Exystem

@peachboy Cool! I really like it @WaveInTheOcean Oh yeah! That's the way we're supposed to go! Thanks for your contributions, inspiring!

Hey guys, I love reading and writing poetry about deep philosophical stuff. My english is not the best but I gave it a try. If you have any questions regarding content or language (maybe something doesn't fit the way I thought it would), feel free to ask I would like to read some of your poems, getting some inspiration! Lost in concepts, lost in words, contemplating till it hurts. Oh my god how can I see, what is true reality? Lost my faith and all beliefs, like a tree will lose its leafs. A denial of the truth or a step towards the sooth? No foundation nor a shelter, can’t deny the helter-skelter. I got lost inside my mind, didn‘t see when I went blind. Searching for the right direction, but I live inside a bubble. Every pointer a reflection of my endless inner struggle. Try to keep my inner balance, I keep failing as i try. Life is mocking all divalence, every center is a lie. So I’m falling into nothing, nothing ever to hold on. Didn’t know the void was bluffing, there’s no end, it has foregone. Finally I‘m realizing, I am part of weightlessness. Just a perfect compromising between all the aimlessness. Nothing left to compensate, only love to radiate. Where I go my steps will follow, life gets full if seen as hollow. Let‘s embrace our solitude, notwithstanding magnitude, traveling alone as one, after devilry has gone.

@Trickyp Thanks bro, I'm fine now, quite happy that I'm not in psychiatry and completely sober again Glad I didn't cut off my penis @Lyubov Thank you! It's good to know I may not be a complete idiot I will trip a lot more carefull next time!!! And yeah, I probably should trip with other people rather than alone, though I know no one who is deep into nonduality/mysticism/awakening/enlightenment.. I think it's good to feel some shame for a while but you're right, I should leave the story behind and look into the future with strengthened self-worth I'm glad living in germany, where the cops are quite careful compared to most other countries. I probably would have gone to jail or psychiatry in some other country. But I don't know what comes, here they love to search through your house and impose heavy fines.. But I'm back again, healthy and smarter than before

Please post the link here, when you put it on an other platform! I'd love to read more about what you have to say Thank you

That's a good ambition, radical honesty is really a step towards liberation, but... I don't know why you are in a mental hospital but depending on why you are there, mentioning se of psychedelics may worsen your situation. Doctors there usually have a very biased position on psychedelics. Telling the truth is a wonderful thing, but there are exceptions: Telling the german soldier that you hide jews in your house during WW2 is not a good idea. The same goes for different things, exspecially if your opposite is wrapped up in an ego story about which pupblic organ they represent. If your doctor is lost in his business, you may have bad cards schowing yourself naked. Maybe he/she reacts coldhearted and locks you up even longer, giving you more medication and so on. It really depends on whether you think the information is necessary for your cure. Outside of the hospital you can practice radical honesty as much as you want, but I wouldn't recommend doing so inside. Realize your not only speaking to a human, but maybe much more to a set of laws and instructions.

