EddieEddie1995

Replace Romantic Love with Actualization. Its the same thing. Everything we do, we do it for love. Maybe you need a partner who will show you and triger the "high" feelings you didn't experience before, this is the way to know yourself, or maybe you need to read books and watch Leo so he can do the same. It feels to me that you are avoiding relationship because you got hurt or can't feel the "love" or "heroin high" "they" (not you) are talking about. Im assuming ofcourse On the other hand, yes! You don't need relationship to be happy, but its a long way to get there. And if you don't need it, it doesn't mean you can't enjoy it. Its a long way my friend. Be like water my friend ??

How are you doing Don?

@Leo Gura It looks like you have some good motivating skills! Is that something you are working on ? @Raptorsin7 Yes! Im trying to do the same... when we get through and understand the process of failure(negative emotions), and trial and error is something we are comfortable with, omg...the things we are able to do!

I think that comes natural with person to person supported with authenticity and flow. And of course watching others speak. I just started shooting myself, and my face expressions are really good, im impressed haha working hard on my vocabulary now, i never studied Leo's video on vocabulary blue my mind, it was a good unexpected paradigm shift

Im also amateur with camera and stuff! I will give you a couple reasons why I had this negative feeling... I hope it helps It doesn't feel natural because you can't get into flow and be authentic. You can't get into flow because: Its the beginning of your mastery, so be patient, it takes time ! You wan't your videos to be perfect like Leos videos are, this gives you inspiration but creates a lot of pressure because you are focused on what you want to fix and the finished project , instead of what you want to talk about . It robs your focus and flow You have insecurities about what people will say about your work. That is your own projection . Robs your energy, focus and flow I usually talk what ever comes to my mind, then I take notes of the stuff I like, and then repeat it until I get it right. Until it feels authentic . I don't know if you know about the process of mastery, but like the guy above said, if you wait and try to be perfect it will rob you! I go with a mindset, I know it will not be like I want it to, but I will enjoy the process until i get it ! Leo has a video on Perfectionsm! Check it out! Deep stuff! Try to dig and see from where is this negative feeling coming from! Do a Pre-Morthem technique on your channel or your life It helps clear out a lot of pressure! Leo has a video on it, check it out Try to be authentic as possible! Imo this is the most important thing you can do! This is how you get into flow, and this is how you grow yourself and your channel ! Flow is something that can easily be manipulated ! Enjoy this masterpiece !

OMG I can see how my ego corrupts my experience ahhahaha Im so glad I see this now, and be careful in the future .. I need a couple more of those so I can confirm if im not deluding myself, since is my first one ..

