trenton

One thing that bothers me about spirituality in these mental health centers is that truth is treated as secondary. Practicality is treated as more important than truth. Many of these people tell me they would rather believe in a lie and be happy than believe in something true and be miserable. This is the kind of attitude my family takes with truth. I am not the kind of person who resonates with this attitude. All my life I felt that should avoid self deception where ever I can even if it hurts. Meanwhile the other patients think I'm a spiritual genius with profound insights. I have repeatedly helped patients restore faith in God and saved them from suicide. I am able to apply everything I learned from spirituality to group discussions and Bible studies. They think I should be the one teaching spirituality and not the delusional guy who keeps giving lectures on the mind, body, soul, and spirit based on his life experience.

I see arguments for and against this. I keep being told to work on myself and look within usually by people who don't do it themselves. I get frustrated with this messaging because I have been trying to do this my entire life and it doesn't seem to be working. The arguments that I'm not working on myself is that I lack tangible differences in my life, I still have the same mental health problems, I still don't live on my own, and I hate myself. It makes me doubt if I am truly self reflecting and working on myself. There are arguments that I am working on myself. First of all, I opened up to my family about my trauma after about 20 years. I drive to work and worked two jobs at once. I am the only one in my family even attempting therapy and recovery while the others admit they are fucked up and refuse to even try. I traveled to Florida for genetic testing to get better anti depressants as I became an inpatient again. I've been educating myself constantly but I now see that knowledge won't solve my problem. And of course I helped a lot of other people along the way. I have tried the life purpose course. I tried life coaching. I tried the book list. And so on. The reason I'm frustrated is because I keep being told to work on myself, but maybe I am working on myself too much in such a way that it is counterproductive. Instead of feeling happy I still feel hopeless, and self hating with suicidal thoughts. My therapist is supposed to do some trauma work with me tomorrow. Hopefully I can finally learn how to let shit go. It is hard to manage the combination of ptsd, depression, anxiety, autism, ocd, and adhd. He thinks my mental health problems are kicking my ass. I want to know if I am experiencing real growth or fake growth. I want to make sure I am not bullshitting myself as if I think I have grown tremendously when in fact nothing changed. At least I am about to move out from Ohio and to Kentucky. I can't live with people who normalize emotional abuse. Am I working on myself? In what ways am I tricking myself into thinking I'm doing the work but I'm not. It is possible that I am working on myself but progress is slow. Children of dysfunctional families have a tendency to be harsh on themselves and it seems to be part of the problem. I'm grateful for the help offered by you guys.

@Jacob Morres the metrics I use include things like suicidal thoughts and depressive episodes. I have those every few days. It used to be even more frequently than that. On some days suicide seems insane to me. On other days I feel hopeless to the point that I don't care about my family. Maybe I'm slightly less suicidal than I used to be. I also get better sleep thanks to the med adjustment.

@Buck Edwards thank you for your support. I have tried Journaling before and I did a ton of it. I stopped doing it because I found that it devolved into more suicidal ideation. I no longer journal unless it is a prompted journal assignment. Part of what I have been learning is that children of dysfunctional families tend to judge themselves without mercy. Maybe if I stop feeling ashamed of myself over everything bad that happens to me then that would be progress. I can't seem to make this change no matter how hard I try. How can I find the patience and hope I need when change seems hard?

