ZenAlex

No amount enlightenment makes up for bad health. Suicide unfortunately is inevitable if people suffer enough and they are given to way out or reason to believe it will get better.

Yeah I'm considering nervous system dysregulation as something I could be having right now.

I'm trying not to catastrophise but no improvement in 9 months kind of sucks. All I'm gonna do is keep a symptom diary and keep trying to communicate my thoughts to my doctor as carefully as possible. I hope that all of this will help me appreciate the fragility of life as much as possible and one day I'll recover. So many people have it so shit and I didn't even realise just how bad and hopeless it is for some people. I'll appreciate what I've got a lot more. I don't want much, just for these symptoms to clear up enough for me to exercise again. I don't care about being rich, popular or whatever else. Just good health and peace.

What it if never gets better though, that's a possibility. And what if someone decides that despite recognition of life having positives it's simply just not worth the negatives?

Been contemplating suicide quite a bit. I have up and down periods with suicidal ideation. Part of me at times seems to make peace with the idea of being dead, but just concern over how I'd do it. Seeing another doctor on friday. My psychologist recommended referral to a psychiatrist regarding the possibility of somatic symptom disorder. Not sure I want to mention anything related to mental health as they'll immediately use this as an excuse to say my issues are just stress and not do any fucking medical tests. Will probably focus purely on potential medical issues and advise of my physical problems in detail. These doctors have good reviews. Need to articulate what I'm going through accurately and carefully. My last GP just didn't give a shit. Sometimes I wonder if I even care about getting better anymore. I'm trying my best to communicate my symptoms to my psychologist, but defusion is primarily what we're focused on. I wonder if we're ever going to get to the core of my mental health issues which have been exacerbated over last 9 months by whatever is going on inside of me, but were pre-existing so maybe this period of pain was necessary to get to the route cause of that.

Sorry to hear about your current issue. If your current mental health professional is not working, seek another. How is the rest of your lifestyle btw? I have also considered suicide but am still running down my options.

Covid or other viral infection or somatic symptom issues. These are the two things that stick out to me more than anything else. All I am doing right now is researching a bit on somatic symptom issues in case that is the problem. I'm getting frustrated with my psychologist a bit because he doesn't follow through on his promises sometimes. Thinking of changing over. Have been off work for months now. I am still going to remain hopeful. Another doctor may take me more serious. I have a doc appointment next week with my new surgery. I can try other psychologists. I feel like am 3-6 months away from being Ben from Leaving Las Vegas.

I don't know what else to do. moments of beauty give me hope. Even just typing this sometimes aggravates me and brings on stomach tightness.

Long covid - Post Exertional/Exertional malaise Somatic symptoms These are the things that make sense more than anything else now.

I registered with another doctor, and take a list of symptoms to them and will be speaking to my psychologist now about my symptoms that are probably psychosomatic and see what happens. I feel like my symptoms are too non-specific to really figure out what they are with further research. concentrating and researching right now is literally hurting me, I don't know why I am like this. Lets see what happens. I'm in between the belief that I could have done more and I've done as much as I could and maybe have done more than most people would I dunno man, I feel like the last 8 months have gone by so fucking quick. Another year over in 4 months.

On the weekend I was completely alone. I cleaned, meditated and calmed my symptoms right down. I managed to get my mind reasonably calm, and listened to some ambient music, and some of the old positive feelings at times came back Inner peace and zen + Ambience can be so beautiful sometimes. It takes the mind to incredible places. Makes me wonder if the greatest forms of beauty come from within the mind rather than in the senses. I'm going to create a finalized plan and list of things to do this week, then next week I'm just going to take completely off and chill. I will rest in nature and meditation, and all this will lead up to next weekend and I can hopefully enjoy the boxing and the end of the football season. After this I'm probably going back to work. I'm not going to spend any more time researching this for a while and just stick to following a list of practical things to do and see what happens. Still having thoughts of suicide. It is a back up plan if all else fails. I know how I'd spend my final days. But I don't want to die, I want to get better. Lets go dude.

Getting a continuous blood glucose monitor soon, have found one that doesn't require a smart phone. Will see what happens with repeated blood sugar monitoring. Will be getting an ECG fitted next week. I'm gonna do more research this week, but the main thing is placing a sheet of paper in my kitchen to reflect on to remind myself to be actually doing something practical, as at times I can procrastinate and also be focused purely on speculation and theorising but getting no where. Taking care of the physical - If the final couple of tests the GP does comes back with nothing and I continue to get palmed off by this GP practice then I'm going to sign up to another GP, and take along all my notes. I'm going to ask for a histamine prick test. I don't want to go ahead and just start taking anti histamines and hope they do something. I looked into the low histamine diet but it requires far too much avoidance of foods that are healthy for me to want to risk doing it without proper guidance and without knowing if histamine is the problem. Yesterday on lower carb there were some interesting moments. I felt a bit more aware consuming more fat and protein, but I had a bit of a bricky feeling in my stomach. It went away though. I'm not even on really low carb so it probably wnot make a difference but making changes and monitoring reactions is important. ==== I'm going to keep doing my therapy, but one thing I'm considering at some point is finding a MH professional that specialises in psychosomatic problems as I am open to the possibility that my issues are related to mental health problems now impacting my body, so it's worth a try. ------- I'm doing a complete overhaul on my physical and mental health and hopefully it will all be worth it. I'm noticing quickly feeling burned out after mental exertion at times. Lets fucking go.

