John Paul

Here are the elements I’m struggling with and some issues that are also obstacles: confrontation, boundaries authority, hierarchy, power/ego co-dependency- fantasy, expectations, obligations (people-pleasing)-energy transactions paranoia delusions, “trust” I broke it into four separate elements, idk where to start and I feel overwhelmed by these issues. Sometimes I wonder who I am now.. but I’m pretty sure it’d be easy and happy for me if I could just make these obstacles disappear or diminish them; then I’d just be myself and fine tune it, get solid and consistent in it. I think that the confrontation issue can be paired with tackling the authority issue, they share some elements I think. And the same for confrontation/boundaries and codependency. But I don’t know where to start and the best resources to give a solid try to. If I had more faith I think I really would give it a try using some sort of resource or tool but right now I’m just feeling overwhelmed by them and don’t know who to turn to with this- largely due to the paranoia element. I do not feel like these issues can get autocorrected by going out, it’s not that kind of problem I think… I can easily talk and sometimes even identify as likable but the emotion is getting heavy now and it ruins everything. I know I can hit it off with new people but never get the chance to have meaningful relationships due to these elements I believe. I do know that I need to meet new people-better people for where I’m specifically at right now and high integrity people, that’s a thing but separate from this post-i think.. please help (not sure if this is the right forum)

Today I let myself have whatever I want, drinks whatever- as long as I get some practice in. I was barely conscious but actually feel like I had a better practice. Because I gave my devilish self whatever it wanted for the trade of going 100% in practice. This is how low my discipline and emotional health are lol. I think I got close to or around two hours of practice in today and it was honestly solid. I don’t want to have bad habits but I believe in focusing on what I do want instead of don’t want, so. tomorrow im going to try to go without caffeine or the screens. I’d usually think alcohol and tobacco would be worse but since focusing on what affects my ability to practice im thinking caffeine and screens might be easier to cut out. When im watchin something or using an app, my mind is literally in the most lazy state I could imagine, it’s like dead. And im uncovering the illusion that caffeine helps- at this point it’s just a fix, but since I have smoke I think I’ll be more at ease without it. This would’ve sounded fucked when I was thinking black and white..trying to free up all my head space for practice, there’s no room for shame and dogma. life update: im working a shitty cook job. I say shitty because im not a cook even though im working as one. And there’s other little things I don’t like about it… oh and it only pays 14 per fucking hour. It’s one of my recent jobs that I quickly got rehired at after getting fired from my last job for getting high outside of that restaurant… yeah we are fuckin killin it

Since deciding to commit to mastery, my sense of a “personal struggle” has not left me. I am currently dramatizing the following obstacles to my practice of mastery: 1. Seeing how low my integrity really is. My laziness, my distractibility, my ego, my lack of commitment to my life in general- a nihilistic depressed vibration, and my still present negative values/motivation (from the LP course, highly recommend.) 2. Seeing how low the integrity of my culture, society, and environment/people around me really is…. The promotion of chasing empty, materialistic things and ridiculing, demonizing things outside of this status quo or doing pretty much anything to avoid the personal practice of mastery in our individual lives. My own low integrity is using this as a scapegoat: it’s everyone else’s low integrity, not mine- and my lazy, depressed ass just buys into it, yep that’s why my practice can’t take off how it should. And yeah, we’re still shoulding. 3. My mental health and associated self-doubt in my capability to destroy all of these demons and be the master. I don’t like the clinical stuff but I may technically have some sort of paranoia. I can’t seem to trust anyone. I create personal conspiracy theories in which I am, unrealistically, the center of the conspiracy and am being conspired against by others. I sometimes get jumpy when my self-care gets to its worse and have random, unique triggers (similar to phobia). I participate in “bad habits” to keep it short and simple. And really all of this is about avoiding certain emotions and when my repression tank is full, isolating myself. Right now I am venting into the journal forum because I feel isolated. 4. I keep telling myself I need something. It could be a legitimate need or an illegitimate need (an addiction/crutch). Or I create a decision to mull over instead of taking a right action-am I living in the right place? Working the right job? Maybe I’d have an easier time if I just landed a half-ass codependent relationship for the sex… to put it bluntly: from a third-person normie perspective, my life fucking sucks.. I got nothing. But what I got is the knowledge I’m communicating here and the promise of getting to the other side- becoming a professional, self-actualizing, paying it forward, and higher spiritual transcendence. thanks for listening, good luck with your personal practice of mastery

There is literally so much thought in my mind that no post could communicate it. It’s endless mind. As long as I’m practicing and enjoying the process- the end

