous act and speak well of their will to improve their confidence and approaches, after all we all here are recommending this thing of practice, practice, practice.. @Bando If you handle the setbacks you can always enjoy the victories achieved under this over-confidence -delusional thing

@Mada_ True. Having watched a bit of content for both audiciendes it's curious about the tip regarding staying away from seen needy. @Emerald Very nice explanation and important things to care about. I did not stop to think than a man on his feminine would no commit after all..so it's no point after all getting a guy not on his masculine/commited/purposeful side

Hey there Not my wish to be SO persistent with my issue i asked ur advised with in my last thread (regarding having met ad dated an intellectual guy i feel attracted towards)...but i learned the lesson the hard way. Too late in life but a learning after all on how attraction works (being an intellectual female..with over average look not rated by me so this is quite objective). Writing a new thread so newbie females on dating for whatever the reason could learn from my experience. OK. So the update and the learning. You females who advised me on here/ read your post regrind this issue were totally right regarding the attraction rules. Never chase/pursue a man. I will NEVER EVER again. *If u remember my thread, I was the one initiating all texting (he always replied politely and in 5 min time but never initiated..) He agreed a 1st date but did not fixed it. I had to make him to fix it. The face to face date was ok...WAY TOO INTELLECTUAL. I did not let my fitting wishes to emerge. If I'd have flirted i'd have worked. We both share similar mindsets and passions). NEVER KEEP IT INTELLECTUAL even if you want to look polite and not too flirtatious. It has to be some flirting from date 1...otherwise...attracion is gone. UPDATE AND CLOSING OF THIS INTERACTION WITH THIS PARTICULAR GUY After 2 weeks I subtly suggested a 2nd date to asses his interest because it was kinda confusing he always replying and sharing so many interests and I liked the guy. His response was that he was preparing for and exam scheduled in 2 weeks (perhaps the definite date it's later on)...so I assume it's like "hey, do not contact me/text again..i am not interested" He'll probably rejoin my gym this week. It's gonna be weird.. I feel kinda stupid because I have needed to be almost said NO to realized he did not like me. HOW COME that can be that being over average i got this response with this guy? too much pursuing an 0 flirting? that might be the reason.. Trying to moving on...

Literally. Yesterday f.e i was approached by a (let's say 4) new guy at the gym. Come on. He did not even work on the approach..

@PepperBlossoms @Bando You mean it's a pointless game to keep it cold an acting hard to get? i understand the polarity issue and that stuff but in the end if a female for whatever reason is attracted towards a guy and keep is moderate in her pursuing/chasing/ contacting..it could work. In an ideal world would be as stated..

@Leo Gura It's definitely one of the biggest principles about life that one of the attachment. So true. Too much content that I've view but when it came action seems I failed in not controlling this "neediness" thing for this particular guy. Lesson learn. I think I'd go again to focus on my growth and journey and listen to my feminine..seems i acted a bit alpha, but it's a big deal for me trying to get attracted towards someone both physical and intellectual. That was the reason of my neediness and "pressure" i guess Reading sex and investment. I did not understand what you said. @Bando I will assume this is as the advice for the guys...practice, practice, practice..fail, fail, fail...and fail EARLY @PepperBlossoms That's my view on it but as @Emerald say...the natural thing is the male to pursue. By this I can confirm that this guy was in his masculine and I was in my masculine aswelll...so there the dispatch.... but i insist i would have let my feminine show out in an hypothetical 2nd date...but it's over now.

Many many thanks for you valuable and fast reply @Emerald @Flowerfaeiry. It seems as if i were back to my teens with this issue that I cannot make it to think as an adult women. It's been so much time struggling with some other issues and compensating it with my high achieving that I lost i'd almost all my feminine power i guess. As a paradox, I worked hard on my physique and during all this time i made the best with the tools i got to put myself in the best possible scenario...but.. to the issue of relationships i lack or have forgotten the basics... @Emerald It was an "intellectual" 1st date with non flirting and not even any flirting texts. I think i've put it way it too clear that i am not an easy straightforward person to sex. Perhaps I've just been put in the friend zone category or as an annoying woman who is too intellectual and boring. Don't know. My plan for that 2nd date was to LOOSE IT and just keep it flirty and show a bit more of my feminine side. Let it go. REGARDING YOUR ADVICE. I am sure its a very good one, but i think it's so optimistic providing he has not contacted me in all this time. In the best case scenario he has put me on the friend zone..so no way of risking. He should have decided by now if yes or not. So i assume no. @FlowerfaeiryThanks to you. Lesson learn for the next time. NOT SO INTELLECTUAL so he'd bite at some point and he'll keep attracted for a second date if everything goes right. @Leo Gura Best tip is to stop overcomplicating things as you advised.. and i'd ass to keep away this damm curse of feeling even obsessive attraction towards the intellectuals awell :D. Thanks!

I will follow your thread because it seem it's gonna be of lots of help to many of us I personal prefer face to face dating. I recently got a 1st date with a man i feel attraction towards but he seems to enjoy the online stuff aswell. I would definitely go for the REAL FACE TO FACE interaction.

Yes, it seems it requires some training for some depending on your background i guess..

