silene

Hi @electroBeam great post, (and I'm not just saying that to get your allegiance ) in fact tier 1 is all like that. Including stage green, have you tried joining their campaigning groups which can be cliquey and grand-narrative too? Full of black-and-white mentality. Sad to say, I suspect the bullying you had was just a defence mechanism on their part, to prop up their insecure wobbly identity. Well done mate for resisting the pressure to conform.

With respect to Spinoza, I'll play devil's advocate for a bit. If God and Nature are simply the same thing, what's the actual philosophy here apart from using different names for the same thing? How is this any more than word games? A monotheist may prefer the word 'God', and a pagan or nature mystic may prefer 'Nature'. These are cultural and language differences rather than having any philosophical substance aren't they? God = Love = Acceptance may be true, but this is about redefining words in a broader way than before, to help us make connections in our actual experience. To appeal to a broader mindset perhaps?

I think debating is also part of the Jewish religion, I've seen films of Jewish students debating the scriptures formally. I agree it has a place up to a certain level of development (where the intellectual mind is engaged) but can't take us all the way. Mind you, we can say that about all 'techniques' can't we? They have their place but don't carry the raft on your back after you've reached the other shore. Perhaps some of the gurus quoted above are debating for the benefit of the audience rather than themselves.

@Raptorsin7 thanks, I love making plans and to-do lists, the hard bit is the discipline to see it through

WEIGHT AND DIET I've been successful losing a bit of weight this year, 1.5 stone so far and I'm well inside the healthy BMI range now (previously at the top). Mainly just reducing portion sizes by 1/4 to 1/3, which makes me feel a bit guilty actually about the amount of food I must have wasted over the years. I think mindfulness has a role here too, to notice my desires and 'default mode' around food and eating. I also have a new year's resolution (carried forward from last year lol!) to reduce salt and caffeine, and increase plain water consumption. METAPHYSICS Currently my tentative metaphysical position is Neutral Monism, and the Two Truths Doctrine (both of these are on Wikipedia). This is intellectual of course, and the hardest part of my spiritual practice at the moment is dropping all the narratives and simply looking. OTHER STUFF & GENERAL NOTES Being = Suchness Being is becoming, becoming is being. Letting go = let it be. Simply observe without trying to change anything. Let the here and now be your mantra, stopping feeding energy into abstract thoughts and intentions. Passive awareness rather than active awareness. PLAN Keep on with body scan for the rest of November, then go back to letting-go / being / suchness meditation (I haven't settled on a name for it yet ). Start some hatha yoga. Keep up the dieting.

Hi @studentofthegame naturally death is the hardest lesson to learn, especially if you are a young person (I don't know your age). We know intellectually that everything is impermanent, but can't accept this emotionally. I don't have a deep spiritual answer, except to reply from my own experience, having lost both my parents (after I was well into adulthood). Having the support of significant relationships is so helpful. People to lean on like a life partner, family members and close friends. From the conventional point of view, the traditional way to deal with life's insecurity is to get married and have a family of your own, so you take on the baton of parenthood from your parents onto your own shoulders, and have children to pass it on to when the time comes. In this way, fixed identities like 'parent' and 'child' and 'grandparent' become transformed into a flowing process through time. The individuals may be impermanent, but the whole process of life can be seen as not so impermanent. This traditional approach to life has broken down in recent generations of course, we don't have the same obligations to family values, but there is still a grain of truth around belonging to something larger than ourselves, which we support and supports us too, as we move through our lives. We need to reinvent the old nuclear family no doubt, but hopefully without throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

@VeganAwake yes, non-attachment is the way. I've just seen Leo's video on Letting Go, that's another name for it. I am letting go of my opinions of Osho and keeping an open mind.

I'm not sure this applies to Osho himself but good advice anyway. I particularly like the bit "To all appearances he is a fool." I don't suppose I can always tell the difference!

Ah, yes that makes sense. I understand. Also, I have other people in my past life who I can't forgive for their treatment of me, eg my step-father. I have tried, but in the process have discovered that emotional pain is hard to let go of, it's counter-intuitive.

your honesty is refreshing @Michael Paul , aren't we all here imperfect and trying to do our best. The support of a good spiritual community like this one is a great help too. We know we should avoid certain habits but at the same time are drawn like moths to a flame. Just keep watching the push and pull of desires and aversions, there's wisdom in humbly observing all of this. Can you not find forgiveness and letting-go of your past errors? Your guilt could be dragging you down and wasting precious energy. I agree that porn is bad, but why don't you approve of sex in general?

Good share @undeather Today for some random reason I had the Christmas carol in my mind 'Once in Royal David's City', a flashback to my childhood perhaps. The line 'He came down to earth from heaven' took on a whole new meaning. God, Being, Suchness, (ie Heaven) comes down to the realm of fragmentation, division (earth in this Christian allegory). We are all like Jesus and Mary Magdalene, come from heaven, but most of us don't know it yet.

Well, I can't make any promises about the future, whether you will get fixed or not. Rather than trying to change, another way of approaching this work is by not trying to fix or change yourself, but compassionately accepting who you are right now, moment by moment. Broken, wounded, depressed, a failure, whatever life feels like for you. Look at your feelings, get to the root of them and lovingly accept (but not react to) whatever you find. That's as good a place to start as any.

@saffron I'm not a therapist, you probably need professional help, but IMO you have built up walls, a strong defence mechanism to protect your heart from the pain of being unloved as a child. Keeping the world out is a short-term fix to avoid the pain, but in the long run it doesn't work. It's never too late, but does take time to build trust with a counsellor to slowly lower the walls and express your true feelings. You've done really well sharing with us on the forum, but face to face is best, to let the tears out. Don't give up on yourself, sending love too.

He's one of my big influences too, I find a little Krishnamurti goes a long way, I can read one book or passage and it resonates a long time afterwards.

Slow breathing is perfectly normal, a sign you are relaxed. But faster breathing is perfectly ok too, whatever is your natural state. Your lack of results seems a bigger issue for you, have you considered varying your technique? Even in where you focus attention on your breath. I usually have a monthly review to reflect on how it's going and what to change.

Loving all this thread . Letting go = let it be. Simply observe without trying to change anything. I think of it like using the here and now as my mantra, stopping feeding energy into abstract thoughts and intentions. I'm aiming at a passive awareness rather than active awareness.

what's that? @The Don I agree with you in general, but fear the devil is in the detail. There are many versions of 'goodness' out there, mine could be totally different to yours.

"Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth." I.e. Let go (cease clinging) of the world and your egotistical ambitions, to realise your true nature, which is the world (universe nowadays).

"I'll feel good enough for this world when ..." This is just a theory, @saffron . But are you projecting your lack of parental love out to "the world" and this is really all about your inner child feeling rejected and unloved? Love is so important to kids from an early age and I sense you have a lot of hurting at your core heart, which you need to work on in a safe environment before you can learn to love yourself. The world hasn't rejected you. You need to feel good enough for yourself first, then you will feel confident enough to start exploring the opportunities which the world has to offer. "Unconditional love is a lie." No, unconditional is the only real love. Other types are desires, not the same thing.