trenton

I have autism. I have a mix of strengths and weaknesses in spirituality because of this condition. Starting with some strengths, people with autism often have narrow interests. Narrow interests can be good for developing excellence in a given field. If spirituality is one of your interests, it can make you persistent in growing your consciousness. This is also one of the biggest weaknesses of autism because you can't always find people who appreciate your niche abilities. One of my narrow interests is chess. I enjoy the state of flow created when I am absorbed in what I am doing. This is potentially a strength in that chess is a form of meditation. It is potentially a weakness if my hobby becomes a distraction. I have some autistic traits that I often try to hide from other people. Sometimes I like to turn on music on my tablet and bounce up and down clapping while laughing. This makes me look like the child my grandma takes care of who also has autism. This could be a strength in that I am very playful in which case I have nothing to be ashamed of. One of my traits is that I am a perfectionist. This makes me very critical of myself because I want to grow as much as I can. Perfectionism is common in autism and it can lead to turning self help into something neurotic. This leads to me shoulding myself a lot. This become an obstacle if it is not helping me to excel. So far I have found the most help out of emotional mastery. Although the problems you describe are similar to other people, I think there are different degrees. For example guilt can be more intense and autism can be related to other mood disorders like anxiety which leads to racing thoughts. In this way I am able to let go hyper rationalism for personal development. I can still use logic as a tool in other areas of life. This is a good example of autistic traits I let go of. I wish there were some courses on emotional mastery because my personality is very neurotic. I become full of negative values when trying to become acceptable other people and it clouds my most genuine values. This has made the life purpose course more difficult. I would like to point out that you think you blame your problems on health conditions. You are trying to be good by not using autism as an excuse to gain some kind of social advantage of to excuse for devilry. The term "blame" indicates that you have a defense mechanism against this potential to exploit other people. Make sure that you don't use this to deny immutable differences because the defense mechanism could come with guilt to replace things which could be explained with autism. There is a balance in this case, so don't swing the pendulum too far in one direction. I swing the pendulum a lot. I'm sure there is more I can add, but this is a start. I hope it helps.

When I first started following actualized.org, I pushed myself with a self deception. This was the self deception that the truth is important even though I knew it to be meaningless to me. This seemed necessary at some point as I was attempting to point to something that I struggle to point to and articulate. This leads to many mistakes when I am trying to express the one thing I am drawn to, but can't grasp it. If you push yourself to seek the truth, it creates a corrupting influence if you do not actually care about truth. This leads to creating a false identity which leads to more suffering. This identity will then be maintained by pretending I know things I don't. This leads to ideology, dogma, religion, bigotry, and violence. I think it is worth understanding how this trap works because it is a very popular trap for humanity to fall into. When I more clearly explained what the trap is that makes me drawn to religion and politics, I was much more peaceful. I still struggle to articulate what is the thing that I am interested in. The closest I can get to explaining it is by describing what it is not.

I will be quoting Leo from the maga riot mega thread. "Honestly, that split already happened 4 years ago with intelligent conservatives like David Frum, Bill Krystal, Nichol Wallace, Joe Scarborough. They knew right off the bat that Trump was an imposter conservative and they opposed him early on." David Frum said: "when this is all over, nobody will admit to having supported it." These are conservatives worth checking out because they demonstrated integrity. I watched one of them a couple of months ago. In healthy conservative views there is more to it than making your audience afraid of the left. These healthy conservative views are very different from mainstream republicans who are embracing trumpism.

I notice that repeated exposure to left wing views creates an echo chamber. I think it is smart to avoid this because I can still be very easily mislead. I find it far too easy to demonize republicans for voter suppression and lawlessness. I think this forum would do well to ease the echo chamber effect of the strong left wing bias, by including a mega thread of healthy conservatives. This would be perfect for seeing diverse perspectives, while giving ourselves a more nuanced understanding of politics. Should we make this kind of a mega thread?

