John Paul

Hello Actualized.org. What stage of Spiral Dynamics do you believe you have developed to in your emotional line? Why? I'd like to hear details or even personal stories along with why you believe you are at the stage you are at as well as any details or stories about stages you've been through. Please be vulnerable and kind. If you don't know what lines are at all, go and see Leo's video - Spiral Dynamics - Important Insights & Nuances If you know nothing about SD at all, don't jam up the thread with BS please. Leo and others, what documentation of the emotional line do we have? Please share any resources here and let's remain open-minded and truly skeptical (obviously). Thank you! I believe that I am stage orange-GREEN or just GREEN or GREEN-yellow. I don't know! I believe this because I am starting to allow and honor or appreciate all of the emotions (GREEN?), not just certain ones. This is not always a straightforward path because I am not currently in therapy, receiving coaching, or a part of any supportive, open-minded groups consistently. I sometimes choose to turn off certain emotions and only allow certain emotions. If I go snowboarding, I can't be feeling sad or ashamed because they aren't confident. I have to choose joy or anger. This in my mind is SD ORANGE along the emotional line but maybe stage GREEN-YELLOW for me personally because I am consciouslysuppressing/choosing emotions to be productive/creative versus doing this as often as possible. I'm not sure how much of the time and to what degree I am allowing or suppressing emotions, how much suppressed emotion is just stored somewhere inside of my being, what emotional healing is, and how much these notes are allowed to affect my behavior. My point is I don't know how much my general level of consciousness and ability to be honest is affecting my self-evaluation. Sometimes putting myself into all of this SD information can feel very fuzzy…can you relate? I wrote that as an example but also for those above me to let me know if I am understanding the emotional development line in SD accurately. If there's something obviously contradictive in my writing point it out to me! I know you will… Thanks! (I will share stories of what I believe were times I was developing through other stages of the emotional line after some discussion)

*eye roll emoji*

I am wondering if going to college will be a good way to get me to stage yellow. I feel like a post isn’t enough and that I need life coaching but I can’t afford Leo and don’t know one person to put that much faith in for a second opinion. I am 24 years old. I graduated high school when I was 18. I had motivation/laziness/concentration issues, self-esteem issues, issues with authority and structure and challenge (masculinity), had a spirit of rebellion/anarchy, and frequent (varying intensity) “negative”, “toxic” emotions. Some amount of these things are still in my psyche, I don’t know how much. I went to college for one semester (I think it was right after high school but I can’t clearly remember ?) and I dropped out during that first semester. My first jumps into stage green were Bernie Sanders, followed by dogmatic veganism, thinking about healthy eating. I went through many phases of addictions, trying to escape my emotional baggage. Two years ago I was introduced to what I’d judge as a good therapist. She taught me where my anger had been coming from and helped me be more honest with myself and start healing at a faster rate. I really appreciated her support. Her help, a little traveling, and then Leo’s spiral dynamics series (blue-turquoise) opened my eyes a little more to the beauty of feminism. After I returned home I think I was in stage orange/green. BTW I live on Oahu (Hawaii) and I was born here. Although I’ve done a good amount of traveling through the US as a kid with family, lived in Dallas for 6 months and travelled in Japan for almost 3 months, I think that more traveling is going to be a necessary step toward tier 2 in my development. I just don’t see it as the next step right now because of intuition and coronavirus. But I don’t know, I’m here for advice. Last December I quit my full time job and have been hanging out with people, doing yoga (very good), crashing at a friend’s houses, reading books from the book list, going through waves of health/splurging (splurging on food, I’m drug and alcohol free besides weed and the most popular psychedelics mostly LSD), using psychedelics (BIG healing), and dating a bit (a girl and I are falling in love now which makes my life feel even more chaotic). And I feel like I’ve really made it to stage green especially with reading the dating books, looking at what sex addiction is coming from, and attempting to heal or integrate my masculinity and femininity.... I love women and masculinity more and more. I love my life but I’m over it. I’m tired of judging leaders and therefore not becoming one. I’m tired of my ego telling myself that I’m turquoise but trying to cheat completely past yellow. I’ve released a lot of the past and I want to contribute to society, human development, and be a leader and/or a creator in my life. I also want to get more in touch with my artist. I moved into a mountain a couple weeks ago and have been staying in a tent in between staying at friend’s houses. My eating seems to fluctuate a lot. I’ve lost a lot of weight from detoxing/fasting and people notice and say things (I don’t feel like this is an issue besides using health as a distraction and it throwing me off balance/direction). I don’t use the vegan label or feminist label or any political ideology label. I am trying to identify with nothing but Love or Nothing. I’ve been dating and having conflicting thoughts about sexual freedom, addiction, dating/labels, yoga/tantra, energy, sexual cleansing/celibacy etc. I barely work, less than 8 hours a week on average and I don’t feel pulled in any direction besides maybe stumbling on purpose into some psychedelic shaman and pursue that as a path for some years/time. Do I need a structured path? As somebody who is dealing with confusion/low productivity in stage green but also taking psychedelics and contemplating a little throughout my days my reality is making me more confused. Self-esteem, depression, and laziness are coming up and even anxiety is showing its face which it hasn’t for a while. I need advice and support. College? Trade/massage/cooking school? Focus on finding life purpose (seems obvious)? Keep reading the tier two books from the book list and taking psychedelics and don’t add time consuming activities (I’m planning to do this no matter what direction I go as long as it’s still working)? Should I just throw out the model since that’s all it is and focus on being more present by minimizing my lifestyle and meditating more? Please dear angels and magical people! I need your different perspectives and experiences and am open to answering more questions. I may already be in stage yellow and just functioning very “low” and just missing my life purpose... I just feel lost. Please help. Thank you

