trenton

I have a story to share. When I was in the hospital, there was bible study group. It was there to help people suffering through a crisis and having a mental breakdown. One of the patients was a woman who recently lost her son and daughter. I participated in the bible study. It was easy for me to apply what I learned from other spiritual books and actualized.org to the study. This woman was grateful to have met someone like me. I don't believe in any formal religion, but I recognize that religion can be used to save lives because of the psychological benefits when combined with a good intellectual understanding of spirituality. A drawback is that if a person gets locked into an ideology it can prevent them from holding God as an experience. This has various consequences like religious zealotry. A commonly sited negative of religion is that it motivates wars and genocides. Although there were some religious wars, there were not as many as you think. The true motive for most wars were economic, territorial, and geopolitical. In many cases religion is used as propaganda like in the Russian invasion of Ukraine. It makes it seem like there are more religious wars than there really are because of the war time propaganda. One of the causes of the collapse of religion is the sex scandals. Treating lust as an objective sin backfires horribly. In fact some people become mass shooters because they wanted to kill the women who tempted them. At the moment religion is far from destigmatizing sex. It is starting to happen by allowing priests to marry. This is a start of healthy sex being allowed. In the future I expect religion to evolve so that most of these backfiring mechanisms are resolved. Religious extremism partially motivated the attempted coup on January sixth. Presently Christianity is locked at a low level of development. It leads to literal interpretations of the bible being fused with racist and nationalist ideologies. The prophesies of Donald Trump getting reinstated rallied extremists to attack the capital. Considering the dangers of religious extremism, I think at the moment religion does more bad than good. However, I expect that religion will continue to evolve until most of the problems are ironed out. Maybe in the future religion will do more good than bad. What do you think?

@meta_male I know my sisters are trying to guilt trip me and I don't feel bad about myself.. my goal is not to subscribe to the rules, but rather to know what they are. This can help me to anticipate other people's behavior, allowing me to more effectively navigate social situations. Autism is a factor for me because many of these social games make absolutely no sense to me. There is way too much bullshit, including my sisters trying to guilt trip me while denying their vengeful motives. By the way, they now refuse to discuss my cousin while I'm around. My rule has been made.

I recently made the mistake of violating women's unspoken 'keep this between us' rule. This led to a lot of drama which I naively believed could be resolved. It didn't work. Now my cousin and sisters hate each other even more. Here is the thread for context. This issue got me thinking about what other unspoken rules there might be. Maybe there are other people on this forum who made a serious mistake and learned from it. This should be a more efficient way of understanding relationships so we don't have to repeat each other's mistakes.

I can live without porn. I've seen enough of it to know what it's about. At my current rate I look at porn about once every three weeks. It speaks negatively of my character to admit that I looked at porn, knowing there was corruption like this. I know it is slightly painful for me to quit, but I think it is better for me to grow up than to hurt others by remaining immature. There are a lot of people who feel the need to make excuses for looking at porn despite this knowledge. I don't make excuses. I admit that I looked at porn and did not care about the sex trafficking. Whatever arguments and stories you have, drop them. Just admit you look at porn and you don't care about the ethical issues.

The anti depressants are lexapro. The anti psychotic is zyprexa. Zyprexa is designed to stop the ruminations. I used to be taking Prozac, but that ended in a catastrophe.

I'm confused about the following situation. My sisters were talking behind my cousin's back. I told my cousin about it because I felt he deserved to know. My cousin is grateful I told him, but my sister lashed out at me. She felt that I was going out my way just to hurt her. She was vengeful because she thinks I told the truth just to hurt her, therefore she told me how loving and caring dad was for people other than me. My cousin is now pissed at my sisters and refuses to talk to them. My sisters and grandma think I need to apologize, but I don't know for what. Is this not minding my own business or is it okay to tell your friend that someone is talking behind his back? I told my sister I think this is moral relativism, but she interpreted as I think my point of view is just the truth and she is wrong. I don't think my family will understand my point of view, hence the emotional support feels hollow. so far my older sister is mad at me for not being sorry. My younger sister thinks I'm a liar because of my confused apology. My grandma thinks that this isn't about truth, it's about doing the right thing which is to stay silent if saying something makes it worse. My point of view is that we are all full shit, but pointing this out tears our illusions apart. in my case I'm biased against illusions which I see a lot of. I am now tempted to become quieter and say even less. This would be shameful if I was just starting to open up only to realize that my point of view doesn't matter because it won't be understood. Should I be sorry? If so, what for?

