Depersonilized

@Leo Gura Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!??? That's it. God ain't real. I'm an atheist now. What's funny is I found your channel years ago after trying to find the lead singer talk about psychedelics, and you were one of the the first videos to pop up, and now here I am.

@Leo Gura Okay, if you don't like Tool you're satan.

@deso Your life is only over if you say it's over. Are you really going to freak out over a little pain and discomfort? Accept the pain. Nothing in life is handed to you, and don't expect Jesus to come walking into your room to touch you dick. Many more people go through much worse pain than some dicksatisfaction. This is a brutal truth that I had to see through my dad (not dick pain). All-in-all, researching your problem, finding solutions, and coming to terms with your situation will make you a better and stronger person. Embrace the pain, embrace the fear, and let it go. I want and hope you find a holistic way to take care of this. Peace brotha.

@Leo Gura Will do!

Okay. I'm not really going to make a trip report on this because honestly I can't remember it all no matter how hard I try. I'm sure it'll all come back eventually, but anyway, my last 3 gram shroom trip just opened my eyes all the way. My eyes are straight up paper clipped open. Scratch that. They took the 5 pillars of Islam and leveraged my eyes the fuck open. Haha So up to this point, most of this has all been theory to me. I could see nondualism from a logical standpoint and maybe a little deeper but not much. That was until this past weekend's shroom trip when I realized how fucking obvious it all is. Reality is a giant mind that is self-sufficient. It does not need anything to keep itself going except itself, which is impossible to destroy. Okay, but then you say, "Well that's great and all, but do you have proof??? Where's the proof?" Well then, let's take basic electricity. If you want to harness electricity, what do you need? A generator. If you want the generator to work, you need to make the parts for it. Okay well to do that you need a people; Etc. If you account for the fact that reality is infinite and is constantly doing this, it must be self-sufficient. Reality creates itself. This must mean reality itself is God. To add to that, if you replace the word 'love' with 'serve', and since I serve the bigger picture, which is infinite, I am infinite love just as everything else is. Since reality is infinite, everything is at the center of it all. This must mean that I am the generator, meaning I am reality itself. I must be God. Boom!!!!!!! I have much much much more to get here, but I'll just leave it there. I'm in such a blissful state after realizing this, I really don't even know what to do with myself at the moment lol. Hope y'all have a fantastic day. Thank you, Leo for get me started on this. Can't thank you enough.

@Tetcher You're missing the point. Whether some conspiracy theory is true or not does not matter. It's still fear-based and is usually just straight up wrong such as flat-Earth. This platform is meant for one thing only; spiritual growth. Theories about the government or whatever are just distractions from this work. There are plenty of other platforms such as reddit to talk about those subjects.

Thanks for the replies. I'll keep working at it.

I need help with turning the intellectualism into wisdom. Over the two or three years of doing the work involved here, I've contemplated, had profound experiences with psychedelics, and integrated those experiences into knowledge. I learned to understand the knowledge and what it means, but like I said, I'm having a hard time embodying it from understanding to wisdom. If you have the wisdom of where I'm coming from you understand that knowledge turns to understanding, and understanding turns to wisdom. I was raised Christian, so that is deeply embedded into my ego. After doing all this work, I understand: Memories, concepts, names, and ideas are not an "objective" part of reality, and we project onto reality with memories, concepts, names, and ideas. If memories, concepts, names, and ideas are not a part of "objective" reality, "objective" reality must be something else. The most "real" thing in our existence must be mind because that is the only way to have a relationship with "objective" reality. If concepts are not in "objective" reality and mind is the only real thing you can experience, "objective" reality must be a concept. If my mind is the only real thing, "other" is a concept. The ego is what projects onto reality because it is filled with concepts. The ego thinks up the ego making ego itself a concept. Mind/consciousnesses must be the awareness itself if it is not the ego and mind is the only real thing, so reality must be aware and conscious. If awareness/consciousness creates ego and concepts, that being all that there is, awareness and consciousness is God. There must be some driving force behind why God creates reality. I can only suspect it's because he wants to know himself and can only do that if there is love behind creating and knowing. That's where I'm at right now, but my problem is that I keep reverting back to Christianity, and I'm not sure why. What happens is revert back and then twist those bullet points to this: Memories, concepts, names, and ideas are not an objective part of reality, so God must have given us the authority to bend reality to our will out of love because he wants a relationship/partnership. Reality is still God, but it is other from ego. Everything else in the non-dualism bullet points are true, but ego is the only thing that is separate from God. How do I stop reverting back to this?Right now in the moment, I'm not in that mindset, but I feel that tomorrow I may revert back. I dont know how to deal with this, and I need some advice.