I have been doing some research on crimes against humanity. I have discovered that sometimes rape is seen as a valid military tactic designed to terrorize and dehumanize the population. This tactic is especially effective and terrorizing against deeply religious communities who place a strong emphasis on being proper to the point that women may be killed when violated or they are forced to marry the rapist. Rape is also a form of biological warfare designed to impregnate the victim population, destroying their race and ethnicity or to infect with STDs. I have read about several examples of genocidal rape, trying to put myself in the victim's shoes to see how I would feel. I genuinely felt disturbed by what I imagined. Here is one of many examples of genocidal rape. Rape was widespread during the Armenian Genocide, which was committed by the Ottoman Turks. During the death marches of Armenian civilians through Anatolia in 1915, Turkish soldiers frequently raped and killed Armenian women and children. In many cases, Turkish and Kurdish civilians also participated in these crimes. Turks took Armenian women and girls into sexual slavery or forced them into marriage. Those women forced into marriage also had to convert to Islam. Some perpetrators believed that women and girls could be successfully assimilated into Muslim Turkish culture, unlike men and boys. After the genocide ended, women and girls who had been forced into marriage often could not return to their former lives. They had no family left, no source of income, or otherwise feared the stigma of having married a Turk. Additionally, Turks publicly raped the wives, daughters, and other female relatives of important Armenian men. In addition to dehumanizing the victims, these targeted rapes intimidated the Armenian leadership into submission and dissuaded them from resisting. Some Armenian women and girls were sold as sex slaves. The Turkish soldiers stripped them naked and displayed them at auction. Their nudity in a conservative society served to further dehumanize them and strip them of agency. Many were forced into marriage or prostitution. In many cases women prefer to kill themselves to avoid being raped. There were cases with women being chased by soldiers through the streets only to jump off a bridge to kill themselves, avoiding rape. There were also mass suicides in Japan near the end of world war two because the women believed the enemy would rape them. Rape can also cause severe PTSD leading to suicide at a later date. Rape can also cause a challenging moral dilemma if it leads to forced pregnancy. On one hand the victim is not responsible for the child, but on the other hand the child doesn't deserve to die. Some women throw these babies in a dumpster. Meanwhile there are some anti abortion women who were raped and are now single mothers. There were some more severe cases of rape. For example, there was one woman who was nonstop gang raped for eight days believe it or not. She died shortly afterwards in one example of being raped to death. Other examples include things like the rape of nanjing in which babies were torn from the arms of their mothers by a bayonet, the mother's were raped, then the women were stabbed in the vagina with a bayonet until they died. Meanwhile boys were cut open and raped through an artificial vagina as well. I would rather die than have my penis cut off and be raped through an artificial vagina. I probably wouldn't survive such a brutal rape anyway. One last example I found was from unit 731. This was a world war 2 death camp in which prisoners were infected with STDs and then held at gunpoint being forced to have sex with each other. This process continued with this repeated rape by coercion, infecting people with more and more STDs. The result is that each rape was more agonizing than the last. In the end the victims developed horrific infections in their genitals to the point that they all died and there were no survivors. I imagined how I would feel if I were one of the victims. I would rather refuse to have sex with this woman even if I am shot to death to avoid developing a horrific infection that may be lethal. With all of that in mind, here are my questions. Is rape worse than death? How would you feel about being raped as a man or as a woman? How severe does rape have to be for you to kill yourself? Personally, if I were raped it would be severely disturbing and traumatizing. I would be damaged forever, but maybe I would survive. I think I could live with being raped once, but probably not multiple times with no hope of escape. I would definitely rather die than be a sex slave. For me I think it depends on how brutal the rape is, how many times, and what kind of STDs for me to fear it more than death.