I'm working on all of this. I have a psychologist I see every couple of weeks. I am taking medication. I have a group called mindfully to get cbt therapy for ptsd. I feel like I'm growing even though it is unpleasant. I am facing some developmental drama by opening up with my family.

I came home early to check in with my older sister. I wasn't going to ruminate all day again. Maybe she would lash out at me, maybe she calmed down. She seems to have calmed down. I won't bring up issue. I won't tell her that I helped my cousin pass the math exam. I will let her find out for herself. The situation remains unamendable. It will only start a fight if I talk about my cousin.

@TheCloud I have been in the process of understanding my internal situation my entire life. I am never ignoring the internal world and I am constantly learning about it. I have learned a lot from this situation and I am oscillating between calm and frustrated. I don't know how to approach my sister's frustration. If anybody has a suggestion, how in theory should I respond to my sister? The reason I'm stumped is because I have constantly been trying to find a way to make my sister's anger better, but I constantly fail. I must understand that being calm may never be enough to solve her internal state which in turn becomes my problem. I don't take it personally when she gets angry. I shouldn't expect my good faith efforts to be met with good faith efforts.

@Schizophonia part if the problem is that I lack social experience. This is partially due to autism, isolation, bullying, and my family. My family tells me to socialize more, but my sister is presently the reason I isolate myself. It used to be because of my step father. Before that it was because of my mother lashing out at me for misbehaving. Hyper vigilance keeps me up at night.

@Schizophonia I don't intend to hide the source of any conflict. The problem is that two conflicts now overlap. First of all, I opened a conflict falsely believing that everybody wanted amends. I have come to the realization that not everybody wants amends. This is why it was a mistake to open the conflict. I was naive and I have learned a lot. My older sister thinks that I did it because I am actively trying to hurt her, therefore she is vengeful. She denies this. Secondly, my relationship with my older sister is a mess. She wants to have a relationship with me, but I isolate myself from her. I don't want to spend time with her because of her anger issues and how she lashes out at me. She admitted to this issue after lashing out at me over the laundry. She refuses to get help for this. I hold this against her every time she lashes out at me. It is hard to communicate with her because she takes everything the wrong way and does not allow for the possibility that I am acting with good intentions. I end up walking on eggshells and it is frustrating. I can't get through to her because she has a torrent of projections that she accuses me of. I feel like I no longer care what she thinks of me because she lives in a completely different reality. She is unable to understand my point of view and acts like I am the one who only cares about his own point of view. This is another projection. Part of the problem with my sister is that we lack common interests. It could be the divide created by philosophy and spirituality. It has made it impossible for her to understand my point of view so it seems malicious. It becomes frustrating to try to explain myself. She tells me I think too deeply about everything.

@TheCloud I admit that "they have no interest in peace" is taking it too far. I am still frustrated because I am dealing with bad faith and vengeful motives as they try to guilt trip me. I don't know how to approach my sisters when I go back home.

@TheCloud I did not think it would be easy to change people's minds. I know the kind of person I am dealing with when it comes to my older sister. I texted my younger sister first. I might be able to get through to her. I am not holding out hope that my older sister will want to understand me. Currently, I can think of no better message than to leave me alone or to fuck off next time she starts harassing me and verbally abusing me over this situation. She fails to win my sympathy or make me feel sorry. I guess if I want to put it nicely I will tell my older sister that I have no hope of communicating hurt and anger because that is how she wants me to feel anyway. Once again she is harassing me for amends she doesn't want. Sorry if I sound kind of mean. I know being mean won't help either. I'm just at a loss for communicating with my older sister as I typically am. She refuses to get help for her anger management issues because she thinks therapy is useless and takes it out on me. She has a victim complex and constantly frames me as the abuser. Many if the things i say will be taken in bad faith, twisted, and misinterpreted. She only wants me to bend over backwards for her while claiming to want a trusting relationship. She destroyed my trust a long time ago. My relationship with my older sister is a separate issue, but it is overlapping with this issue.