I been thinking about starting a journal on Actualized for quite some time, and here It is. Yesterday I had a interesting experiences that led me to interesting realizations about some aspects of my life, and all this led to very interesting or lets maybe say "mystical exp" . I recently red a Way of Superior Man, and I can agree with the perspective that women are here to wake us up hahahha ! My narcisistic mother forced me to grow so much! Im all happy and comfortable until she confronts my spiritual ego It all started when my mother interrupted me while I was working on my LP. Her selfishness and pain that she was projecting was the thing I understand , and I can get into her shoes, but why em I still uncomfortable with her unconscious acts? Hmmm... Why is she making me feel bad ? It is because my thoughts are not aligned with reality! Hmm lets try different perspectives about my conversation with her, and all tough all the perspectives were true, I still had that negative feeling. Something Is not right . Something deeper is going on here . To avoid deeper contemplation I started blaming her and all the stuff ego thinks off to escape responsibility. So I set down and started contemplating, and here are the insights that I came up with. Before I start listing them I want to say that for some time im struggling with perfectionism, criticizing/blaming and having the need to constantly fix problems . Here is what I discovered about it . -my father was always criticizing me, and this is the behaviour I picked up -fixing problems is a lance that brought me a lot of progress in last two years, this is why i hold it so hard -My LP is based around Self-Help , and my survival is based on "there is a problem and here is a solution" . Every channel on yt, book, social network is based on problems and solutions, and this is what i started to focus and see only. -I can't accept reality that people are ruing their life's , that people are selfish and suffering on every level , even if I know that :suffering" is a relative term, and it is how I think it is -Watching great people like Leo Gura etc. are inspiring me, but also bringing me a sense that Im not working hard enough. That I need to improve every form of my LP in the way that I want. And this form of perfectionism is creating a lot of resistance , and making me not accept reality that Im not perfect , that I will make mistakes, and the process of mastery is what matters . I instead criticized my mistakes, and project them on others . -by seeing all the problems (it is where i focus) i know that by working on them will transform my life, and since my country is a factory of very neurotic people I want to help them because I know what might help them, I can understand them , I empathize with them . This feeling is somehow close to guilt... why do I have the need to help them? -Ohhhh! Its is because I feel guilty for being happy! Holly shit! I feel guilty because Im growing and having amazing life, I feel bad because "How can I be happy when my parents are depressed and miserable ?" all the people that I care about are very neurotic and have all kinds of problems (it is where i focus ) . This is why i felt bad . I couldn't allow myself to be happy! "It is wrong for me to thrive and not help others" "It is selfish of me to enjoy , while my mother is sick" etc. So this is why I had this negative feeling! -I em even blaming myself for all the uncounscious things i did to the people around me, because im conscious of them now , and I want to repay my guilt by trying to fix their problem, by trying to help them - I was trying to repay my guild, and because I loved them I wanted to bring them with me so I could be happy, and when i couldn't do that because they didn't fix any problem, i started criticizing ! JESUS ! -And all this problems because I couldn't allow myself to be happy! -Problem solving is robing my energy , it is a form of masculine energy that is robing me of beauty and love . This contemplation made me realize that the difference between blaming/criticising yourself and introspection/contemplation is that when you start introspecting you start with the fact that you can't blame yourself for being selfish and unconscious. How can you be conscious of the things you did, when you are were unconscious ? You begin with the mindset that you made a mistake , that you made selfish things , and this is the way you improve them , where you accept them , and this is the way that brings love and clarity . I also realized that the need to have closure about feelings and thoughts in uncomfortable moments is a form of not accepting reality . I create ideology to feel better. I realized that sometimes you just need to sit with uncomfortable feeling , observe it , and it will fix itself . I also realized that the pain that my mother triggered was making me look for the root of the problem, and the pain stopped when I realized it . The term that @Nahm tells a lot "your thoughts are not aligned with reality" is what makes me see things from another perspective and dig deeper . All this amazing realizations led me to sit down, smoke a joint and contemplate what just happened and how i will change my behaviour in the future . As I got relaxed with music, weed, cold beer , birds chirping and the sun on my face I had a insight that god is talking to me from everywhere , and what is trying to do is to get my attention , to get me in the moment , its trying to make me see the beauty, to focus , to get to the present moment... It is connected to my intuition... What is funny about that is that before I started contemplating and before I realized that Im not allowing myself to be happy , I was listening to music while I was cooking and my attention caught a lyrics on this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4FmAPuaRCY 50;47 that i played again and again for a 100 times ! It was a sign! I started contemplating on what I just discovered , my attention and thoughts was drowned to the music, where my thoughts stopped , and i realized at one point that I totally forgot about thoughts and concepts I had in my head . I was glad that I can relax with the flow, and have amazing fun , even though Im taking massive action on my LP. Good balance Eddie! At one moment I was in perfect synch with the flow of the music, the beat, the movement of my head, arms and fingers , the sun on my chicks, the breeze that made it even better , the beaut of the sky, and the birds chirping. Everything was in synch. I could feel everything at once . All this beautiful relaxation was something that is familiar to me(even though it was something i never experianced) , i didn't question it. I just enjoyed it. It was what I em. I em in synch .I em the synch. And then the question arised . Waiit. Who em I? I couldn't remember for a sec who i was , and then it came , oh yeah yeah, here i em, dancing with the music . This is the first time I forgot who I was , but I felt like I em the music, and everything . I experienced everything at once . I was where my awareness was . And it was so true, so familiar . So familiar that I didn't even question it . I had a lot of interesting exp with the sun, and the beauty of nature . All this beauty was trying to make me look at it . Just see the beauty . The sun was calling me to see it. All this time I though it was a good weed trip, I went inside and set down on the bed. I just let go and BOOOM, the present moment again . I can't really recall what happened there, but I felt that feeling and buzzing sound in my head that increases when i meditate . And it gets so intense that I get scared, and thoughts interrupted what was about to happen. And it happened right after I was trying so hard to remember who i was Wait, what the fuck em I? Holly shit! Hmm, okay... Where is my location? Em i siting? waait... what shape em I? I know that im here, i can feel my presence, but what the hack ! hahaah It was excited and scared at the same time . After few seconds or minutes I remembered again, and I was like, ofc ofc Here I em stoned and hungry sitting on my bed,,,jesus eddie stop interrupting your trip .. I again dismissed that trip with weed, and it was nothing weird about it , It was so normal ,so familiar .... Then I set down to eat and the present just pulled me again . I stopped eating . I started admiring the beauty, colors , and shapes of the fruits on my table. I was so thankful for the beauty, I was so admired by how the fuck my brain Is creating this images... I stared at the fruits for 30 min where I again lost the notion of who I em . I got the buzzing in my head again . Its like an energy moving around my brain and this time I decided to not get scared and I let go . In an instance i felt like my brain is getting electrocuted. I felt this energy went right down my throat and stomach . It was like I was the energy that is going down. It was so strange and intense. I could see this exp from different perspectives, and they were all true, but this time not so familiar. At one point I could see my self objectively. I was just above the back of my head and I could see myself sitting on the chair , and I could see this white energy going down. And at the same time I could feel the intensity of the energy and observe it objectively . I can't describe it... And ZZZZZZZOOOOOOOP it stops. The buzzing and pressure in my head stops . This happened 3 times in a row for maybe 30 sec. This trip lasted for maybe 6-7 h and there was a lot more going on... At one point when I set down in my bed i was like . Wait a minute. This was not a fucking weed trip ! Wait.. All this time I only had ideas of what "trip" or "mystical" exp. should look like! There should be colors , aliens, shapes, ego death, scary demons etc. but this was just my idea. Because of all this i dismissed what happened to me ! And what happened to me looks like some sort of mystical exp! All this time my intuition was telling when I meditated that some shit is about to go down, and it was right again! This energy is trying to bust trough , but is sabotaged by distractions that my ego creates so that can stop me concentrate, relax and see the beauty. It is scared from: the ideas of suffering and the things that i red about dark night of the soul Ideas of what mystical exp looks like etc. and what I learned is that: my exp is what I know is true, but can I be deluded? remove distractions and try to observe first, then create ideas about it the weed was a push of relaxation that I couldn't achieve in my meditation I em where is my awareness. If my awareness is on my thoughts and feelings, then this is what I em . Concentration and removing distractions is crucial ! All this happened because I didn't try to force or get anywhere . It happened because I was spontaneous, went with the flow and enjoyed the beauty ! This something like this happened to anyone? I didn't study kundalini energy (although my intuition is telling me that i should study it for few mounts now) and chakras, and Im very fresh with spirituality. Is that some sort of activation? What happened ? I also haven't read any trip reports so I don't know what Im talking about. I hope this was interesting and thank you for reading!

