trenton

I am back from my vacation to the rocky mountains. I think my family has developed spiritually which is fantastic news. First we went into the mountains. On one of these hikes I sat on a rock and started meditating. My sister has the picture of me, but it was a very peaceful position. I could hear a bird and a calming wind. It was a pretty good spot but I don't have the picture. Secondly, we went on a ghost tour. I was looking for the most convincing evidence that ghosts are real. I think around 90% of the time the photo can be rationally explained or it is fake. But on some rare occasions there images which defy all explanation. The tour guide showed me pictures of orbs, faces, squiggly lights, videos which twisted themselves, but most convincingly an image of a woman who wasn't even there. I think these are the most difficult to explain away when an entire person appears but nobody was there. She is in the bottom left corner. Thirdly we went to the church of cannabis. There was a light show designed to mimic the effects of psychedelics so I treated like the closest thing I had to practice. They talked about religious dogmatism and how we should be more interested in questions rather than answers. I also played Galaga on the arcade machine downstairs and got about 170000 points. I'm not a world class player though because there was a strategy I didn't know about. Also I hurt my wrist. Finally, my mom bought some cannabis based pills over the counter. I was worried at first because if she was caught taking it over state lines then she could end up in prison, but she was successful. It looks like the rest of my family will have a reduced stigma and close mindedness toward psychedelics because both my sisters want to try the cannabis. There were many limiting factors on this vacation. Firstly, my mom and sister were fighting very badly. Mom said some very twisted things like "if I get out of this car and end up murdered It will be on you! Live with that shit!" They both yelled "fuck you" at each other. The fights were so bad that my family asked me to sit in between the two during the service at the cannabis church. At this point I refused and laid down on the floor anyway to mimic the effects of psychedelics to the best of my abilities. Thankfully, they stopped in response this refusal and my sister joined me. Spirituality is too important to be held down by these petty fights. Maybe they knew by my behavior on the mountains that Spirituality is pretty valuable. Secondly, when picking out which cannabis based pills we should try my family was adamantly against me getting the kind which enhanced creativity and perception. They insisted that I got the pills which improved sleep. This was lame because I already have ocd pills with a side effect of drowsiness making sleeping pills redundant. I also understood that cannabis is already very weak compared to lsd, mushrooms, and dmt for spiritual purposes. If it doesn't enhance creativity and perception, then this is probably the weakest of all cannabis based products for spiritual purposes. Although my family is afraid of me becoming too creative, at least they have somewhat reduced the stigma of drugs given this behavior. Their curiosity was too strong as well. The position will inevitably become "all drugs are bad unless it is a drug I use." This already is the case with alcohol and nicotine which are terrible and kill hundreds of thousands, but cannabis can be added to the list. Some of my family justifies their close mindedness to research on psychedelics, but not all of them. There were a couple of other problems as well, but I think higher consciousness is gradually winning out and My family is becoming a little bit more open to these topics. I don't know what it would take for my mom and sister to get along.

I just realized that this is also how racism works. People will take statistics about groups they don't like and use it to make judgements about who they are. A common example is correlation between certain crimes and blackness. We could say that this is the modern attempt of framing black people as if their intelligence is closer to that of an animal. In both the context of today and yesterday these judgements failed to see the bigger picture of what social factors were actual causing these issues. This is why I am careful of people who call their girlfriend a bitch because it reinforces the stereotype that women are unreasonable and thus not worth listening to. This is part of what contributes to abusive relationships. You can also see this happening in among some climate skeptics who point out how terrified people can be to the point of eating their children. Sometimes our fears are overblown but not unfounded. There are likely many more connections that can be made from the fact that unreasonable minorities are used to straw man the bigger group who are trying to get to the truth based off of the evidence they have. This is how humans justify being cruel to particular groups as they fail to understand the real points being made. This is why I am skeptical of perspectives which are intended to demonize a group. At the same time I am finding a paradox in that incriminating evidence seems to demonize the cia, but that is not the goal, I want to get to the truth.