Yeah, something like "Consciousnessfield" is the perfect name for it. @YulduzIf you want a conceptual, "scientific" understanding of how everything is possible to happen simultaniously I really recommend you checking out some physics about fields and replace the formulas by ("colours and tones" from the spectrum of) consciousness. Imagine it like this: Our 3 spacial dimensions and the amount+configuration of energy within can be coded on a 3 dimensional diagram with real axes (R3) in the form of smallest energy packets, one qualled "quantum". They are like points in a coordinate system, But a quantum actually is a vibrating point, or much better described by a probablitywave that can collapse to a "particleappearence" when observation (by consciousness) happens. The vibration or wavelike nature of the probabilitydistribution of a particle, stretched throughout the whole universe, derives from its nature, which is an underlying, field, changing over time like the surface of an ocean. This change-/timedimension is like a 4th dimension (represented by imaginary (!) numbers). Within these 4 dimensions, every potential arrangement of energy/quantum within spacetime can be mapped (3d-points on a timeline) The superposition (means possibility for something to exist in all different states "at once" before observation is happening) of all these potential arrangements/forms(!) is a 4 dimensional probability field (quantum field), (It's the same as the sum of all possible waves) There are fields emerging from the most underlying field like overtones emerge from tones, which are called electromagnetic field or gravitational field in physics for example or could be called colours and attraction, if twistedly transferred to human experience. The point is now, that "physical reality" behaves like a field, but consciousness does even prior to this, from which every single observation of a particular appearence (collapse of any probability wavefunction) happens, which creates this physical reality. This consciousness is actually the whole 4-dimensional (actually a multi-dimensional) infinite probability or potenital field, the omniscience, god, the absolute, eternal. It's like an infinite fabric, its textile is experience/truth/love. If you quantify it (means creating solid points/numbers/distinictions to represent one observed state of the field), the whole wave collapses into exactly one unique experience. Superposition gives the foundation for all states existing simultaniously until observed (science: delayed choice quantum ereaser), which is answering the "How is everything happening simultaniously"-part of your question, while the implicit part "although I experince myself within time right now" can be answered through the fact that an observation(perspective,self,you) of the field collapses the wavefunktion/field to a specific state, a configuration of energy within space and so on. Everything appears solid, as particles become manifested from only one point of view and only-this and nothing-else. So you are like the timedimension itself, only possible to experience yourself as one specific 3dimensional particlearrangement/form at the same time, but experiencing them all in the "now". No causality is needed, since the is no motion on the time-axes. Every point on the timeline represents one 3dimensional reality, experienced from within in the "now"(the whole spacetime field itself). The "I", the ego is nothing but an experience of the principle of conservation, it sticks to a particular form/set of waves/particlearrangement (it's body), and plays the survivalgame just to raise its impact (appearence frequency of reflections of itself within the consciousnessfield). Of course this happens on more than just physical dimensions, but psychological ones such as emotional, rational, intentional or whatever. The eternal now (god) is the consciousnesspotentialfield itself, simultaniously every specific quantumstate (quantified wavepattern) itself can appear as an ego, which has no independent existence at all, and is completely meaningless compared to god, beeing born and damned to die "the very next moment" (moment = point on the surface of the ocean). Every causality we define is just one single line between two of these points, although there are potentially infinite lines, since everything is interconnected. So enlightenment just means that you realize yourself completely as the eternal consciousnessfield, though you then may simultaniously experience yourself as an overtone to your fundamental vibration, which is the particular manifested form called "ego", experiencing something like duration within time.

I just stumbled over this video in my youtube-newsfeed. I'm not the biggest fan of sadhguru but he has some intelligent things to say sometimes. Maybe it helps you I wish you success!

It goes further than that. It takes practically a whole class to explain. I would really like to hear what you have to say about this but I guess it's beyond the scope. So does everything cancel/neutral out in the end? The quote below seems to leave space for a meaningful world which is worth the highs and lows... Beautiful words! That's something which may help me during difficult times. Thank you very much for your time! I'll contemplate about that. Maybe I stumble over some more sophisticated questions then.

Nice one! I enjoyed your poem, too. Especially the quoted part I like, it sums up quite well some of gods "traits". Thanks for posting! Here's another shorter one from me: When time stops splitting me apart the present moment comes at heart but time itself will never end as long as I myself depend on any notion to defend. So I forget all terms and names my body eaten up by flames all earthly roots eradicated my deepest longings liquidated as meaning has evaporated. The elements within the aether allow the phoenix's rebreather.

Thoughts are the substance of a "self". They are the ultimate narrative of god to trick itself into this illusion. They are like a magicians finger pointing to something obvious in order to catch your awareness so you don't realize what's actually going on. The more destructive/negative the thoughts, the more your awareness gets caught, since they are like an extremely loud alarm bell which lets you ignore the ever-penetrating silence in the background. If you have good thoughts, you can more easily let them go than negative ones, since losing something good seems less bad (because everything may stay good if you have a good basic level) than if you beliefe something is getting much worse if you ignore it. So bad thoughts are perfectly designed to keep you back from letting go, from seeing through the game. That's how this reality of me here and you there can sustain. That's how god can forget about itself. Of course you as a self don't like them since they are seperating you from god/love/bliss/freedom. But it's the only way for god to trick itself into the illusion, and it probably wanted to do so, otherwise it didn't create it. But maybe it was just a "mistake", who knows, so then everything would be just a waste-product of gods loneliness or whatever. Try to find out whether you wanted this diversity of existence or not! The only way to do so is to become more conscious.