@Nak Khid Ahahaha you got me !

HAhahaha This is CRAZY! I wasn't looking for any answers and I just clicked on the journal under mine hmmm "#2020 Alchemy Project" Lets see what is going on here ! Im interested in Alchemy ... AND HERE IT IS! HERE IS MY ANSWER I ASKED ABOVE! This is what is happening to me ! Something is guiding me i swear! What is a top down awakening? So what is a Top-Down Awakening? A Top-Down awakening in simple terms means that your crown and third eye chakras are open and that you have quite a bit of energy surrounding your head and shoulders. Basically, you are receiving input from the heaven/sky but not the earth. Due to genetics, spiritual pursuits, or other reasons you have opened yourself to the divine, to spirit, and to the different and hidden layers of realty. It is fairly easy actually to open to spirit and to begin to be more connected to spiritual matters. Many people end up with this type of awakening because they became interested in spiritual pursuits, started attending classes, doing drugs, reading literature, and finding gurus and other teachers who show them how to seek outside of themselves. Others begin life with a top-down awakening due to family history of psychic abilities or previous life abilities carried forward into this life. The issue with this type of awakening is that it is not grounded in anything. It is not required to do much personal work or to open your first three chakras to have this type of awakening. The person experiencing this type of awakening begins to separate from this earth, this reality. They often will claim to not want to be here, or to originate from elsewhere. This very much may be true, but a recognition of the human body, the body that you are carrying this lifetime, and a desire to be grounded and do personal work, which is often quite difficult, is necessary for a full awakening or to come to a state of balance if you are experiencing this type of awakening. What are other symptoms or experiences of the Top-Down awakened? The person undergoing a top-down awakening will have immense energy circulating into their crown, third eye, and around their head and shoulders. Unfortunately for the experiencer of this, the energy is not able to move much further down because the throat chakra and heart chakra require the lower chakras to be open to open themselves. So the energy is stuck in the upper body- leading to a bottleneck of energy, headaches, neck pain, disassociation, ego issues (these are some of the people who tell others how awakened they are or that they are enlightened but still are quite judgemental and lack focus on their own issues), and significant mental health issues including mania and depression can develop. It is also quite common for the Top-Down awakened to be in a great deal of physical pain. Hip, back, foot, and leg pain are prevalent, but the all-over pain that comes with issues such as Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, and other Autoimmune and Connective Tissue disorders are common in this category. It is also common for the experiencer to carry weight around the mid-section but have thin legs, and a constant raising of the shoulders towards the ears. Other symptoms include: being open to spiritual guidance, psychic abilities, mediumship and channeling capabilities, understanding of patterns and concepts from a different vantage point (which is due to many of these individuals being halfway out of their body so they really do have a different perspective), headaches, sinus pain, closed off feelings in the throat, thyroid issues, cravings for meat, chocolate, carbohydrates, or other grounding foods, delusions, paranoia, and feelings of heaviness or stuckness in the shoulders, upper back, heart, neck, and head.