I noticed that in my research about ufos. The cia intentionally stigmatized the topic by cherry picking the most insane people who believed in ufos. The goal was to minimize coverage of the topic while ensuring that anybody who believed in ufos would be painted as an idiot. Even said sahdguru is aware of this and he is afraid to say that aliens are real because he will not seem rational if he does. He instead says that the universe is too big for us to be alone. The ufo crowd was constantly laughed at and called a gay marriage movement. Alternatively you could look at the overwhelming amount of evidence with an open mind. It is hard to get people to do this when they take their cultures programming for granted. Even my brother laughed about this topic for a while because he didn't want to believe it was true. Perhaps he was worried that people would think he was crazy. Eventually I started sharing all the evidence with my family and they find the lies of the cia very suspect. This could easily happen for many other issues as well like psychedelics, ghosts, mystical experiences, powers, or even religion. Religion is often associated with dogmatism and black and white thinking which causes people to miss the deeper truths being pointed to. This isn't intentional like attacking conspiracy theorists, but it is a similar example of missing the truth because of a group of unreasonable people. I do see people doing this all the time in politics though when we cherry pick the most unreasonable people in order to make generalizations about how we are superior to the other side. This is why anytime someone is destroyed in a debate we need to understand that there is very little truth to that debate. It could mean that this person either made poor arguments on this particular issue or had a hard time communicating the truth because of the environment. A debate barely tells you anything from this point of view. In the case of psychedelics you will be lumped together with a hopeless drug addict who people laugh at because they don't even understand addiction to hard drugs either. They only have this stigma from thr war on drugs and we need to question how these stigmas are manufactured.

I have been doing some self observation and noticed that judgemental perspectives although not completely wrong can be painful if my mind gets stuck on them. Lower perspectives often have lazy criticisms which focus on the ill intentions of a person or group of people. Higher perspectives tend to be more nuanced and see the good intentions of people while providing a vehicle with which to improve. Because it can be painful to hold more judgemental perspectives I think that I would be happier and have a greater peace of mind if I let them go. I can give some examples from science and religion. A lazy criticism of religion would be to focus on the sex scandals. The point of this criticism is that religion is deeply hypocritical because it is corrupted by the very selfishness that it hopes to transcend. There are sex scandals in the military, business, and so on, so it's not like sex scandal equals religion bad. With science I could argue about the profit motive, but this does not require a more sophisticated understanding of science. A better criticism would be that although science attempts to understand reality by breaking it up and studying various aspects in different fields, in so doing it becomes hyperspecialized and therefore incapable of a holistic understanding of reality. This results in miscommunication between the different branches of science. You can do the same thing with any world view. Should we drop the lower perspectives because they are painful? Or should we try to reconcile the paradox created between higher and lower perspectives? I think I would benefit from writing out a list of my more judgemental perspectives and strive to develop fewer of them with more nuanced perspectives taking their place while seeing the good in others. Seeing the good in others is more truthful anyway. In practice I don't say my judgements out loud to other people. Instead I suspend my disbelief to see if I can learn something new. I spoke with a woman who believed in the zodiac signs and the Bible. She told me that the 12 disciples of Jesus were connected to the 12 signs of the zodiac. The Bible uses the number 12 a lot as in the 12 tribes of Israel and the 12 sons of Jacob. This makes sense because astrology has been used for understanding reality for a long time. Christians probably make predictions and prophesies based on the stars as well. Maybe this is how they predicted the birth of christ. I told my family about these connections and they were fascinated. My sister criticized Christians for believing in crazy things while she believed in the zodiac. If the two are connected, then I have helped my sister to make peace with Christians. In this way the fact that I suspend my disbelief is so powerful that it can make my family happier as well as myself.