I have been having complications with my medicine and I suspect that I might be misdiagnosed. I have been diagnosed with a combination of depression, anxiety, ptsd, OCD, and autism. I have been diagnosed with severe or major depression due to hospitalization caused by withdrawal symptoms from anti depressants which made my depression worse and suicidal thoughts which have persisted for 13 years. So first of all, I was prescribed Zyprexa. This medication damaged my liver despite helping me sleep and slow my thoughts down. Therefore my doctor told me to stop taking it immediately. This causes severe withdrawal symptoms that I'm currently going through. This started with insomnia, causing me to stay awake until 3 in the morning and vomiting which could cause me to take a leave of absence for work. It escalated to hearing voices, sleep paralysis and hallucinations, and not being able to sleep until five in the morning. I have a hard time eating. Secondly, I was prescribed a new anti depressant. This one causes daytime drowsiness. The result is that I'm tired through the day and fall asleep around 4 in the afternoon. I have a bad history with anti depressants because they repeatedly made my depression worse. I don't like the trial and error approach people with depression are forced to take. My concern starts with the sleeping problems. My father also had serious sleeping problems and there might be a genetic link. I wanted to access his medical record, but he died of cancer, his doctor retired, and his my chart was deleted. My father took several sleep medications and ended up sleep walking. Meanwhile, I have restless legs and a very stimulated brain and spine during the night. Even if my entire body is asleep to the point that I can't move, my mind is still very active. There is a disconnect between my mind and body leading to insomnia and sleep paralysis. My doctors think my sleeping problems are caused by depression and anxiety, so they prescribe me all these medications designed to indirectly cause drowsiness. My doctors don't seem to care about the possible genetic link from my father, his sleep disorders, and the possible central nervous system and brain disorders that might cause these sleeping problems. My failures with the medication makes me think I'm being treated the wrong way. My doctor also thinks my sleeping problems are caused by ptsd. The thing is, that I'm not having nightmares and flashbacks which are common in ptsd. Instead I used to have intrusive memories from something that happened when I was six. This looks like the closest symptom of ptsd. Furthermore, I may have cptsd. I experienced a traumatic and chaotic upbringing resulting in prolonged exposure to trauma. This can lead to similar symptoms. What are your thoughts on the sleep disorder? How should I manage the withdrawal symptoms? How can I get a doctor that will take my genetic relationship with my father seriously rather than blow it off?

@Schizophonia I actually have been considering leaving actualized. For several years I was hoping to use personal development to find a sense of purpose in life. In the end it looks like I have to pursue some practical career just for the sake of money and survival. I see no way for me to live a fulfilling life. I have tried reading the books, going to therapy, medication, life coaching, and so on. I don't want to give up because my life would be horrible if I did. At the same time I genuinely don't know what to do. I'm just going to be told that I am being a victim and my mind is trapping me. I used to be deeply intelligent, but now I feel like I'm getting dumber. I was able to use my research to improve so many people's lives. I wanted to build a career as a researcher so I could do this more often. I helped a woman get 60,000 dollars in debt forgiven. I used what I learned in emotional mastery to help my suicidal brother and several other victims who were either raped or suicidal. I even used political research to stop my family from fighting through aligning them with the facts. I saw beauty in being as impartial and objective as possible because of the person I would have to be to let go of my biases and so forth. I wanted to get a career in which I could use my research to continue improving people's lives, but I cannot afford a PhD. I'm now starting to doubt the value of personal development, conventional wisdom concerning emotional mastery, and other things. In the end I have to make major life decisions based on circumstances, not ideals and passions. My passions have been crushed multiple times, so I know following your passion doesn't actually work. The thing is I don't know what else to do if I leave actualized. The alternative seems to be just give up and be miserable forever. I don't know what else to do. Sorry for being weird.

@Basman I have been struggling to think of anytime when rape could possibly be justified. Not even AI could come up with any examples. The first example I looked for was the unit 731 dilemma. But in that case the people held at gunpoint and forced to have sex with each other are mutual victims, thus it is two counts of rape. I thought The prisoners were being forced to rape people to save their lives, but they are not considered rapists. The military justified these actions as biological warfare necessary to defeat the enemy who would do the same. This operation killed 300000 innocent people. The closest example to justified rape I can think of would be if it were done as part of an effort to sabotage an evil organization from within. This could include a situation in which someone is drafted into the Nazi military or coerced into becoming a terrorist in the hopes of saving their family who is being held hostage or maybe as an operation in which someone is trying to expose a sex trafficking ring to prevent future victims. In cases like these people often receive direct orders to rape people. From the point of view of the saboteur raping people becomes a survival strategy within an evil organization in the hopes of ultimately undermining these organizations leading to a safer and more just future. The problem with these situations is that it sounds like a stretch because it likely involves a lot of moral luck as the operations may fail, leading to more rape victims due to forced participation in evil organizations. If these are not justified examples of rape, then I don't think rape is ever justified even under extreme conditions. It is only justified from the point of view of the rapist who thinks "she deserved to be raped" or thought that rape was a valid method of biological warfare to terrorize the civilian population into submission. Only from the point of view of a twisted and corrupt worldview is rape justified.

