Adodd

After telling myself I was going to run a mile(no matter what) all day and getting dressed to walk to the outdoor track at a school close to my home it started pouring fucking cats and dogs(around 9pm). Thunder, the whole deal. 45 degrees and windy. I went anyway. The excuses were bountiful and easy. But I went anyway. It felt liberating to to choose to do something even though it couldnt have been easier to talk muself out of it. I will do that more.

Time to cut the shit. Time to to focus on what matters. Time to cut the excuses. Time to take real responsibility I can't keep asking for advice while simultaneously being lazy. I could have all the answers that I need and would have no idea because I will just distract myself with something more comfortable. I can not continue to want a better relationship with my kids just to not change how we interact. As of right now I will hold myself responsible, cut my bullshit and focus on what matters. Even if it isn't pleasant.

My life has no known meaning and I am passionless. I have spent the last year or so of my life doing the best I can do to transform myself for the best. Specifically I have worked more on "practical aspects"(emotional intelligence, meditating and being more proactive) of self improvement than "existential aspects"(like understanding nonduality or metaphysics) and i have reaped enormous benefits. My life has had huge changes obvious to myself and others. I was lazy and eating disgusting unhealthy food all day and acting out angrily to my children, wife, coworkers etc. I now eat healthier than anyone I personally know, workout at least 4 times a week and have better control over my emotions than MOST people I know. But when it comes time to get out of bed it has to be FORCED and not because im tired but because i cant think of a reason to get up. Chasing physical health is becoming my crutch to feel like i have a purpose or goal but I don't. Not even a little bit. At this point of my life, even after all of this improvement, I am just living to die. I just dont know what i want to do. I cant think of a life purpose that would excite me. I have no passion. Seriously ive put considerable thought into this and I'm lost. At this point i wonder if everyone will have a personal purpose. This IS discouraging as much as I wish it wasnt. What now? Just keep swimming?

@Selene Thank you for the detailed reply?Very helpful.

Damn. Thanks guys. Its wild how easy it is for me to give that same advice to others yet I wasnt able to come up with it for myself.

@Matt23 I agree within the last hour I have reached out to a piano instructor to start lessons as well as a yoga teacher in the area. Both are things I've been procrastinating with.

@Gesundheit Thank you.? You are right.

But should I start building my nest before I know how I want my nest to be? Sure a lot of those nests around me look great and their creators are comfortable in them but they wouldn't fit me the same and I'm unsure how I want it built. Is it wise to start building without a plan and just hope for the best?

@Preety_India Although I cant positively say what my purpose is I can confidently say that it is more than just surviving. I guess that's a start right?

Yeah this is already something I'm highly considering.

@Megan Alecia How do you find purpose and meaning? I know it almost sounds like im asking someone to find my purpose for me but that's really not it.

I'm not 100% sure what you're asking... But I feel like the answer is probably no. I still struggle somewhat with balancing everyday life (5 kids, wife, pets, food, providing etc.) with spiritual practice. I haven't found out how to do them simultaneously. I have a 7 day solo trip to the woods planned for this coming spring. I hope that helps with the disconnecting and inquiry.

Well done?

@willl Thank you. And yeah I plan to not be on my phone at all.

My fiance and I have a total of 5 children and we both VERY rarely get more than a couple hours alone. Like MAYBE twice a year will we get more than that. We have planned for us both to take a separate 1 week vacation alone in a tent in a forest. We will be bringing 1 weeks worth of food/water/etc. so we will not have to buy anything during the week. Any ideas for making this 1 week solo trip as constructive as possible? And has anyone done anything similar? I will be meditating, sight seeing, and probably some psychedelics(safely) but I just cant see how i will fill an entire week! My life is so crazy and always moving and planing while in the middle of other plans and whatever else. I dont remember what its even like to be able to have a day to myself. This will be an interesting experience and im looking forward to it.

What have been some things you have struggled with/had a difficult time with along your spiritual journey? How did you end up getting through them? Congratulations Leo. Thank you for the life changing material. My life is already better than I ever pictured it would be after just one year real work on myself and I'm only 1 of a million subscribers. You're making a difference.

I second this. Would be quite amusing to hear!

What are some things that you wish you knew or paid more attention to early on in your spiritual journey? What are some things you would've done differently.

@Danioover9000 What specific recommendations would you have for someone planning to start on self-inquiry?

@Danioover9000 Elaborate? Are you saying you wouldnt recommend self-inquiry?

@Natasha I would count out any food that can't be grown. Dead animal meat or lifeless animal eggs, I wouldn't consider high vibrational.

@electroBeam elaborate?