I have been researching this topic lately. I am aware that you can mix cornstarch in a kiddie pool and run across it. What I am more interested in is the dead sea where allegedly Jesus walked on water. Firstly, dead sea water is high in salinity making it easy to float. Walking is thought to be unlikely because it is difficult to maintain balance on a Newtonian liquid. Perhaps there is a technique for maintaining balance. Secondly, if the dead sea is very dense and people from 2000 years ago used to be shorter and weighed less, then how little would somebody have to weigh and distribute their weight? It is also known that given proper weight distribution it is possible for animals to walk on water. For example, it is known that spiders can walk on water because they weigh very little and are effective at weight distribution. For humans it is much more challenging to do. Maybe science could make a machine similar to spider legs that could be used to help humans distribute their weight and walk on water that way, but I am looking for walking on water bare foot. I looked for experiments done on this topic, and I did not find any attempts to use young children as test subjects. Children normally start walking between 8-20 months of age and the average weight of an 8 month old girl is 18.1 pounds. If a very young girl between the ages of 8-12 months were able to walk on land, than by this age the child could theoretically practice walking on water. It would be challenging to maintain balance as can be demonstrated by putting objects in a pool of mercury. But if there were somehow a technique to balance oneself especially at a very young age if practiced very early on, then is it scientifically plausible to walk on dead sea water or is it only a myth?

I want to start off by saying that I work at a grocery and I have a hobby as a chess player. I have recently made gains in my rating of over 150 points in tournaments. I know I can go far, but I need to find a way to have the energy to work 8 hours a day and still be productive in studying. Firstly, when people recommend working out, I think there is an assumption that I don't match. Do people with very active jobs need to work out? I am more active than most employees even in this fast paced environment because I spend at least 3 hours pushing carts in and I am more efficient than the rest of the employees at this. Now that I think of it, I should be worth more and paid more than the employees who slack off at work. I get a lot of sun in the process and thirst becomes an issue. The cooler has water that tastes disgusting so I try to take extra filtered water to work, but it still isn't enough. It is close to enough and would be enough if I had bigger bottles. Anyway, does a person like me need to work out? I get a lot of exercise as is and I lack physical energy at the end of the day. Secondly, I could look to my diet. One of the reasons I don't eat a lot of vegetables is because they don't sustain me and I get hungry fast. I did snack on some vegetables while watching some videos after work, but it isn't a lot. It looks like tuna and eggs seem to be better at giving sustained energy. I am also prone to sugar cravings after work. Maybe the fact that I am constantly moving is linked to these cravings for immediate energy. I notice that bread and bagels last a bit longer than cereal and oatmeal. I could have a bowl of each and be a little hungry. I also get very annoyed when my family talks about how I eat too much. I can try fruit smoothies which give me the energy I need because of the nutrients in them. I still feel hungry despite having a full stomach though. It is a weird experience. Maybe after a couple of hours when my stomach is empty of smoothies, I could then go for the eggs and tuna to stop the hunger and have the energy I need. I believe diet is the main root of my energy problems. If I want to somehow become a chess master and work at an exhausting job, then I need to budget 8 hours for sleep, 8 hours for work, and I need to figure out how to spend the remaining 8 hours on these days. I am missing out on so much productivity in my life from this situation. I think the fact that I am noticing the effects of food on my body and energy is good start. I can thank consciousness work for that.

@Michael569 I wanted to thank you for this solid advice. I didn't know vegetables behaved in that way. I like adding a mix of vegetables to a lot of different meals so that should be fine. One problem is that I usually go for whatever is convenient and quick to prepare. This is how I end up eating a lot of junk. If I find healthy meals that are quick and convenient, then that would be great so I should look out for that.

@Mason Riggle I think you summed it up very well. Even when I am struggling there is some sense of nobility in the struggle. In this sense I desire to be in conflict with myself. This happens with people who criticize themselves a lot considering it a virtue. From this point of view that everything I do is what I desire, all reasons that I can't do something are self imposed so that I can stay in the desired status quo.

I noticed that there are different types of wanting. One form of wanting is coming from a place of lack. This kind of wanting clings and feels painful as we insist that we need something. It could be money, a spouse, a new job, or anything else. In my case I feel stuck in life because I am telling myself to live up to my full potential by getting a better job than the one at the grocery store. This desire is coming from a negative judgement of my self image. The other form of desire is one that comes from a place of gratitude or abundance. A simple example is how I have been finding a lot of loose change lately. You could say that this is a little bit like the law of attraction, but I think something much more profound is happening. The universe can sense my true desires and it manifests itself accordingly. I call this intelligence. An example would be how I wanted to wish people good luck knowing that there were many factors beyond our control that could influence where we go in life. The thought I had was "may the force be with you" because I was referring to intuition as something almost magical. About an hour later a woman came up to me at work and said "may the force be with you." Some people would call this a coincidence even though this never happened before in my life. The way I interpret these things is that our minds our connected and ultimately one. The universe then speaks to me through other people in response to sensing my desires. It could also mean I am the universe. What are your thoughts on the types of desires? Are there others? In my experience desires from gratitude and hope seem to be much more powerful than ones from lack as I should myself.