@Schizophonia I didn't actually tell my cousin that much. I said that my sisters were upset with his behavior at the festival. I included that they felt he was not doing his school work fast enough. That's all I told my cousin. That is what spawned this entire mess when my sisters found out what I said. My sisters actually said way more about my cousin. They assumed that I told my cousin everything. They assumed that I twisted their words. They are being complete bitches. They want to pin everything on me. My cousin is mad at my sisters because of how cruel they are being to me.

The lesson for me at the moment is that not everybody wants amends. This is why I am naive. I was altruistic and trying to do the right thing. It seems so natural to me that it is hard to fathom that people would act like this. My sister has no interest in improving the situation. She asks for amends she doesn't want because she wants me to feel bad. I am typing a paper to share with my mother. Wish me luck. I am dealing with people who have no interest in peace and getting along.

Good news My cousin passed his test with flying colors thanks to my help. I studied with him and gave a motivational speech. My sisters are trying to guilt trip me and make me feel like shit. It is not working. I don't feel guilty. I don't feel sorry. I am doing everything in my power to be good and they tried to sabotage me. And they fucking failed. They can fuck off if they want me to rebuild trust.

Bad news I did everything in my power to do the right thing. My sisters are actively sabotaging my efforts to make amends. Fundamentally, they do not want amends. They want to guilt trip me and me feel like shit. They don't care about making the situation better. 1. My sisters say I need to take responsibility. 2. My sisters say there is nothing I can do. 3. My sisters ask me to apologize. 4. My sisters say apologizing isn't good enough. 5. My sisters want me to rebuild trust with them even though they broke my trust a long time ago. 6. My sisters are calling me the hypocrite and assuming I am acting in bad faith or trying by to hurt them. 7. My sisters are vengeful and they are saying harmful lies to me about my father and cousin. 8. My sisters are trying to guilt trip me and blame the entire situation on me. 9. My sisters acuse me of being against women saying harmful truths while they are lying. 10. They are twisting my motives at every turn. I know my sisters want nothing more than to guilt trip me and to make me feel like shit. Unfortunately for them, it isn't working. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I did everything I could to help and they are sabotaging me. I don't feel bad. I don't feel sorry. They can fuck off. How should I deal with this sabotage?

@TheCloud I'm sorry. I tried to be the bigger person and do the right thing but it did not work.

@TheCloud thank you very much for this input. I will test what you told me and inform you of the results. I didn't consider talking to my sisters first. My instincts do mess with my evaluation for the worse. A similar thing happened when I didn't tell my mother about my father's crimes. I have been struggling against my instincts my entire life. This is partially due to autism. People think I'm acting with ill intent, but really I lack social experience. I am learning a lot from this situation.

@TheCloud This is the answer I was looking for. Do you have any tips for where I should go from here? I had a plan, but you are giving me ideas for a better plan. Thank you. I have a history of being naive about things like this. I once believed that somehow mom and dad would get back together.

How am I supposed to rely on family for emotional support? I want someone who understands, but I feel disconnected. Do I have to somehow undo what I learned from actualized.org? Is that the problem? Or is the problem autism and the struggle to understand how neurotypicals think?

@Schizophonia I have been making progress. I was considering making a thread about all the progress I made and some questions.

@Shakazulu I know this isn't much, but I'm sending you this message to wish you luck on recovery. With all the work you did in pickup it seems you have on some level overcome this issue. If you keep working, I hope you can learn that you deserve to be loved.

I have recently opened my mind to this issue. My understanding of relationships is still developing. They seem to be full of shit, and I don't get know how to navigate it. It seems that I need to be a light walker and question the other perspective as little as possible while accepting as much as possible. I am being criticized for being too honest and I think it tears relationships apart. He mentioned this issue in the how to get laid series. I'd like to see a continuation.

I don't belong in my family. Their emotional support is empty to me. These are just the people I happened to be born to and now their supposed to be fucking special. I'm sorry, I don't buy this. Part of my emotional numbness is caused by ptsd. To be honest, I feel like I belong back in the psychiatric ward or some kind of group therapy. Those people are accepting of me. I was able to use everything I learned from everything I studied to improve the lives of others. It would be nice if I could do that more. I love those people more than my family. Now how am I supposed to square my life with something like this?