Survival is not about the physiological body, but the "self"/illusion you are clinging to. If you identify with an entity which desperately tries not to suffer, that's when you consider suicide at some level of suffering. You can either kill yourself physically or desidentify "YourSelf" from "your self", it may be the same in the end. As Leo says: "Suffering is survival" (or survival is suffering), the moment we identify with something relative, finite, the dissolution is pre-programmed. The moment we construct meaning into "something"/our self, its dissolution feels like the basis of reality falls apart. "Not existing" is the ultimate fear (of the unknown), since even god never experienced it and doesn't know completely how it actually feels like. So if the basis of reality seems to fall apart, you dissolve and every meaning evaporates, that's the moment when fear has its peak, which is the most suffering. I guess a person commiting suicide is already in a state of such a suffering that the fear of ongoing suffering trumps the suffering of facing the dissolving of ones own body. There is probably an intuition that it's not completely over, since it is impossible to imagine not existing/non-existence. The belief in the (remaining) awareness which ends the suffering through suicide is bigger than the belief in a meaningfull existence within a body that suffers that much. That's my guess.

What else has god to do? The moment it realizes itself (if there even was "a moment"), it's all known and stays the same forever. The only "change" would be an "other experience" than experiencing beeing omniscient forever. Imagine god knowing everything, except not knowing everything. So to truly know everything, god must know what it is like to know nothing. Another way to think about it: What if god actually is infinitely lonely? Knowing that the only beeing ever existent is always itself. Tricking itself into the illusion of other makes it forget its loneliness at least for some "time"/in a part of reality. Maybe god wants to share its infinite love and creativity with something that has the feeling it gets it all free, beeing filled with bliss and gratitude. I personally see it kind of that way: Not just we, but god also can "think" about/"imagine" whether there is something "else" than it, or "outside of/beyond" it, or what it would be like to be nothing at all, or if it could end its own existence, or how it would be to not know itself or whatever kind of unanswerable (paradoxical) question. So every creature it created is its newest try to not know itself, creating a reality even more sophisticated than the last one, so "real" and "inevitable" that it needs "time" (=the ultimate illusion) to unravel itself. It's like god's tripping on its own created drugs, believing to be all sorts of crazy shit. Of course, no real time is passing in gods eyes, it's all the present moment and you're always conscious, but it (you) believe time to be a real tangible thing. Gods infinite intelligence is used to "seperate" itself and create and maintain this illusion (which must be finite, as it is not the absolute, just a creation). There never was a seperation, never time passing, no individual "self", but only gods infinite intelligence trying to do everything to be as dumb as it could ever be. The ultimate question/knowledge for god is to know what it's like to know nothing. It's impossible, since you always know that you exist. But you can come fucking close to knowing nothing, as you probably experience, since everything can be doubted/denied. Matter may be closer to this knowledge of not knowing, but we as humans do a pretty good job, too. There's much more to say but as you can see it's just speculation. I had some personal experience of infinite solitude etc. but it's just one dimension within infinite ones probably. Just realize this: If god wanted it simple and easy, it would have created reality that way. God loves brainfucking. The moment you fully awake, you will realize that everything is and was perfect. The more you lose yourself, the more you can find in the end.

God is experiencing all suffering it created himself. Maybe out of complete loneliness and boredom, or out of love and creativity, or maybe both at once or none. Who knows? Everyone with a memory only experiences a slice of it, a tiny part of the spectrum so maybe he/she completely misses a facet of the totality of existence. Instead of accusing some outside entity which may not even eist from your point of view, rather ask yourself why you can't find peace with reality-as-it-is. If it was unbearable, how could it exist? Maybe a metaphora helps you. Imagine you are sacrificing your health in order to achieve enlightenment. You almost starve to death, nonstop meditating without eating. Your lungs may be ok, but your stomach suffers a lot. So your liver asks itself how could god justify all of this?