Hi there I recently opened a thread about an intellectual guy i feel attraction towards and that i met at my local gym and later on find on a social network. After talking too much via online i ended up "asking" him to a face to face chat. He finally accepted and proposed a date. We chatted yesterday afternoon over a coffee in a coffee terrace here in town. We covered the topics we chatted about in social networks and we match on our views. He seemed interested in discussion as always, never showed a sign of flirtation or anything apart some moment when i "tested" him about his reaction to a comment i made about "i find it so attractive veins in people..it's one of the first thing i cannot help looking at when i meet a person" (ok..haha...it's true and cannot help it!!). The moment sparkled some bright in his eyes haha. I dressed quite casually but cared to dress an outfit that i knew turned heads on people and that i felt confortahbe with...not provocative but feminine. In no moment did he gave a sign of "scanning" me. It was 3h of a first date that seemed like 1h to me. I think he got the same feeling because when we realized he rushed that he had to go home to take the dog out. I walked with him till his house on my way home aswell. It was no see you..no we keep talking...no nothing. I remained polite as always with my first dates (men or whoever and for whatever reason it's a first date with someone) and said "ok X, it's been a pleasure to meet you..hope the dog haven't miss you too much during this time". That's all I barely slept because all the intellectual topics we covered...and we'd have gone longer i am sure. Also, i feel this connection can spark fire among us if we surrender to and it can be extremely sexy. It's not even 24h after having met him on a "date" and i am already wondering if: .- What should i do now. I guess i should not contact again and that it's now his time to pursue me .-Wether it's all in my mind and he just behaves politely and enjoy casual sex with other women. .- If i can manage stop obsessing about him because of this "fire" connecting i am sure both have if we stop the intellectual stuff and focus on the attraction. Help needed

I feel pretty much the same, being a woman. It's numbers issue I guess. I do lack social opportunities to hang out, or meet...so that's why.

I guess a bit of both is needed: game/flirtation/attractition techniques but also showing honesty and trust regarding what you look for and what you bring to the table.

@Karmadhi Yes. I find It so mentally tiring all that gaming stuff. I am 100% guided by my intuition but sometimes i worry about how should i act in all this because of the damm playing/ players culture u hear of. Some men play games too and you have to keep an eye on how their behaviour matches their words.. E.g. This no contact thing of mine looks so weird (as if he or me are expecting the other to through some "hi.." in a text firstly)

Yes- This lack of use of the flirtation techniques lead to my situation of: .- Not knowing wether the interaction has lead to any interest in the other person or not, because of the little connection in that sense and focusing on the intellectual stuff (which have to say is a turn on for me meeting ppl so mentally deep that can blew out my mind..but..) Big drama

Good point that of seeing flirting as a way of showing off your feminine energy. I've realized i have to work a bit on this thing of being seen easy..because i am definitely not and i am struggling with my results because of that. I love to play the tools your mentioned before..this thing of subtle physical contact is something i always show almost unintentionally when i feel some kind of attraction.

I find it SO f* attractive!

@Flowerfaeiry Hei thanks for your help!! Yes..even Leo told me to show flirty And definitely I think you are right about me being bit cold. I try so hard not being needy that perhaps it's way too much. Then I wonder myself tons of sh*t about how come is it that if i get men's attention normally because of my physique, why do they not show or lead when we date and i even put a little more effort in dressing and all that dating ritual stuff. I'll follow your advices..and let's see what it leads to. I do not wanna get into casual stuff with this guy. He's my way of thinking of long term relationships..but from the moment he's getting entertained with casual encounters... let's see.. i need to think of some flirty text or as @gettoefl adviced: to ask him to rate our date from 1-10 ...in a flirty way

@something_else Till now everytime I've messaged him or commented him as an excuse to lead an interaction he's been polite. The thing is that I feel that I've been always the pursuer and that dismatches what i've been told of regarding men-women interactions. Curious thing here is that: .- My presentation card it's been an intellectual/self development instragram account with barely any pics of me (you could think of me as a nerd or unnatractive woman behind it). .- Our chats via this social network have been quite nice...so he finally and politely agreed to meet face to face (last friday) .- It's not my ego or anything but i am an overarage looks in most men and women's opinion. ..but i insist in keeping my social accounts intellectual so that i only "match" likeminded people that would not evaluate me by my looks. ...So i guess I've gone quite "far" with this shy/nerd/underground guy because he accepted to meet me in spite of not having flirted before meeting or anything. Perhaps it was just pure politeness and good conversation. I am attracted to these profile of nerds/intellectual/passionate about certain things guys...but i acknowledge he perhaps is not a real good mate in a long term. He's got some extreme views on politics and that's not a good trait for survival nowadays... I'd like just to keep the contact and asses a bit more about these things. We share some passions and it can get really fiery too, I am sure. What should I do? contact with the excuse of a post, write him straightaway (e.g: what do u think of friday's? should we keep on with the conversation some other day..?). I don't know I'd like my goddess assets to show of a bit more haha. i kept it cold last time because he did not give any sign of flirtation interest but that's not an usual thing I've experienced before. I think he is trying to skip all the flirtation stuff because he cannot moderate and is a bit of an "extreme" person. He confesses he likes extremes. I am damm attracted to these dangerous profiles.. HELP again needed. Infinitely grateful! Thank you! @Karmadhi @Leo Gura

@something_else Definitely those traits help but attraction btw i have not heard from this guy since last friday when we met. Have I been ghosted? should i text?