What is an alien? Use your direct experience of aliens. Don’t think too many thoughts about what seems to be true... question what seems to be true until you’re just paying attention to what’s happening right now

I've heard that I should wait at least 2 weeks between journeys. I've heard that I should wait at least 2 days between micro-doses. How should I strategize (schedule) my trips if I want to use micro-doses (a third or so of a strong gel LSD tab) and regular doses (1 LSD tab or maybe 2). Is a schedule itself unwise versus intuition? Could I take a micro-dose every three days and then a regular dose every 2 1/2 weeks if the dose is 2 days after the micro-dose? Also I want to stay mostly on topic but is there a maximum dose of LSD one shouldn't go over or is it again an intuitive thing? I don't expect anyone to have any answers that I don't but I'm looking for some quick advice because I just got my hands on a few tabs and a source and I want to begin taking them since I'm excited for this new year.

@Leo Gura, you made me very curious in your "..Facets Of Awakening.." video when you mentioned different psychedelics hitting different notes. I think the reason is because you said something like "..it's a complicated subject for another time". Since my last and next journey will be induced by LSD, can you tell me what LSD is really getting to the bottom of? What "notes" is it more likely to be striking? Maybe this will be helpful information because I can use it to set clearer intentions and with contemplation and a high dose hopefully I can grasp a deeper realization of a certain facet of what is. Or maybe not, thoughts Leo or anyone?

Today I took an acid gel tab with no intentions but to contemplate and hopefully specifically find out "who am I? What are these different versions of the true self I hear about? etc". I realized that I'm pure imagination happening nowhere, endless stories and possibilities in all directions/planes, the container or space, masculine and feminine and basically all people and relationships are me. The part of me that "I am" when I'm confused is just a confused "part" of me. Those who are not presently or not fully living as me are just confused. Confusion of being separate or just identifying with the skin and under (not including the imagination in my head) due to fear of harm (naturally) is what causes all suffering. I integrated many of the personalities of the world like being a little girl (I"m a man) and being a woman, being bi-sexual or whatever label, basically a lot of integration of pure femininity. I am this great awareness (masculine) and all this crazy, random, sometimes indescribable shit that happens within the space of awareness (or infinite mind?) (feminine). I am everything.... already this is all slipping away as it does in a way usually with my psychedelic trips and I'm writing this as I can't sleep. I realized that all of history is imaginary and that I'm imagining it now (while at the time or shortly before some crazy edm shit came on my headphones and made me realize I'm aliens, I am future. A lot of this future/past/feminine/masculine stuff was just so cheesy the way I presented it to myself. The whole thing was cheesy. I kept imagining this thin layer of curtain with some big secret behind is and like this playful spirit of "uh-oh! what's behind? what's behind?" Saying like: "Don't you see that it's right now all the time? This isn't some super amazing thing, you've always been infinite" But obviously this insight was coming to me while super high and now the curtain is mostly closed and it doesn't feel quite as simple. I am learning slowly what the work is. The work is not identifying with ANYTHING. Not clinging to ANY ideas of me, mine etc. or what should be. I learned that craving isn't about what is being craved for (or at least not on this trip). Craving is about wanting to move forward (in some "direction") and then after moving where I wanted to "go", realizing that I never moved at all. I realized that sometimes I try to not control myself...like by eliminating addictions or whatever, trying to break bad habits etc. But I realized how tricky I am and by trying to hard to improve I can get caught in a control game. I wrote: Don't TRY to not control yourself (trippy right?); Don't try to control yourself; we are alone; we are complete; Life purpose = simply ask = how can I help? I realized what contemplation really is and how powerful it is or what it really is, it's like a state or that's where it takes you.. I guess it leads to more insights. It's obvious that this is what contemplation is but I truly experienced it. When I was my true self I still wondered what god was so I don't know if I got the god facet down. Anyway.... so much goes on in these trips it's hard to write it all let alone remember (I feel a smidge bad for not putting more effort into remembering/serious note-taking). Also I realized that death is a complete illusion because I am not the body obviously now. I've been here before. It's scary to me because it's like "Aha!!! I REMEMBER! Here I was looking for something brand new but I REMEMBER who I am." and it's like... how did I get confused AGAIN? I know my life is very disorganized and I need a lot of help strategizing and getting better at studying, integrating, practicing meditation more often or yoga or whatever. But still.....the ultimate truth is the ultimate truth....I don't want to let it slip away.... wait.. slip away? How can I slip away from MYSELF? Yet it seems to slip away with the confusion of the outside world. It's crazy to listen to someone who is me talking as if they are not me, including myself sometimes (especially in the future when those times of more intense confusion will probably arise for me personally again). Please send me loving kindness or healing whenever this is read to all of you skilled magical people reading this. And to Leo.... I know you aren't a person Leo. I know we are one. But I want to say I love actualized.org I hope that actualized.org can keep others as well as myself on a journey without any ideology/dogma/attachment toward creating a me with less suffering. You are a kind, compassionate, loving man. You are so serious in the videos but when I go to the truth and think about them I laugh out loud! How much more confusing would this path be without you.. you are a SAINTLY man. I love your work, I love you! I have a serious problem with my trips that needs addressing. I don't want to write it out now so I will post it tomorrow morning because I want the good stuff in my mind as I lay down to try and sleep. To all of those reading, BE FREE! Let go of EVERYTHING, nothing can remain!