@Schizophonia I have several reasons for doing this, but the main reason is that I am trying to understand evil. I am trying to understand what people are thinking when they do the most horrific things imaginable. I had a hard time understanding why people become rapists and even take it to the level of mass genocidal rape. I am starting to get a better understanding of what militaries, dictatorships, and terrorists are thinking when they deliberately plan these horrific acts. At first I had a hard time understanding why not just murder women instead of raping them and then killing them. Murder seems like a more efficient method of genocide, but there is a military logic behind why soldiers are ordered to engage in mass rape.

@NoSelfSelf what topics would you recommend I explore instead? I have explored many topics and read many self help books, hired a life coach, did therapy, and took medication among other things only to remain stuck in the same life situation. Could you make any suggestions based on my history? I promise I'm doing my best. I just feel trapped in life no matter what I do. What I have been trying to do in the case of this subject is to understand evil.

@Princess Arabia thank you. That was a very helpful response. I have met rape victims before and I responded just fine to the situation. They felt like they were alone and that nobody cared about their suffering. I saw how distraught she was and she needed someone to be their for her even if it was a complete stranger. She responded well to the interaction and was slightly relieved to understand that she was not alone. Other rape victims were homicidal and I wasn't sure what to say to them, but I can understand why they would feel that way. Maybe I am taking empathy too far by trying to deeply understand how they would feel. My surface level understanding was good enough but trying to improve my empathy for them seems to be putting myself in distress. For example, I imagined I was a victim of genocide and all the horrors that come with it to try to understand the victim. I was disturbed to the point that I could not sleep at night. The reason I am often willing to go through this kind of suffering is because I believe I will come out as a better person on the other side such as somebody who is more compassionate and understanding. Sometimes I end up putting a lot of pressure on myself to somehow fix the world, therefore proving my existence was worthwhile and important. I have a history of doing everything in my power to control anger and hatred. I often ended up turning this in on myself. My family was deeply dysfunctional and abusive, so I saw how terrifying unchecked anger could be. I showed some signs of suppressed anger seeing how it frequently led to negative consequences. All of this was in the service of being a better person than my family. I don't know if my attitude is misguided somehow, but expressing anger usually leads to negative outcomes when dealing with close minded people who are not receptive to criticism. Maybe I can accept that I would hate people if they did all of these horrible things to me, but these things are not happening right now as you mentioned. Good post.

I promise I am not trying to be sick minded. I am describing the most evil things humanity has ever done. I believe genocidal rape is among the most horrific things humans can do. Sometimes I try to find it in myself to love these people, but instead it only triggers hate and disgust. Maybe I am doing it wrong. Any suggestions for loving evil and all of humanity?

@Princess Arabia sorry if I offended you somehow. There are a few reasons for exploring this subject. one is that I noticed I sometimes have the strange urge to laugh when exposed to something unimaginably horrific. This can come off as insensitive and make the victims very hurt. I am trying to stop this urge to laugh by deeply understanding how victims would feel. Secondly, I learned that God's love is so all encompassing that includes unspeakable evil. God forgives devilry and evil. I am trying to be like God and love everybody no matter how unspeakably evil they are. Do you think I am doing this wrong?

