Applegarden

What you are describing in the initial post matches my experiences, i just can't sustain it, i even know how to REALLY be in the moments, so that the mind stops losing its importance over me. I still have a gravity of sorts to thinking, however most of the suffering just doesn't stick anymore. I remember i had a glimpse recently where i experience myself as an infinite void in sleep, acctually. It was like pushing trough sleep paralysis and it was after very intense studying day. If you established the pull into consciousness, you will have the infinity experience, i remember Bentinho Massaro shared how his enlightenment happened and that it was similar like you had it. Only after the stilness there was the quantum leap in direct awareness, but it took time. Suffering pretty much is over for you. Congraz, i am really happy for you man, but you are not a man or anything anymore.

Do you experience everything as yourself? In sleep too? Do you have dreams?

I would change my company, in fact, i did. Makes alot of difference!

@Giulio Bevilacqua yes this has happened to me, i had a strong desire to play music, but now it is very stagnant and like whats the point or is it worth the suffering e.c.t.

Hello, actualizers. I wanted to share some of my day to day experiences with meditation, self-inquiry, self-reflection. More so i will elaborate on the feelings and cognitions that i usually feel. I have picked meditation habit on and off since 2015. The first year was very boring. It was so boring to sit even for 20 minutes and i often wondered whats the point. I was trying to push myself, so i can sit trough it. It was just plain suffering for some time, but i noticed, it had some quality, that it was worth the struggle. Then i somehow sat for an hour, when i was meditating. It wasn't blissful, it was quite peaceful. But really just that. I felt like my breathing were very natural and i was more aware of parts of my body and i feel more centered in my day to day activity. But i remembered at the end of the year 2015 i bought an inner engineering course by Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev, and i for the first time felt that i can change something in my life and that life was somewhat in my hands, however i felt a feeling i will always remember. That was the feeling of suffering and not knowing why you are suffering. Looking back at that moment, now that i underestand reality more and more, that was something i don't even want to experience again. So some suicidal toughts, some very depressing and dark toughts came. So turned my head all the way towards spirituality at that time. I remember being so negative and occasionaly violent irrational toughts were flowing trough my head, and also a sense of anger, anger for feeling like i have to live in unhappy existence. So up to this point i still have somewhat of a desire to leave the body, (not suicide), not by hurting it, but consciously, there is acctually a funny story about that also. So i found Mooji's videos and whatever else guru's videos on the net. I practiced mooji's natrural noticing meditation religiously. Sometimes even up to 2 times a day, means 2 hours. Why did i do that? I felt absolutely miserable in my first job, which ironically is the same i am currently working now and externally its not much better. However the first thing i felt was a certain warmth lighting up in the region of my upper body. Then i started noticing that energies are real, there is such a thing as kundalini energy and what a chakra feels like. And soon after i noticed that my crown chakra has become loosely active. I could feel it pouring out warmth and bliss. Bliss is an actual feeling (chemistry in the body), almost like marihuana induced effect but sober. But my stomach was so hurting, it was almost like hurting from every worry and low self-worth pattern i held and entertained. And since i really wanted enlightenment but i was a mess, i suffered so much. But after a while it stabilized, it is still a struggle, however there is more and more bliss. And really all this time, the hardest thing for me is waking up and experiecing that bad feeling, so i have to catch up, but very soon after there is bliss. Then later after that i started to have mini-awakenings, having a change of habits, and feel so complete about death. However the experience i still unsustainable. Yes, i can really choose to feel into the moment, as it is the only truth realy, and that ability, my friends, i wouldn't give away for anything. Ever. Then i met and saw some psychics and now my view of life has changed completely. If i have to give description of what meditation does to you, firstly it makes you a different person much faster. Like you evolve your beliefs over your lifetime, with meditation, its almost like in 6 months time i am already feeling like a different person to what i used to be. Now there just is a choice to entertain certain toughts, or just let it flow and be exhausted. There is more presentness. Less sleep needed. Bliss all over the body. Peacefulness and non-violent feeling. Feeling of wanting to be responsible for your duties like work, because this is the easiest way, there is just less suffering if you are upfront and integrated into what you do. Feeling like time has less impact upon me. There are also awakenings in my sleep (no-dream void/infinity experience) besides the enlightenment glimpses in waking state. Also you are MUCH more inuitive and in clarity to see who you whould listen to. There is more gratitude also. However still, if i could leave this body and never come back, i wouldn't hesitate. I have tried to do that in my evening sittings... It does lead to an awakening of sorts but i am affraid to go too far, as i still kinda want to live here as i am. Weird indeed, how are your experiences?