@WHO IS Actually, don't go by and just believe what people say here. Don't just believe what people say unless you know it to be true. I do want to mention that non-existence is impossible. There is no such thing as non-existence. Existence has no opposite. Who's to say that when you die there is nothing? There are plenty of people who have had near-death experiences who have actual "experiences". If the ego is stuck-up enough, I definitely think it's possible that it might move on. Not only that, but dmt trips may also be like actual death; who knows, right? Take comfort in the fact that the only constant is change, so whatever position you feel stuck in right now won't be like this for the rest of your life. This stuff is highly advanced, and a lot of people just can't handle it at first, which is absolutely okay. Take time to work on some personal development, and then come back when you're ready. Leo has a lot of videos to help build yourself up. Not to mention, psychedelics can potentially be a huge help in that area. Be safe brotha, and I hope you find what you're looking for.

@WHO IS Trust me, your life can absolutely be better. From a dualistic perspective, God isn't stopping you from anything. You are. The ego is malleable if you let it be that way. Dreams and wishes change over the years, and your outlook on life does too. Whatever your wishes are, they are most likely attainable unless it's for something you permanently lost such as a leg (even that will change at some point). God made it this way so there could be a struggle. Do you think you could get very far in life if there was nothing to fight for? The struggle is where lessons and personal development come from. If you want to know what love is, replace the word love with serve. You serve the bigger picture, so your love is infinite. Without you in this moment, reality could not be because you are it.

@ivory I did dmt for the first time recently, and I can attest to this. I've had extremely profound experiences with shrooms and lsd, but dmt felt very superficial. Don't get me wrong, it felt like a rollercoaster. The visuals were crazy, it felt extremely alien, and it was fun. I didn't have the loud buzzing though; my mind went super quiet, however, I got to the tunnel, and there was no ego death, spiritual vibe, or awakening implications. It just felt "fun". I'll try it again, and I'm hoping for a better experience next time, but as of now, I really don't understand where people are coming from with this molecule. It's just weird lol.

@28 cm unbuffed Just a correction; Leo never worked at Bethesda.

@blankisomeone I have a way to put it that will help you understand it a little better I hope. Think of it as a starter philosophical position before you move onto the real meat and potatoes. All "evil" acts are a result of selfishness. There is not one "evil" act that is not somehow related to being selfish. If you really pay attention to the moral drives that we have as a species, it's not just culture that presses it on us, although, there can be some of that. In fact, it was that drive that led us to creating civilization and culture in the first place, so it must go beyond the superficial. The farther culture pushes onward, the more selfless and less "evil" people will be in the grand scheme of things. Here's the thing though; rape and murder are just as bad as lying for a selfish reason, which many do. The reason for that is that it all falls short of what's perfect. That perfectness is what were driven towards - a perfect and selfless way of being, which is known as God. The paradox is that everything is already perfect as it is. The problem is that the ego lacks confidence in itself and God. If you were to have full and utterly perfect confidence for the way things are, there could be no more "evil" in you or in all of reality because you are Him. To add to that, the act of love is actually to serve "others" instead of your own ego, which is where the "evil" comes from in the first place. If you love your family, you do your best to provide and support them through serving. If you love your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, you do things to please them, but not by trying get something from them to serve the self, but literally because it's for them. This applies to many other aspects of life such as charity, adoption, outgoing participation in society, etc. You must realize that all "evil" people Love by serving the bigger picture unconsciously. Realizing True Self-Love consciously is what leads to the realization of perfection. Hope this helps!

@electroBeam This might be just me, but it seems like the type of lifestyle you're in now is just getting old to you. You've gone to China a couple of times and yearned for something more simple. I'd say live there or wherever for a little while and then come back because ultimately I guarantee the simple lifestyle will get old too. Have fun; good luck; and be safe!