That would probably be easier. I think I should try Leo's guided meditation about how I am God a few more times while I am in the woods. Right now it is Easter and I am too busy to do that, but I have plans. In a sense none of the thoughts about me are right if they are representations. This is a good point you're making because I get very absorbed in thoughts and self judgement.

@soularlight I can see strength in vulnerability. What was called strength before was succumbing to shame. This leads to denial and the idea that I'm not good enough. This also leads to staying stuck in the same cycle of suppression and judgement until collapse. In this case I am over compensating because I don't want to fall into the trap of using my identity as vulnerable victim to manipulate people into doing what I want. In this case vulnerability comes from honesty which comes from strength. Similarly there is intelligence in admitting mistakes. The mistake is to deny the mistake. This demonstrates humility and creates a foundation for growth which uses self honesty rather than self destruction. As for needing to be better, I get this a lot. There are several reasons why I hurt myself and try to use fear to change my behavior. This includes, my job at Kroger, my lack of a vision, my lack of reading, my lack of work ethic that prevents me from typing a book, how I'm not making enough money, and so on. I constantly feel like I need to change, but this approach is not working. This leads to guilt caused by failures to live up to better ideals and it is miserable. I am open to the idea that I am good enough now because of my experience that I will otherwise never be good enough if I always have to be better. The bar can keep getting higher forever as a way to push myself to make desirable outcomes, but it does not work in many cases. I'm not sure what we would be playing. Whatever we play, always trying to win makes me more tense and it takes fun out of the game. This leads to the meta game. What does wisdom want me to know now? Probably that there is nothing wrong with me. This would help with the anxiety medicine. At least I won't paralyze myself with high levels of anxiety. This would also mean that I am perfect. This sounds unbelievable, but it is logically true of there is nothing wrong with me. The same probably applies to everyone and everything. This would mean that wrong is imaginary and can only exist through giving it authority and power. This means that from one point of view the problem is that the idea of wrong creates a problem, but the problem does not exist if nothing is wrong. If there is no wrong, then there is only what is. I was open to this possibility for a moment, but started closing again. If it can be easy rather than hard, this makes me more open. If I wish I were open in the future, then that is not going to work because it implies that I'm not good enough. It would have to be now. I don't feel open right now, and that is okay. In this case the motive is to avoid denial which would keep me stuck, rather than to use self acceptance to keep oneself stuck. This all would still mean that I am perfect though. That does not change.

I am open to this possibility. I hesitate to type about how making things harder is supposed to be an example of strength. It is a very perplexing thought. This creates misery and does not really develop emotional muscles outside of suppression which is unhealthy in the long run. It may have to do with pride in overcoming difficult challenges which actually don't have to exist. Anyway I also believed that solving complex puzzles was a sign of genius. If I create puzzles that don't need to exist, then this creates games. I think my resistance to making this way easier stems from a confused understanding of strength. This can physical, emotional, or mental. The result is that I repeatedly crush myself thinking that a better me will emerge when in fact it just leads to misery. This can lead to many emotional problems, thus creating weakness in the ability to focus as well as my body falls apart through filling it with bad foods. I am not sure what an alternative definition of strength would be, but the old one hurts a lot. Especially since suppression is seen as strength. I was embarrassed to the point that I hesitated to type all of this. After typing this I can be a little bit more open to the possibility of making this easier.

@trenton I actually notice a similar sense of pushing when I play competitive games. I act like winning is more important than it actually is. I end up making things harder on myself when I pretend that I have to win even though it is not as important as I act like it is. This again leads to leave by letting go of results.

Yes I think that is possible. I don't think it is necessary to have any prevailing thought about it. This leads to silence and inner peace. It looks like the most effective way to approach this and extra effort ends up making it harder than it needs to be.

