trenton

I think this channel has a lot of solid information coming from a former history teacher. He also goes into detail about modern segregation and the racist history of the honors program. One hidden tactic is to use the excuse, "we only have so many seats.". Even if you pass the test, they will have somebody pick who gets in. This opens the door for racial bias and it has been happening well into the 90's. One thing that jumped out at me was Mormonism. The golden bible contains ideas like the curse of Cain that turned people black. This argument was used by democrats in the 1800's after they picked up some of these ideas from religious texts. They concluded that black people had to be slaves to pay the price of someone else's sins. 2 Nephi 5:21 A sore cursing … as they were white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them.” Check out some of the videos of you want to challenge some of the narratives you were indoctrinated with.

What I see is the same story with a slightly different spin. During prohibition a common talking point from conservatives was that illegal immigrants smuggled bootleg alcohol over the border and we needed security. After prohibition ended the drug trafficking stopped. Then came the war on drugs and illegal immigrants started smuggling in drugs again. Today conservatives say we need to secure the border using the same talking point. During the 80's conservatives would gawk at you for putting homos in the military. Today they would do that trans people arguing that it makes the military less effective. This goes all the way back to reconstruction. Anti black propaganda lead Americans to believe that blacks were sexual predators, degenerate, and needed to be separated from whites. today conservatives site statistics suggesting that blacks are criminals. In the 50's they conflated homosexuals with predators. Today they conflated trans with predators. It really is the same lie all throughout history. conservatives also don't not want illegal immigrants coming over because they are rapists nor do they want refugees from the middle East because they are terrorists. There are implicit racist biases, but with a different spin every time over the past 2 centuries. The same story is always resisting integration through fear, hatred, and close mindedness. This could be drugs, race, religion, moral relativism, immigration, or anything else. What makes this challenging is that the same story is done unconsciously and automatically every time.

In other news, I think my life purpose has to do with my top interests concerning truth. These are things like reforming our overly secularized society, philosophy, religious truths, and psychedelics. The main commonality between these things is truth. It is very easy for me to get side tracked by corruption and the lesser jihad. These things are important, but most of them feel hollow to me. I would still be okay with a career that helps so many people through logic, learning, and research. One thing I did was visit a law firm and asked them about filing a 16 billion dollar lawsuit against chevron for refusing pay their lawsuits and locking up the prosecutor who tried to hold them accountable. The main challenge is that I am not directly involved, therefore it could be hard to give the lawsuit a leg to stand on. Truthfully, justice feels hollow to me and it is about fighting enemies. Logic tells me that the greatest good for the greatest number out weighs my own needs even if I die. This idea underlying my interest in politics likely causes me to be drawn to these things. I allowed myself to do these things because I notice how easily I am side tracked from the things that matter most to me. I hope by going through these things, that one day I can be developed enough to do what I truly love.

Update I went to the doctor and received medication targeted at OCD. It is very effective at knocking me out as I go to bed. The doctor recommended that I don't have anything too sweet four hours before bed time. This was also helpful and I am now eating less sugar. I still need more protein though. I also tested Leo's claims about the medical industry. Firstly, they are against psychedelics and argued that the normal state of consciousness is most effective for proving things like the existence of God. They are locked in the materialist paradigm. Secondly, the doctor underestimates the harm caused by heavy metals, pfas, and micro plastics. He said it shouldn't be enough to hurt me. Thirdly, I asked about the cost of the emergency room. They would not give me a straight answer even when I asked what do you charge for x injury. Leo was right about the emergency room being a scam. Also I told them that sometimes I get sad spells because I am not living up to my potential. The doctor came back and said that he wants to help me reach my potential, but was also locked in the materialist paradigm. Given these limitations I Overall gained because the medicine he gave me is working. I have more plans for addressing my autism and OCD, but I will need to see a doctor targeted at that.

I get that these are nice landmarks to finally pass. I am just questioning what exactly does this solve in terms of inequality. For example, we had the first black president already, but there is still redlining, segregation, racial profiling, and the fact that black communities are disproportionately impacted by things like air pollution or COVID. I'm happy that this woman was able to break some of these barriers, but these landmarks only give an appearance that racism is over. For example, Prager U will say things like "we elected a black man President twice" to argue that systemic racism does not exist anymore while turning a blind eye to modern voter suppression.

