Intraplanetary

mindfuck

v

It's hard for me to express how much these words mean to me. It's like talking to myself Love you ❤️

You're right saying that I worry too much. But I feel this pull inside that I need to do something but at the same time, I'm not sure what to do. And I'm trying to take my time but my ego says no no time anymore you're 29 and have nothing to show off. Thank you for your kind words ❤️

Reminds me. 2 years ago I tried shamanic breathing for the first time. After 30 mins, I sat and was overwhelmed by the explosion of colours and emotions. I cried so deeply and felt pain and happiness at the same time. Breath is medicine ❤️

Thank you, I needed this ❤️

Exactly. And my main concern - can I surrender my ego before having developed all the aspects of lower stages as those models describe... Perhaps, it depends

I can relate a lot. I wouldn't be on a spiritual journey if it wasn't for suffering. Classical.

What's your portfolio about?

Thank you for your reply. What you said turned out to be the truth. Since I posted this thread, I've been going through some serious letting go process. It's like shedding my old skin and seeing through the illusion of my life story and the realities my ego constructed. I try to relax and be easy with myself and allow time to put things into perspective about what to do next.

From the right view, aloneness is a gift. Use it wisely. If you find yourself in this situation and feel bad about it, I would suggest don't try to change it but look at it from all the possible perspectives and fully accept it as your experience. Just be you. Don't try to be 'normal'. Then, if you still desire, go and find a company of your liking.

That's a really good point. However, as per your example, do you think that not having sex AND not needing it still create problems? Don't you think that we can consciously choose and transcend ego survival needs without needing to go through the whole experience? Let's say someone wants sex, hence goes to fulfil his ego desire but he has no need for a relationship and maybe never had one. Does this make a person somehow undeveloped? Lopsided?

Yes

I'm aware but obviously not enough to navigate through ego deceptions

I love this diversity. And I really want to embrace my uniqueness. It's just hard to navigate through so many faces of ego and its deceptions. But perhaps that's the main challenge to be overcome.

Would you say then that is possible to consciously transcend a stage without fully living it through? If I wanted to get a career in today's society, it would think that I need to regress to orange/achievers stage and fully experience that. Because well, I've never really achieved anything significant money wise. However, my heart has no desire to do so, it's only my ego would need to do it for survival purposes. If we look at the model, it could be said that there is a gap in my development and that I need to fill the 'holes'. However, as you said, maybe the model is not necessarily useful in my situation and ego development may unfold in a non-linear way? If I allowed it. It's hard to think about my development in any other way because these models seem to be so powerful and true. But thank you for your reply. It really is a new perspective.

What do you mean by this?

It shows the level of immaturity that exists among users of this forum

When I smoke weed I get deep realisations. But only if I smoke maybe every 2-3 months and in between, I do other things such as meditation and psychedelics. Only then, weed takes me to a very deep contemplative state.

noooooo

Agree. You ppl here looking for someone else's flaws. how silly.

Thanks. It looks as she has some great insights

I’m going through some weird and confusing time. I can see my whole life as a story. I literally lived my who life in a story I created it myself. Can't stop asking myself - WHO AM I? I defined myself by childhood traumas, by my experiences, cultural and societal rules and expectations, I lived a life as an image in the eyes of others. When I start thinking and drift away in another story about myself, I then I suddenly awake and come back into the present moment and see my myself being not here but in a story, pure imagination. It’s just imagination. There is nothing real about my life as an ego. I don’t really know who am I anymore. This experience of being absorbed in a story and then waking up from it to a present moment is very similar to meditation when you realise your mind is wandering and then you come back to your breath. Talking to someone is kind of weird because I see that what I say is part of a story and others take that information and think about it within the context of their own story. And what others say it’s just a story and I take that and interpret according to my story. Basically, everyone just creating their own stories depending on their experiences and how they define themselves, and all of these stories are getting wrapped together, adding more illusion. I constantly ask myself. Who am I if I’m not these stories? I felt as I’m like an open channel which has no identity or story. It’s undisturbed emptiness. I question everything. I feel very confused as I can’t trust my ego. I embrace it lovingly but at the same time I feel I can’t trust it and I need to question. It’s mentally hard but I need to do it I can’t drop it now. I feel I can’t go back. I wonder if these are symptoms of awakening or am I going through some psychological illness. Although I don’t feel as mentally ill. I feel more free and aware than ever before. But at the same time, I'm really confused and not sure how to talk about it. There is anyone in my life I could share and this makes me feel not sure about my experience. I avoid talking with my few friends I have and family because I change so rapidly. It’s like whatever I’m gonna say it today, it probably will change tomorrow. I’m in this constant flux. I’ve been also thinking that I need to ground myself. With exercising and good habits because I feel like I don’t have an anchor. I don’t know who am I as a person. What do I need to do? When you start losing your ego how do you ground yourself? Do I need to reinvent myself? Create a better ego? Can anyone relate? What do you think? Is this normal what I experience or am I on the road to la la land? Thank you ?