ZenAlex

So now just awaiting active b12 test, DAO test, fatty acids test. Doing the 4 point cortisol saliva test today. Will do the covid anti body test this week. After this I think I'm done with tests. I will take the risk of side effects and start taking a 500mcg sublingual b12 methylcobalamin and see what happens. Will just one, leave it a few days, and then take another. I will print off my b12 results because I need to go to a doctor and argue b12 deficiency, I dont' want them testing me again with elevated levels after supplementation saying the higher levels disprove deficiency. But then again I don't know if it is a b12 deficiency or not. I know recovery is not linear but when you cannot see change happening gradually, it's difficult to know if what you're doing is having much effect. I'm not doing much with my days, but I'm getting a bit tired of searching for answers. If all the stuff mentioned here doesn't work, then I'll hanging around for 2-3 months or so for stuff to start kicking in, such as supplementation, waiting for my echo heart scans etc, and if none of it comes back with anything... Then I suppose I can consider the possibility this is just a fucking up weird stress response happening in my body that may not get better and will just diminish my quality of life and I may just have to live with it? If that's the case then it's a choice of committing to life or committing to death. I wont take a middle ground.

Have sent off another active b12 test. Should get it back by end of the week, and will see if dietary changes have made any difference to it. If not, will probably start taking b12 supplement. My sister and mother did b12 tests and there's are lower than mine, despite not being vegan. Makes me think there's an issues in my genetics potentially.

Feel like shit today. Have flashing lights in eyes, mild migraine, first one I've had in years. Disturbed sleep. Getting weird feelings and tastes. Will continue to de-allergise my property over the weekend. Will send of the lasts of my tests and await results of others. I will risk it and take a high strength b12 supplement next week and see if that makes a difference, although worried about side effects. I'm getting sick of not getting an answer for these issues. Am I weak? None-existence is sometimes very appealing.

The cortisol levels are rising bros. I don't know why. My life isn't stressful. Unexplained shit going on brahs. Asked GP to test SHBG also, they still have result yet to come back but again my testosterone is above range lol.

I notice that talking to others over the phone and mental stimulation from computer work has an after effect also. Physically demanding and mentally stimulating activities have an after effect. Seems like post exertional malaise, except not really fatigue, but other physical and mental symptoms. I often wonder if I've done enough or if I've procrastinated too much. Time is slipping by. I'm 32 now, the last few years have gone way too fast. I've realised, though I gotta try and enjoy life while this is all going on, rather than waiting for these symptoms to go before living again. Just live around the symptoms the best I can. If I manage to get over this, I'll never take being physically capable for granted again. I hope recovery will make nature that much more beautiful and I will savour it. It makes me feel bad that despite having nature and hiking at my disposal previous, at times I used a few months at a time to procrastinate and be lazy and play video games. I'm done with thinking about suicide for now, I need to give all of this 100% effort, although it's hard because of my mental health symptoms taking up large parts of my day. I remember when I was hiking before, that despite it being enjoyable at times, the internal scenarios would take up about 50-60% of the hike from me. Hopefully this recent suffering was a necessary part of my growth. At times I feel like people younger than me are my fucking seniors.