1. Wherever you go, you won't escape dogma externally. Either you believe others, or you don't. Even if you go into a cave and meditate, your experiences and interpretations of them will be shaped by the dogmas you were indoctrinated by since childhood. Leaving dogma behind doesn't happen by leaving a forum, or trying to experience reality in solitude. These are external approaches, you are filled with dogma anyway. The only way is deeply coming the conclusion "I know that I don't now", which can happen in solitude or within a forum, doesn't matter. If you think by running away from temptating beliefs you will escape dogma, some childhood dogma has already caught you even deeper. Rather experience how and why you are tempted to believe the dogma in this forum, this could reveal you the process that makes you weak to belive something you don't know yourself. 2. Possible. But see how you feel constrained by "external forces", believing they hold you back from realising truth. It's a dogma to believe external information is responsible for your blockades, it's YOU believing them! Find out why you are susceptible to believe it in the first place. Just by closing your eyes to see no dogma doesn't destroy the root of it, it's the process of believing, not the beliefs themselves that block your way! But in a way I can support you to leave the forum, reading and writing probably doesn't help you as much as internal contemplation. Just don't believe the dogma that you could safe yourself from it. If you can, you will KNOW it, otherwise there's always something left to doubt. Become a real sceptic, a phyrronist (?), doubting even scepticism itself. Leo made a video about it. For me, contemplating about socrates "I know that I don't know" helped a lot!

First of all, thanks a lot for sharing your experience and taking time to answer all these questions! <3 I guess I can answer some questions already for myself (), saving your time. But maybe you have something interesting to say or you disagree at some point. 1. Is/may Jesus be such an "impossible beeing", pulling you out of hell? (-> yes, may be) 2. (If so,) could this universe actually be based on christian worldview or whatever religion then? (-> yes, could be) 3. If you can lose your infinite experience and a certain religion (in this universe) is true, could an infinitude of future Ethans from this world/moment on experience eternal hell then? (-> yes, they could) 4. If everything (imaginable) is happening without any limit, free will must be an illusion, since there's an infinitude of selves at the same moment doing the exact opposite. So what's the point of pursuing enlightenment or whatsoever since there must be infinitely many copies of myself going to hell at the same time? Doesn't all of it happen anyway? Why making any effort then? (-> It really makes no difference, since there's also infinitely ones that do the exact opposite of making no special effort, means actively pursuing enlightenment. Everything goes every way.) If your statements are true, this has many radical implications. There are so many questions, but it seems as if I could answer them for myself, since literally everything is possible, even "unlogical" or paradoxical things like a set/beeing that includes all subsets/subbeeings and itself, because there are "universes" without logical rules whatsoever. From my point of view it seems impossible for you to prove anything like this, even if I suddenly had a million dollars on my bank-account or whatever, there's actually (!) an infinitude of explanations for this, but my limited self can only experience one at a time. So there may be an infinitude of selves believing you then, as there is an infinitude disbelieving. This must still be the case, even if you don't manifest a million dollars on my bank-account. So here's my final question I can't really answer for myself: Is there kind of a mathematical/logical structure behind all of this, since there are probably less universes manifesting a pink unicorn or whatever in front of my eyes (because I never experienced it) than there are universes running a coherent logical story about everything, or am I just completely randomly experiencing exactly this consistent one, out of infinitely small chance, next to infinitly more inconsistent ones? Like pascal's triangle, the probability to be at the edge is 1/∞, but in the middle there are the most cases. Does the same logic/structure apply to the "multiverse" you are talking about? Because there should be a fucking high probability for me to experience something completely outlandish the next very moment (since there are more possibilities for something inconsistent than something consistent happening, there could manifest infinitely many objects right now here (∞ possibilities), or nothing special manifests (less possibilities)). Or is it much more probable to live in this consistent world due to pascal's triangle, since in most cases "physical reality" doesn't manifest anything, and I just live one of the most probable lives that could be lived by "me" (consistent reality)? Or is my mind the algorithm putting every magical manifestation into a coherent story so it just appears to me to be consistent (which I guess is a view that fits nondualism)?