@NoSelfSelf there are a few points to this thread. one I am trying to understand why some people would rather die. I realize that women live with this kind of intense fear of being sexually abused regularly. Part of me is trying to understand what it is like to be a woman and be afraid of men. Secondly, I am trying to understand evil. I was having a hard time understanding why people would do things like unthinkable acts of terror and war crimes like genocidal rape. I am trying to extend my capacity for love to the indecent human beings. This is hard to do, especially when I imagine how I would feel as the victim. thirdly I have been trying to improve my understanding of the suffering of others. I am trying to improve empathy. Fourthly I am learning military logic and tactics to help understand why they rape so many people. They are being intentionally vile for perceived military gains. Finally, I remember Leo mentioned that there would be a video about integrating the shadow of humanity. I have been trying to do this on my own. I have been reading about the most evil things humans have ever done and I am trying to learn how to love these people. I tried discussing this subject with an ai, but claude was uncomfortable. It did not want to talk about things like military tactics and why people engage in mass systemic rape. Therefore I am asking the forum instead. That all said, this is a sensitive subject. For example, vividly imagining some of these things can itself be disturbing. I have been vividly imagining these things. Maybe you think it was a mistake to bring up this subject because it is too much to even think about these things. My apologies for offending you. It was not intentional.

I am extremely frustrated. I am stuck like this for another month. I don't know who to call for help.

@Schizophonia I have tried several medications. This includes selexa, seroqil, prozac, lexapro, zyprexa, and others. These are pills for anxiety, depression, and one is an antipsychotic. I have had mixed results with these medications and some disastrous results. This was combined with therapy with poor results. I used to do more meditation but not so much anymore. I had a spot in the woods I went to but the whole thing was torn down and now apartments are being built. My next best spot might be the backyard if I get back into this.

I have an update on my medical condition. I am getting better at digesting my food, but I was forced to take a leave of absence from work because I didn't sleep in two days. I still need time to fully recover from the medical problems. For some reason I feel happy and energetic, but I have also been wetting myself. At least my liver pain seems to be going away. I also have a new problem. My wisdom teeth are coming in and now it is hard to eat but for a new reason. I still haven't been eating much and I clearly lost some weight. I will need to get these teeth pulled, but it is going to take a month before I can get this oral surgery done. These health problems are kind of a pain in the ass. They will likely continue all the way until I go back to college. I'm trying to get a bachelors degree to get better job opportunities before leaving my family. My life situation in general is a pain in the ass because I have little control over my life and I find it frustrating.

I discussed this issue with Claude for help. Here was one of the responses. Thank you for providing such detailed information about your situation. This additional context helps paint a clearer picture of your experiences. Based on what you've shared, here are some thoughts and potential areas to explore with your healthcare providers: Circadian Rhythm Sleep Disorders: Your irregular sleep patterns, difficulty falling asleep at night, and inconsistent work schedule suggest a potential circadian rhythm disorder. Shift Work Sleep Disorder is a possibility given your rotating shifts. Insomnia: The difficulty falling asleep despite feeling tired points to insomnia, which can be primary or secondary to other conditions. Narcolepsy: The combination of daytime sleepiness, sleep paralysis, and hallucinations could be consistent with narcolepsy, though this would need specific testing to confirm. Restless Leg Syndrome/Periodic Limb Movement Disorder: Your description of leg shaking and pacing might be related to these conditions. Seizure Disorder: Your history of seizures, especially those triggered by video games, suggests a potential ongoing neurological issue that might be affecting your sleep. Chronic Pain: The back pain and tension you describe could be contributing to your sleep issues and overall well-being. Medication Effects and Withdrawal: The changes in your sleep patterns with different medications, and the current withdrawal symptoms, are significant factors to consider. Stress and Mental Health: Your description of rumination, feelings of hopelessness, and suicidal thoughts indicate significant stress and potential depression that could be exacerbating your sleep issues. Additional information that could be helpful: Results of a comprehensive sleep study (polysomnography) Detailed neurological exam results Recent blood work to check for any underlying health issues (thyroid function, vitamin deficiencies, etc.) A structured sleep diary kept over several weeks Given the complexity of your symptoms and history, I would strongly recommend seeking care from a multidisciplinary team including: A sleep specialist A neurologist (particularly one specializing in epilepsy) A psychiatrist A pain management specialist It's crucial to address both the physical and mental health aspects of your situation. The interplay between your sleep issues, potential neurological conditions, mental health, and the effects of various medications is complex and requires careful, coordinated management. Remember, while this information can guide discussions with your healthcare providers, it's not a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis. Your symptoms are significant and deserve thorough, professional attention to develop a comprehensive treatment plan tailored to your specific needs.