@Butters All the answers are within, so why are you asking the forum? Just kidding, but still, if you want to go that route, there was no point in tribes meeting and integrating with other tribes; city-states integrating with other city-states; etc. We would not have the society we have now without it. Imagine what kind of society there will be when we meet other intelligent lifeforms. In the grand scheme if things, it really doesnt matter. But what the hell, why not?! We spend way too much on finding new ways to kill each other anyway. Might as well use and redirect that money for something more productive.

@PlayTheGame I've had my fair share of these experiences - hence the username. The first time it happened I was freaked out, but once you get used to it you can use it as an opportunity to look at yourself from a very objective point of view that's not normally accessible. View it as an opportunity rather than a problem.

@Meditationdude Well there is definitely a root cause of shroom anxiety. If it's not a spiritual issue, it might be that there's just something in the back of your subconscious mind that's bothering you. Or it might be just the shrooms giving you stomach ache or a headache during the trip that you didn't notice idk. I've never had problems with anxiety on it, so I'm not really sure what to tell you. Anxiety is usually caused by something in the future that your worried about, so instead of contemplating, do the opposite and meditate. Try shrooms one more time, and if it doesn't work out come back to it later a few months from now or a year. Good luck tripping!

@Meditationdude Here's a suggestion. Watch Leo's videos; watch other enlightenment teachers; practice contemplation and self-inquiry; work on meditation; study religious texts; but most of all, work on basic personal development. If you have anxiety problems, depression, or anything like that, focus on that for about six months to a year until you feel that you are ready for the advanced stuff. Maybe even do pickup if you're freaked out about it. It'll help you with confidence, anxiety, and you may end up finding the love of your life. Who knows? Once you come back to spirituality, work on that for another six months to a year, and you will be a lot more prepared for a psychedelic trip because you will have the structure and frame work to pursue it. It's certainly not easy, but once you get the ball rolling, you'll be back in no time, and you'll be a better person for it! Good luck my man.

I think something like this would be a great video idea for getting some spiritual normies on board with nondualism. There might be some backlash, but it would still plant some seeds.

@Ibn Sina I understand now. People like to be the contrarian. There's nothing necessarily wrong with that, but I think the more developed someone is, the more they can criticize in a constructive and positive manner. I think you should be an anchor for your friend to bring him down to Earth. Tell him how you feel. Whether he tries to be contrary to how you think about him or not, it would still be helpful to see that perspective. Thanks for the response.

Part 1 of Journal - Preface: - Firstly, I would like to acknowledge the fact that this is the first journal entry I have ever done for myself. It's something I've wanted to do for a while but have been too lazy to exercise. I don't want any of this to seem pretentious or weird or factually crude. These are just my thoughts about my thoughts/experience, so I encourage constructive criticism because I am here to learn (especially because I'm only eighteen years old and have a lot to learn) and hopefully help you learn something too. - This is the first part of what I hope to later be a long journal of my experiences finding out who God is. This will include struggles of mine that hold me back; psychedelic and altered states of conscious experiences; thoughts on religion and prior personal religious experiences; and more. - I will officially begin this journal in a day or two, which will show my personal background, my current understanding of reality, and what I want for the future specifically. I'm extremely nervous and excited for this and will be posting consistently. - Depersonilized

@Sizeable Oof I'm sorry to ask, but what is the reason you cannot do psychedelics? If it's a family history of mental illness or your experience of prior mental illness that you currently take medication for, definitely do not do psychedelics or anything that might take you into that kind of territory. It would be okay to do contemplation, self-inquiry, etc. If this is the case, I'm sorry about that. You can still get there though. Try lucid dreaming or something like that. I personally like to do something called WILD (Wake Induced Lucid Dreaming). It usually takes practice, but you can still get there. I accidentally figured out how to do this but with my eyes open, so it turns into a psychedelic-like experience. It might not be the case for something like that for you though unless you have done psychedelics before. Hope this helps! Edit: Fixed grammar

@Ibn Sina I may be wrong, but from what I'm reading, it sounds like you're doing the same thing as what your friend said 95% of the people in this world do. Realize that there is no difference between Eckhart Tolle and your friend. Both are aspects of God. Instead of treating them as "those people", see them for what they are. They are You. Jesus said, "If you, then, though you are evil (ego), know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father (True self) in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you..." You see what I'm saying here? Don't create a dualism between people who accept non-dualism and "those people" who don't accept or haven't heard about non-dualism. Don't judge how you think an extroverted person practices spirituality. Because it does not matter! Act on love. To answer your question though, look up the Jim Carrey videos that Eckhart Tolle has on his YouTube channel. Again, I could be misenterpreting what you're saying, but either way, it's food for thought. Have a great day!