Taking nondualism seriously, there is always always a level obove/behind two complementary opposites which is in perfect union with itself, like a coin with its sides. You're kind of asking for the (complementary) opposite of existing, therefore assuming a level above/behind it, i guess. Well, "nothing or non-existence" is the "by-definition-not-experiencable", so therefore the level above/behind existence and non-existence is also non-existent, because non-existence can already never be experienced. So the very first level to be able to refer to is existence, it's the first "meaningful" level in every way. Though its complementary opposite may be a wonderful analogy for our experience of life, because it represents infinite potential. In another way, you (as the ego) are non-existent, you are the hole into which everything (all perceptions) flows. If you search for this seperate entity, you will never find it. Past and future are non-existent, just a fiction. But this is a non-existence of a particular thing on a particular level, not non-existence in general. But now think about this: What if the conceptualization of the non-existentence may be gods process of creation? Non-existence as an actual thing is per definition not true/existent. But potential non-existence of a particular thing is something to refer to (like a pink unicorn), which is a pointer from reality to something outside, which doesn't "really" exist but at least in the mind. As soon as there is something, one could always ask why it's this and not that. But not so with existence itself, it's self-evident that there needs to be something in order to be able to ask why there isn't nothing, or why isn't there a particular thing like... But this potential non-existence of a particular thing could be gods inspiration. So maybe that's what you're experiencing right now is gods "hmmm... Maybe there is something not existing, like believing to be a five-fingered and two-handed creature, reading a comment about myself and not realising that I'm actually the same since/for eternity!" Nothing is behind the borders of existence and fits in every gap inbetween, so it's always existent in our minds, and may be existent as a concept in gods mind (and we are gods actualization of the conceptualization of particular non-existent things like "not-selves,others").

Very interesting thougths! I think that different drugs may resonate with different levels/layers of consciousness, which include a different spectrum of reality. Believing in "cosmic consciousness laws" I persume that the egos carmic circuit can be drastically influenced by drugs, since suffering and pleasure may be extended a lot compared to "objective physical time". Maybe salvia and other drugs can dunk you in hell, which purifies you and releases the wrong clingings. Therefore I'm also a little bit concerned for taking psychedlics as a warm golden god shower, which would lead to false beliefs about the true love of god, which is completely accepting the bad and evil stuff, or something like the possibility to live in hell for a long amount of time. Integrating such a thing is a task probably for very high consciousness, integrating collective trauma and so on. Salvia may be a portal to this possibility. A thought arose like: "The bitterest medicine kills you which heals you from your insanity."

