silene

How do you know it goes anywhere if it's vanished before you've noticed it 'going'? From what you say, all you're aware of is the vanishing. Ok, I'll accept that sometimes the sound volume either goes below my threshold to hear it or disappears completely (I wouldn't know the difference without some equipment to measure it). "The only constancy is unconsciousness, non-awareness, isn't it? " My context is the idea that we need some motion, vibration or inconstancy to observe anything, and therefore to have consciousness. Even when we're looking at a stationary object, our eyes are making small micro-movements as we look. A sound is a vibration anyway, but even If a sound is constant and unchanging, our minds tend to filter it out of attention. On the other hand our attention is drawn to movement and change - it's part of the survival drive I suppose. So I'm suggesting that 100% total constancy is unconsciousness, unawareness, like sensory deprivation + zero internal movement too (no perceptions, thoughts, feelings etc). I guess it's the opposite of:

IMO people here are trying to be kind to you in various ways, and what's being "disliked" (ie pointed out as unhelpful) is not you, but the self-defeating thought patterns and resistance to what help is available out there. Even if you do have an incurable neurological condition, maybe there are therapies which can reduce the level of suffering. No judgement again, but an observation. I'm happy to be told I'm wrong if you disagree. You apparently don't have inspiration about what to say to other people in a conversation (especially women), how to engage in the to-and-fro of sharing stories, feelings and body language with them, and create friendships etc. Yet when it comes to talking about yourself, you have this tremendous energy and passion for saying how you are disliked and how you suck, how there's no hope etc. No shortage of inspiration there. I know we can't all be extroverts, I'm an introvert too. You have the energy and ability to create thoughts, but can you see the effect of the energy and attention being directed inwards all the time, creating this downward cycle of loneliness, suffering and getting 'stuck' inside yourself? What's needed is for some of the energy to direct outwards, having a genuine curiosity and interest in others' wellbeing and happiness (ie not just for your own goal of getting a girlfriend). Actually, "venting" is a good name for this thread; the self-directed energy builds up such a pressure you can't hold it in, and it needs to let off steam like a geyser. Better not to bottle it up in the first place. The world wants your energy shared round in a positive way. If the obstacle is a brain condition or mental health issue, then it's a pity you don't at least explore the available help, you don't know it won't work if you don't try. I wish you all the best and have a good Christmas, man.

No judgement, I know this is only a forum and not real life, but when you're chatting with women, do you have the same difficulty finding things to say? I mean, @4201 shares his life story, bares his soul and it doesn't spark any response within you. Is this what you mean by not having a good brain? Maybe it's not that women don't like you, but you just don't give off the signals and vibes in conversation that you are interested in them and want to get to know them better (when in fact you do). So maybe it appears to them that you don't like them, rather than the other way round. A communication issue? I was picking up on your mention of brain, rather than mind, it may not be significant as there's obviously a lot of overlap between physical and psychological. But do you think your problem is neurological? If the problem's in the brain, are you looking for a diagnosis? Saying things about yourself like 'women dislike me', 'my brain sucks', 'I'm never good enough' is like repeatedly hitting yourself with microaggressions and over time this builds up into a traumatised emotional state.

Yes I experience sounds starting and stopping. Also other perceptions start and stop. But I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Are we asking if perception 'comes from somewhere' when it starts and 'goes somewhere' when it ends? I don't understand. If a sound ceases to exist when it's finished, it just stops, vanishes, not vanishes into. It's not a separate entity to begin with, rather it's a modulation, a vibration of what's already here. There's never no sound, as long as I'm awake, (I have tinnitus) so the sound is just constantly changing, dancing. That's looking at from pov of subjective awareness. From the pov of objectivity, the sound energy doesn't vanish, rather it morphs into another form (eg heat) which isn't heard by our ears, but it is conserved as energy. The only constancy is unconsciousness, non-awareness, isn't it?

I'm willing but maybe not able ha ha. All this talk of arising and passing away, coming from and going to, puts me into the frame of time, space, processes unfolding etc. Duality and thought, in fact. But from the perspective of the timeless and spaceless (which isn't a perspective but I'm calling it that for convenience), there's just a singularity of infinite nothingness. I don't think (but could be wrong), there's a movement from the timeless into time, from nothing into appearance. Can't these be the same already, but it depends on my state of mind how I'm seeing it. It's the mind which moves, not the flag in the wind (to misquote the Zen story lol). Not sure if I've missed your points, this is all hard to articulate and communicate

There's only the appearance (to no-one) of separate entities, getting born and dying. If thought believes in this appearance then yes, stuff births + dies. You need to believe in the real passage of time too, as well as real separation. But can we see what's happening prior to the thought process?

Sorry but it's not blatant to me yet. What is, and isn't, "this world", which is being pointed towards, and pointed away from?

@thenondualtankie "what are some ways we can make this a smooth process?" I can't promise that facing fear will be smooth, after all even a rose garden has its thorns! But one suggestion from my experience is mindfulness - both in meditation, and in general daily life. In other words, in the safe space of meditation, gradually get used to sitting with your feelings, whatever they are, letting them be rather than trying to change them. Give them space to exist, while you continue with the work of following your breath (or whatever meditation technique you're doing). This can then 'spill over' into everyday life, where you gradually learn to feel, let go of, and allow movement of, feelings like fears, while at the same time, getting on with whatever you need to do.

@PurpleTree yes fair enough. Given the US was committed to try stopping communism spreading, the hawks jumped on the incident to ramp up their involvement. Which causes a reaction from the other side. Is how events snowball into wars.