Part 3 - My current understanding of reality (my direct experiences) Wow I'm ridiculous haha. Took a while to update, but it was worth the wait. I've gone through 1 awakening - which was my first real awakening - and 1 ego experiencing God experience since the last time I've updated this journal. This is an update on my current understand because be for this, it was a lot more limited. I'm happy that I have an even greater understanding. Ego experiencing God experience: So to start off, I must mention that because of psychedelics such as lsd and psilocybin mushrooms, when I smoke weed, it is a full-on psychedelic. It really does not matter the dosage. I'm also very sensitive to them for some reason, so I I take 50 ugs of lsd, it's like 100 ugs for another person. I really have no idea why this is, but I like it. Anyway, I recently acquired a powerful dab pen. It's a sativa that goes right to the mental/psychedelic aspect of itself. I was home alone and had prepared for this for about a week. My intention was to experience something profound that I had no experience of. I'm not going to get into all the details, but I'll say this. I took the hit, and on the come up I experienced God from my ego perspective. Now I know what Leo means when he says God is pure love. I was listening to a song called The Source by The Contortionist. About 10 seconds into the song things started getting strange, and it was leading me into something of a bad headspace for some reason. I then came to a realization that everytime I view something as a negative situation, I am denying God. This hit me like a ton of bricks, and immediately God revealed himself to me. I unintentionally opened my arms and started arching my back. Tears were rolling down my face, and I understood that this was it. I saw a light going into my entire body and it was pure love through and through. The lesson of that was to show me that bad things and good things alike glorify God. You deny him when you use your biases for what you think is good. He's in all aspects of reality, and everything points to his infinite love. I also got a sense that that was only a millionth of a fraction of his glory. That's a mind fuck and an amazing, humbling thought on it's own. My first awakening: I did the same procedure the next week; preparing my mind and hutting the dab pen. My intention was the same. To be a student of the experience and to experience something profound. I hit the pen and decided to watch the what is consciousness video that Leo made. Let me tell you, I experienced consciousness in a way I didn't think was possible. I focused on what was a aware of me being a aware, and then focused on what was aware of the awareness that I was aware. And BAM!!!!!!! I realized I was creating everything. The present moment was the only thing existing. Time doesnt exist and everything is morphing according to My will. Not the ego, but God. When I say I'm God, I don't mean I am God as in the ego mind sense; although, that's technically true too. I mean God creates my ego and everything around me to the infinite degree of detail that the ego mind cannot comprehend. It can only observe. Everything is growing with me. Changing. When I realized this, I just could not stop fucking laughing. That was the funnies shit ever, and it still is. All of my struggles, dreams, wants, beliefs, biases, understanding, etc. It's all bullshit. That means I'm fucking retarded. Haha. In conclusion: I've still got a long long way to go. I'm nowhere near where Leo is, but at the very least, I have a glimpse as to what he's talking about, and it makes a lot more sense. He's definitely no crazy, and he's not fucking kidding about this stuff. One last insight from these experiences: how can I let myself be unhappy? I know and understand God is real. My feelings and biases about reality don't mean much. The reason I have been overwhelmed and somewhat depressed is because of my approach to life. Do I want to act like I'm some know it all? Or should I approach life as a student because I'm here to learn. Approaching life as a know it all is what causes a lot of suffering in the world. Anyways that's it. I'll update this again soon. I should be having a mushrooms trip this weekend and I'll update when that over with.

@Rebecca Kalamata Thank you, I appreciate it. I've just been kinda stuck with how I want to do the journal. I'd prefer to get right into it but I have to set the foundation first. I'd do the One Note thing, but I don't have a laptop at the moment. Once I get one, this will be a billion times easier. I'll check out your journal too. Also that's a cool freaking photo.