I currently work at a Kroger grocery store. I have worked there for about 3 years. I have been a good employee. I nearly always showed up early and I did very well in nearly every part of the job as a front end associate. The only part I did poorly on was socializing with customers. The managers tell me to step to the side and say "hi thanks for coming in.". If I don't do this, then they might fire me. Sometimes the managers stand behind for five orders straight waiting for me to forget to greet the customer so they can threaten to fire me. I am not going to tolerate this. It is annoying and I am leaving because of this. I think they are focusing on employees who are most likely to fail to greet the customers. I received a significant warning for my actions. I think the company is making a poor policy decision that is making it annoying to work at Kroger. I tried talking to the store management and I called corporate Kroger, but it looks like nothing is going to change. Kroger is over stressing the importance of politeness to the point that it is causing more harm than help. I tried to discuss moving me to a role that would not require as much socializing. This could be linked to autism, but there is nothing Kroger plans to do for any autism program. There is no way for Kroger to nurture any of my abilities and no role they can offer me. I will not be working on customer service because these kinds of relationships with work are not sustainable. I am purchasing a car to help me move to jobs further away. This gives me more options than I previously had. I still have an associate degree in general studies from a community college. This also limits my options. 1. Do you know what kind I would be better suited for? 2. Does what I described qualify as harassment? I am scared to make this call and I don't know what will happen to me if I make this kind of complaint.

I think Richard Nixon had some valuable things to say about environmental protection. Unfortunately he was later impeached for the Watergate scandal. If not for this corruption, Nixon could be a great example healthy conservatism when it comes to responsible use of the environment. Here is the history of the epa. https://www.epa.gov/history/origins-epa

@universe I forgot to add that during this pandemic I learned that most Americans live paycheck to paycheck. I would have to be out of mind to allow this kind of life. I still feel pretty lost sometimes as to what I should be doing on a regular basis.

@universe I would be absolutely miserable working staying in customer service forever until I die. Sometimes I think I should go back to college for a business degree or education degree. The point would be to build a chess school. If not just a chess school, it could include other board games and teach people to master them. I am interested in chess programs that help people born in low income families because I think poverty is a waste of talent. Wasting talent is miserable and customer service is one way to do it. Changing my job is only a temporary stepping stone unless I do something way better than what I am currently doing. How did you discover your talents?

@Danioover9000 I understand that the ideologies you mentioned are problematic, and conservatives can easily be sucked into the dangers of traditionalism. If I were to give a healthy example of conservatism, it would be calling out some of the unsustainable policy changes pushed by the radical left. The problem is that this can easily be used to turn the left into a socialist boogey man. A healthy conservative may improve upon hyper radicalism through demonstrating that slower evolution would be more sustainable. Without fear mongering, conservatives could argue that "no boarders, no wall, no USA at all" is too far. Conservatives could try to give a more accurate picture of how much time we have to stop climate change. There is biased science on both sides, and this would help us to become less paranoid and less absorbed in an environmentalist ideology. Stage blue and orange don't usually take environmental concerns seriously, so this could be hard to come by.

I am looking for other places to get a job. I found some better jobs that offer 18-20 dollars an hour, but are still customer service jobs. This would be better than Kroger paying me 13 dollars an hour, but it would not be a job I'm happy with. One of my biggest problems with working with Kroger is that it is unable to use my strengths to the fullest. The default is that my weaknesses come up time and time again, leading to long term misery. I would like to work somewhere that uses my strengths. My strengths come out best when I am in a state of flow. This can happen during chess tournaments and I had success with teaching chess in the past. This is a narrow interest, and I need to find out what are my key strengths. Would the life purpose course help?

I should probably do that. I like having my thought process formalized so I can make my best thinking system habitual. By offering my best to the people learning from me it pushes me to improve myself enough to compete with very strong players.

@integral I have been getting advice from other chess coaches. They said that I could make a pay pal account and I could use some kind of video chat to teach individual students. I can ask coaches in chess.com for more information. This will be a great way to get me more experience in what I want to do. One challenge is that I am not clear that I will make enough money and I may need another job.