This seems quite frustrating. I knew ISIS was still out there in parts of Africa as well. There was a massive lie that Trump defeated ISIS, but they were never gone. Biden did similar by focusing on the leader, which is far from all that is needed. Lies like these only serve to help ISIS regrow while being politically expedient. This will only further confound the water wars on top of the oil wars in regions especially susceptible to these ideologies. The middle East seems to be the worst place in the world to live and is only getting worse. The mission of anybody living there should be to leave. I wonder how I would feel about life if I was unable to manipulate my way out of that situation. We feel like victims in America because of the poultry wages. Sometimes I wonder if life is worth living if I am going to be a mediocre and insignificant person who bags groceries until I get old and die. Although the ideology is dangerous, they seem to find a sense of purpose and a reason to keep living. We live in different realities in which I would kill myself over much less. This is one way to demonstrate how people don't have control over their values as this depends on the environment.

@Husseinisdoingfine large chunks of Russia are very cold. You can't grow food or hope to survive in the especially cold areas without killing reindeer. There are large chunks of Russia which have barely any people in it. More Russians live closer to the Europe than toward the center and northern Russia. https://vividmaps.com/population-density-of-russia/

I'm back from the tournament. I lost two and won three. The last win was against an opponent rated 200 points higher than me. I didn't win any money, but I had useful experience and it shows my capabilities. During the games I often felt like I had scatter brains. It could be some kind of OCD and autism symptom. It often makes me hesitate to move while being unclear about a final evaluation. This more than likely affects my ability to think about my life purpose as well. One limit of actualized is that it assumes a normal psychology, and I may need to find something more suited for me. I had been thinking about a lot during the tournament. It didn't distract me from the actual games, but I was paying closer attention to how my mind behaves and reacts. When there are real stakes it is easier for me let go of strong emotions than normal and with more practice I will be doing better. What I love most about these tournaments is not the money, friends, and awesome games. Those are all nice, but I love having my mind focused on the task at hand in front of me. I become paradoxically peaceful yet alert, determined yet detached, and in a state of flow. One of the things I thought about was how much of my life I'm wasting doing things I don't enjoy. I wondered if my purpose in life boils down to being a mediocre chess player who bags groceries. If I can't come up with a great business idea, get away from my family, or actually play in tournaments as much as I want to, then this could seriously be the case. This is probably why a bunch of players stagnate. I feel trapped, angry, saddened, and disgusted. If I can't do what I want with my life, then what the hell am I doing? There are not many opportunities to work with Chess and make money. I'm usually the quiet guy who is mysteriously good at chess. I am off work Monday. I will need to get a doctor's appointment, hire a grandmaster to ask his advice, prepare to move to Kentucky for a month, and as always keep practicing. I struggle to find motivation to keep playing when I am stuck away from what I enjoy doing. I swear on my life that I will find a way out of this slow and painful death. I become very pessimistic about life when I am stuck doing things I don't want to do while the other players get ahead of me. It makes me feel like I'm wasting my time and there is nothing I can do about. Maybe there is something I can do though. If I have to do something drastic like moving to Europe, then fine. I will not tolerate living in this depressing hell hole as I watch my body slowly deteriorate over the next 40 years. Many of my co workers feel this way, but they don't want to talk about it. Unfortunately, I struggle to make a clear sense of direction. Maybe I was meant to become a cynical average worker who gradually becomes angrier because of my failures to live an enjoyable life just like the rest of them.

@at_anchor I have been considering the same thing myself. I don't want to walk around with a SD blue shadow by judging things rather than understanding them. I end up lost in a relativistic nihilism in which I have no sense of purpose at all. It is important to address this sort of hang up somehow. One of my greatest fears is the loss of individuality through a false sense of purpose and conformity. This worsens my social skills and sense of belonging. Currently, I don't feel like I belong anywhere and this doesn't help me find a life purpose. One possibility to keep in mind is that going to church can trigger an epiphany. It could be taken such that you reinforce to the surrounding paradigm. If you take what is said with a grain of salt and focus on consciousness as they attempt to point to it in this environment, it might work. That sounds awesome, but they would probably throw you out. The visions of angels sounds off the hook. We may have to work with what we've got and not use psychedelics. From this point of view we can't blame people for being selfish, unconscious, and fearful if they don't have the tools to raise their consciousness.