It wasn't salvia, but I experienced kind of the same. I was tripping with a friend who had a quite materialistic worldview. The trip was nice, but not so intense. Then we smoked some weed at the end when it was almost over. Suddenly It kicked back in and I became so much more conscious. I saw through the physiological reaction and face expressions that my friend would have the same experience. Then Infinity rolled over me and I was watching myself speaking to my friend, trying to convince him that this is really deep shit now and we are one and how wonderful it all is, that this shift of consciousness we simoultaniously experience can't be explained from a materialistic perspective until I finally realized what a fucking joke it was, that I just weren't conscious enough to realize that I'm imagining my friend. My ego was trying to get confirmation/verification but I imagined it all. I realized that I am completely lonely, the only way not to be conscious of it is to create such a solid reality with suffering, pain and fear which I try but can't run away from, that it seems completely real and I can believe to exist amongst others who could potentially end my existence the next moment. I kept talking (or better watching me talking) but now in tears, realizing I'm only talking to myself. That no matter what I do it can only be me answering, forever. And the answers would doubt everything I say, like the guardian of the matrix. That I invented terror, rape, murder, torture, everything just to keep myself from realizing my "real self" which I have to live through eternally with no suicide option. That I can only try to die or disappear by imagining to be something else and that this is obviosly what I wanted most otherwise this human ego wouldn't exist in the first place. Reality seemed like the process of running away from itself. I felt a lonelyness never felt before, infinite. I realized that of course, of course (!!!) I will always experience pain over and over again, because I have nothing else to do. Everything else gets boring, like a child playing alone in the sandbox forever. There needs to be this duality eternally, if it didn't it just wouldn't, because I'm eternal so I lived an infinite amount of time already and I still experience suffering, so obviously it needs to exist, its not a bug that can be ended one day forever. My dream of reaching enlightenment to end suffering became just a joke. A dream, reality running away from itself again. God wants to dive into the dualistic realm losing itself, otherwise it wouldn't. If everything was fine why ever change it? At most, to make it better. And if I experience here and now the human suffering, it's probably the best option. Rather a limited suffering human to maintain the belief in something "new"/"different" or "unexpected" and exspecially the belief in something better, some progress to completion or possibility of beeing able to make something better, rather these false beliefs than beeing the eternal same void, knowing to experince everything just for nothing. After some "time" I came back to earth again. I was really happy to have human problems again, a limited mind thinking about meaningless stuff, people around me and sensations and so on. I think the experience slowed me down a lot on my spiritual path. It all became kind of pointless. Reaching enlightenment now or in a billion years doesn't matter, since it is first of all not in my (human) hands to make it happen and secondly I will anyway come back to form again since I am here already, thirdly it's already perfect and nothing will ever really change. But there are also some good things about it. Realizing it won't really get better in the future forces you to make peace with the present. It's literally perfect, the best. Jealousy? For whom? Fear of death? Well, nice alternation, but nothing will really change. Pain? It's the price for your fun. And at least, I am open-minded enough (or just desperate enough?) to believe there is more to it. Maybe it's just one dimension, the Void or whatever you may call it, but I missed a whole different dimension like Love. I had other experiences, they were showing me different parts of reality. If God's mind is infinite, of course he will experience infinite lonelyness, how not so? But also infinite love. There could be so much more turning the tide in "the end". And I can't remember all of infinity right now, so from my here-and-now-perspective there's so much more to explore. I tricked myself into this illusion where i actually know nothing, and I can go on for eternity searching myself together. So even if it's all pointless/meaningless, at least I have a job now... .............................. All in all, definitely worth an experience! Since you have nothing else to do, why not look at reality from radical different angles? I love to get mindfucked. It's funny to know that it's not (only) you running away from god, but god itself (who else?)