@integral my online rating on license is about 2200. My peak rating was 2264 in classic. In rapid I am currently 2130. In blitz I am rated 2006. It took me many games, but I eventually managed to break the 2000 barrier in blitz. At one point I was in the top 200 players on lichess. I defeated 3 players rated higher than 2300 in classic time controls. They are very difficult opponents for me and I lost many games against these tough players. I won many tournaments and I trained the walnut hills chess team well enough to place second in the queen city classic. It was because of the fact that I was the first student in walnut hills history to win the scholastic tournament series. Chess club became much more crowded after my victories were announced as I represented the school well.

Update This started off as politics, but now it is getting very personal and serious. My manager told me that she was going to fire me. I have talents that this company is not properly tapping into. I want to demonstrate my demonstrate my talents by giving Kroger says to improve customer satisfaction. When I call Kroger I will need to tell them three things. 1. The plastic bags I mentioned before. 2. Placing rubber bands over the flimsy blueberry containers to prevent them from spilling open so easily and causing messes. 3. The reason why I might have to quit. The Kroger managers want me to step to the side, make eye contact, and say "hi thanks for coming in.". I fail to do this for every single customer. I am one of the few employees who struggle with this. It could be linked to autism which can create awkward social interactions. This is bad if I work on the front end with many customers all the time. Other than socializing with customers I am exceptional when it comes to bagging efficiently and getting carts. I constantly find ways to stay busy, and I show up to work early nearly every single day. I worked for nearly 3 years, including the entirety of this pandemic. I received a hero bonus for two of the months in which I risked my life for this hazard. I need a role that will properly nurture my talents, or I can't stay at Kroger over something petty after everything I have been through. I am not valued in the way I should be.

I am a bag boy at Kroger, and I am heading talk about banning plastic bags by 2025, others tell me it is 2030. I have found some conflicting information in the disposable vs. Reusable debate that I need help with before I call Kroger. My argument is that Kroger should advertise reusable bags as more environmentally friendly while adding a recycling symbol on the reusable bags. It is meant to be more profitable to be environmentally friendly. Kroger could cut the production of paper bags as well with this approach to reusable bags. This is similar to replacing disposable States with washable straws. Is my argument a good argument? I did not call corporate Kroger yet because I found some information that shook my confidence in this decision. I want to make sure this is a good idea. Here a few sites. https://plastic.education/reusable-grocery-bags-good-or-bad-for-the-environment/ https://www.investors.com The counter argument from investors.com is that some reusable bags would have to be used 2000 times to make up for one disposable bag. My response is that many more plastic bags are used in a single trip compared to reusable bags. Secondly, typical fold-up bags and reusable bags made of recycled plastics, are much better than cotton bags. Should Kroger faze out both plastic and paper bags with reusable bags to be environmentally friendly? Am I making a good argument?

This is an extremely difficult issue to tackle. Mental health has a huge role to play in this. 62% of gun deaths in the United States are suicides. Public shootings are more common in the United States than most countries and there are many factors that play into this. There was a ted talk with a man who was about to attack a school, but he no longer had the desire to such a thing after his brain damage was corrected. There are many things that could cause mental health issues. 1. The American standard diet can contribute to mental health issues by damaging the normal development of the brain. If harmful ingredients like excessive sugar and others were removed, it may lead to fewer cases of depression. The American standard diet is associated with worsening cases of depression. This can lead people to getting fed up with life to the point that they kill people. https://www.uab.edu 2. Dispersing the target and reduce the number of people killed in the event of a shooting. For example, if classroom sizes were reduced, it would minimize casualties while making schools less of a target. The problem is that there are still massive public gatherings like the one in L.A. The bigger the target, the more people killed if there is an attack. 3. The Pentagon recently reported that it has a problem with white supremacist ideology. There are people who get sucked into toxic ideologies who then seek military training so they can use what they learn to kill people, by shooting up synagogues for instance. There are military stories of a sniper who sat on top of a college tower and then changed his location constantly so the police could not find him as he kept killing people. There are also many mental health issues for those returning from military service. If they are not properly treated, they might do something like this. 4. The black market is responsible for many of these shootings as well, and adding background checks to the NRA is necessary, but it would not be enough. The black market is also responsible for drug dealing. Drug dealing can cause mental health issues that could cause somebody shoot people during withdrawal symptoms from heroin. Alternative medicine like ibogain could be used to treat alcohol and heroin addictions that would lead people to becoming mass shooters. If the American medical industry were more open to psychedelics, it would make the illegal drug market less profitable while preventing people from suffering withdrawal symptoms that could cause shootings. LSD, psilocybin, DMT, and marijuana could all be removed from the illegal drug trade while maximizing medical benefits to treat mental disorders and make people loving to the point that they can't shoot people. 5. COVID rules have worsened anxiety and there are many people talking to online therapists. I am talking to one and others could benefit from doing the same. As for this particular case, it could be a combination of mental health and COVID rules, although there were many shootings before COVID. I would attribute this mainly to mental health because of all the shootings the same before it. COVID rules are an additional layer added to mental health and anxiety.

