Let your spouse know that you have their best interest at heart. Don't come back with anger, and don't apologize for things that you have not done wrong. If you have made a mistake, sincerely apologize for it. Take good care of yourself and try not to take things personally. Have you read the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz? The second agreement is Don't take things personally. What someone else does is a projection of their reality. That being said, don't let yourself be in verbally abusive or toxic relationships.