Over the next couple of weeks I'm just going to chill. Lower carbs by around 100g-120g, see what happens, and just alter diet bit by bit and see what happens. I cannot find any obvious answer so just going to have to take stabs in the dark. If it is covid it will just bit a matter of time. I don't want to try drugs like anti-histamines because I have no idea if it is at all related and it could cause harm. If my GP doesn't figure it out I'll try another GP. I'm going to stay off work for the mean time, I'll take a couple of weeks away from researching all of this, just in case it's all just being exacerbated by me trying to figure it out in the first place. I doubt it since I wasn't researching at all when the symptoms started, but whatever.

You're adoringly crazy.

If it's after a meal, I'd recommend getting a blood glucose monitor. What you're describing sounds like reactive hypoglycaemia. A blood sugar issue after consuming foods. People with hypo, especially when eating carbs, will often feel bad after eating. Get a glucose monitor and take your bloods frequently.

Hmmm, so I took a more trusted NHS test for Covid 19 on the recommendation of people within a long covid community. Specifically says it doesn't detect vaccine antibodies. It would make sense. Only problem is no improvement in 8 months. FFS.

Formulated a diet that's not really low carb, but have cut out baked beans, medjool dates and rice and replaced with chia seeds, avocados and increased my tofu. That cuts 150g of carbs from those foods, and total carbs by 100g, and getting carbs from not so high carb foods. It's a stab in the dark but we'll see what happens. Will start it next week and see what happens. Diet I will try - Oats - 60g, 100g avocado Alpro coconut milk Cashews -- Salmon (alternative between eggs and salmon) Banana Pineapple strawbarries blueberries avocado ----- Sweet potato tofu 300g asapargus/mushrooms etc gravy spinach salad w/ olive oil chia pudding Maybe some nutritional yeast -------- Carbs around 210 down from 320ish. Will probably not do much but lets see. Have cut out Rice, Dates and Baked beans, so I don't see any real detriment, still hitting micros easily. Only concern is saturated fat up from 15g to 23g, but that doesn't seem too bad. Only around 9% of daily cals.

I've been feeling quite irritable and my internal issues have been amplified. I was sitting in a meditation state and I took the b12 sublingual and I felt weird. May stop taking it.

I'm going to take a break from further research. What I'm going to do is do my normal diet, add some nutritional yeast as I've heard b1 can be related to POTS style symptoms. I don't think I have POTS or something like that, but it's possible it's an autonomic nervous system issue Going to keep supplementing b12, 10mcg of D because my D levels were in adequate range not optimal, nurtritional yeast. I'm also gonna forget about doing anymore research and just focus on working with my doc, just in case there's a health anxiety element to it, and the research is contributing, although I doubt it since it's exercise that brings it on more than most things. Posted off a better covid test today. Hopefully this will sort itself out soon.

Context - Was vegan from early Jan 2016 to late jan/early feb 2024. While I was vegan I was consuming an EPA/DHA supplement daily. (https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07VV4YQGH/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1) Per 2 soft gels - 400mg of DHA, 200mg of EPA. I was either consuming 1 or 2 gels daily, often only 1 because 2 at a time sometimes caused me headaches. 2 is the recommended serving though. Since early feb I have stopped consuming DHA supplements, because I am now consuming Salmon 3x per week and have been for 3 months now. I consume about 150g-170g of salmon at a time, so it's about 500g of a salmon a week. These bloods were collected on the 9th of april, so just over 2 months since stopping the supplementation, and eating animal products again The symptoms I have are well documented in my symptom investigation journal, and have been occuring since late august/early sep 2023, while I was still vegan and consuming chia/flax seeds most days and 1-2 dha softgels. Symptom list here - Below are my results - @Michael569 @undeather Any advice appreciated.

When I was trying to avoid fapping, I sometimes had to stop watching ASMR videos by girls because it would make me want to jerk off.

I'm going to try my best not to procrastinate, and take my information to more and more doctors. It's time for less theorizing and researching possibilities and more practical. It's been 8 months now ffs. I keep slapping myself for not doing more practical but it's difficult not to procrastinate when you don't know where to look and your doc doesn't really know and is taking stabs in the dark like you are.

After a few more tests I'm going to strongly consider switching doctors to see if another better reviewed doc will help. I will take all my INFO to them. One condition I'm strongly considering I have is POTS or orthostatic issues. Today on my walk I will take my BGM again and my BP monitor.

Fasting glucose? Don't think I've ever taken this. My fasting blood sugar on the BGM seems in normal ranges. But it seems to be a bit low during walks which is why I think this diagnosis makes sense, although it may be b.s My HBA1C is usually the low 30's when I've had it done but I didn't fast before the test. I will mention this to doctor. I was consdiering the possibility of REACTIVE hypoglycemia, as the symptoms come on often during or as a result of exercise. Here is my diet plan for 200g carbs - Not what im eating now. Breakfast Oats 50g + 75g of avocado + 20g of flaxseeds w/ coconut milk Tofu 200g + small amount of baked beans Lunch - Currently eating 100g of medjool dates daily, but that has 75g of carbs just in that, so wil cut that out from next week. Salmon 170g Banana, pinapple, strawberry, blueberry fruit salad 50g of cashews. Dinner - (currently having 50-60g of brown basmati rice + 200g of baked beans with it, will cut this out). 250g of sweet potato Chicken breast Gluten free gravy Spinach/asparagus with some olive oil. Chia pudding with cashew/coconut milk, maybe a small amount of chocolate milk for flavour. Currently clocking in at around 2300-2500 cals depending on portion sizes. 200-210g carbs.