@Tammy Montevideo thank you for your support. I often feel frustrated with politics because I am trying to find ways in which I can take action, but it is very difficult. I can mention that plastic bags can be recycled into benches as well as other reusable bags. As it stands, Kroger recycles plastic bags to make more plastic bags.

@Heinrich Faust I noticed that. They both centralize a person's culture above the rest of the world. The dangers of ideologies that we resonate is that it turns off our scepticism because of our biases. It makes us defensive and can make us live in denial of what our cause is doing wrong. It is very easy to criticize people you disagree with because of how their biases are seen through. The people we agree with are the most dangerous, and we may need to deliberately step up our skepticism to counterbalance this phenomenon. That is not to say we should be cynical, but that we should really compare the claims of ideologies with our experiences to see if they are true for us. If they are not, then they must be maintained through unconsciousness.

I just watched a video that helped me to confront some of my deep fears regarding religion. I have grown by watching this 30 minute documentary. Self reflection I tried to figure out why I was so scared of religion. I considered the possibility that I was projecting and I was in denial of the similarities I have with the people in this video. When visiting a variety of spiritual schools in the past, I recognized that I resonated with values such as truth or God. I still did not want to join any religion and this led to inner confusion and conflict. I paid attention to how spiritual truths could easily be used to manipulate people. These deeper truths are very effective at getting people radicalized because it can easily be mixed with falsehood in order to deceive people. While watching the people in this video, I saw how delusional people became. They became sucked into white nationalism. I realized that I could be slowly indoctrinated into a toxic ideology so long as it mixed deeper truths with it. I am now oddly peaceful because I recognize that I am susceptible ideological corruptions. I could be one of the people in this video. I could be extremist who becomes a suicide bomber. My fear is reduced and I have become more capable of love. Politics This video can be used to understand what we are up against in the United States. Some people will never be convinced that Trump lost the election. At least not easily. Trump ran on anti corruption. This is one of the few spots in which Trump supporters could be worked with. These people may support term limits, anti gerrymandering, potentially anti lobbying, and other anti corruption efforts. These Windows of opportunity could be used to slowly reprogram some people. If they are not reprogrammed completely, at least it would steer them away from the most toxic ideologies. If this fails, then we will need to wait for toxic worldviews to die off, allowing evolution to progress. Religion do you think there is anything that could be done to work with the dangerous religious ideologies? If they had the chance they would put the bible in every public school. I can't see any window of opportunity that would pull these people away from this. So far Satanists are keeping them back by arguing that their religion should be taught in public schools as well.

I found another site on anti slavery. https://www.freedomunited.org There are a lot of petitions on this site as well. I signed the one on antislavery.org. I hope this helps to raise awareness of this unknown issue. Do you think petitions like these should be spread? I am considering adding these sorts of things to facebook. I am trying to be careful not to do unconscious politics and turn this into a crusade. This makes me very unsure of myself because I don't know how else to approach this issue. I think I'm doing a good thing and I don't think there is harm in trying to free the slaves.