Silly, this is so easy @Leo Gura, we have to stop loving Adyashanti. =) Its a joke guys... or not...

I get that weird feeling that tells me: "Hmm this guy must be playing guitars with at LEAST 8 strings, you know..."

Damn, this was one of the hardest posts to read on this entire forum. I don't think i got the idea, but i did read the words. BDSM could be fire tho, i would prefer something light hearted like strapping or smth, however i haven't had sex, so i don't spend much time thinking about that. I feel like homos are really into it, from what i have seen by looking at adult websites, well, good for them, good for them...

Update of me using external objects to define my self-worth.

Metal as fk dude.

Life purpose = useful too for living life. And that motivation can be caused by exposure to certain concepts.

Quit facebook, keep whatsapp.

Nice, i am trying to finally start reading that and other hindu scriptures aswell.

Its a rabbit hole. In hindu literature you will find many ways of meditation - kriya, dhyana, bhakti, puja, nirahara, ajapajapa, shoonya, purnattva, tyaga, tapas e.c.t. Spiritual practice is really independent and necessary by itself, because it will purify you in ways and intensity you never dreamed of. It will make you acess the meditativeness more easily to enjoy the pleasures more completely and ultimately suffer less and less. It is a very unfortunate thing calling just about anything as meditation, for example, playing an instrument or really enjoying something like a game of football e.c.t. or after some positive event in your life; yes, that can be meditative but only unonsciously, the access there is dependant on external factors. But with spiritual practice your life energies and access of the bliss will be more and more in your hands. I don't think i can give you an accurate description of how to. You have to look for somebody else for tips like searching Leos videos e.c.t.

Legend of Dhyanalinga by Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev, story of Krishna also, i wish i could provide links, but i am in work now.

@RoerAmit i know, all my creative projects keep failing.

I haven't personally read the book, however i have heard really good feedback from people i really value. I feel god is beyond religion, every religion is a posibility. I have heard some hindus also being positive on this book, equating it to practicing oneness, bhakti, nirvikalpa samadhi, name it how you want. You can try for sure. “The Practice of the Presence of God” by Brother Lawrence - Free e-book https://churchleaders.com/pastors/free-resources-pastors/145403-brother-lawrence-free-ebook-the-practice-of-the-presence-of-god.html

Of course non-duality gives some insight on what is reality, however there is so much yet to know and explore. Maybe they are closer than we think and can exist without the body if they have to or have paranormal abilities e.c.t. However i feel there has to be some super advanced ones, watching over us like the Xel'Naga in the Starcraft 2 universe.

