ShardMare

@hyruga Because I wasnt different than other people in my childhood, i never had "consciousness booms" when i was a child. I have somewhat the same belief system as an average person. Yes of course you can benefit from it but the problem that i've used it as a masturbation. I've always had depression and I started watching these kind of videos which gave somewhat a relief. But i forgot a lot of material Leo taught me. Sometimes I just stare at the wall and think what to do? Ive tried so many things against depression. Whats really causing it or what is my problem at all? Lot of times through the day i freeze down

@ZenSwift yes leos content is good but i havent done it in a careful way so i wasted a lot of time. @Snader @undeather yes thats what i feel i should do @Terell Kirby yes of course it is @Rigel But how they arent interested? The average life is so boring. Doing the same things everyday would be bad. A lot of people are burnt out and depressed. Why dont they look out for all possibilities and try self-help?

Its hard for me to laugh and react to things. Ive been diagnosed with depression. I have emotionall numbness. I dont feel that therapy or talking with a psychologist would help. I think screaming or shaking my body, being agressive would work. What elliot hulse does- bioenergetics. Or if i know well dynamic meditation by osho would work? I also want to run a lot because thats just gets my heart pumping. U guys know exercises that can release trauma or trapped feelings? How can i make myself cry?

You are probably older than 20. You have experience at suffering in work, suffering weekdays. Most people suffer at school and at work. Theres a lot of people who just kinda survive the 6-8hrs or more and then say f*ck it and they are done for the day. How to think about work and school to make the suffering more easy? What to do to make work easier to go? Should i have an exciting weekend? Or meditate or pray before and after work? Think about god and im doing this work for him? Should i be grateful that i can even work at there? Should i just accept the suffering and develop deep feeling towards suffering? Should i exercise my butt off after work to remove the sh*tty stress? I look at older people and im like damn how is he worked so much and why? How people work in an office 8or more hrs for an unconscious meaningless company? Maybe because i have depression thats why i suffer so much more at school. I always tell that going to school 8hrs is trash and suffering, drains my energy and my parents tell you dont have to do nothing just write in your exercise book. Its true i dont have to do much but still i hate it. I often imagine myself waking up from the table in class with my gun and shooting up the school. We often joke around with my classmate whats the meaning of school and we tell to each other its about studying how to suck d*ck so we can learn how to suck a larger one later in life. Its crazy cause other students dont seem to suffer as much. Sorry for my language.

@Nahm yea but why i dont feel it then? And in my body also?

@ChiLongQua u should explain it not just write 1 sentence @Ulax ill check out. Loving kindness is good. @Nahm yes you are true, im thinking badly about it. Yes i should try the last thing, its a good idea Today i allowed all suffering in school. I had lot of anxiety and stress, so much chestpain but i felt much better than regular school days. I've felt pain and numbness but rn afternoon i feel better than regular. I think when you have a job you hate you have to experience a lot of pain consciously then it will get better so much

@Superfluo@Nahm first 2 yes but idk if i feel jealous i dont think so. @Superfluo thanks i ll check it @Ulax but i dont know my trauma, i dont think i have one Talking about alexithymia. I dont have much emotions there isnt enough idk

@Terell Kirby ok but other people dont seem to suffer as much. Most people dont kill themselves, why? @Thestarguitarist14 thats the way @Yarco thats sad. Its crazy how many people just get stuck in the office. I dont understand how the working world works as im only a highschool student. Why cant people change jobs more frequently?

@Nahm i do want to feel more and feel better but how to do it?

@Nahm i dont feel nothing. But i should be feelinf jealous or needy since i wrote about what other people do and i wrote i want it. But i dont feel nothing. I just wrote something

@Nahm because a healthy person laughs, cries without trying. He regularly experiences different emotions. I want it.

@Michael569 but what type of deep work? @Nahm i feel but only numbness. There is nothing wrong with this feeling. But its not healthy to only feel this way. I have to experience other emotions

@catcat69123 but i dont know. I ask the question but i dont know @Flowerfaeiry it doesnt solve or help on the problem @happyhappy hows it so?

@Yarco yes i agree. What about 2nd world countries? Arent they depressing? I live in one but i wish i could try living in US f.e. @Thought Art yes jobs suck away all the energy.

No matter how much i say to them buy this-buy that, i want this-that they dont care. I wrote down a lot of receipts for them and made a diet-which is plain and cheap but idk they just dont care, i tried talking about my depression to my mum so she gets motivated to make healthy food but nah. I'll stop eating the sugary things and other nasty food and they'll stop buying that then. Can you give me other ideas?