It's when the karma / sin narrative gets projected into the future of an individual 'soul' that it loses me. Karma is just the bad consequences experienced as they ripple out in the world. Which is another way of saying, a behaviour is defined as bad because it produces bad consequences. There's no separate individuals who 'own' karma or sins, so the punishment of suicide is the suffering of those loved ones 'left behind'. Like God is hurting itself, for giving itself a painful life which had suicidal feelings. But it's not really punishment, it's more like suffering causing suffering.

Just to give a different angle on this as history is complex and nuanced. The US didn't start the Vietnam wars (plural) did they? I thought they started when the French imperialists lost their grip and the country got divided up between communist and anti-communist sectors. So unfortunately it went from being a French colony straight to a cold war pawn and Russia & China are equally culpable for their parts in this proxy war. But that often gets omitted from the narrative. Yes the US was the first and so far only country to detonate nuclear bombs in war. Their justification was, to consider the alternative choices in the circumstances. The Japanese had a high resistance to surrender, so what if continued conventional warfare would have killed more people than nuclear weapons? It's a dreadful decision to have to make, and perhaps the President made a bad call, but I don't believe the intentions behind it were evil. But yeah, the Liberty spyship incident was a terrible example of "friendly fire", in which the US military comes out rather better the politics.

Control needs a distinction between controller and controlled, which then begs the question, who controls the controller? I mean, here I am thinking I'm controlling my fingers typing a post on the keyboard, but what controls what I write? There's the other people's posts I'm responding to, plus my whole life history of experiences, my education, culture and language: in other words, the whole universe as expressed in this nexus point controls, and is controlled by, the infinite other points in the web. "I can't see the wood for the trees." Because I'm looking for trees not the wood. It's how my mind's been trained to think, but the wood is there. Or, put another way, it's not just a collection of trees but trees-in-relationship-with.

Is the Bahai religion Abrahamic? For example. There may be others too, such as Druze. Abrahamic religion is still evolving, eg are Mormons & Jehovah's Witnesses Christian, or new religions developed out of Christianity (but still in the Abrahamic family)?

Mysticism is more explicit in eastern religions imo. Although my impression is that actual mystical practitioners are still rare over there, most people follow the rituals, believe in the Gods or Bodhisattvas etc and just want a regular life with money and family. Enlightenment is way off in the future after many reincarnations. But the far east was more tolerant of spiritual diversity, so mystics didn't need to hide away like they did in the west and middle east. Even now, nonduality and mysticism in monotheism is hidden in plain sight, and not really taught in mainstream seminaries. It would be too much of a shock to the churches to admit we're all prophets, christs, the kingdom of heaven is right here and now.

I'm working my way through The Mind Illuminated with mindfulness type meditation. I also practice natural_awareness which I learned from Diana Winston's book.

For the record I don't recommend alcohol for anyone who gets depressed, but you're an adult so I'm not going to lecture about it. Instead this video on depression gives a good summary.

Sorry to hear you're going through this, but good to see you've got a positive approach. I'm not an expert of affirmations but they seem well worth a try, and your intuition is often a good guide. I advise keeping an open mind though, and try experimenting with other methods if the affirmations aren't working, or perhaps add other techniques alongside it. There's groups to help support with anxiety and panic attacks if you're struggling with self-help by yourself. Eg in my country there's https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/ and there may be equivalent in your area. There's bound to be other people who've already tried what you're thinking about and can share their experience. If you have a good doctor that might be another avenue. Finally don't be hard on yourself or get into a cycle of self-judgement and despair. Anxiety about anxiety is like thought patterns getting out of hand and magnifying the problem unnecessarily. Take your time, don't expect instant results and don't be upset if you have relapses - take the long term view, forgive yourself for the problems and celebrate your successes along the way

No sweat, I'm ok . Sorry to hear it didn't end well with the girl but hey, you're out there chatting so that's good isn't it? Just try and understand what went wrong and don't give up. Next time maybe you won't make the same mistake. This sounds like catastrophe thinking - turning the actual practical problems into a global disaster with your whole life. Well known to psychologists with people who have anxiety & depression etc, I used to have it so I know what it feels like. But when you look at your life objectively there are loads of things you are already doing perfectly well aren't there? You're holding down a job, living independently, you're making contact with girls, plus a regular member of this forum. Try focusing on what your real obstacles are, and what practical resources are out there to help with them.

@Blackhawk ouch! Ok, maybe a girl will join in the thread, I dunno. What's the thing with sucking ass about, care to elaborate or just venting?

@Blackhawk having a bad day? I'm here if you want to share. Do you find it helpful to share your problems with other people?

Imo fear is a close relative of excitement. If thoughts about the future are judged negatively, the emotion is experienced as fear. If thoughts are judged positively, the emotion is experienced as excitement. If something is unknown, and you feel fear, that suggests you are weaving a tapestry of negative thoughts around what is unknown. You could just as well view the unknown-ness as an empty space to fill with your positive plans, dreams, visions, to feel excited about. If you can dare to embrace the freedom! (Easier said than done, I'm working on this too).

@kray As well as the shock of an unplanned pregnancy, you've both suffered a bereavement all in a short space of time. This isn't something I've experienced either, but I'd say it's important to allow yourselves to go through the grieving process in your own way. It affects everyone differently. If you're struggling, consider some counselling geared at your situation. You both need comforting and holding in love while these emotions work their way through.

Thanks! I assume this means "everything" rather than "every thing", in which case you've lost me in the paradox Movement is relative and I can't get outside of everything to see if it was ever moving in the first place

What ceases? (Serious question, I've heard of the term but don't understand it).

The means-testing of benefits can over-regulate, as it disincentives people getting low paid jobs when they lose benefits at the same rate. Effectively a 100% marginal tax rate. (But then I'm in favour of universal welfare, to declare my bias!).