Greetings everyone. Let me share something with you. Forums in general are a very good source of exchanging ideas, tutorials e.c.t. just about anything, wether it is about music prodution, eurorack compontents, cars, pick-up, an online multiplayer game or even a forum for modding a certain game. I have found various uses from forums in the past. However, this very forum, which i was planning to leave at some point, turns out to be the best social media platform by far i have ever been. Why is that? There is pretty concentrated amount of people who are on their journey of learning a skill, fixing a life problem, practicing something or seeking enlightenment and just being curious about what is here. Not to say that here are no devils and trolls. But i would farily assume that here gathered good amount of compassionate people who will take their time to respond to you and empathise with you even if you insult them. Here also are gathering people who want to recieve advice and are out on looking for help. So this dharma beautifully goes on so that this forum turns out to be helpful for good chunk of people, and people acctually give out a decent effort to give advice and share their perspectives which sometimes are different. Why do i personally love this forum so much? Constant entanglement with topics about spirituality and enlightenment, where you just spend more time thinking about topics bigger than your mind and body and you spend more time blissfull because of that. I love to check this forum at work sometimes just to catch that upbeat vibe. You will meet some REALLY pleasant people here, that you can interract with. So you can contrast, internalize and wonder about each individuals story, skillset, and characteristics, which i find really interesting and it makes me more involved in this forum. Sometimes also you get into some interesting topics, where a guy tried to read some details about my private life by channeling hindu deities, or some good stuff about dark night of the soul or even describing enlightenment experiences, to which i do relate really well. It kinda subtly gives me more hints about that click with the insights of my personal life and so many more stuff. You can read alot about what is happening all over the world and see how people live in Iran, India, USA e.c.t. what their personal stories are what the trends are there its very interesting. Why they form the beliefs that they do believe in e.c.t. I personally sometimes want to say about some topic or give advice to somebody from my point of view. I am not saying my point of view is the best, so it is good that its challenged first of all and secondly, if people post different perspectives, it makes me think and the person in need to consider multiple approaches to a problem or a topic. So i feel so much better if i read somebody's post and empathize and reply or just read somebody's journal or problem in a post and i can empathize, relate and see how people really feel. What the problems of self-actualizing people have, what problems people who are on the path of enlightenment feel, which only other people who are on the path will underestand e.c.t. And it's just good to see what the problems of 21st centrury humans have in general and how do we each deal with them. So i think i will get personally involved with this forum alot more, because i feel this is the best entertainment if i feel down, helpless, stuck in a meaningless job, facing toxic people, facing dark night of the soul, this is the place i come to keep myself together sometimes. AND if i have learnt one thing from sanathana hindu darma, its that if you cause/help somebody, good things are on the way for you, aka. the things that you want manifest faster, better e.c.t., this has been my experience too many times to deny, so what better way to do it, than giving advice or a perspective at least for people WHO ASKED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE and are open to change or growth. So just ignore the normies and keep enduring your struggles and celebrating your victories and to the people who post their posts and write their journals, don't stop, people are reading them, i read them, thank you for these posts, i really found some interesting reads and insigts that match from my personal life to your personal lives. Are you kidding me, this is like one of the best places to relate to other people and recieve some humanity most of the time back. So if you are feeling that your life sucks, you are bored, uninspired, have a shitty job, toxic relationships, can't find a spouse, want to direct your life into something, even want to get some lifestyle advice or insight, just come here and put the issue on here. There are so many wonderful people contributing to the responses. Thank you guys, thank you Leo, you really do deserve to the wealth, because you are acctually providing value to people, unlike normies who will say i am right because i am older or might is right because i don't like you or keep bullying you or otherwise draining your life away that you have left, so its better to listen to people who know they feel displaced and that they feel they have a problem. Yes, this forum is not perfect ofc and has its flaws, but its really the place to be in 2020 i feel. I also do have some grievances of overuse of spiral dynamics that it almost becomes another tool of stereotyping (Not for people like Leo, who acctually studied it in depth but who watched a few vids on it and are like, ohh this and this is Orange now with a little bit of Green, which doesn't really explain anything, but i may post that another time.) And i still don't get how can you apply SD to art, it becomes so vaegue, to the point that it's like pointing at the solar system and sying that Earth is somewhere here, however its a working model i guess with its wisdom. Peace.

Oh God, i remember some years ago when it hit me so hard when i underestood that problem. I felt like i died that day

Keep resting in restful awareness. It is possible to do it troughout the day. All the excuses, projected conflicts and emotional inertia and even feeling ill in the body will fall into the background and the deep sielence and bliss will come more and more foreground. I think letting go of her is the best option, since she gas a bf. There is just no real good outcome. It is great that she made you feel ecstatic and it also means you can feel that way without anybody, and you wouldn't even have to rely on anybody or have to go trough any algorithm to get that high for a while you know. In my opinion life will not end in this lifetime so if you really want something, at some point in creation, it will come true for you to enjoy. But you have to sustain yourself so i advise to unclutch, it will acctually increade your capacity to enjoy life whatsoever. Also notice how you can really live without that desire when it shakes you, and you can still aspire that, but more like in moderation and after self-exploration. With romantic desires there is so much delusion and projection in it. People constantly do stupid things in the name of love and get destroyed e.c.t. My point is that you are important part of YOUR life.

Hey man, i just want to tell you, your tremendous value is on the tip of your nose, just need to put little more attention to yourself and face the emotions and loneliness. These things get pretty delusional very fast, so you have to ley it sort out and it will hurt for a while. For that very reason, meditation is really handy for that, you develop an ability to reduce the amount of fantasies and its easier to let go of everything and enjoy your life, really i mean this. Good luck further on! Peace.

My friends on weed decided to play some ranked games on Dota 2. We lost. Every. Single. Game. But the voice chat was on fire. I got to laugh really hard i couldn't queue another game. If you want to improve your performance, analyze your replays and watch pro guides on current meta. This is true for every strategy multiplayer game.

570-589 for me here

@StarStruck No need to worry about them either, life is fragile, suffering is always on its way. They may enjoy what they have now, but it will be taken away or even threathened and you will see that they will be immensly agitated. They are suffering even now with some boredom or worry or fear e.c.t. And you really don't know how they are behind closed doors. So "that much better position" first of all is fragile and will inevitably break and they are always suffering that they are not enough and that they couldnt achieve smth or some guilt e.c.t. The life of agressor is never good, maybe he will get some pleasure for 5 minutes from bullying you but with the same mindset they are bullying themselves and their memories and insecurities bully them. The more they try to escape an6d project, the worse it always comes back. If you attempt to unclutch and know yourself, i think, you are much further. Not only you can take your abuse but others abuse and uust sweep it off.