Update - Allergens - In regards to mould/allergens, and air quality, my new air purifier came today, will set that up tomorrow. I weirdly look forward to cleaning every week now. I used to hike 9-3 on saturday and sunday and that would be my mental detox, now it is cleaning. It takes my mind a good half day after waking up before it consistently remains present, so the first half of the day needs to be outdoors or focused on practical tasks, rather than being mentally stimulated. I miss hiking. Anyway... I also realised that I never cleaned my dishwasher filter and it was filthy. I gave it a good clean and disinfect and washed my dishwasher completely. Mould from that could definitely be impacting me. Ugh. Also noticed my apartments humidity is ranging from 58-80, so that may be causing increasing of allergens, will look into getting a dehumidifier, but not too many things at once to make sure I know what works. Adrenal As I looked into adrenal fatigue I thought it could make sense but not sure what I could really do about it now tbh other than to continue to destress. Apart from related disorders like cushings and addisons disease, it's not really something that's easy to pinpoint or figure out if that is wrong with you. Tests I will take the saliva cortisol test on monday alongside my active b12 test to see if my b12 has gone up with dietary changes. Part of me wants to just fuck it and do a 100mcg sublingual, but concerned about side effects. I may just take a 1000mcg one once a week and see what happens. If I instantly get better or worse then that may be the answer. I know I could have done this much sooner, but I saw strategic value on holding off on it. It the absence of hiking I need something to bring me to the present for the first half of my day as that sets me up for zen for the rest of the day, and that is why I like to leave most of my cleaning/household chores for the weekend to calm my mind for the first half of the day. Just saw my DAO histamine test will take 10-12 working days to come back unfortunately, as well as the fatty acids tests. Stay patient. At least will get my active b12 and saliva tests back by end of next week if I send them out monday. I also have the covid antibody one to do, need to give my fingers time to heal as did a few finger prick tests this week. Mental Continuing to meditate daily, the internal negative scenarios arise far more powerfully since my new symptoms started. The more I walk and do things that exacerbate my symptoms, the worse the mental side of things gets. Walking triggers my depression/anxiety, so I have to keep to 30-45 minutes. My psychologist is interesting to speak to. He's given me defusion techniques to try, which sometimes drag me out of the worst of my internal scenarios. Sometimes meditation isn't enough as ADHD makes staying present hard, so a more interactive technique is required. But once one scenario is defused from another comes along in its place. It's sometimes impossible to stop myself talking them outloud for extended periods of time. I continue to see my family on sundays and go out to football when I can, as it's my only real social interactions now I'm off work. Work Hopefully if I resolve this, I'll change jobs and maybe get a job as a cleaner since I found out I find it satisfying. I've always known technology stimulation can aggravate depression and anxiety, but right now physically demanding jobs are out of the question until I can resolve these issues.

Sorry for late response. I've been on nofap for the majority of the last 8 years, with minor "relapses" (I just decided to jerk off for the fun of it after a while). I don't jerk off very often now. Last time I PMO'd was in december, since then just had wet dreams, and occasionally finished myself off if my wet dream didn't do it and I woke up during, but that only happened 2-3 times in 2024. I do notice more irritability after wet dreams, but not that bad, and it's gone after 2-3 days or so. I just refrain from jerking off entirely, my sex drive has been piss poor and inconsistent since I was a teenager. I remember having ED during childhood even, and inconsistent sex drive. This makes me believe i have hormone issues but I really didn't care because I was often so sexually, socially and romantically apathetic.

I don't feel fatigued after exercise, but I feel lightheaded during and after, and get rushes of depression, tightness around my body, restlessness and higher anxiety. This isn't even after high intense specifically, even just walking does it to me. It's been this way for 4 months. Had blood tests done, no anemia, thryoid fine, hba1c fine, no hypoglycemia, b12, D, iron, all fine. Any ideas?

I'll research more on adrenal fatigue/issues tomorrow. When I contemplate what lead up to all of this, in the months leading up to this, I played a lot of video games. I keep contemplating that I overstimulated myself during this period of time and triggered some sort of weird stress response. I always knew tech stimulation made me feel worse, but since I was away from it in the past for 6-12 months at a time, and didn't completely get better, just saw some improvement, and because I indulged for periods of time before and got back to the zen lifestyle, I didn't expect that it may impact me this way. I have no idea if this temporary period of video game playing messed me up, but there were two things going on just before the symptoms started, that could be just coincidental or not 1) Many hours of video game playing most days, although I did have a few days break at times between binges 2) I took the multi vitamin everyday for about 2 months. The symptoms started a few weeks after ceasing video games and getting back out for hikes again on a daily basis. I'm such an idiot. I've had inner peace to some degree in the palm of my hands and at times I've let it go. Probably because i had to go to extreme lengths to maintain it, and because of emotional flatness and the need to avoid stimulation to maintain wellbeing. I don't know if I should be highly self critical here or forgiving, because my symptoms have often been weird and no doctor/therapist can do much about it.