In my recent psychedelic experience (=p.e.) I really wanted to have deep insights into suffering and misery. After a friend of mine recently had his first p.e. and confronted himself with his shadow, I felt inspired to look at the dark side oft he moon, too. Raised in a christian kind of fundamentalist environment, beeing the only one of my generation to distance myself from church, I had to clear my mind from indoctrination. The hardest pill to swallow has always been the possibility to go to hell eternally, because I didn’t accept Jesus as my lord and savior and the bible as absolute truth. So I took the challenge to confront myself with hell, suffering and my inner demons during this p.e. Surprisingly I had no kind of bad trip, but deep insights into what suffering really is, as well as some interesting synchronicities I really want to share with you: Enforcing my sensory perception, the drug made me very aware of a little itch at my thigh. Trying to awake my inner demons and imagining what it’s like to be in hell, the itch kind of disturbed me to focus on the actual stuff. My attention more and more turned to the itch which became so intense until I couldn’t resist scratching myself. A moment later it started somewhere else to itch and I was a little annoyed by the distraction, as I actually wanted to confront me with the heavy stuff, not beeing distracted by a little itch. After scratching, it started somewhere else again, of course. So I mindlessly walked into the bathroom, intensively scratching myself all over the body, with the intention to get rid of the itching or at least to become aware of the fact that it doesn’t help at all so I would be able to resist the temptation. I wanted to see my inner demons, to know what hell and suffering is about, not wasting my trip scratching myself, I thought. Then I looked into the mirror when the curtains fell down. I saw myself completely red with almost bloody stripes all over the body. Seeing this annoyed, desperate, restless red devil in front of me witch his claws hurting himself in order to end the pain, I realized what confronting my inner demons really meant. „Only hurt people hurt people“ came into my mind. My whole body was littered with itch, in retrospect I know now that it was the beginning of something like hives (illness). I walked back to my bed and lay down, intending to completely stop scratching, having seen through the game. But the itching came back much stronger than before. Some parts of the body started to twitch around and after a while I gave up and started to scratch me again. The whole itching and scratching phases went on for almost eight hours, always in a harsh struggle between resisting and giving in to the temptation. Though I realized the mechanism, I wasn’t strong enough to embody the truth I have grasped. The whole time I introspected myself and wrapped my mind around what this experience wanted to tell me, so I took lots of notes between the phases: Hell is a state of consciousness in which you desire immidiate reward/release above everything else. Every scratching (effort and temptation) in order to end the itching (restlessnes and suffering) worsens the situation, because by whirling around one maintains the murky water instead of letting the dirt settle by itself. It is the attempt to end the necessary process of learning and growing prematurely. Learning and growing happens the more one is able to let go of the illusion that anything finite could ever satisfy the infinite desire for love, truth, peace and happiness. The human nature is at some level between heaven and hell, a stage where he can take huge steps towards both extremes by either attaching himself to finite objects or adjusting himself to god/the absolute by letting go of all illusions. Each person is on a different level, which reach from the desire to hurt others (and therefore the Self) coming from the deeper wish to end ones own excruciating existence, to the desire to accumulate knowledge to understand reality. In deed, even knowledge can be a temptation, and also lots of high quality spiritual teachers may sacrifice precious resources (time and energy) or their critical mind (and start again to believe in things the don’t know) in order to accumulate finite knowledge, instead of practicing the highest teaching – love. It’s not that knowledge is bad, but it may be just a stage which one can outgrow – but beware not to end the process prematurely! The persuit of rational wisdom may be a trap as everything else, just on a higher level, capturing philosophers and scientists, attaching them to the believe they could escape the necessity of selfless love. Every single of these hell-to-heaven-levels consists of some specific temptations, and at the beginning it feels like heaven, until the long-term downsides become obvious. As with a drug like heroin, you get used to the high so the finite object cannot truly satisfy you. With every time you take it you become more addicted and the vicious circle begins. It only ends when you stop keeping it alive, by redirecting your awareness to the next level or in general to the direction to god/heaven/the absolute (the Self, the resting point of your consciousness, the no-agent-observer, the state of peace, oneness and perfection). By withdrawing your attention and energy you take away its foundation so it loses the power to control you. The latest point to be capable to do so is when you finally break down and give up everthing (which explains some enlightenment experiences at the suicide level). I think that the Buddha, the truly awakened and enlightened one is someone who has outgrown these potentially hellish stages. He has seen completely through the illusion and keeps calm inside no matter what happens around him, for he knows that every reaction to a temptation creates more hell, and the natural growing process shifts him towards heaven, so no interference is needed. He doesn't pull on the grass in order to make it grow. It’s like god always offering you increasingly better stuff in order to make you happier, but if you take it and mistake it for the best/absolute/end, god/the infinite becomes the devil/finite. A true Buddha can even resist the temptation of knowledge so he can live the authentic spontanious life, not caring about yesterday or tomorrow, but deeply caring about the here-and-now, which is recognized as perfect smooth eternity, living life full of selfless love. As Gautama Siddharta said: „There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: Not starting, and not going all the way.“ So don’t stop on a heaven-like level, for it becomes hell one day. Now I realized which heaven/hell lots of christians and religious people may probably experience, for they are attaching themselves to limited beliefs about god and reality. May everyone be blessed and see through the illusions, not trying to avoid a step or end it prematurely. Just let go, be calm and accept reality as it is (which does abolutely not mean to stop acting, actually you are created as an active creature with the intention to let grow love, so take care of your garden and weed the weeds!) There’s so much more to say but I already took much of your time (thank you), so I would like to read your thoughts about it. Just write anything meaningfull that comes into your mind, I love to get inspired.