@Yimpa I'm aware of this. I was talking about my immediate family in the traditional sense. I don't consider them the extent of my family. I consider all of humanity my family. I can see some potential for animals being considered part of the family from both an evolutionary standpoint and from the standpoint of adopting pets as we would adopt children and consider them family despite the lack of genetic relation. I also see some potential for inanimate objects to be considered family. If living beings were created out of a series of atomic reactions, then why can't those atoms which created us be considered family. They didn't reproduce like living beings, but they still reproduced until we were created from them. What do you think of this?

I really like this quote. It reminds me of growing up in a dysfunctional family full of crime. I knew my family was a bad example and I wanted to be different for them. In these types of family it is common for the cycle of crime to be repeated in the children. Children grow up to become criminals by participating in their parent's crimes. I wanted to be better than them, and this was my way of fighting.

The paradox of evil is that calling others evil helps to justify doing evil things to them. You become evil in fighting evil and become what you condemn. If you want to be good, then start by critically examining your judgements of what you see as evil. Notice how you wish harm in such people. Good luck in being good.

I rarely get jealous myself, but I do have a good example you are looking for. On rare occasions I do get jealous, I simply label the feeling and reflect on My mental state. Eventually the feeling subsides. My sisters and brother were jealous of me because my relationship with my father. My father disowned my brother and never spent time with him over a DNA test showing he only had 96% match rather than 98 like me. Meanwhile my dad believed in a lot of dated gender ideologies like how the son is supposed to carry on the last name and the legacy of the family. This is why he neglected my sisters and showed favoritism toward me. The most common reason people get jealous is because they believe they should be receiving love but someone else is receiving it instead of them. This hurts their self esteem and makes them feel unvalued. This is also common in romantic relationships when one partner murders the one who cheated on them. It took years for my siblings to overcome this jealousy and it damaged my relationship with them for years. During this time I lived in a dysfunctional family situation. There were lots of crimes on both sides of the family and I felt I was forced to keep secrets between mom and dad to prevent everything from falling apart. This made my siblings even more angry with me when I decided to side with dad over mom, but I ultimately did this out of concern for the physical safety of my siblings. After my mom's abusive boyfriend was evicted my dad later died of cancer. I felt that I was finally free to open up about everything I was holding back. I told my siblings about how dad was a drug dealer who jumped from job to job to avoid child support. He threatened to disown me if I turned him into mom or the police. My father was manipulating me so he could use me against mom. My brother admitted that he was angry with dad for neglecting him after all this time, but after I told him the truth he realized that maybe he was better off without dad in his life. Meanwhile my sisters didn't understand how toxic my relationship with dad was until I told them. My grandma was disappointed I didn't tell them about my father's crimes sooner, and I was mad at myself for loving him too much to turn him into the police. Sometimes my older sister still shows signs of jealousy when she is angry and wants revenge. For example, after telling my family about the bad relationship I had with dad, my sister later for into a fight with me in which she told me my cousin said dad was loving and caring to him like a father. She was intentionally trying to be cruel by somehow making me jealous of my cousin. My older sister and I seem to have more emotional and psychological problems because we were the ones confronting our parents on their crimes out of concern for our younger siblings. My sister's anger management problems might be rooted in jealousy among other things. My depression might be rooted in the fact that I isolated myself out of distrust of my dysfunctional family. Either way both of our conditions are complicated, but my sister is unwilling to try therapy because it is too harmful to her self esteem. I'm the only one in the family willing to try, which ends up placing the burden of the emotional labor on me.