The one thing that's difficult about situations like this is that there's so much overlapping of symptoms. How would you test and diagnose MCAS.

Oh, and I forgot to mention on my OP - Symptoms I've had for several years but never were too debilitating - Low sex drive since I was a teenager. I've rarely to never really had the motivation to pursue a sexual partner. Over last 10 years, felt very irritable, more depressed/anxious after orgasm for about a week after. (On nofap for majority of last 8 years). Poor appetite - Lost a bunch of weight at one point, including lean muscle mass, because I was able to exercise well enough and had energy due to healthy foods, so assumed I was getting enough calories, but poor appetite must have deceived me. Started eating more medjool dates, nuts etc to boost calories, felt better, but poor appetite remains despite management. 9 years ago - Suddenly felt way more anhedonic, anxious for no reason, depressed, irritable, compulsive thinking habits. Managed, but has never fully resolved. No interest in romantic partners, despite having opportunities. Can social well enough but no real desire. Very Limited satisfaction. Mental stimulation from technology has a prolonged after effect. I remember when I was chopping and changing lifestyle habits that playing just a few hours of video games would make my mind feel far less in present moment and far more ADHD/hyperactive for about a week after. After 1-2 weeks after from video games/tv/watching videos, my mind would feel considerably more present, although I feel like I have to avoid tech stimulation like the plague now to avoid it's negative impact on me. I only allow it occasionally when a big sporting event happens and I decide I just cannot miss it, and accept the negative after effect.

I am concerned it's been 7 months without a resolution, but I am at least significantly self aware and know how to manage the symptoms for now so they don't overpower my day and I can enjoy a small amount of things. At times I recognise I have procrastinated a lot, which happens when it's all about study, contemplation and research, but when I figure out practical things to do I'm right on it. I wish this was as simple as having a room full of tasks and paperwork to do and the problem would be resolved right at the end of the endeavour, and I would be on it 16 hours a day. I forgive myself because I've had days where I've been suicidal and just needing to rest, sleep and vent on suicide forums. But after weeks/months of spending many hours doing this I realise that I need to be fully dedicated to life, and realise that suicidal ideation/fantasy can just be a form of cope/relief. I am 100% committed to this, and this whole thing will hopefully be all worth it, especially when it comes to recognising the depths of my ADHD's impact on my ability to get shit done.

Today I ordered the Active b12 and Cortisol Saliva test, will do them early next week, send em off same day, should get them back before end of next week. Have just got my appointment with cardiology for my heart monitor. Will see what happens. It's concerning because the GP never said anything about it with the initial results, just said "minor irregularities but no real concern", but then when I was continuing to pester the GP, they said they'd send off the results to cardiology for review, and now I got a call from GP saying they'd like to do a 72 hour heart monitor. Makes you wonder if I'm going to have to get a full on health education to understand this whole thing myself because of how unconcerned the GP is at times.

I'm going to take one last active b12 test to see if my dietary changes have impacted my b12 levels at all over the last 2 months, then I am considering a sublingual b12 supplement. I'm only concerned because I realise around the time my symptoms started, for months I was taking a new supplement - Veg1 with cyancobalamin b12, and part of me is still concerned that may have triggered it. I've thought of this months ago, but eventually dismissed it as I thought it was unlikely. Adrenal fatigue is a possibility, and some of the experiences these people are having seem similar to mine - https://www.reddit.com/r/adrenalfatigue/comments/16e0szn/adrenal_fatigue_through_vit_b12_supplement/ https://www.reddit.com/r/adrenalfatigue/comments/16gyp1i/b12/ This is why I am scared to try any b12 supp now tbh. Signs and symptoms of adrenal insufficiency may include: Fatigue - Sleep not as refreshing, although not exactly that tired or anything., Body aches. Unexplained weight loss. Low blood pressure. Lightheadedness. Loss of body hair - Thinner eyebrows, noticed receeding hairline and also a thin patch on top of head. Skin discoloration (hyperpigmentation)