My chess tournament starts tomorrow. I know my openings pretty well and have no especially bad weakness. I am excited for the near future and I would like to remember what it is like to be in a place that makes me happy. I like to be in the zone to the point that nothing else in the universe bothers me and I have complete peace of mind. After this tournament I would like to test out a new style. It is playing more positionally rather than simplifying chess to just attacking. My calculations are often over simplified through this bias. The reason grandmasters tell people to adopt this style is because it works and it is an easy way to boost your rating by 1000 points. Many players end up hitting a limit at 1800 though, and I would like to expand my knowledge and go above this. I also notice that my games become increasingly beautiful as I improve so that is interesting.

I recently stumbled upon a scene depicting Jesus Christ as a social justice warrior. I am wondering when to behave like this. My mind plays devil's advocate and says I would probably be wrong and look horrible. I think Jesus would react like this toward corporate lobbyists who turn the capital into a market place while oppressing humanity through legalized bribery. How do we balance a low tolerance for devilry with moral relativism? When should righteous anger be used and how should it be done? How should we respond to someone else's righteous anger when they are wrong? How can righteous anger be used without making people radical and violent? When does being nice make us a doormat for evil?

@gettoefl This is an interesting paradox I would like to discuss. How do we pick our battles? Some people may be unwilling to change and you will only make an enemy out of them. In this way your righteous anger will backfire and lead to further transgressions. One example is if you make it obvious that you are offended, but the abuser recognizes this and takes joy in violating this boundary. This can become harassment and it will enrage you further. I see this in transgenderism which is a common battle being fought nowadays. I think if you want to peacefully enforce a boundary, then the one who violates our boundaries must himself be conscious enough to admit his wrong doing and be willing to change and be your friend. If he does not want to be your friend, then he will actively seek disapproval out of the addicting pleasure of getting on someone's bad side. This is how adults bully each other as they take joy in this sense of power and control. It is like I'm a monkey stuck in a cage and a sadistic bastard is jabbing me with a stick while laughing. If somebody is like this, then the response could be saying "fuck off" and cut them off from you. If you can't get this person out of your life so easily like a family member, then you can get stuck and feel like a victim. I felt This way when my mom had an abusive boyfriend who broke the dishes, stole my money, and beat her. Mom would not listen to reason and she told me to mind my own business. I chose this battle because I was concerned about the safety of the family. On the inside it felt hollow to me because I was only acting based on the belief that a family should love each other. In fact, I didn't really feel love from my family because we were full of lying, stealing, manipulating, criminals. Dad fled the state to avoid paying child support and it all felt like a lie to me when I tried to stop the drug addiction and domestic violence in the name of family love.

My answer is I don't know. For all I know Jesus is a poetic character that never existed like Adam, eve, Noah, and so forth. I would never know for sure what Jesus was like unless I met him in the flesh. As for using righteous anger, I think it is necessary to know your boundaries and make them explicit and specific. Then enforce those boundaries. An example would be if my grandma says she does not care if a n-word crook can't breath. In that case doing the right thing or enforcing a boundary could be telling her "stop being a racist b-word." The function of not being nice is to get the point across and make it obvious that change is necessary.

If I want to find my life purpose, then I will need to find a way to show or tell the world who I am in my own unique way. This may change in different moments, but I am more willing to confront dark truths than most of my co-workers. This can be included in my life purpose. I noticed that when I focus on a physical sensation, then my mind becomes quieter and I sleep more easily. If I want to find my life purpose, then I need to find some way to quiet my mind by focusing on something to touch. It is not something I find by jumping to different pages on the internet. If My focus deteriorates then it explains why I feel so confused. Perhaps I could use a rubber band for when my thoughts start racing.

