meadow

"I'm very new at this still. I still notice my voice goes up an octave when I do these things. I probably smile too much and don't really think on my feet that well because of nervousness. But that will fade with practice." I echo this. I feel dirty somehow when I notice myself doing this or parts of it when talking to someone who it's clear is "above" me, if you'd ask my subconscious. Hot as fuck person, my CEO or much older peers that I respect. Even though I'm a C-level exec there is a pecking order among the other C-levels, again, if you ask my subconscious. My voice pitches up so as not to upset them when I'm talking. It's so fucking beta. The order is done by physical size, menacing appearance, depth of voice and a few more physically bound factors. Thanks for sharing your journey. I think an issue I have is that I forget old achievements and somehow can not appreciate what I have. My gf commented on this yesterday that actually it is not only feelings of unworthiness - it is that everything I get isn't enough for me.

I love this shit. Thanks for sharing. You rock. This also triggers me. This success judges my own existence somehow. Very confronting. No ill feelings towards you at all btw, simply strong judgement of myself and my limiting beliefs that I can not do similar things because of my idea of my shortcomings. If I dig deep, imagining myself doing this, I rationalise that I could not have done the same because I would have decided that it would have been doomed from the beginning because of.. not good looking enough, not tall/strong appearing enough, not funny enough. Major unworthiness-related issues. Since I have a gf now I feel like I'm in a deadlock where I can not do something about this particular point; my fear of approaching/talking to women who really attract me (without being already introduced somehow). Again, thanks for sharing, this is very helpful to smoke out some shit I am still dealing with.

Self acceptance is the key here buddy. Do things you are proud of and interested in, and the rest has a bigger chance of coming into place.

These stories I want to write about here: - The threesome with the two students - The first bisexual threesome - The Paris Wheel blowjob Note to self.

Today another major milestone was reached. I am now a millionaire in my home country currency. That's for sure not nothing! Awesome job Meadow! Fuck yeah!

Yesterday a major milestone was achieved. The business I am growing on the side had its first paying subscriber. It's been probably more than a year of side-hustle fucking around to get to this point. I thought the scope was small and that I should be up and running in a few months max, when I started out. I'm very happy about this as now finally this idea really is validated.. and theoretically it should be just to scale from this point on. Good job Meadow! You fucking rock!

Thank you, BalancedBlotter. I really appreciate your interest and the time you took to reply. Your question touches on some core issue/challenge I have. Since an early age, because of childhood traumas, I have been using dissociation as a coping strategy and as such I have conditioned myself into being naturally distanced from my emotions. It is incredibly hard for me to really say what I enjoy or don't enjoy. I am working on it though, and so far everything points towards that I need to do my own thing, own my own agenda. I have a soft side for the environment, animals and the abused/exposed. I have toyed with the idea of launching or taking part of a GreenTech startup or similar. I really enjoy electronics and IoT, using technology to improve our lives and unlock time for us to use on things humans should be doing. It would be cool to combine technology and plants/environment to create something which helps us mitigate the environmental catastrophe we are all heading towards. I can not recommend my life purpose coach yet as I am not done with his program. I do really appreciate what we have done so far.

Flowboy - are you tracking your macros and overall calorie intake? You lift quite hard and it's possible you have brain-fog from having ended up in a cut this week. Might be related to not having eaten enough carbs and/or getting enough overall energy intake. If it's related to energy intake you can test this by eating a banana and checking in 30 minutes later. You should feel less fog. If it's not.. maybe you are overextending your capacity as of late. Looking at your journal you're going pretty hardcore. Caffeine will likely help but I'd wager that it eats into the buffer.. which when it's gone might release the burn-out devil, ime. Also, from an ex-dev to a current dev, these brain-fog days just happen. Programming, if you're doing it right, is pretty damn taxing to the brain. Better just release and relax. Do you have a senior you can express this to safely? Stay healthy buddy.