Hi Michal, thank you so much for getting back to me. It took me a while to get a phlebotomist in my area, and delivery was delayed due to bank holiday. I've got a mobile phlebotomist coming to my apartment today to take it and I'll UPS it today also, and it should be with them by end of week, and turn around time is up to 12 working days so may have to wait a bit of time. I've took the DAO test today also, they're currently sitting drying on the cards and I'll be mailing them today also. My GP ordered a fasting blood test that I did this morning at 8.30. It was testing for cortisol, SHBG/Testosterone (told her about my other test), adrenal stuff, thyroid recheck. I'll be probably taking a sublingual b12 supp soon but I'm anxious about starting it before I've finished all my blood tests just in case it impacts it and also concerned always about side effects of high dose supps. Will see what happens then. So yeah, lots of testing going on lol. As part of my IgG food intolerance test (sceptical) and IgE allergy test, I had a free consultation with a nutritional therapist yesterday, she advised to try and get my b12 levels above 500, and also to look into - Cortisol dysregulation - Cortisol saliva test (was considering this but will see what the GP test comes back at first). Research HPA Axis etc.

I've noticed my sleep has been disturbed and not always satisfying, but not always too bad, I wouldn't say I have low energy. I have had thinning hair for a couple of years and notice the outside parts of my eyebrows are thinning. I've had dry eyes for a while. I did notice in the very early stages of my symptoms that I had cold hands, but that hasn't happened for a while now and I notice the more I exercise, the worse my symptoms get. I don't get colds, but very infrequently noticed a sensitivity to it, but that rarely happens.

Sorry to hear you're suffering my friend. You're suffering with horrible panic attacks, you've survived a year of difficult time, so you're not weak. I myself I have had suicidal ideation over the last 6 months. If you've not been happy for a long time it can be difficult to find a way out. May I ask what you've done to try and get better? Do you really believe you've exhausted all of your options.

Did they force you to take drugs?

I've had my thyroid checked previously, but almost all tests show I'm normal, although my doc is doing another thyroid test soon, although I did have a test done years ago which showed signs of subclinical hypo, but all tests since show no signs, but you never know. So you self-diagnosed? Have you gotten blood tests to confirm? Also would like to hear your stories. I don't know if you've seen my exercise issue I'm having right now. All physical exertion is triggering a stress response in me and physical symptoms. Cannot really exercise right now at all besides shorter walks.

@undeather @Michael569 @Leo Gura Yo guys. Do you guys have any advice on these two things I'm considering? - 1. Taking an Anti-histamine. I've ordered a DAO test offline, I know some people don't agree with it, but I'll see what it says. I'm not gonna do a low histamine or elimination diet yet, especially not without consulting a doctor after getting some indication it is a histamine issue, but do you reckon taking an AH would be a decent indicator? Any potential negatives/side effects to taking an AH if I have no histamine issues? 2. Fasting. I was considering a fast to see if it changes anything. I have seen a success story where someone literally got rid of their Long Covid symptoms 90% with a fast and then did Keto immediately after. It seems to have had massive benefits for them. Any advice on fasting? Thanks guys,

I resonate with this. Although I've pushed for a lot of different tests to be done, it's difficult not to procrastinate when you literally don't know what else to do. You feel you're taking a stab in the dark. I envy that you've at least got your diagnosis. I feel I've tried a lot of things to get better but am getting no where, and despite being 32 and realising how important it is to try, I have days when I'm productive and have found different things to try and days where I stay fall into the trap of procrastination.

just fucking lol at all of you.

You mean a ophthalmologist? But they seem to deal specifically with the eyes themselves, not skin irritation issues, that sounds more like a dermatologist I need.

Although it does get irritated by heaters, dust etc, even if I dust my entire apartment and keep it well ventilated... this helps, but I still can't get rid of it completely. Is there any way this could be dietary related at all? Any advice? It's like dry eye lids/space around the eyes, it's lead to bad dehydration lines which make part of my face look like a 60 year old. I've tried moisturisers but they often just do nothing or burn me.