@Consept I kind of agree with where your coming from. Although the issue can seem heated for the parties involved, this really is a small issue compared to all of the other things going on. Society will need to test its policies on this issue over time. You may miss a few details on smaller issues like these, but you seem to be keeping the big picture in mind.

I see what you mean. I'm trying to find some way to balance what these parties want, and I don't see how else to do this. There are still scientists debating this matter.

Suppose we add another category exclusively for trans athletes. This would avoid controversy with trans people getting an unfair advantage in One way or another. It would also allow trans folk to keep pursuing their passions. The drawback is that they will still be alienated from the rest of society as a cost for fair sports.

I haven't been updating much because it often takes away from anything else I'm doing. I will occasionally add. I find that I am interested in learning about politics still and I have found implications in the imbalance of sex. There are many applications, but one of them is that feminist movements tend to be more successful when the majority of a population is female. This can happen following a major war. I also found new angles for looking at border security and I enjoy learning about new perspectives. I found that changing the drug policy throughout history has been more effective at stopping drug trafficking over our borders than directly securing them. This has been unsuccessful since prohibition, and the smuggling of bootleg alcohol stopped after prohibition ended. The same logic can be applied to marijuana with proven success. I like finding how different issues are interconnected. As for chess I beat my nemesis. He is rated over 2400 and he beat me 12 times. https://lichess.org/oxK0ogcK/black#0 I plan to tell my sister about why I resent her with a complete list. This is one of the exercises in a book I'm reading. She will likely interrupt, argue, deflect, and get sidetracked. I doubt that she will want to apply many of the things I plan to tell her. I will still test the exercise to know from experience.

@PepperBlossoms Leo mentioned that in how to escape wage slavery. If you don't understand how the economy and business works and how to become a massive value provider, then you're fucked. You will probably be a wage slave until you die no matter what dead end job you switch to. His recommendation is to start a business. It is harder to do with COVID, but I still looked into building my own chess club. so far nothing became of it because I was using an employment service for people with autism and I can't find the diagnosis. I could use any regular service then if that works better. Meanwhile, a dark reality about how these complicated things work is that most of the money in the world is made through exploitation, slave labor, disaster capitalism, fighting over oil and so on. This doesn't have to be a limiting belief because it is possible to make millions without slavery. You just won't become a billionaire with way more money than you need anyway. Becoming a millionaire is still within reason. If your concerned about slavery, then the global supply chain is deeply corrupt and the U.S. alone imports hundreds of billions of dollars worth of slave products every year. This requires going into politics to change. Sometimes I think if machines did these jobs, then we would not have as many human sweat shops. Some of Leo's books on politics can get depressing.

@PepperBlossoms very good ideas thank you. This right here is what paralyzed me in college because I became unable to pick a major. At first I wanted to be a chess grandmaster, but my family wanted me to go to college. There were no chess majors, so I tried to pick something that eventually makes me better at chess. Maybe psychology would make me better, but I didn't like the career prospects. As I shifted my focus toward career prospects, I considered politics, but switched because of fear of failure. I also wasn't mature enough to do such a thing. I ended up narrowing my decision to computers or business because the career prospects are the most lucrative that way. Maybe financial independence could help me become a grandmaster. By this point I felt torn in many different directions. Every major is because I want something unrelated or the one that I am somewhat passionate about seems difficult to achieve just like transforming our overly secularized society such that we better appreciate the importance of emotional mastery and the spiritual wisdom that backs it up. That is a very useful observation. My negative thoughts identify problems such as my relationship with my sister, my job at Kroger and how it lacks creative labor, my confusion regarding my life purpose, the challenges COVID has created for me, my sense of being stuck in chess improvement, and my fear of failure in politics. Thoughts like these could be used for hopelessness and depression, but the alternative seems more promising. Thanks for pointing that out. In terms of potential, I could be doing a lot more than bagging groceries and wiping poop and blood off the toilets and bathroom walls which is my least favorite part of the job. Any other job I take would only be if it makes it easier to become a grandmaster or if I can do something that is significant enough for my existence to be felt. This would be something like Decriminalizing psychedelics, which if there were a job for that then that would be an awesome job. I could try contacting some holistic medicine sites to learn more about this. If there were a job in which creative labor had a substantial impact on mankind that paid enough for me to move out, then that would solve a lot of problems. It sounds idealistic, but it is worth a shot. As for chess, my current job makes me feel exhausted to the point that I want to eat ice cream and lay down in bed. My brain feels dead at the end of the day so I can't think clearly. Maybe replacing ice cream with fruit smoothies would help. Otherwise, I may continue to feel stuck when this is combined with working at a grocery store with varying schedule. The more time off I have, the happier I am. I mentioned this to the management just as I described the fact that this job lacks creative labor. They said they have nothing there and I should get a different job. Most of my negative thoughts revolve around all of this potential and all of the things I could doing with my life. My co-workers are unwilling to even talk about how they feel stuck in life as well. I could say that this is my main advantage over most employees who have already given up on any higher ideals. "Living up to my potential" becomes a common theme which leads to sleeping problems and suicidal thoughts as it starts to seem like my life is not worth living if I'm stuck forever. I would rather try the other method of using negative thinking for something purposeful. Thanks very much for the observation.