I should have some good input on this issue. I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts for about 13 years. I have been diagnosed with a combination of depression, anxiety, ptsd, autism, and ocd. There were many factors fueling my suicidal thoughts and actualized.org has helped me address some of these problems. First of all, I have been reading the book list. I became well educated on emotional mastery and used trauma release exercises like forgiveness to help with suicidal thoughts. I combined this with self reflection with a journal and I tried therapy with mixed results. I tried anti depressants with disastrous consequences. I would say that the emotional mastery I learned from this site has helped to ease my suffering. Therefore Leo's teachings can prevent suicide. Secondly, existential problems were causing me some anxiety. I had been thinking deeply about life since I was a child, and it was obvious that I put more thought into this than normal people. My family followed Christianity, but I was skeptical of religion. I used a lot of self reflection and the teachings from many spiritual books to help answer some existential questions. I found some good answers in surprising places like success and productivity books recommended on the book list. I struggled with nihilism especially for a long time, but this site helped me to find meaning and purpose. Therefore, Leo's teachings prevent suicide. Currently I am seeking a new type of therapy. My biggest weakness seems to be understanding relationships and social isolation. I had a very chaotic upbringing riddled with betrayal and illegal activity. It makes it hard to trust those closest to me. On top of that I have a hard time relating to people due to autism and my family is frustrated with me because of my autism. Misunderstanding social situations gets me into trouble on several occasions. Currently, actualized hasn't helped me with this particular issue, but maybe there will be relationship videos on the future. Sometimes my damaged family relationship triggers suicidal thoughts. My mind used to be very chaotic. Now my mind is much quieter than it used to be. Maybe there is a lot more I could say, but I don't know what else. @Leo Gura Thank you for your valuable work.

I am making this post because I am looking for book and video recommendations for a complete education of sexuality. I continued looking for ways in which I was wrong and I discovered that I held multiple false beliefs about sex. This is partially due to the negative attitude toward sex I had since I was a child, but it was also due to the overly simplistic education I was given in high school. All of my teachers also encouraged abstinence, reinforcing my negative beliefs about sex. Here are two false beliefs I uncovered. 1. The vulva is the same as the vagina. In my high school class we never covered the anatomy of the vulva. I had to teach myself this anatomy years later. I discovered this when I purchased a female sex toy thinking it was a a vibrator for my back and shoulders like a massager. When I researched how it worked I discovered these misconceptions about female anatomy. 2. you cannot get STDs from oral sex. In my simplistic sex ed class we never covered oral, anal, or homosexuality. I discovered this false belief when I asked Claude for common false beliefs on various topics. Eventually I uncovered this one. The second one was concerning because I have given myself oral sex before. I didn't like the way it made my penis feel the morning after. I probably transferred bacteria from my mouth to a place it shouldn't be. I am also mostly clueless about female reproductive health. For example, I have no idea what a c section even is. Given my past record I am probably clueless about male sexuality too. Do you have any book or video recommendations for a comprehensive sex education?

@r0ckyreed I asked Claude about this and even the computer was surprised. It argued that for the vast majority of people this is indeed impossible. It was shocked because this is only possible for exceptionally flexible individuals. I have been abnormally flexible for a long time, such as my ability to put my legs behind my head. The strange positions necessary to give oneself oral sex can cause problems with breathing, so it is dangerous to try. I don't do it very often because I think I transferred bacteria from my mouth to my penis, causing genital discomfort the morning after. Apparently, there are exceptionally rare cases of women giving themselves oral sex too. There are also cases of men falling down the stairs as they attempt to blow themselves. Once again, these activities are indeed impossible for most people, and it is shocking, but it is possible to do autofellatio (for males) or autocunnilingus (for females).