Hello,
About 1 month ago, my girlfriend and I had an LSD trip, quite a low dose (125 micro-g). But this time it got really far.
While we were lying down in bed (+- @ T+3h), I totally passed out from this reality for some minutes. (I totally understood how karma “works”, how everything has a consequence and so on, how consequences are “formed”.)
Then, some minutes later I came back, a little panicky.
I looked at my girlfriend an I saw myself in here. I told here “you are me and I am you”. I often had some kind of this feeling, but this time it was much different, this time it felt that the whole “reality” had “collapsed”.
I asked her for a hug, and we hugged. It felt strange (for both of us), it was like hugging some kind of “nothingness”. Like that the only thing which exists would be nothing more than some “line”, the line which represents the separation between my inner world and my outer world, the rest all an illusion.
This time I totally felt the meaningless of everything, that it’s no point in hugging someone, no point in having sex, no point in drinking water, no point in doing what so ever. That I was never born, that there are no parents, that there is only me.
I talked to here, she felt the same. What now became really strange, after this I totally knew how she would move, what she would reply to my questions. Again, she had the same impression. We came to a moment when it felt that we both were talking exactly the same thing (like a mirror) to each other. It felt like all of “realty” had collapsed.
I started to panic a little more. I had the feeling that now because I have “understood it all” it will stay this way, I wanted my “limitations” & “separation” back.
After some time, the boundaries started to come back, somehow, I felt like I’m going totally crazy.
I told my girlfriend that I want to take a benzo to come down, even if I know that it doesn’t change what I’ve seen (I was 100% sure it wouldn't change anything at all, even my girlfriend was like “you can take some but it will not change anything at all, we now have seen what ‘is’, and nothing can change this”.). Ok, I took a benzo, it didn’t change anything, it just took some of the fear away.
(1 week later I took about 12mg 5-MEO-DMT, it showed me “unconditional love”, some kind of a “orgasmic feeling” in the whole body for about 30 minutes. I again knew everything is “ok”,)
Now, some weeks after the trip I became a little more “normal” again. I still remember what I’ve see, but I don’t feel it so much anymore. I still know that everything “was” one, but don’t feel it all the time.
What I find really strange after this experience I think “reality” has changed somehow. There are strange synchronicities happening to my girlfriend and me. We see more “instant-karma” happening, in such moments we feel quite deeply again what we felt during the trip.
We still have problems integrating this experience.
She fears that there is “something bigger” having control over her (like she’s a “brain in a box”).
My ego has problems integrating that I’m somehow “all alone” and I’m asking myself what this “reality” is.
If there is just my perspective and the dualities are “inner world, outer world”.
Or that those people around me are “people like me”. (My ego would prefer the second one.)
(Yes, it’s somehow “funny” writing about this here, feeling that it’s quite possible that everything is one/me.)
Maybe some of you had some equally “extreme” experiences. How have you positively integrated some of this?
Right now I’m contemplating if I have to go deeper, if I need some time or if I should stop.
I feel attracted by the search for the “Truth”, but I also have a lot of fear about what can happen (what I can “see”).
Greetings,
C.
