Applegarden

Greetings! Since i have become more sensetive to other people and to the way i feel i have noticed a common pattern. I had this one girl a class higher than me and i performed in some school event before her or whatever and i remembered her recently and tried to contact her, she didn't respond. I have never been in contact with her, tho i have all kinds of dreams with her, usually us talking or being in a family, brother and sister type of thing, i am not sure what to think of that, i have this thing with musicians, this girl and another guy way back. This started happening as i got very interested in music. Sometimes images of her pop in to my vision, i can feel she is thinking about me from time to time and i feel bliss in my left side of heart mostly, altho there is alot of pain, especially when i meditate so... If anybody has some experience on this, let me know.

Diet

Hello, i have this huge issue when on intense sitting i have this weird almost like phantom pain of some deep seated worry or whatever, in the navel center. How to make it go away and sit in meditation for long periods of time?With intense sitting i mean strong determination sitting.

Okay, it has been a few years, same phantom pain but its irregular, sometimes its just pure bliss but when its there there is almost bo way getting rid of it. Sometimes there comes a deep sense of resistance to meditation that you almost makes you want to move the body psychologically. However there are some other techniques that kinda reverses the strong determination sitting principle like working with fear and completion also listening to existential truths works. Thanks!

@Shin Thank you!

redrik Thordendal's Special Defects - Sol Niger Within

@Elham It can also do quite the opposite, probably not, who knows. If i don't masturbate for long enough a woman's body doesnt arouse me at all and i will think about sex less than 10 minutes a day with almost no attachment to it at the age of 23, with all the hormones. (Ofc sex is much different than masturbation). By the way i heard some girls just do that ro get orgasm faster.

@Elham Hey, i havent had sex and i am a male, but i strongly suggest lubrication your emotions. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lx6Zr6lrTaI Also meditation should help, becuase if you are blisfull, its easier to feel loving, have the congnition that your parter wants to please you to the extreme and you want to please the partner, another way is when these fantasies come, just observe them. This could probably work aswell. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjLt5LUYZhw&t=2271s Maybe increase intimacy, stare at each other and be aware, even if you have to laugh, and even then where do you have to hurry, maybe the foreplay acctually should be long to get the full thing. Why reduce the amount of time for such things. Generally, i have no idea, thats what i would advise my partner and stick to doing myself. So just ideas to think about. Maybe alot of exercise helps too to warm up or smth idk.

A huge minority here. x) Be careful what you wish for, i am planning on making microtonal music too, not as freestyle as this ofc. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kFkJCkQ-pyE

I don't know, i don't think i am very interesting, but some people giving "hints" to me think differently, which is their immagination about me, i am not sure what to think tho. If i can describe some positive attributes, that would be i can be a good listener, i am somewhat passionate, i am willing to learn about all kinds of stuff, i am willing to teach/share my talents, i am happy for a significant amount of time a day and i can be loyal, and i have found a chunk of my uniqueness to share with that partner. What else... i have certain interests other people can relate with, but one thing i am not, i am not this alpha male stage orange bs subscriber. I am really passive, really.

My point is - so what you appear as a nice guy or a shy guy, if you are not into dating and work on your loneliness/needyness, this is a great filter as much as trying to find friends while being constantly verbally bullied, very good filter, i have found some good friends which do relate and similar values.

Well, it is very visible sometimes they freeze up too, no matter how extroverted they are, sure but for me attraction is more like meh, i entertain it only on low mood. 90% thanks to enlightenment work tho.

@Preety_India Cool drawings, i really enjoy looking at that cow painting. x)

You know if a very attractive girl shows me hints, i freeze too, but, for me, i would suggest, so what, ill go and live my life after that event. But yeah some of them still want to get into your life, but out of their own insecurity i think, are not going to, and thats fine with me, in a way i feel sorry for them, and when im in a low mood i feel i could just have heart to heart talks, like what up, how do you feel, just tell me. Hard to figure, some girls may find my introversion cute, but i don't want to focus on that too much. Speaking about meshuggah thing, i am studying Fredrik Thordendal and i can't wait for special defect 2, because its just coming. I play 8 string myself, im going to convert to quartertones and i am already influenced and i do sound like him in terms of leads and tone, tho i have many influences. My favourite album is NOTHING, dude.