In a sense the hypocrisy of the West is not much worse than other countries. A lot of it boils down to geopolitics by defending or ignoring the war crimes we commit while condemning those of our enemies. China has a similar hypocrisy with saying the United States started COVID and spreading all kinds of lies and propaganda. It looks like any country spreading propaganda about the enemy is usually a hypocrite. those in power are usually hypocrites in many different nations. In the U.S.for example, the laws often don't apply to the rich and powerful. This is probably true everywhere, but when the 18th amendment was passed to ban alcohol the only place it was legal was in the capital building. My history teacher was confused as to why we would ban alcohol, so I told him that our representatives had too much to drink. Another recent example is the stock market in which you are not allowed to trade stocks with insider information without disclosing the trades. The law is not enforced at all for those in power, so they enrich themselves and cling to power to maintain all the money. On reason this happens is because it takes a lot more work to convict someone in power. This happens with your boss when he sexually harasses you, billionaires when they illegally evade taxes, or the president when the party in power refuses to impeach him. They will only impeach the other party's president. Another major point of hypocrisy would be that we pretend to be more advanced than we really are. This can include leaving people with the impression that we are above racism thanks to MLK, but in fact there are over 600 white supremacist groups including the American freedom party. A common quote by conservatives is "I have a dream that one day my four little children will be judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.". These are the same people who deny systemic racism while benefiting from it, scapegoat illegal immigrants for the failure of bad policy, move polling stations away from black communities, call COVID the kung-flu, dog whistle to white supremacists and the alt right including neo Nazis, and defend explicit racism in restaurants in spite of the civil rights act which forbids it. Our country still denies civil rights to transgender people. I could go on all day.

I don't know why, but my brain does not seem to be clicking and I am screwing up badly in chess. Maybe this happens after I'm off of work. I can't focus as much anymore and I get annoyed. I feel myself shifting toward a negative mood again which previously lead to suicidal thoughts. I start to feel trapped when my brain does not work right anymore and I get stuck. I need to do something about this pattern right here. I end up just messing around on YouTube and walking around or eating ice cream after I get off work. If I make a fruit smoothie instead of ice cream or might make a positive difference. I get a sweet tooth after work, so this is the key. As for some good news, I wrote a letter to a neighbor about how their dog jumped the fence. I hope they read it and see that their dog ran up and down the side wall in the middle of the night.

@PepperBlossoms Thank you for asking. I will explain the best I can. What I enjoy the most about chess is the spirit of the player. By putting myself in a state of flow, nothing in the universe bothers me any more, only the task at hand. This becomes peaceful, yet tense. Energetic, yet relaxed and focused. And with a determination that can be seen in my eyes. What I love about chess is the sense that I can get rid of a lot of internal chatter and conflict in which I tear myself down with my victim mindset. I make myself feel hopeless and fight myself constantly. When I get all of that to stop, it helps avoid deeply depressing attitudes while allowing my strengths to shine brighter than I thought possible. The titles themselves are meaningless. I want to do something fun that makes money for one thing. I also want a job that requires me to grow and change.