@BipolarGrowth I didn't clarify my body type. I am actually thin compared to others in my family. In fact my sister body shames me for being thin. If I flex you can feel my six pack. This has always been my body type for as long as I can remember and I'm 23 now. My legs are buff and my arms are thin. Thank you for highlighting the concrete benefits of taking health seriously. I can't become a chess master like this. In fact the world champion is a vegetarian.

@Mason Riggle I'm confused about something other than human desires. It seems like the will of the universe is all motion. For humans that could mean shifting into different states of consciousness. Our desires are included in what the universe wants. I think you got it exactly with suffering and desire being two sides of the same coin. My main desire in life is for effortlessness rather than being in conflict with my own thoughts and emotions. I have been journaling about these things for a few years while reading books on emotional mastery. One paradox is the fact that I am in conflict, granted to a much lesser extent, but I want to be peaceful. It is a bit tricky to resolve this paradox because the desire for peace carries the seeds of chaos.

@Razard86 Very Powerful idea. I notice a lot of pain in my ideals of who I should be. It is almost like I am trying to force myself to be something I am not and as a result I end up being stuck in life with a lot of resistance. Pain is telling me that I could be something much greater than I think I am. For example, when I was younger I had the idea that I could think whatever I want because nobody could hear my cruel thoughts. The pain is in the falsehood that I am the ego mind and I am separate from the rest of reality. There are many other applications of this as well. Good message.

If you are a Zelda fan, then you will be thrilled to discover that speed runners have used a combination of glitches to access data only previously available in beta ocarina of time. The triforce was originally intended to be obtainable, but the idea was scrapped. Speed runners are using these glitches not to destroy the game, but rather to make it even more complete. Enjoy!

I am prone to making random noises. They are typically in response to thoughts which would be embarrassing or stupid if said to other people. Sometimes my mind gets stuck on one word and then starts to all of a sudden repeat it out loud. My typical reaction is "I need to hide." I don't want other people to see what I am like because I could easily be hurt. I don't think many people go through this sort of thing. I probably need to talk to someone. Other thoughts include "I'm a monster." This kind of behavior made me fear that I was going insane. I know these thoughts are not really true and suicide is not a problem. I have an abnormal brain development with autism, but I seem to have a hard time taking embarrassment. I plan on talking with a professional about this.

@Breakingthewall one of the things I find very embarrassing is the fact that I think I'm smarter than other people. I sense that this is emotional rather than logical because the reality is that other people likely know something that I don't. This is why the thought that I'm smarter than other people would set me up for disaster if I ever acted that way around others. The cockiness would lead to stupidity. This would be a possible way in which my ego could show itself if other people knew that I think I'm smarter than them. In reality there are many ways in which people could be intelligent and I am intelligent in one of millions of ways. This seems trivial and funny now that I wrote it. In cases where it seems obvious, I don't think of it as much. For example, I'm the only one in the family who plays in chess tournaments so of course I beat everyone in the family. Likewise, my grandma thinks the 2020 election was stolen and Obama was an Arab, and I become more interested in her psychology than the fact that she is wrong. When I have nothing to prove I don't feel the need to think of myself as smarter than others. The most embarrassing of all would be philosophy and spiritual ego. Sometimes I feel like I'm advanced, but this conflicts with my logical mind. If I get cocky over this stuff, then first of all it shows that I am not as developed as my pride makes me feel. Secondly, it doesn't even make sense to think of my worldview as better than other worldviews because they are all imaginary And based on very partial information. Of course I don't know everything and no philosophy I imagine can objectively be better than other. In this case the function of my logic is an effort to distance myself from my feelings. They become suppressed and my body becomes more tense. Perhaps this is why I occasionally burst out like "I'm a monster." I don't want people to know that I think I'm more advanced than them. That would be the most embarrassing thing since I lost a chess game in the sixth grade because I got cocky and I haven't done that ever since. Emotions cloud my logic and logic suppresses my emotions. This is the conflict at play when I think that I am more advanced than others and the thought scares me because it may not be true, making a double whammy.

