Part 2 of Journal: Background
- I was raised a Christian. I didn't really understand what Christianity or Jesus was all about as a kid. What I knew was that I loved my parents. They were my light and life in the world. I would have dreams of having good times with them whether it was playing at the beach or playing catch outside. Ultimately, those dreams would lead me to the realization that they would one day die and I would have to live with it. I learned that all good things must pass. I was only 5 years old, and I have no idea how I understood death at the time lol. I went to one of those 'big churches'. It wasnt a megachurch but it was more of a 'feel-good' type of church. About 5 years later, my mom and I left that church and started looking for a new one (my dad never really went to church with us at the time). Eventually, we found the church that I continue to go to this day. My perspective of life changed from there. I moved from not caring to really caring about christianity - I was about 10 years old at the time. I got made fun of a lot as a kid for being the Christian kid. I was a Bible literalist at the time and that didnt change until I was 15. At 14, I got into smoking weed, which would give me ego death experiences because it was so strong. I had never heard of ego death or any concept alluding to that before and had no idea what was going on. I would look in the mirror and it would look like a cartoon. I would pray to God for him to end the high. This happened about 3 times before I got used to it. At 15, I started seeing leftist media outlets like The Young Turks and some other channels which brought me to atheism. In my freshman year of high school, my dad had a stroke caused by high blood pressure and alcoholism. I played drums at the time (I still do), but to honor my dad I decided to start learning guitar because he always wanted me to get into it. I also redevoted my life to Christ. Fast-forward to 17 years old and I find Leo's channel, and oh boy, did that open the flood gates. I started hearing all this "new age" talk and dismissed it. I thought the guy was crazy and self-absorbed. But because of my innate curiosity, I started watching more and more videos. I think I commented on his 'What is God' video and argued from a Christian perspective. I mentioned the snake in the Garden of Eden and how it tempted Eve to be like God. But still I continued to watch his videos and other content from other channels on this subject. This ultimately led me to psychedelics and a new found way of thinking, which I will get into tomorrow. I needed to put a background as a foundation, which will make this a lot easier to get into the Now.