Nah let him go for the girls. The point is to make him even more interested in getting a girlfriend. He'll get experience in dating, he'll start caring about his looks and improve that as well. If u try to repress him he'll just switch to jerking off and to porn. Thats so much worse

i ll talk to my doctor what she thinks. I dont have enough resources to make my own food, thats why i write down what i need to my parents

I cant study after school cause i just cant im not lazy im just tired. I sleep enough like 8 hrs(although i move a lot in bed, have restless legs, i wake up few times), i eat enough calories and dont eat junk food, i exercise everyday (although its not that much like 20m running and little bodyweight workout), i take multivitamin,C-vitamin, i took D3vitamin with K2 few times but i feel so different after it i feel hyped and chestpain so badly so i've stopped taking it (but it would actually give me energy tho imo), i've tried doing 20minute nap after school it doesnt solve nothing, im on nofap 50day(btw my libido is still like ass, i never had problems with relapsing like fr i only had problems with depression, lethargy. Like bro porn is such a good cope, you do it after work and its like so good stress release. I never fapped cause i was actually horny, i can easily go with life without fapping, its just the stress release. And now i just want to release it im so tired) I've been to doctor did a bloodtest(not a full) they measured few stuff f.e. my iron,stool, urine etc etc she told me i actually have a good diet and theres nothing wrong. I'll ask can we check my hormones and vitamins. Idk what else should i do... Im depressed but its like nothing psychological(i dont overthink,worry, think like trash, i dont have negative thoughts at all), im just depressed for no reason. I feel empty and anger sometimes but idk why. I think its because of some biological reason and pills would actually help. I dont know how to tackle that fatigue after school i cant study wtf should i do. Guys who hate their jobs what you actually do after work? How you survive?

I've gone to psychiatrist and I've been diagnosed with mild depression. I have to take this herb called St Johns Wort(maybe i wrote it down wrong) and i have to go back after 1 month

@Max8 f.e. ive heard meditation first time in my life and ive been doing it for 2yrs. Lot of stress just melts away after it and also I feel so much more conscious after doing it. When i was 13 i had social anxiety lets say 90% and now its kinda 30%. I was just thinking like trash and lived life on auto pilot. I wasted so much time on video games and just falling for low conscious entertainment. I was doing the same thing everyday go to school then go home do the meaningless entertainment. After researching self-help for few weeks i recognized how deep this field is, how much you can grow. There are lots of things i've learned like theres so many vids i watched from him. Few examples: expose yourself to new experience, developing introspection, openmindedness, self deception,how to stop being a victim, illusory nature of thought, advice for highschool students and so much more. I had few realizations, i just started naturally becoming more conscious and it helped a lot on my depression. Imo most people should just meditate and pick up a philosophy book and they would feel so much better. But also you shouldnt read a lot of philosophy and spirituality and these things. Most people have to fix their basic needs: girlfriend, family, friends, good job, nice body etc. If you just read philosophy books without using it for something you will just become a doomer. Fix your sh*t. Under 35 you should only focus on stage orange things, only practical stuff. Dont do nothing with spirituality rn. There was a post exactly like this a few months back. Can somebody link it here? The guy was just speaking about this.

Yes i agree with you it can get to mental masturbation very easily. U have to choose which content is meaningful and practical for you. You have to do stuff not just theorize ofc For me it has done wonders. I've fixed lot of my sh*tty thinking

I have the same routine for idk how many months. Everything seems boring and repetitive. Can yall list some new things to try, that get you new experience? Still i made this list maybe i'll do them: • Learn programming • Read a new philosophy book • Read a book in different genre • Listen to a new podcast • Take a course on something that interests you • Message 10 people randomly and talk about life, interview them • Start a blog or youtube channel • Learn art, design • Do nothing for 24hrs • Make memes But honestly i dont know, how do you make your life exciting?? Yesterday i spent 30m just focusing on my emptiness it got better but i want to do stuff

@Nahm ive stopped doing that cant find nothing interesting @Terell Kirby no

Self deception series, developing introspection,whats the point of life, grasping the illusory nature of thought,increase your results from selfhelp by 10x

Its hard to find people who you can talk about these things. Usually they just dont care. Do you think i'll share my feelings and talk about my problems to my friends? A boy telling another boy how hes feeling? No, we never do that. Maybe a girl to a girl. Usually we just talk about meaningless stuff, talk about video games, memes, shittalk and joke around. I talk with myself and resolve my problems. F.e. i express a lot of anger through listening to music. I cant scream and shake my body at home like Elliot Hulse does in that video my family would look at me crazy but it would be helpful i think