I would compare a lot of this behavior to an abusive relationship, but on a collective level. The one who is cheating will accuse the innocent one of cheating on them. This is the case with the 2020 election with most of the voter fraud coming from republicans. There are republicans who openly admit to cheating and they justify it by saying "the democrats do it too." Republicans are excellent when it comes to capitalizing on this false equivalence to obscure the truth further. Of course the Republican party would use fraudulent signatures to crack down on the nonexistent voter fraud while claiming it is a both sides issue. Not to mention that many Republican candidates are being pulled from elections because of fraud. It's not just "a few bad apples" because it's the entire party. One deeper lesson in how hypocrisy works is that when we judge someone for anything, it creates an image in our minds. We then may subconsciously mimic what we judge. We therefore become that which we condemn. Had the Republican party not attacked the legitimacy of the 2020 election, we would not be seeing as much fraud coming from them. Let this remind us to me mindful of our judgements and notice our resentment toward the selfishness and devilry of the Republican party.

@MusicalMillipede Welcome to the club! One of the reasons I am the quiet type is because I am afraid of what people would think of me if they knew some of the horrible things I actually think. This leads to me having a lot of judgements toward myself as I instinctively try to hide everything that could embarrass me. The things which would embarrass me the most are all of my judgements which reveal the arrogance and pride of my ego. I can see how these judgements boomerang and ultimately lead to some form of hypocrisy. So if I stay quiet, then I won't embarrass myself. The problem is that it makes me very socially awkward. Basically, on the inside I feel like I am superior to other people, but this conflicts with my logical mind that tells me there is a million ways in which this attitude could backfire. Maybe this is partially OCD.

@MusicalMillipede Morality is an imaginary constructed belief system designed to serve the survival an individual or collective identity. For example, murder does not serve our survival, therefore a common moral idea is "killing is wrong." This easily become a an expression of our emotions and fears when survival drives our entire ability to reason. Notice for example your emotions when you imagine someone pointing a gun at your head and saying "morality is relative." Your emotions could easily hijack your reasoning, this turning our rationality into another survival strategy. Hence morality is often designed to control undesired behaviors. Common collective moralities include nations and religions. Homosexuality is held in a strongly negative view because these people do not fit the traditional Christian ideology of God creating Adam and Eve. In this case what is being survived is a collective ideology when it's morality is made law. This is neither good nor bad per say, this is another expression of survival. In the case of a nation, you can look at patriotism and war. Soldiers in any country are put in a positive light as propaganda and described as brave. It serves the survival of a country to win a war, hence it must control the moral narrative as our national identity is survived. Other examples include suicide bombers today and during world war 2. In these cases, what is being survived is a collective identity whether religious or national. It can come at the cost of an individual sacrificing himself, believing that he is a hero. In truth, you are creating good and evil by imagining that it is so. A belief system is like the glasses you put on that makes reality seem a certain way to you. I encourage to look at yourself when you start rationalizing, and you will see what I mean. There is an even deeper truth that everybody is good, but this is beyond the scope of this question. It is such a beautiful thing to realize that it will be left in tears as you forgive everyone because you realize that there is no evil to forgive. Your essential nature is love and it is the source of healing, peace, and joy as you align yourself with your true nature.