You know, what a GREAT oppurtunity to start/keep self-actualizing, i would look what you have left and see if that is not enough and why, i can share my bullying experience and how i tought i will live in hell because of that, but in all actuality i lost nothing. People still laugh at me and criticize me indirectly where i live so i can hear, all kinds of nasty things even indirect threats, (hey lets go and abuse him, punch him or whatnot), and criticizing me for EVERYTHING they can find, how i look, what i do, what i dont do, what i should do, they discuss even what i am talking to phone with other people. You know what i did, i was ferociously looking for solution and see what i have left, in the end i can say now still being in the same enviroment, same bullies, i have lost nothing and i dont feel like losing much even if they wipe my identity out every day when im there. All i did was self-inquiry, working with my fears and coming to an all-in mindset (contemplating my own death, and whats really meaningful(far powerful than anything else i did)), now i even wake up and feel like that entire time nothing at all has happened, i would say, wait for torado to go away, start looking what you have right away and even in the moment.

By the way i noticed your Meshuggah avatar... I am a huge fan. Male speaking here, i have noticed very many times, if you really attain to some level of bliss and ferociousness, if you are genuinely listening to people talking to you and if people can see bliss in your eyes, if the people arond you seem to think hey this guy is always happy, the usually all look at me when i am not happy, because of how rare it is (internally it is very different, i think you all know how it is), and ESPECIALLY some women in my univerisity, i think they found out that i do all kinds of self development things, and i also think women are more sensetive to a persons vibe, even if i generally try to avoid them, not engage in post school activities, i get all these "hints" you could get from their body language. The more ferociously you are doing your own thing and not being needy, the more attention you are going to get. I don't know why they "hint" me, maybe its just for me to give my attention, i don't know, i don't think i care if im in good/average mood. Of course, maybe majority will not be interested in you, but some group of opposite sex will really enjoy your authenticity and the "weirdness and differentness of you". Ofc if you have better "game", or you just know how to interract, sociaize better, feel less fearful from experience of socializing, that will probably help you way better with a larger group of people, but be careful what you wish for, you may not be involved with the larger group of these people... because you are self developing and they are not. Even some girls with bf's (that know me for some good 1-3 years) have flirted with me by touching me, i am not sure what to think about that tho...

Here's my music (still alot of work needed). Some stuff here is really good, alot of images.

Yes

Wow this is so much worse then i had it, the long term way out of it is meditation, its such a delicate thing, it needs right kind of awareness to let go of it, but now its such a lust, i know, if you are determined enough you can list the reasons why it just wouldnt be necessary for you, however it may signal to yourself that you are a bad person that you do things you dont need, and i want you to be careful of shaming yourself, and reminding yourself and staying as clean as possible. I would also explore new things, literally go outside for 10 minutes for a walk and things like that so you cant immediately jump into it and have time to rethink before lust takes over. Also breathing exercises work! Take care, you can and probably will get out of this!

W8 but doesn't most people believe they are nice, as a way of distracting them of their own flaws?

I am a 23 male, and i have been a masturbation addict, not a porn addict, however. I always avoided girls even tho i have female attention, but i do have this virgin type fear of approaching women and whatnot, tho after years of meditation and more intense benefits of meditation i am really starting to contemplate whether i even need sex or intimacy as some powerful cognitions relax me and makes me look trough the big picture (death is god and its always beside you, you are eternal if you want you will take many births and experience whatever you want, and my seeking is very much triggered by fears and what not). I would like to hear your experiences what is your story and what would you do? I mean dont get me wrong i adore women and i think i am very naive about them, but over time i really take my free time for granted in thst case, because of the reason i didnt go out i spent alot of time with myself and got to this point where i feel bliss my sahasrara daily.

Thank you, i find your in depth advice very worthwhile!

I fear rejection and i fear expressing what i really feel because of fear of judgement and fear being repressed, taken advantadge off. Whats holding back - some sense inferiority for sure, putting women on pedestal, ankwardness and misunderestandings, i acctually fear intimacy and sex too, because i feel i have alot to lose and keep (spiritual work related) and sex for judgement probably. Right now, having the clarity that life is not about any of that, acctually now, low mood provokes the interest and sexual fantasies.

Thank you very much, i will do more self inquiry, but short answer to dating for me feels no and yes for enlightenment.