Hello guys ! I decided to create journal before I posted here. You can scroll down and read what happened if you are interested Newbie's Trip Report right here

Pirot - Serbia - 70 Blue 30 Orange. I see internet is forcing them to get to orange very fast . Teens are pressured from blue parents and fucked up by the low conscious marketing. I think in 20-30 years we will get to orange(Im optimistic). Very low on maslow hierarchy of needs, which means neuroticism is the social norm . Perfect place for conscious and intelligent guy like me to make a difference

@Carl-Richard Ohh Im sorry, you made the topic hehe What changed with me is that now I know that Im tricking my self , I know that im full of shit, but I like it

@Carl-Richard Ahaha, me too! What changed ?

@neovox Yes

Fight to survive! I remeber me in my teens when I got into alot of fights. When your life is on the line, you do whatever it takes ! When the adrenalin kicks in, there is no fear, no pain, no empathy for the other guy.

@TrynaBeTurquoise AHHAHAHAHAHAHAH Same

Hi Eddie! Good to see you. ? Damn! Seeing the Queen of Swords for the third time and 7 of Wands for the second time. Interesting odds. My impression is that there is a lack of clarity with parts of you that have been repressed and are resisting your path forward. But these parts are unconscious to you. So, that is the source of the ‘backlash’ that you’re facing. Other parts of you want other things. And like in the previous reading, you must discover and honor what those unconscious parts want in order to move forward without being pulled back. And there is a sense that a part of you wants to “win” at life to ignore other parts that feel like “losers”. So, while you’re consciously trying to win... there are other parts that are in Shadow that have other more emotional needs. This is so accurate! I m really getting interested in Jung psychology and hes analogy of Alchemy... anyways... Thank you Emerald ! Talk to you soon!

How do i overcome hard emotions/egobacklash, should i slow down? Hello Emerald

Yes! I followed up on that and find out alot of things that are interconnected. Food, technology etc. Im researching Nikola Tesla now hehe "If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration" . There is movement against 5g in Serbia, im glad to see that. Thanks for posting my bro!

From all the shit I heard about corona , this story makes sense ! Or fits my survival haha So everyone who is affected by "corona" are the ones who can't handle the 5G frequency? I like that word "frequency"

@Yog Hahahhaha

@Bittu Thank you for this When will I become a leader? When will I be ready for Truth/Psychedelics? When did you become psychic ? How does it work?

Holly shit! This is Amazing!

If you are on this forum then you wan't to fix something in your life . Why do you want to fix it? How are you negatively motivated for it? Check Leos video on positive vs negative motivation . If you are lazy then keep one or two practices daily, even if you don't like doing them. Every practice I did when I started selfactualizing was pain in the ass, but that is lower self resisting change. I forced myself to meditate every day for 6 mouths , and that was the best decision i ever made. Now I meditate 1 hour every day and I enjoy it! This is one of many practices I forced my self doing... You forced yourself to hard, find the balance . Keep one or two practices every day, and reward your self for it You lazy sloth

@Chakra LionThank you so much! Im glad that you noticed hehe Im always open to new perspectives, and even though truth hurts sometimes, it just opens me up more! Im so motivated to share this through my art, and I get so focused on the future that I forget who I em now. And thank you so much for reminding me of that! It means so much <3 <3