His typical answer will be " morality is imaginary." Judging by how he acts in his videos... Leo has showed his ethical positions in a couple of ways. I would say his is a mix of a utilitarian and a consequentialist. He applies this both individually and collectively. In many ways his spiritual pursuits look like egoism. Meanwhile he mentioned that he does not want to stay in the carnivore diet for ethical reasons. 1. He tells his audience that they have a collective responsibility with psychedelics, arguing that if we misuse them, then society will demonize them, slowing the expansion of consciousness and spiritual awakening. This makes him sound a bit like a utilitarian who bases ethics on consequences. He also weighs the criminal penalties in his decision to use psychedelics. 2. A similar example is when he uses the example "oh morality is relative so I can rob a bank and it's not evil." He points out that there are consequences and you will be punished by your fellow humans if not God. Leo never says these actions are evil in any sense, but they are not in one's own favor or In the collective's favor. 3. The closest thing to an ethical egoist would be his pursuit of awakening. He goes off on his own away from everybody to seek love, truth, and selflessness, but paradoxically this is very selfish. Leo has experienced levels of awakening that allow him to forgive himself if he sets of a nuclear bomb and kills billions of people. In this case forgiveness is good for Leo, but not for humanity. The reason Leo seems so selfish in this last example is because his pursuit of selflessness goes full circle, making it identical to selfishness like a psychopath who becomes a mass murderer with no shame, yet Leo forgives himself out of love while arguing that guilt is not a very resourceful emotion. This makes it seem like Leo's position is "morality is imaginary." Typing this makes me feel like I should love myself more. It sounds very powerful.

@jimwell I find it fascinating that scientists can grow meat like that. I read a little more about this and found two brands are beyond meat and impossible foods. The difference in environmental impact is too much to ignore not to mention all of the health issues and cruelty that can be avoided. If I had to choose a type of meat, then I would want to support a cause like this while fighting climate change.

This is popping up a lot nowadays and I can't quite put my finger on this. I feel like this talking point about freedom of speech is commonly used to deflect from all of the misinformation and conspiracy theories being spread by the right wing so they can whip up a culture war and obscure the truth further by hiding behind the false pretense of freedom. This seems like a very annoying talking point to challenge because it is simplistic, dogmatic, and absolutistic. It leads to various straw mans such as "you are censoring me" "I have as much of a right to speech as you do" and other nonsensical arguments. This seems like such a stupid distraction from challenging incorrect statements. It is not about silencing you, it is about deprogramming lies. This talking point is designed to shut down reasonable counter arguments through a straw man of "attacking my rights." This is kind of like the "America first" pseudo moral argument for turning refugees away among other short sighted dogmatic positions to undermine globalization, racial equality, and more. It is almost like a pseudo moral argument for somebody harassing you, calling you the n word, spreading slander, and inciting panic. The freedom of speech talking point is like a false front of genuine concern over censorship in order to enable explicit racism, hatred, bigotry, through falsely equating it to all forms of civil speech, thus normalizing blatant lies, hate speech, and alt right ideologies which would allow the Republican party to maintain power by pandering to these hate groups. It seems like one of those fake moral panics like critical race theory, Dr. Seuss books, trans gender pedophiles, Satanists, the commies, the illegal alien pedophiles, and more. Freedom of speech is just the most prevalent and stubborn pseudo moral panic that the Republican party is pushing. I can't see this game being sustainable for the Republican party because by making the hatred of its base more explicit, it will only further radicalize the popular support against them. They already struggle with the popular vote constantly, and they must pander to a hateful minority in order to keep power which can't be good for them long term, especially considering all the other unsustainable tactics they use to maintain tyranny of the minority. The idea that the left is pushing an Orwellian ideology to destroy America seems completely overblown utterly ridiculous as the Republican party desperately struggles to survive its low information, racist and bigoted base through crusading against social media and creating widespread moral panic out of thin air. How would you try to put what conservatives are doing with this talking point into words?