Of course when I'm in the thick of it, I would either isolate myself to avoid getting hurt or kill myself to escape life. This is my typical strategy for dealing with conflict. Otherwise, I might make it worse by talking to people who may as well be speaking Chinese. Each of my words will have a different meaning attached to them for every person, so instead I don't talk as my words will be taken as I don't mean them. Maybe a more accurate way to put is "I hope you had a good laugh at the idea that conflict is wrong.". What the post really argues is that conflict is inevitable, not that conflict itself is absurd. Maybe this is a sign of the problem I'm describing. I would rather say nothing than say something I don't mean or that someone will interpret in a worse way.

I watched Leo's video on conflict and I would like to add my own insights that I find hilarious and I hope it makes you laugh. After finishing the video I sat down and went back to practicing chess. As I was playing I started thinking "why is there so much conflict and war in a chess game?". I then started laughing because the point of the game is literally that pieces are at war and they want to checkmate the other king. In order for there to be no conflict in chess, chess would have to die. It would be absurd to sit here and moralize about how cruel it is that the pieces are attacking each other and oppressing the other side. a similar example is in Pokemon the first movie. A lot of Pokemon fans make fun of the message that fighting is wrong. Literally the point of Pokemon is that you catch Pokemon and train them to battle each other. If you want conflict in Pokemon to stop, then Pokemon needs to die. Playing this kind of music in the background of a chess game would be ridiculous. The nature of the game is conflict. That is the point, and if you want no more conflict, then you can't play. That creates another conflict. Now let's get a little more real. Say a wolf and a rabbit. It would be silly to moralize to a wolf about why eating a rabbit is wrong. The point of being a wolf is that you are a predator and your nature is such that you must eat a rabbit. Capitalism is another good example. The idea is that many different companies compete for customers by producing goods and services. Naturally, this leads to conflict and other companies will want to destroy each other. this also creates income and wealth inequality which causes is to think that corporations are evil. This is not a bug of capitalism, it is a feature. Just like In chess, Pokemon, and in the animal kingdom. Capitalism must divide the rich and the poor simply by the nature of the economic philosophy. Interestingly, communism tries to unite the rich and poor, but in an unsustainable way. How would we unite the rich and poor? Would it be like Martin Luther king trying to unite the slave and his master in his "I have a dream speech?" One more example is in war. Sometimes my sister argues that men caused all the wars throughout history. My mom and I dispute this point. My mom looks at examples of violent women who wanted genocides against the pegans in Europe. Meanwhile, I argue that in order for a country to survive, it must compete with other nations for land and resources. This will inevitably lead to war regardless of who is power. We could say that the nature of a country is that of a super organism that must oppress other super organisms in order to feed itself. I would argue things like "do you really think the illegal drone strikes and bombings in the middle East would stop killing civilians if Hillary Clinton were in office?". Of course this argument is another form of conflict over my sister's feminist ideology. Her boyfriend cheated on her and she had a lot of bad experiences with men because of my dad's sexist favoritism toward me. I would argue that racism works the same way, but my sister pulls up videos of other like minded feminists who defend their generalizations about men. We could say that men and women are stake holders in the war of the sexes. So of course the division of man and woman will lead to conflict if they are not unified in a sustainable way. One way I try to resolve these types of ideological and political conflicts is by finding common ground. This tends to be more effective than arguing that one ideology is the one true one, which is the biggest absurdity in history. For example, I agree with my sister on some actions that could be taken to stop income inequality and human trafficking. She respects me for my research into slavery because most men don't know what women go through because of the prevalence of forced prostitution in the black market. You could say that I am trying to look at multiple points of view and unify them, thus stopping polarization. This method for resolving conflict is limited when my grandma insists that Trump won the election and the democrats cheated. I can't challenge this close minded argument because she rejects any and all evidence I show her while defending any all actions of Trump. I wrote a message to her explaining how transgenderism works, and I don't know her reaction yet. It is like a marry couple that will argue and hate each other until death do they part. Fundamentally, the point of survival is that you are in conflict with death. If you are alive, then you are not dead. From this point of view, there will inevitably be conflict and it is absurd to look at conflict like it is wrong. Conflict is the nature of reality. I hope you get a good laugh at the absurdity of conflict.