This is a great band and apart from these 4 instrumentals I can especially recommend their album "Aeonian", which is ... GODLY

@Pouya I still have this kind-of-hives-illness but I can control myself much better now not to scratch. My body is fine, it's quite resistent and I'm not a squeamish guy, so I don't really care. I see it more as an excercise, stimulus supression is an important skill and it lets grow my neocortex which is crucial for impulse control/willpower/discipline. So it will have longterm-benefits to live with it and learn not to scratch, that's why I wouldn't go to the doctor the next time, it's quite useful ;P When I meditate, I'm much less distracted by little itches so I'm thankful for the experience. Sometimes sleeping is hard, takes up to 6 hours until it works but it is an effective training. I'm very thankful for the insights and that I saw through the game of heaven and hell, knowing that every kind of avoiding temptation means flowing to heaven in longterm.

Every sense of self depends on a memory. Material reality is nothing else but manifested memory (Karma). Memory and imagination refer to the same construction process, past and future meet themselves in the present. A memory could be described as the reflection of raindrops on a spiders web inside one of these drops. The mathematical analogon for a memory is the number of illetarations within the same self-constructing algorithm. A multidimensional fractal, splitted into an infinity of temporary „selves“, each experiencing different start- and ending points (different illateration/zooming-levels = perspectives) of the same underlying process called creation. This self-defining process can by defintion have no memory of its own beginning and is not capable of imaganing (and therefore manifesting) an ending for it-self, because every (first) memory is being constructed by imagination and every imagination (about the end) is beeing constructed by memory (=relative to, dependend on it) within the present moment. It can always imagine a beginning further back and the notion of death must relate to a memory going extinct. This mysterious algorithm/process itself exists „outside“ of time creating (imagining) it and „inside“ of time experiencing (remembering) it. Time is just a limeted-information yet infinite inward/outward-zooming (-∞; +∞) and only appears for „selves“. Their information-limit stems from the lack of knowledge about their own starting point (and ending) and everything before or beyond it. A self is just a little section of the infinite self-mirroring echoic wavestructure, existing through a relative, limited, quantified gap within the never-ending self-referential attempt of the self to know it-Self. Nothing can contain itself (but nothing itself). Similarily you can't become fully conscious of yourself, unless there ist no self. Keeping in mind that there probably exist different parallel algorithms/timelines/etc. beyond our limited imagination and experience as selves, we can clearly see the impossibility of understanding reality completely let alone putting it into words and symbols without confusion. Language and the dualistic viewpoint in general is a memory (a reletive perspective) about the process (the absolute, reality), and the process is nothing but imagination of relative perspectives. This version of reality you are experiencing right now must be the way it is, in its tight, tough and stiff appearing structure, for you to be able to refer to yourself as a (consistent) self. Therefore no matter how enlightened you are, your limited bodymind-avatar consisting of condensed cosmic memory is unable to create/imagine and experience/memorize more than its own little section of reality allows him to do. All the teachers only have grasped some dimensions of beeing (as you do), some are even stuck in the idea that a tap into god-consciousness revealed everything to their little egomind. Anything relative in this world is an imagination of god, every object, every self. Beeing able to read, you obviously don't experience full god-consciousness (no particular limited memory such as language) right here at this very moment, though the existence of it is everpresent in the "background" of course. So don't let anyone fool you about it. Any teacher using communication to express the highest truth buys into this corrupted reality so his words are coming from a one-dimensional limited memory. There are always higher levels and deeper understanding. But no one else can tell you what reality is like better than you can. If someone tells you he experiences god-consciousness and you don't, he has not really understood. The realisation of the guru beeing one with everything, imagining and experiencing it, including all present perceptions of your here-and-now reality, is nothing but your own realisation of yourself beeing the highest authority. God-consciousness is not personal, though the individual bodymind can feel liberated by the knowledge about an existence of the Self outside its limited boundaries. If you experience limited, condensed reality right now, there's nothing wrong with it. If it has happened, it will happen again. Don't desperatly try to hack your way out of reality pursuing enlightenment, for it is attaching you to the memory you try to forget (your bodymind). The true acceptance of the here-and-now-experience will give rise to the wise, humble, empathetic and authentic guru you love the most. He knows about awakening and sleeping, the absolute and the relative, the eternal and the temporary. Realising that you were sleeping is only possible from a woke perspective. But you should keep in mind that sleeping is possible, too. I felt quite inspired by Leo's video, how about you? What are your thoughts about it?