I'm back from the chess tournament and have the same pattern of not winning won games. This part of my practice may need more of my attention than endgames and I may subordinate studying endings to converting won positions. The thing is that these topics are entangled. If I improve my endgame knowledge, then I could use that as an additional way of winning won games. It is just that in my games I often allow my advantage to slip in either time trouble or a complicated middlegame. I have also been debating whether or not to return to the chessable daily streak. On one hand, I don't want it to become an unconscious habit of merely surviving a streak. It places an uncomfortable pressure on me during my studies. I might decide to kill my streak on purpose once a month just to make sure I'm studying consciously rather than as a survival machine. It would be a 600 day commitment to hold a 1000 day streak just to get a badge. I'm leaning toward killing my streak on purpose to send myself the message that I am not there for badges and points, I'm there only for the most relevant courses to my chess growth. These courses are relevant opening courses, endgame courses, my current tactical drills, and potentially computer or championship studies. I see my mind subtly blurring the boundary between badges and improvement because in many indirect ways, these badges could be related. The badge that bothers me is 1 in 100,000 achievement. Once I get that I should be happier when it stops bugging me. In other news I have deconstructed my self image as an anti conformist. I feel much happier, more peaceful, and joyful. I am more authentic without the underlying neuroticism beneath my creativity. It was a need to be different and stand out. I can be creative without this underpinning negative motivation of being conformist, mediocre, etc. Perhaps this is the reason why I often set unrealistic expectations for myself and became depressed. I will share the story with my brother because he may find it instructive.

I will be writing in this journal everyday to remind myself of my mission. I have a cognitive dissonance in spite of finishing the life purpose course. I am mainly split between spirituality, politics, and chess. I must know what I want. This topic makes me cry when I write about it, yet I feel determined. I work at a job which does not allow me to exercise my full potential. It also does not pay enough money for me to live on my own, and even if it did I would be working so much that I could not be a chess player. I would need a part time job which allows me to be off on weekends. Otherwise, I cannot play in as many tournaments as possible and I will continue to lag behind. I know it is possible to play in a tournament every week. As for spirituality, I understand the truth can radically change how I see the world. I would rather live knowing than not knowing. I will have to place a schedule to the best of my abilities and stick to it when it comes to meditation and eating foods that help my mind. I don't know how effective psychedelics are, but currently it is impossible for me to use them legally and epilepsy is a possible issue. I must rely on books and meditation on this front. As for politics, I am concerned about my contribution to mankind. I feel like I need to do something that matters. If there were such a thing as a job about Decriminalizing psychedelics and marijuana, then that could be cool. I know that I value doing something significant with my life so my existence can be felt. Otherwise, I feel like my life is meaningless in a bad way. This may also require a lot of work to get a bachelor's degree and go to law school and such. This would be far from being a chess player. One plan is to move to Kentucky, but my family is hesitating. I can't go to another country and try psychedelics because my family does not want that. I can't move out unless I have a full time job that prevents me from competing in tournaments and working in a job that fulfills me. These can'ts are not the end all be all. I might have to move to another country to become a chess player. At any rate, I want to resolve this cognitive dissonance that interferes with my life purpose. I can't tell what field of master I should go for. I will figure it out somehow, and writing here everyday will be my reminder.

For the first question, it is about popular support. Restaurants would have a lot of controversy drawn to them if they said "whites only" or they seemed transphobic. An example is my job at a grocery store where they gave us this kind of lesson in gender identity. If workers at a grocery store argue with these people, then it will kick up a lot of controversy which is bad for our reputation. Hence corporations want to be seen as tolerant and accepting of as many customers as possible. "The customer is always right." As for the second question, you can look at recent history for evidence. Nowadays republicans are opposed to trans people in the military as they were with "homos in the military." Similarly, homosexuals used to be lumped together with sexual predators as is happening with trans people being harassed in public. You can compare the support for same sex marriage sense the 1980's for further proof or you can look at landmark supreme court decisions. The key term is "compelling interest." There were some supreme court cases in which police officers broke into the wrong home and arrested two gay men. The court argued that police officers lacked a compelling reason to prosecute homosexuals if they are not hurting anybody. Of course with the overturning of roe vs wade there might be other terrible decisions with the politicized supreme court. Here is an example of how republicans used to behave.

I would like to add one more thing about low consciousness. In this case, low consciousness also claims that it is for the sake of truth which is being oppressed. In fact "truth" is being weaponized to hurt other people because low consciousness can get away with it. Therefore, "truth" as a false pretext of the true motive of hurting others is also falsehood. This would appear in cases like libel, slander, and calling a Trans woman a man in the name of truth. It is difficult to argue with low consciousness when it claims falsehood is truth and truth is falsehood. This is common in free speech when conspiracy theories about the election are being spread around and causing violence.