I don’t know if any distinctions or connections were made by Leo/community between LP and spirituality but I’m definitely finding that in my day-to-day there is a connection: my laziness to pursue my LP is teaching me “epistemology”. I can more clearly than ever see the sole function(s) of the chatter, “mind”. It’s just what classic Leo and other philosophers said.. it’s funny because my mind already “knew” this but only because that meant that it belonged in circles of people that also participated in things related to philosophy/PD, and “spirituality” (the mental masturbation side of it). My mind- my whole fucking world is just a web that’s spinning itself, it’s constantly spinning in order to manipulate me into the actions that most ensure it’s safety and titillation.. it’s really sad (it says to itself to try to remove any kernel of truth from the web of mind) Where I’m at right now LP is definitely a solo journey.. because right now my LP is really coming down to my personal development of skills which is best done alone, with minimum distractions.. In this way I’d compare it to meditation. Although in the development of skills there is “learning” and in meditation there is not. Still though, any conceptual learning “should” exist only to serve actual practice- developing of the skills. Anyway, my mind (when it’s not trying to get out of practice/learning) is making a promise to itself that one day this will not be a solo journey, that when I am further along the path that it will intertwine with others. But I don’t know if it’s really true or if it will be truly satisfying the way it’s being promised. “I’m missing ________-friends, a girlfriend, community” and yet the little ounce of me that still takes life seriously and wants to work is isolating the shit out of me. For someone like me it does have to lean toward black and white. If you give my ego an inch…

is this legit? happy jesus holiday

I witnessed excessive amounts of verbal conflict as a child (adults). It's a non-urgent yet procrastinated goal to get back into therapy and stick with it for a while and a more urgent goal to pick up spirituality again. In the meantime does anyone have any resources or a tip, anything to help expand my perspective on this issue?

i guess Leo's nihilism video answers it.. gotta get to the other side. any advice here? i just feel like we are just pretending or i am just pretending. one solution i thought of is to go make many brand new friends and act out a variety of personality traits while i do it to explore myself but i've got this "why bother" clouding my mind....feeling heavy. "ego backlash" maybe

when is it normal for the mind to be tired? after food normal? after certain hours, maybe 3 hours of creative work normal to be sleepy? is it healthy to feel sleepy in the day at all, is it possible to not be sleepy in the day at all? how sleepy is normal for these or other situations? on how much sleep?

stage green vulnerability is a scam. Healing is a solo journey and the most powerful tool is psychedelics, crying, journaling to yourself in a safe and secure place, alone.

Does cooking oil have a high heavy metal content? Because it is a "concentrated" food I thought that I'd ask

Leo...you don't know me but you have effected me with your work. I now have no choice but to become a master. I've barely taken a few steps and i feel the enormous sacrifice i am about to make. I want to say thank you from my spirit to yours...please don't make some comment about how this is metaphysically incorrect...lol. I am grateful for actualized.org. If you truly want to master something...you're not just going to put in 10,000 hours. Because to master something means more than to know how to do something robotically...or in a way that pleases others, the appearance of being a master. To master something takes an amount of mental bandwidth that requires you to let go of everything else. i surrender. thank you Leo, thank you actualized.org <3 big love. small mushroom dose tonight and a teary eyed revision right now* goodbye . *self-actualizes*

and what about all the straight people that commit suicide that just didn't come out? couldn't possible count that

Criticizing ideas with logic/perspective is okay; give warning points for people implying that the other person is incapable of thinking (they are dumb). if you want to point out what someone isn't considering, just say "when you say _____ i think you aren't considering _______" or something... and if you think the person is being stubborn, lazy, or ideological.. these are just judgments of the person's character and not their thoughts..so i think it's best to not post at all. if there is any thing that doesn't belong on a conscious forum it's cruelty even in subtle forms.

@Carl-Richard ya i'm talking about disrespectful attitude i guess. if it's not a problem idk I'm not on here consistently too long just seen some of it but its not that bad

@bejapuskas well also orange is literally the first stage to think for itself....so they think they are god but really they're a dumbo. red doesn't count cause red just wants to rape things. green ain't smart dude...it's one step above orange so it's like: woah woah woah...slow down everyone...NO SLOW DOWN...NO TOO FASSS NO U NEED SLOWW DOWN U SLOOOW NOO U FASSSSSS..NO U TOO FAAASSSS...

i don't see how credit should promote disrespect, just as i don't think a father should disrespect his son. a challenge-go think about _______ from a teacher and then silence until homework has been completed makes sense. a stick.....i don't get it

Is it possible that health symptoms could be emotional problems?

limit daily posts to encourage thoughtfulness and quality. you could incentivize a reward system where high quality posts earn a small amount, like one or two bonus posts (like if you post high quality all week)

@happyhappy

Retrace your steps.... when did you feel defeated, powerless, shameful, in the past?

It's very brave of you to share this openly. This is not something a coward would do. This is something an honorable, honest, and strong man does.

here is my honest suggestion but it isn't easy... get 2 1g joint of hybrid marijuana and smoke the whole thing BUT first pickup a large 1 topping pizza from papa john's pizza for only 10.99...only 10.99 bro BRUTAL deal!?! how can they even survive on this!?! THEN...sit down to smoke....after smoking 1 joint..turn on star wars 4: new hope....it won't be easy to see the truth... eat the pizza it will help you swallow the truth more easily.....then before the middle of the movie smoke the second joint....u will realize the highest...

when girls give you the "shoe away" hand motion in the club

@BlueOak in that case you could say: I think from an outside perspective you're coming off as rude when you say "_______" because it is implying that the person you are responding to is _______dumb @happyhappy idk like the little stuff like i can't give a good example tbh maybe someone else could and maybe guessing what someones thinking.. "are you thinking _____?, there isn't much evidence to support this, can you say any direct experiences?" idk.. maybe someone else can chime in for examples and boundaries